Thoughts on Boston

I suppose as a Boston blogger I should post something on the bombings. I was at work at the time about 3-4 blocks from the bombing. I was talking to my boss when we heard two loud bangs fairly close together. At first I thought it might be thunder. We went over to the side of the building and saw smoke pouring from the direction of the Marathon. I thought maybe it was a transformer that blew or something like that. I really did not want to think it was a bombing.

The office kind of wandered around. People hit the internet and details slowly came in. There was a bombing. It was at the Boston Marathon. People were killed and maimed. They had suspects. They did not have suspects. Someone tackled a Saudi guy. Stuff just kept flying around the office.

A little later the news pictures started coming in. Places I walk every day. Blood covered and strewn with rubble. People being wheeled away with missing limbs. Panic. Terror. Places I pass every day inexorably altered. Turned into some kind of sick Alice in Wonderland.

People were worried. Most people left for the day. I waited until the end of the day. I was not very concerned about another attack despite having to take the train home. I had a few thoughts along the line of "What if they attack again", but I did not think it would happen. Officers kept the platforms cleared until the trains came. Police were at the train stops all the way out in my town about 20-30 minutes from Boston. I drove home. I got some snacks. Ate some ice cream and chips for dinner and watched the news with the kids.

The next day the parking lot at the train station was only half full. The police still sat guarding the train station. In Boston there were hundreds of news people. Clogging up the sidewalks with equipment. Pointing cameras everywhere. It sort of pissed me off.

A few days later. The trains are still a little emptier than usual. We are still waiting to see who did this. The streets are still blocked off but things are showing signs of opening again. Things go on. People want to go back to normalcy.

In some ways I think I should react somehow. I should be sad, or angry, or scared. For some reason I just feel empty. The only reaction I have noticed is a little extra junk food in my diet. Perhaps I am too broken to feel anything. So many years of eating emotions. I say I feel bad about things. I get a little twinge when they show the eight year old's face. I feel like I should feel more. I care about people and do not want them to be hurt.I just wish I could feel more.