The Grind

DuggleChicken said I understand why you might not appreciate "the grind.". I do not think that I do not appreciate the grind. Here comes some deep insight into poker people.

I think my first year playing poker ruined it for me. At the very least it has made it hard for me to adjust to the “Real World”. I was WAY too successful. Unreasonably, Unsustainably, Irreproducibly, totally successful. These were my formative years. The years I learned to walk and talk, and they were great.

So, as BadBlood spoke about in a past post, I have a sense of entitlement. Poker is not about that. Your Aces, your best hand ever, the ALL IN starting hand, loses 20% of the time. One out of five. You get really angry when that happens. Why? Because you feel entitled to win.

I have very interesting tilt criteria. I know some of you who read this must think I am in a constant state of tilt. Not so. I am always looking for the quick, easy, score. That is not necessarily true either. The problem with me is that I KNOW that winning every night is not an option, but I feel entitled to it. If I grind out $5 bucks every night I would be happy. The bankroll would grow. I would have no feelings of tilt. I am playing better poker than the people at my table and I am winning. That is how it is supposed to work. That is what I am entitled to. WAKE UP PEOPLE! Poker does not work that way. I know this in my soul, unfortunately my emotional side will not keep up. The things that kill me in this game are losing consistently. If I lose a dollar a day for a week that has a chance of putting me on tilt. I am supposed to win, right? WRONG! It has nothing to do with the money at all.

Poker works in weird and mysterious ways. Sort of like women. One day it makes you so happy you can not stand it, and the next day it crushes you like an insect. You can go a week, a month, a year and win like crazy and then all of the sudden you go cold for a week or a month. It is in the nature of the margins Poker players grind out. The good players, the ones who survive and make a living at it, these guys understand that. They take the long term picture. They know that eventually the cosmos will align again and they will start winning.

In a way this is why the experiment would work. I can compartmentalize that $300 outside of my bankroll and trying to build something that will last. I can take it as a shot with no EXCPECTATION of winning, just a little hope to get lucky, and when I lose I can deal with it no problem. If I win then I have a larger bankroll and can play more comfortably at the levels I want to be at.

So there you are, a little insight into my distorted thinking, just remember you’re not entitled to anything. The margins are thin. Over time is where you make your money.
Oh and yeah, try not to go crazy like me.