Monday, February 27, 2012

Boys Will Be Boys

My son and I have a weird relationship.

We have a lot of fun together and I enjoy seeing him grow and get better at things. His basketball games are a lot of fun to watch. I can not really tell if he is good at the game.. I think he is probably average.. but sometimes it's hard to not put the shades of your own experiences onto your kids. What I mean is that we assume they will be good at what we are good at and not so good at what we were bad at.

Riding to the game I figured I would ask him about sex education. I think he is a little too young but might as well get some important concepts into his little brain. He does have a mustache which I have affectionately labeled the "Porn Stache". He laughs when I call it that.

I started by trying to ascertain what the school had taught him. Turns out the school sucks and probably shows black and white movies of uterus's. I told him that if he started having sex with chicks he needed a condom.. and if he was embarrassed to buy one I could hook him up... then I had second thoughts and told him he was probably too young to be having sex.

We switched to driving and I told him I would start teaching him how to drive. It used to be easy to learn how to drive. You waited until Sunday and then went to the mall and drove around. Oh yes kids, the mall used to be closed on Sunday. You have it so good. I will need to figure out another option.

On the drive home we were being bad asses. I kinda need to watch myself here and not teach him bad things. Ahh who the fuck am I kidding he is doomed. We pass by a car with a Asian guy in it and the dude has all these pink and red hearts and bunnies all in his car. So without thinking I yell out "man what a fag".

I have recently been trying to stop using homophobic words. I am not really afraid of gay people. I think they are fine as long as they are not touching my butt. It is really hard to throw off the bad habits of my childhood. We grew up in the hood where "Fuck you" was our version of hello. Needless to say we disparaged every race, color, creed, and type of person. I do not think we really meant anything by it. I mean every day we were out with our friends and they were all different colors and nationalities. Anyhow I need to keep trying to not use bad language around the kid.

We then saw his mom driving and I dared him to flip her off. He totally did it! We were howling laughing together. Of course I would pay for this later. It was so worth it.

I asked him if he wanted to learn programming. He is not really into the nerd stuff being a jock. So I was like "well.. you could be a jock with a little side of nerd".. and he laughed and asked me if we were ordering at a restaurant. I sort of think my daughter is the nerdy one and my son may not get into computers like me. It has been a good career for me so I would like to see him learn a little bit.

We finished off the day watching the All Star Game on television. He is into all sports shows and wanted to watch it. I kinda nodded off in the middle and then we yelled at each other for a bit. Never wake the sleeping bear!!

All in all it was a fun day.


Blogger Cranky said...

Waffles - you could always use a parking lot at a school on the weekend or a church on Saturday (though not a Catholic one around 5 o'clock mass). Y'know, to give your son a place to practice driving.

1:49 PM

Blogger grrouchie said...

Take him to the freeway and say "have at it"

2:22 PM

Blogger Memphis MOJO said...

When I went through that teaching them to drive, I did what Cranky said. A high school parking lot on the weekend is great.

3:30 PM

Blogger Jordan said...

I echo Cranky and Mojo. I learned in the temple parking lot when it was empty. It should be easy finding a church or school that's empty on a given day.

As for the sex ed, I think you hit it dead on by offering to give him condoms if he needs. My dad more or less did the same thing way too early, but at least it let me know when the time came that I could steal some condoms from him and it wouldn't be a good deal. Better than having your kid knock someone up.

Sounds like you are on your game, Woffles. Good stuff.

6:20 PM


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