Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It's a Sign Jerry!

Every time I think I might want to be sociable and nice to people. I might want to I dunno.. go to group meetings where there are like people.. I get reminded why I dislike people on general principal. I went to the cancer survivor picnic this weekend. Now the cancer kids make me feel bad because nobody likes to see what they go through. I can however cut them some slack. They have had a hard time. The guy I can not cut any slack to is the "Couch potato" idiot. I thought I was bad in public. This guy is sitting there. He has a HUGE stomach. Is he hiding it? No. He has his shirt up to his sagging man tits and is picking his belly button. I swear if he ate it I would have gone off. I do not care that there were 19 cops at the picnic. I love it when my shunning of humanity is proven right.

I went on a Job interview today. I rule at getting jobs. My current job has had some slow periods a few days off here and there. I am getting a little tired of it so I decided to look. I interviewed. I got offered a job two hours after I left. I am the man. It feels good to be exceptionally good one thing at least.

I thought in my thirty six years of life I had seen every way my body could turn against me but I figured out a new way today. I was just waking up from a little nap I took. I had to wake up at 6:30 this morning and I am NOT a morning person. So you know when you wake up you usually have that little dream. You know the one. Where two hot chicks grab your arms and pin you to the bed, sucking your nipples, as a third nympho goes in between for a little deep throat action. Excuse me I am getting off topic. So I get out of bed and I have to pee. I have done this many times before. I whip it out and start pee'ing mostly in the bowl. All of a sudden my hand slips and my dick slings pee all over my face. I was shocked! I did not even know it was possible to piss on your own face. I mean can you imagine the 911 call if that shit got in my eyes.

"Hello 911, what is your Emergency!"
"I pissed in my eye and it stings!!! HELP!"
"*snicker* Excuse me Sir?"

I was truly amazed. I am a talented induhvidual. Oh well that is all I have for now. I think pissing in your face is a sure sign that you are ready to play poker again so I am going to hit the tables once more. Wish me luck!


Blogger slb159 said...

Don't call 911 when that happens, call Bobby...I'm sure he's had to deal with that on multiple occassions, if not stabbing himself in the ojos with his junk. (Imagine that 911 call...Ma'am, I just woke up with a massive hard-on and lost my grip while pissing, and it waylayed me in the eyes which are swollen now...what to do, what to do? Is ice enough?) He'd be glad to help of course.
Good luck at the tables and keep your cool, just like I always

5:21 PM

Blogger SoxLover said...


You are sick fucker sir.

5:50 PM

Blogger C.L. Russo said...

And here I thought I was going to make it through life without the image of a grown man pissing into his own face in my head.

I'm not sure I can go on now.

6:25 PM

Blogger Falstaff said...

That is some truly funny shit.

6:41 AM

Blogger frodaddy10 said...

Listen you sic fuck, that shit made me laugh out loud at my desk and spit some orange juice out of my nose. My board report is totally screwed and my printer is fucked. How in the hell am I supposed to stay employed?? I by God hope your happy with yourself.

8:39 AM

Blogger FishyMcDonk said...

Love this one waffles. If yer back at it can I tilt you tonite at WWdN:Not?

11:24 AM

Blogger frodaddy10 said...

Waffles I need your email, I found the perfect picture for your post above. Leave it on my blog

1:01 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home