Bloggers Are Annoying

A bunch of this is going to be tongue and cheek but I feel like calling out a bunch of retarded statements I have seen in recent blog posts. First one goes out to Rakewell. Congrats on winning the Mookie and going on a nice run. He writes

If so, may CK and the poker gods forgive me! Also if so, phenomenal laydown, CK.

So let's review. Rakewell flops the nut with A5 and CK maybe has two pair. It goes something like Bet, Raise, Re-Raise, Re-Re-Raise. How is this a PHENOMENAL laydown by CK? I mean fuck me. She knows that Rakewell is not a fucking total donkey. He is showing a ton of strength followed by a jam. Of course a stunningly beautiful and awesome player like CK is going to know she is beat. It is not a PHENOMENAL laydown. It is fucking average at best. Can we leave Phenomenal for really good laydowns please? Twit.

Next lets give the stupidest man alive a fucking shoutout. Hoyazo you stupid fuck. I love your ridiculous predictions. Instead of realizing that people get totally burned out after BBT events and some get busted and need some time to reload Hoyazo proclaims the end of the world. What a fucking moron. Thirty five fucking people last night. Another idiotic prediction by the jackass. He will obviously write another post now declaring how he was totally right and somehow his uber brilliance has lead to the Mookie regaining it's former luster. He is so fucking wrong so often I am glad he picked the Yankees. I think he picked the Yankees but I am unsure as I fell asleep after the nineteenth page.

While we are on the subject of fucktard Hoyazo can someone tell me why he contradicts himself in his own blog posts. I mean it is bad enough that he denies saying things, gets things totally wrong, and writes opposing posts later on but can he at LEAST keep his opinions consistent in a single post? It fucking drives me nuts. I mean I am reading about him saying one ridiculous thing and the like two paragraphs later he totally contradicts himself with some other moronic sentence. He is the epitome of monkeys smashing keys to try and make Shakespeare.

What the fuck is wrong with BuddyDonk and the morons playing to Mookie? I played last night and decided to fuck around. So I raise the hammer in EP. Now I know I am old school and that you yougins may not remember the hammer so well but fuck you all. The Hammer is king. So this retard in the Mookie in second position calls with A7o. Now raising the hammer in EP may be asking for trouble but you have to be special retarded to call with Ax. It is reserved for the white helmet retards.

The flop comes AAK. I am in the mood to have fun and see how far I can take a hammer bluff. So I lead out for half pot looking like I want a call. Repping a big hand or something to Stupid System retards. He calls. I then lead out again on the turn for half pot like I want a call and he obliges by calling. On the river I fucking go nuts to the wall ballah and jam my entire stack in. Now the reason I know this guy is a retard is because he uses up his timebank to make the call. He thought I had AK because I laid down a plausible line and he figured he was beat but made the call. Definition of a retard and ENTIRELY the reason you do not play A7 like that against an early position raise. You can NEVER know if your weak ace is good.

So then Buddy gives me crap about going to the felt with the Hammah? First off my play was 10,000,000 times better than my o-pponents but irregardless of that I DROPPED A MASSIVE HAMMER BLUFF!!! I should be given a fucking parade for Christ sakes. You married old school Buddy you better start liking the Hammah or I will dope slap you myself! Can you imagine the EPiC humor if he had actually folded to my river bet and I showed? That would have been priceless.

Gah I love Bloggers!