Life goes on.
I am feeling pretty good about things. Court is still going on for the divorce. I offered way too much to her but I feel alright about it. Essentially I said I would pay her mortgage and child support (after the mortgage got reduced) until the kids are out of HS in five years. Her first response was "That's not enough".. *sigh*. I need to learn to let go here. I always want to fix everything. I have tried to get her to look at her budget and cut out the fat. I mean everyone in the world needs to live within a budget. I just need to step back and let things fall where they will.
Not all of this is heroic niceness on my part either. I can use the tax deduction from the mortgage a LOT. So it's basically like asking if I want the money to go to my kids or to the feds. Also when we sell the house it will be five more years of appreciation. If things work out the way I think they will on my side I will be fine.. and have enough extra to save, catch up on kids college, and help out if I need to. Essentially in five years I will be debt free, Ex-free, payment free, and living my own way. No more tax liens because she wouldn't pay what she needed to.. etc, etc..
Essentially I did the numbers and if my taxes don't change at all then I can live for the next five years with a slight margin of free cash, and if the taxes change like I think they will then I will have plenty to play with over the next five years and after that I will be REEECHHHH! MWAHAHA!
Of course life really wants me to realize that no plans ever work and to go with the flow. Let go of the reins and see what happens. Not sure I can do that but I am trying.
The summer went good. Even with the stresses going on I was able to run. I did pushups (120+) and Pullups (3 on a good day :P). I even took Yoga for two months. Yoga instructors have the most fabulous bodies. It was very stress relieving.
Fall/Winter has started alright. I have slipped back a bit. Less pushups. Still running like 5 days a week (on a good week).. Been having weird dizzy spells and shit like that still. Had a night where I tried to run but five minutes in I was having breathing problems beyond running... so I stopped and walked the rest. Todays run was alright. First one since that day on Tuesday. Something is wrong with me but not sure what it is. Working with doctor to figure it out.
I skipped a day of work because I felt depressed and/or tired. I then started feeling much better. Go figure. I have been taking Vitamin-D because my levels are at 34, and the min your body needs is like 33... soooooo this probably has some effect. It is really strange though because I ran all summer and got some sun... so, confused. Been playing a wee too much video games.. and that is always a bad sign.. but I have not fallen into the deep, dark, hole yet... which I never come out of until April... so, hopefully, this will be the year I mostly skip the deep end and just skim the shallows of depression and inability to function.
I feel pretty good though. I am always way too tough on myself. If I look back over the past three months a lot has changed. I have made progress. I have worked out the divorce details in a good way. I am seeing the kids. Teaching them to program. Having more fun with them in smaller doses (introverts suck at people for long stretches) and I think things are going well. I spend more time outside with people... be it Yoga classes or what not. A lot of progress on many fronts. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes assuming I do not have lung cancer or something like that. Even if I do, who cares.. We all have to go when our number is punched. I have radically changed my life too.. I am living by the moto of - Spend money where it counts - Kids, Family, Fun, Peace of mind - Not houses, cable bills, electric, and fancy cars. I want to live with a bag of clothes, a computer, and basically that is it. Possessions are a good name for our things for they possess us.
If I do not check in that often it's probably because things either crashed and burned, or because things are going well. I will try and come by every once in a while though. I love to write and hopefully entertain. In another dimensions I am sure I am a published author. Have fun people. Live life. Prioritize the important things.