I was feeling a bit down this weekend and as we tend to do I asked the big, crazy assed universe what was up. Specifically I was thinking that perhaps it was time to try out some meds or something. So I looked out the window and asked God if he existed to show me a sign.
A few of you might have known another hatah of a blogger from WiredPairs named Fluxer. I suppose we both got along so well because we had that in common. He was not as lovable as me of course. Unfortunately this 24yr old decided to end his life this weekend. It is pretty sad when a young person decides to give up.
We were decent internet buddies. Once you got past his harsh exterior and somewhat erratic personality a nice kid was left. We had some interesting conversations. A lot of them were about poker but many of them about women, life, hatin', what not. I think I got to know him a bit. We shared some of our regrets.
I can not say I am extremely surprised that he killed himself. It did come as somewhat of a shock though. I for sure did not think he was going to do it anytime soon. He had started going to some therapy and taking meds for his issues. I guess he slipped off those and finally felt disconnected enough to let it all go.
As always God never gives me a clear sign. Does this mean I should take meds so I do not end up like him? Does it mean that meds are bad news and if you take them you will die? I think you could read either meaning into this sign or no meaning at all. Is there a God? Does he send us signs when we ask? Do we just have to make sense of everything because our frail human minds can not grasp the world? I have to say it is a pretty huge coincidence if that is all it is.
Tonight I guess I will tip the glass to a nice kid who could not take the pain of life and gave up. I guess that I have a few things to think about.