Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Help Mates!

I know I have not been posting much but the new job keeps me busy and I have been mostly playing live. I did have a serious problem I need a hand with though. I only think men need to answer this since it does not apply to women. Here it is.

You enter the only bathroom on the floor and there are three urinals. Two adult ones and one midget one. A guy is occupying adult urinal #1. What do you do?

A. Violate Man Law and go piss next to him like a homo. Not that there is nothing wrong with being a homo mind you.

B. Use the midget urinal and hope you do not get too much piss on your sox.

C. Come back later

D. Any other suggestions are welcome

On the poker front I was one hand away from an entry to the Aussie Millions qualifier. I played a 600FPP SNG. The way it went down was five people left. I have 6K, Donkey one has 4K Donkey two is around 600 chips. I raise AK. I get re-raised by Donkey one, Donkey two shoves all his chips in, I decide to push and make it HU. So I stick 6K in the pot. I get almost insta-called by Donkey one. The cards are turned over and it is my AK vs Donkey one's AJ vs Donkey three with the 68s. Now Donkey three is not a factor as I make 3K even if I lose to him. So while I am 40% against the two of them, I am like 70% against Donkey one. SO I am basically 70% away from winning the entry. How do I figure that? If I bust both donkeys I have around 13K vs two guys left with <1K stacks. If I just bust Donkey one I have 12K with the next largest stack being 1600. I think if I lost with that kind of lead to these donkeys I would have to shoot myself. So anyway I lose again as a Jack spikes on the river. Damn RiverTilt! One has to kind of laugh that I was involved against the only person who had enough chips to hurt me, I had him dominated, and I lost. Ahh well Donkeys will be Donkeys!


Blogger TraumaPoker said...

You never ever ever ever piss next to the other guy. Have you not read this book,, obviously NOT!

2:18 PM

Blogger GaryC said...

Head to a stall or hold it until the other dude is done.

Just my thoughts and I've never read the book either.'


2:25 PM

Blogger TripJax said...

According to

Sidle up next to the dude and piss with him at the same urinal.

Share your thoughts on how cold and deep the water is followed by a nice chuckle.

Shake each others package, then move on.

Give it a try sometime waffles.

2:40 PM

Blogger Falstaff said...

Obviously the presence of the midget urinal doesn't count as a urinal, so you are within your rights as a man to piss next to the other guy, facing straight ahead and never, ever acknowledging his presence in any way.

2:48 PM

Blogger D said...

Blow your nose, wash your hands, then use the urinal after he's done. Going into the stall is only if you really have to go...

2:50 PM

Blogger ToddCommish said...

I agree with Falstaff. Walk up to the man-sized urinal. Be proud of what God gave you. Of course, this is only if they have those little semi-cubicle walls up between the urinals. If they're open air with open sightlines, use the midget one.

Or better yet, use the stall, sit down and fart as loudly as possible, saying "Thank god it was just air", finish your piss, and move on.

Guys that stand in a stall when there are open urinals are just screaming that they have a tiny cocktail frank.

3:38 PM

Anonymous neil said...

Sing a tune, expel some gas, but do not go to the midget urinal, or mosey on up to the other one. Your just asking for a slap on the ass or worse.

3:40 PM

Blogger DuggleBogey said...

Piss in the sink.

5:29 PM

Blogger Jules said...

WHY is this such an issue for men? The mind, it boggles....

9:39 PM

Anonymous Joxum said...

It only matters if yours is smaller...

1:25 AM

Blogger drewspop said...

From the guy who said that the painting of him made his butt look smaller, I would use the midget one personally. But that is just me.

4:56 AM

Blogger 23skidoo said...

Pee on the guy in the stall and kick his ass......that'll show him...Now you're REALLY a man!

6:29 AM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Thats what I am going to do to your FF team Skiddoo!

6:35 AM

Blogger Klopzi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:35 AM

Blogger Klopzi said...

It's funny: I've had a couple guys stand "cheek-to-cheek" with me, so to speak, when using the damned urinals at work. Honestly, if you want to peek the package, pay me $5 like everyone else...

For the past 6 months, I always play it safe and use a stall, although using the sink might serve as a viable option in case of emergency.

6:36 AM

Blogger Eric a.k.a. Bone Daddy said...

the garbage can works too.

Then kick it over when you are done, that will show him your manliness and mark your territory too.

6:57 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sucks waffles. Think the River Jack was karma for being such a dick about the homeless people a couple nights earlier? Might be worth investigating.

8:01 AM

Blogger Marxst1 said...

Walk up behind the guy, grab his wallet and throw it out into the hallway... when he goes to get it, the urinal is yours!

I used to know a guy who was part of a fairly lowtech pickpocket ring in Chicago... this was one of their favorites. Basically, if you can snatch the wallet right when he starts peeing you got 20-30 seconds of stopping the flow and zipping up before he can come after you. I once asked my friend and he told that out of the 100 times he had piss-jacked a wallet no one ever once tried to run out after him "swinging in the wind".

10:58 AM

Blogger slb159 said...

If the guy is a "full-unbutton, unzip guy", you should pants him for sure. Then you'll piss your pants from laughing so hard that you won't have to worry about urinals.

11:58 AM

Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Fuck - can't believe I am 21st to comment!

A. saying there is not nothing wrong with being a homo is like saying there's everything wrong with being a 'mo you insenstive fuck.

B. any of you of boyz who ain't read Alphabet of Manliness have just gone down a major peg in my eyes. Maddox had delivered the Received Wisdom of Our Age. Get off your pussy-whipped butts and buy two copies - one to read and one to smack the guy cockblocking your urinal in the back of the head. When the blunt force injuries to the back and front of his cranium (from cracking into the piss-stained tile ) cause him to hemmorhage quietly on the floor, gently kick him out of the way and occupy the middle urinal in the peace you, as a bonafide real man, are entitled too.

Naturally, should your foot touch his wang, you will be required to gnaw it off at the level of your knee. A belt makes for a passable tourniquet in such instances.

Manliness - it ain't for girls.

This message brought to you by your hero (and mine)


5:17 PM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Anonymous.. if Karma is that fickle then Fuck the Universe with a sledgehammer..

5:31 PM

Blogger slb159 said...

wow, Waffles updated his picture........weeeeeeeeeee
lazy bastard

7:31 AM

Blogger C.L. Russo said...

Walk into the bathroom, standing so you block the door.

Whip it out and show him your ubergeigh 'pissing in my own face' trick.

Laugh hysterically and try to hug him when he tries to escape.

I met my wife in a similar situation.

11:59 AM

Blogger Veneno said...

Before I got here there were 23 comments..I was like waffles posts about going to the bathroom and gets a ton of comments...then I started to read them...can't stop laughing.

Waffles...thanks for always keeping us entertained!

1:15 AM


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