Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Jury Doodie

I had jury duty today! Ug! What a lousy way to spend a morning. Actually the morning was pretty good. I played ½ hour of ½ poker before my court date. I played fairly well. I ended up down 3 bucks for the session. Not so bad since I was down twenty when I started the table. I got up early because I was afraid they would fine me, or something, if I was late. I guess not. Mr. Showupattenthirty apparently did not get in trouble.
I have only been called once in my 35 years on this earth, and that is plenty! Now I know some of you more civic minded people out there are going to give me a hard time for this post, and I probably agree with you somewhat, but I have a low tolerance for boredom! There is a great reason for this, when I am bored things break, or burn, or do other bad things. If I have nothing to do I get very antsy and somehow things get hurt. I should have been smarter and brought a few books. I did bring, and finally finish my Hold Em book. After that it was all Regis and Kitty or whoever that dumb blonde is on his show now. We did get to hear an interesting story about a stupid juror. I am not sure if this was made up, but I can believe there are people this stupid out there. Basically she got picked for a trial. Apparently the trial was going to take a little time, and really did not fit in with her schedule. So she announces to the other members of the jury that she is not going to show up the next day. She doesn’t, they tell, and she gets whacked with a 2K fine and another turn at jury duty. Moral of the story: The Judges are not amused with non-civic people!
The judge who came and talked for 15 minutes about what a great person I was for coming before telling me to leave was kind of interesting. He was very happy that I showed up, like I had a choice, and thought I was a great guy. I bet he does not know I never even voted until I got married. At least it was only 15 more minutes.
I was finally released from jail at around noontime. Having sat in two rooms, one of which was really hot, and never even seeing any of the scum I was supposed to convict. Oh well, better luck next time.
I had a backup plan in case I got on a long superior court case. The main reason I would not want this to happen is that I am self-employed. I am a contract programmer, and I would not get paid for this week. So not only was I tortured today, but it cost me at least $200, talk about S&M! Apparently a judge would think this was a lame excuse. So my plan: Take on a Texan Accent, and say something like “Is this here one of them tharrreee Black Cases, cause if it is I recahhnn he is guilty or it is only a matter of time, so we had better lock him up anyway!”. This might have worked. Who knows? Glad I did not have to try it. Just in case anyone in this PC crazy world thinks I really am a racist, it is true; I think all Texas talk like that!


Blogger Sloejack said...

Speaking as a Texan, I assure you that we do not. Besides, how can you say we talk funny? I don't think a Texan could even pronounce chowdah, the NE version of english might as well be a foreign language. ;)

7:35 PM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

I am sooo sorry you are from Texas. heh.

8:22 PM


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