Now We're Talking

Gah! My wife is SUCH a pain in the ass. I am so fucking pissed off at her right now. Why can she not close the deal and move in with her boyfriend? Suck that cock harder you bitch. I know we have a weird situation going on right now. Basically we have declared ourselves divorced and decided we are but are living together for a little while more so the kids can stay in a nice house in a good town. Somehow this has turned into "Hey you can carry my heavy bag in the morning and should do all the chores I tell you to". No idea how that happened. I obviously refuse to do any chores unless she sets up a schedule of the chores and who is responsible for them. She refuses to do this. Every month or so she then yells at me "WHAT! I AM THE ONLY ONE DOING CHORES! I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!". So I laugh at the bitch and tell her to make a schedule.. and then every month or so... Think maybe the marriage failed because of a failure to communicate or compromise. Probably. To be fair not only on her side.

Lately she has been pissing me off even more though. The other night she is out with her boyfriend and calls up. She says "I am going to have a sitter over for a few hours to watch the kids". I told her I would be fine watching them. She said that I just go downstairs and play on the computer and I should not watch them.

In part this can be true. Normally if she asks me to watch them I will make sure to come up and watch TV with them. At times I have problems with going out and playing with them outside. I guess I am dealing (poorly) with depression or from withdrawing into myself to avoid all the issues of living with my wife these past few years. I have really withdrawn a lot. Even to the point of not bothering to renew my cell phone. I just feel like I have no energy most of the time.

It annoys me when she refuses to let me watch the kids though. So I told her I was glad we had all this money to waste. I then told her I would walk around naked in front of the babysitter. It's my fucking house and I can do what I want. Obviously I was not really going to do that. What does she do? She says "Do I have to get a restraining order on you?"..... Now I am beyond fucking pissed off. I mean we are having a conversation on the phone and your going to threaten me like that? So I raise my voice and say "Fucking do it!". She keeps babbling. I say "DO IT!" "DO IT!". She backs way the fuck down. I think she knew that if I got taken out of the house I would not be back and she would not be getting a cent from me.

I am still amazed that she would threaten me that way when we were having a conversation. I guess it all comes down to communication again. I really need to get out of this funk and take control again. I just can not seem to get my head out of my ass though. I really hate the idea of pill popping to happiness (prescribed not self induced). I believe people have it in themselves to control their lives. I am in this situation because I choose to be. I have never been of the camp that we need shrinks and medicines to get our lives under control.

The best part of this is the other day. I am in the car with the kids taking them to C&J Frosties with a MIGRAINE headache.. ok sometimes I can get my head out of my ass and do nice things.. just not all the time. The kid tells me that she left him and his little sister alone at home. So recap. I am a horrible person for being downstairs when watching the kids and she is a saint for not being there at all. Apparently she was on the phone with them I found out later but still. I actually do not have a huge problem with them watching themselves for an hour. I was a latchkey kid although that may not be a ringing endorsement. In these days and times with fricken nanny police and everyone being hyper concerned about everything but themselves I do not think it is a great idea. The thing that bothers me the most though is the double standard. Everything I do is wrong everything anyone else does is right.

I can never win. Last weekend when she slept over her boyfriends house I went upstairs. Spent time with the kids. Asked them what they wanted for breakfast and drove all over heaven and earth to get them Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds hash browns. Ok. Not the healthiest things in the world but still. I come back with them sporting a dozen donuts. I talked the boy down from two dozen. He is a tough sell. The wife comes home with like one donut for each kid. WIN ME! In your face! The kids LOVE my dozen donuts and look in disdain upon her puny offering. So what do I get? She says she can not believe I fucking bought them a dozen donuts. I mean what kind of idiot buys kids a dozen donuts.

She has been bitching at me to go ahead and get a car. So I did some research and picked something I liked that was a manual. She never before mentioned that MY CAR was going to be used by the nanny. So I say "Um, the car I picked may not be as safe for the kids, let the nanny destroy your car".. and she gets all pissed off. First off lets get a nanny that FUCKING KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE. Secondly why is it ok to destroy my car but her car needs to be protected? Also the fifty times I mentioned cars and models before you MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED THIS TO ME. Fucking cunt. I am seriously so sick of her.

I just can not win. Either I am not spending enough time with them or interacting well or I am a total fuckup for making them happy. I take them fishing and she bitches that she can not get anything done. So I tell them it's time to leave. She bitches that I did not let them fish long enough.

I mean I think I SHOULD be depressed. I do not think I should hide that with medicine. There is a reason I am depressed. It is because a bunch of shit in my life sucks. My body like does this for a purpose right? I dunno.

Anyhow I just feel better dumping shit out on my pages. It gets it off my mind. Instead of letting it whirl all around forever driving me more insane. Besides I know my hatah readers love this shit. Oh and if any Nanny Police are around. Um. I made all this up.