Yesterday
We went to a mediator. In some ways I think we could work things through with a mediator. However sometimes it seems that is not the case. For instance, after we got into all the financial stuff, we start talking about the kids. The mediator asked what we thought would be a good agreement. She starts talking and is like "well I don't know if I want them sleeping overnight with him"... and quickly retracts to "oh, well he might not have a 3-bedroom apartment for them".. So I got kind of pissed off and I say "Perhaps it would be best for her to move out and me to keep the kids in the house. I can afford the mortgage without her and then their lives will not be disrupted". Her face turns crimson red and she starts getting angry and yelling at me "If you think your going to keep the kids! Your using your money against me!"..
I actually think it was kind of amusing if not productive. The more I think about it though... and hey, do not blame me for being more successful than you. I grew up in the projects and never went to college, you got Ivy League schooling... even though you had every advantage in life that I did not I made more of my career than you ever will.. Not my problem.
I have concerns about surviving this whole process. Ever time we go someplace to talk to someone my stomach cramps up, I have side pains, back pains, all kinds of pains.. my body really does not like dealing with stress.. it likes avoiding it more... but I can not avoid this any longer. Peace.
posted by SirFWALGMan at
10:33 AM
7 Comments:
You know what I would say so I won't bother saying it.
The first steps are always the toughest. The big thing is that this has been hanging over your head for years and some progress is finally being made. I think that as things go on further you will start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.
11:37 AM
..all I see is darkness as none of the options are good for the kids..
12:01 PM
Man, you've been through shit and just let it go on. That hasn't made your life a happy one.
The pain here is real. I understand and empathize. Try to keep in mind that down the road is a better place.
Persevere! It will benefit you and the kids. Be strong for all your sakes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yevEKPrhjOU&feature=player_embedded
12:50 PM
It's uber hard. I find knowledge and plan help with my stress.
1. Give your attorney a call and let her know how mediation went.
2. Determine what your financial obligations will be toward the kids so you know what you have left over to bargain and/or live on.
3. Ask atty if she has any 'out of the box' custody suggestions. Once or twice over the years I have had parents agree to own a home and an apartment, kids stay in the house, and the parents move in and out every other week. I think it's dumb but a couple of sets of parents made it work.
Back in the day, it was a 'win' if you got your client the kids, the house and enough child support to cover the mortgage. We were wrong. What we did was create many house poor families keeping parents in homes that they could not really afford and none of the support money really went to the kids it all went to the house.
A firm grasp on where the money goes is essential to finding a solution everyone can live with. Being financially strapped and stressed out makes parenting so much harder.
3:47 PM
Dude, I know exactly what you're feeling. I've gone entire days without eating because I can't tell the difference from the feeling of knots in my stomach from the emotions and being hungry.
It's very tough. But it's tough for a reason. It's important. And it's worth it. Keep being strong. Keep doing what you know is the right thing to do. You can handle it.
6:14 PM
Does your state have a set formula for support, both spousal and child or does it just depend on the judge? If a fformula you can plug in the numbers and know what you are going to be hit with right up front and as said it is a good idea to know what your situation is before you are in it and you will know where you stand and what your strong and weak points are financially at least.
10:06 AM
I am pretty sure it's a formula for child.. not sure about spousal..
10:36 AM
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