Friday, February 04, 2005

Last Whiny Post .. for Now..


Ok. Since I like whining I guess I will put up this post I wrote a while ago. It has nothing to do with Poker, and I was debating putting it up, but I am in one of those kind of moods so too bad. Before we get to that though I guess I should share my plans for tonight:

1 – Party Poker Multi-Table Step. What the hell. Seems like a good ROI for an 11$ investment.

2- Blogger NL table? Sounds like fun anyways.

So my loses for tonight will be limited to $36 bucks. A little over a 3rd of my roll! Woo Hoo!. BTW – I have a $25 bet on the Pats for Sunday, which gets directly transferred to Empire. So if I win I am back in business over there.

Anyhoo, back to the whining. Hopefully this will clear it out of my system and you will not have to hear any negativity for another week or so.


My Father is going to die. I know this statement has been true for a very long time, probably since I was born. However now that it is more imminent I guess I have to avoid it more actively. I do not really have a lot of great stories about how he taught me Poker or anything for that matter. I guess the best thing I can say is: He was around, sometimes. I am sure that will sound great as the Eulogy.

He was a smoker for his entire life and the cancer stick finally caught up with him. I am not sure how much longer he has. He is in his last phase of chemo and they will not be doing another round. It started with a lump in his lung. Every few months when they do the CAT scan they find a few cells here, a few there, basically signifying that he is pretty screwed. The most interesting part of all of this is I have no idea how I will react. We are not estranged, but I would not say we are close either. I assume I will miss the old guy.

He was hardly a horrible father. A little too much with the belt on occasion but beating your kids was the norm back then. Instead of taking them away they gave you a pat on the back. Nowadays if you take the kids X-Box away the cops are coming to arrest you. He had a drinking problem like his father, and his father before him. He was able to give it up however which I assume takes a lot. I would ask Al but he is probably passed out somewhere. “Drinking, I have no problem drinking! It’s stopping I have a problem with!” I guess the reason we probably never bonded was the fact that he was not around much when I was younger. He drove trucks for a living and was always on the road.

So we shall see what happens. He has lived a fairly long (early-to-mid 60's I think) and full life. A lot of crap has happened in it. His mother left. His father was a serious alcoholic. He was in Nam flying choppers over the poo-tang or something like that. He has had more jobs than – well more jobs than I have in MANY different fields. Soldier. Fisherman. Mechanic. Trucker. The list goes on. It makes other people think he is interesting. I never really got that either.

On the up side we have been spending a little more time together. I spent like ten years barely talking to my parents except on holidays. Now we talk on the phone more and have done some small trips together. I do not see this bringing us close mostly because I do not have much desire to do so. It is a little too late for that. I have spent too many years stuffing my emotions down to start the whole lovey family thing. We shall have to see what happens when he is gone.


Blogger Shelly said...

Losing a parent is tough, whether you consider yourself to be "close" to them or not. I lost my dad 5 years ago to cancer - he was 45, I was 25. Benzene poisoning on the job gave him leukemia. We had one bad year of him being sick and in the hospital constantly with chemo and radiation, and one good year of remission. I spent more time with him in those 2 years than ever in my life. Sadly, I just wasn't old enough I guess to figure out how to be "close" to him as an adult, but I'll always be glad for the extra time we spent together. Do it while you can - even if you don't know exactly why you're doing it at the time. You'll appreciate those times later on. Sorry you have to be going through this stuff. *hug*

10:27 AM

Blogger AlCantHang said...

Sorry to hear it man. Positive thougths going out.

10:59 AM

Blogger Bazkar said...

Sorry to hear that man........I wish you well and luck with whatever time you have left to spend with him. Take Care.

11:17 AM

Blogger April said...


You know, at some point I'm going to have to start giving you something more than hugs. They don't seem to be working. Hang in there baby.

11:35 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your first commenter was on the mark, Sir. Memories will last your life time, Yes?

1:04 PM

Blogger Scott Chaffin said...

Man, don't let your dad die without some attempt at being there for him and with him. Speaking from experience, you'll regret it A LOT if you don't. It's not worth the little bit of pride you might have to swallow. Odds are, he really would appreciate it.

2:00 PM

Blogger Human Head said...

Sorry to hear about this, best wishes to you and yours as you get through this tough spot.

3:13 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry man, that really sucks. I would have to agree with the others, spend time with him while you can. You will probably regret it if you don't. And I am pretty damn sure your Pops will appreciate it more than he'll ever be able to express. Fucking cancer can kiss my ass!!


3:27 PM

Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

Scott is right. Do what you can. Best wishes.

11:03 PM

Anonymous Carl said...

I stumbled onto this site looking for help to improve my poker game....and then I read your story about your father and his cancer. I am a 63-year old father of three sons, and I have a very rare bone marrow failure, and have recently come to some kind of remission...the oncologist that I see says he would rather be treating cancer. So that is what I wake up to each day. I am very close to my sons, and have tried over the years to do what I could to both love them and mentor to them so that they could build a life that they would enjoy...not a materialistic venue, but a giving, caring way of going through their days. You might want to think of the life battles that your father has fought, and no doubt he tried, in his own way, to help you get on with your life as well...please, reach out to him...he probably doesn't have a whole lot of time left, and when he is gone, you will miss I miss my own father. I hope my sons will come to the conclusion that I did my best for them, and I did make a lot of mistakes over time. Trust me, you will be a better person if you can be with your father during his demise. I hope you will understand that in his own way, he cares for you, and just may not have been able to express himself to you in a manner that you may have expected over the years.

Good luck to you and your father...

2:53 PM


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