I decided to do a little experiment today. I have been extremely curious as to what my son's ADHD medicine (Adderall , 20mg, time released) would feel like. I have often felt that I have ADHD. I did some reading about how depression can be misdiagnosed ADHD. Also the symptoms run in the family usually so he had to have gotten it from someone.
In my entire life I have never understood how people can become addicted to drugs. I have tried booze. I have taken some drugs, mostly marijuana, and experimented with things. Nothing I ever took really had any chance of becoming an addiction. Booze was fun and opened me up a little. Weed felt good and made me sleepy. It just never did enough for me where I was like "gimmegimmegimmemore".
I can see now how people have problems with drugs. I can not even imagine how Carmen feels when she takes speed which is like 10x more effective than Adderall. I am going to attempt to describe how the drug made me feel today. It was like every day of my life was a grey, lifeless, blob, and then suddenly, one day, rainbows and pink unicorns started shooting out of my ass and making the world a better place.
I have probably never been this happy since the fifth grade. I normally go through the day grumbling to myself or being quiet. The thoughts inside me are how I am going to fucking kill that guy for getting too close to me. I wish that guy got run over by a train. Fuck those motherfucking bastards! Screw the normal people! Whenever I would try and engage in a conversation it was horrible. I would be full of anxiety and feel like I had to push my way into the conversation. Like nothing ever worked. It was like the "humans" knew how to speak to each other and I was some retarded fish lizard who could not speak English. Only the ape fuckers knew how everything worked and it made me angry.
Today was totally different. I had no anxiety at all around people. I was happy, cheerful. I did not think a single angry thought towards people. I was able to communicate with people. I did not feel as if I was intruding in the conversation. I felt like I was a part of it and people enjoyed me being in it. I talked and talked and talked and had a great time. I even talked to strangers. Even women strangers. It was amazing.
I swear Adderall is a miracle drug. I think it turned back my aging memory. I was much sharper today. It removed all sleepiness from me. It is very hard to explain how tired I always am. If you understand soul weariness that is the epitome of my every day existence for as long as I can remember. It literal felt like it took too much energy to breath. On the Adderall I had AMAZING amounts of energy. I could breath. I ran up 30 flights of stairs for the fuck of it. I am still going even now at 9:12 at night. I have walked the dog, done laundry, got pet food, played with the dogs, got the dogs to bed, did 100 pushups, and even wrote this piece of shit article. I am not even near ready to stop for the night either.
It's abilities go even further than that. I think it cured my post nasal drip. It made me a better driver. It cured my vision problems. It is the miracle cure all! The fountain of youth! The elixir of immortality! It is incredible. It even gave me sex appeal! Yeah baby!
I figure this is a crossroads in my life. It started six months ago when I decided to try medication for depression and took another good turn today. I am either going to go one of two ways. I will look back on this day and see it as the day that changed my life. I will be a happy, well adjusted, person, who has the kind of life other people take for granted. It will be the day I woke up and joined the human race instead of despising them from the outside.
It could also be the day that I look back on while my big black drug dealers cock is shooting a load of cum into my mouth. Everything ruined in a haze of drug induced fervor. No job. No family. No home. Just a need to do anything for that next fix.
The next steps on my journey are to speak with my psychiatrist and figure out if Adderall is right for me. I have an appointment for July 2nd. I really think she should just give me the shit. Fuck Nancy Regan and her dried out pussy. If people want to be happy it is none of her fucking business. I am hoping that I can try this out and it works for me. I really like feeling happy for once in my life.