Thursday, February 22, 2007

I am a retard

No poker content here. Only personal stuff. You may or may not find any of this amusing and if your bored blame Raveen.

I have the kind of personality that causes me to do retarded things sometimes. Like the other day I decided to drive to the airport and pick my wife up without my glasses. Ok. This was not a decision per say since I put them in my shirt pocket the other day and decided to push the kids on their sled at Auntie Christies house. Now I must have failed geometry and physics in school because glasses in pocket and me bent at at least a 45 degree angle towards the ground or possible slightly more is a recipe for.. well, lost glasses. I only wear my glasses to drive a night. So I sort of needed them to pick up the wife at 7:00 at night. To compound my problems I was driving her tank. I drive a Subaru she drives a MONSTER TRUCK. I made it pretty safely to the airport but unfortunately I could not read any of the signs. I keep making out blurry [P] signs for central parking but ended up at the other end in the Hilton lot and had to walk half way across the airport to pick her up. She was not pleased.

The next retardo thing I did this week was trying to save time by being impatient. This is NEVER a good idea. I go out to my car having to get to my pseudo-job and get some work done. I see the wife has parked her TANK in the driveway blocking everything. Now a rational person would go back in and tell her to move the fucking thing out of the way. I however decide it is much smarter to try and go over the ice on my lawn and plow myself out the other side. Needless to say this delayed me many hours and did not make me a happy boy.

Today I felt old. I went to the MBTA and they have this new Charlie pass thing. Now on the surface this looks easy but it is insidiously evil and un-needlessly complicated. Basically if you have a Charlie card you pay 1.70, if you have a Charlie ticket you have to pay 2.00 for a ride. Now it does not tell you anything about what your suppose to buy. I have a Charlie horse staring at the board and trying to figure out what the fuck to do. Thankfully they posted MBTA officials at each stop to help the old and feeble like me. The GUI for these Charlie machines is HORRIBLE. First you have to push the screen. After that it gives you like 4 options that are not intuitive at all.. you then get a screen with denominations of money you do not need to spend.. and have to click the other button and type in the amount of the fare. I feel sorry for old people like me.

I wonder what the world is going to be like when I am 92.. Will I know how to use the Chase World Bank Cock ring? Will I figure out how the humping poll works to pay your fare (Don't event ask what the ladies will need to do)? Imagine what Chase does when you do not pay your bill too.. I hope that technology never passes me bye since I am supposed to be very technical but sometimes I wonder..

I had a job interview today. I woke up at 2AM and could not fall asleep again. Not the best state of mind for an interview. I guess I just want to get this job search crap over with and have a job. So today's company was a pretty good deal. I contacted an old friend of mine from a past job and it turns out he is the CTO of a financial company in Cambridge. It also turns out he is looking for someone for a two month contract with an extension of a year if that goes well. Possibly even more. So I go in with my nice shoes, khakis, and short sleeve collared shirt.. not really a dress shirt, more like a polo.

We shooot the shit about our old boss. This guy was a total asshole. Besides screwing dozens of contractors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars he was a total dickhead. He liked to start the morning by getting the group together screaming obscenities in general and directed at specific people. Apparently we were all worthless cocksuckers or something. I think the reason he was always so angry was because his life was fucked up bad. One example. He gets his girlfriend preggers and tells his partner that he is having a baby. So his partner assumes it is his wife's baby and sends a bouquet with a congrats on the baby card. Needless to say this did not work out too well.

Anyway after that he brought in the PHD. Really cool guy. He explained the project was going to be some heavy duty number crunching on financial portfolio data. Some serious regression calculus shit. So when I told him I barely finished 2nd grade math class he was fine with it. As a developer our job is not to be the matter expert our job is to know how to decipher the matter experts business rules into code. So anyway we talked and he was cool and it went pretty well. I told him I thought it would be an interesting project and I looked forward to learning a little more about the business.

Next I went to the tribunal of programmers. It was three guys in a room. The SQL guy started out giving me a fucking test. I was really not feeling good about it. Like I said before I hate the "test" taking types.. but I aced the questions. It was really pretty short. I will post the questions for anyone who feels like taking the test with me. When they said like 80% of people failed at least one if not two of three of these questions I was floored.

Table structure for the questions.

Customers Table
Customer ID
Customer Name

Orders Table
Order ID
Customer ID
Order Amount

Question 1. Write a SQL Query to return all of the customer data and any orders the customers might have.

Question 2. Write a SQL Query to return only customers with more than 5 orders.

Question 3. Write a SQL Query to update the Notes field in the customer table to say 'No Orders' for all customers who do not have an order.

I then got to chat with the C# part of the team. These guys were much cooler and we just chit chatted about different aspects of programming and my background. By the end we were all laughing and having a good time.. which is a good sign.

All in all I was impressed with the place and the work seemed like it would be mentally challenging and stimulating. I took the train home and by the time I got to my car I had a cell phone message offering me the job. I start on March first. Whoo hoo! So AC might be a real possibility. Catch you all later.



Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

Congrats on the new job!! Not bad for a retard.

5:13 PM

Blogger Irongirl01 said...

Ditto Pauly!!! Be sure to drive the short bus to the new office..

Congrats Waffles on the new 9-5


5:38 PM

Blogger Ingo said...

Congrats Waffles!!!

6:22 PM

Blogger bayne_s said...

Congrats on job.

I was going to sub-contract a rant out to you about bloggers who re-raise hammer from SB, push after whiffed flop then are rewarded by RiverStars with Runner-Runner Straights.

9:59 PM

Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Glad to hear it brotha. I also think you're a fucking moron for digging yourself out...that's why we procreate! Every snowfall I got the 4 year old working the plow...Daddy's gotsa play his pokah!

Gotta find AC on a map, it sounds like everyone is gonna be there soon, and since I made Eh-Vegas, I am officially 2-1... could be goot.

10:21 PM

Blogger smokkee said...

hey retard, GL at the new gig.

2:36 AM

Blogger 23skidoo said...

That SQL 'test' has GOT to be a jpoke.

Good luck on the new gig!

8:18 AM


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