Monday, July 09, 2012

I think I have issues

I have ruled out women from my search criteria because women are bat shit crazy. 

These people like scare me.

Like this guy. First off he is smiling and I think he wants to rape me. I do not really know why I think this but I am a really good judge of character. Fat ass faggot shrink. On the positive side he does have anger management. Check this shit out though.

TMS is an adjunct to traditional therapy in my office because it is safe, reliable, and most importantly, effective. It is an FDA approved medical procedure for the treatment of depression, which is both non-invasive and non-systemic.

Soo.. you want to tie me up to a magnet and shoot magnetic waves through my brain and I am the crazy one? Can we get this straight please. I never fucking told anyone I wanted to use some fucking crazy ass alien magnetic brain device on them. I mean seriously? Next you will have me rubbing cats against my naked body for some CST - Cat Static Therapy. See I told you he wanted to rape me! Rape me with magnets and horny cats!

This guy is too far away. However he has the same smiling problem as the first person. Never trust anyone who smiles. Also look at his bald headed smugness? It just comes through the screen. I bet he was on the football team and stuffed kids like me into the locker. I am really just supposed to forget he shoved me in a locker and left me there all day and tell him my secrets? Really? Cmon now. Fucking New York times best seller and writes for Good Housekeeping? Hello? Rapist with a broom.

Who the fuck does not accept insurance? Oh wait I know. This guy! Isn't Dr. Katz some short, bald fuck, that reviews movies or something? Oh no that is another guy. I knew this dude was a cartoon character though! Stupid motherfucker! I can't even find the stupid motherfucker that reviews the movies. What was his name? I know someone knows this.

This dude might work. He is a little far away from me. Note: Not Smiling. Ok. He is smirking. However that is like "Fuck, I am supposed to smile, but what kind of faggot ass moron smiles? How about a smirk instead?". See I can respect that.

Are you fucking kidding me? How could I see someone who looks like PokerGrump. This dude has to have more fucking problems than I ever will.

Who the fuck is this guy? Samadhi Integral Life Practice Center? Sounds like some fucking terrorist cult. If he is wearing a Krishna robe I am running for the hills! Besides the fact I would have to fight the urge to say "Whatchu talkin about willis" ever five seconds. I do not think that would be conducive to therapy. Not to mention the fact that he will be putting pills into my system.. do not piss off the dude putting pills into you.

Why does this guy not have a picture? I suppose as a technicality this removes the objection I have to smiling. No picture. No smile. However how fucking ugly do you have to be to not even put a picture up? Let's see if I can find him on Facebook. OMFG! I found him. I think. No wonder he does not post a picture he looks like a fucking zombie! If that dude is not on some major fucking heroine or something then I am perfectly fine. Holy shit. Too bad because I sort of liked his description.

It does bring up the very real question though. Do you go for someone nearer your age so they can understand you more or a zombie. 

This fucker is bald but I got nothing else bad. Sort of further away than I want to go. Sounds good. Accepts insurance. Possible. No smile. Definite plus. Also not 1000 years old zombie who wants to eat my brains.

Gawd I can not decide if I should do a Gomer Pyle imitation or that other faggot ass on that show with the old guy who used to be on Mary Tyler Moore. Has a smile. I mean big, dick eating, smile, which is a negative, but sounds alright. I dunno. The smile could be a deal breaker for me. The goddamn herpes around his mouth too. Fucking get that checked bro.

Dude, don't you know you are supposed to be a fucking lawyer? Fucking sounds like a lawyer. "uses a biologically-based approach". What the fuck? Isn't everything biological? I mean this is like fucking living psychiatry unless your a fucking zombie like the other doctor.

Hey dude, I know you are gay. No, really, this one is. However do you really need to wear a stylish hoodie for your picture? Are you trying to be the hipster therapist? I mean this could be me but you look like a scrub in a hoodie that needs his mommy to tell him to keep his pants up. I am not really into the whole dressing good thing but at least pretend to try in your picture, ya?

This one is just to prove women are bat shit crazy. Go eat a granola bar you fucking kook.

Well this process is kind of exhausting so I am going to end it here for now. Probably need to do some work anyways. Comments welcome. I also have a more fun post for you later so tune back in. Lightning will love it because he is so sensitive and nice.



Blogger JT88Keys said...

Whenever I read your posts I do it in Billy Burr's voice. Just thought you should know.

5:33 PM

Blogger Astin said...

Jay Sherman, The Critic

6:51 AM


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