Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Uber Rambling

I think the post count has been down lately so I will make it up with a HUGE UBER rant that has nothing to do with anything. It is my specialty after all.

I just got finished watching the tribute to Steve Irwin. I asked Loud if his dieing was like when JFK was shot in America. Apparently not on that level but still pretty serious. I thought it was a nice and fitting ceremony. I liked how it celebrated his life and what he lived for and had very little focus on death. He was a pretty amazing guy in the way he lived his life and shared his passion with the world.

The things I did not like about the presentation were very few. First off what the fuck is up with that Gay wiggle guy? I mean I guess they were friends and all but that guy has major psychological problems. He so had to have been ass raped by his uncle when he was little to be that fucked up. He can NOT get out of his Wiggles character. He IS a wiggle. I fucking felt like smacking him across the face and saying “This is a funeral not Saturday morning cartoons!!!”. Jesus those wiggles are annoying.

The only other thing that was strange was the stupid American's who kept coming on and saying how great Steve was. I mean I can understand the people who knew him like Russell Crow and all but what the fuck is up with Justin Timberlake? I mean he meets the guy once and gets to stutter and look stupid on television. What a fucktard. Who the hell chose him?

One of the most touching parts of the whole thing was when his daughter came up and spoke about her dad. Being a dad myself I could feel the tears welling up when that brave little girl spoke about her hero! Of course I did not cry because, well, I am a man! THATS NOT A TEAR YOU RETARDS!

Enough of the sad stuff. I want to start something that could become a monthly feature possibly. It is called "What the Fuck" with Dr. Ick. It is where I show my total lack of knowledge about anything medical and ask Dr. Ick*[not safe for work] to answer some questions. I mostly want to do this because I do not believe that pretty boy has the brains to really be a doctor. Although he does have the money grubbing attitude as shown through his poker obsession. So here is the first "What the Fuck" with Dr. Ick.

Dr. Ick. I saw that they took Ben Roethlisberger’s appendix out through some tiny little holes they drilled in his body. I am not sure how this works? Do they put a periscope hole on the top, a sucker on the right side, and a burner on the left? Are there more than 3 holes? How the hell do they get the appendix out with those tiny little holes? How big are the freaking holes? It all seems fishy to me.

I hear some Indians (India ones not American ones) talking today and it fucking cracks me up. The accent is so funny. I can barely stop laughing. I want to hire an Indian hooker*[This would not be safe for work except I couldnt find any good looking naked Indian women] one day and pay her to talk dirty to me. The entertainment value alone would be worth it.

Speaking of entertainment I had to LAUGH at Absinthe. The guy is amazing. Has years of experience and yet he still says

I realize that I’m still up for the month overall and hence am not in much of a position to complain. Still, does the blind have to wake up with kings there? – Absinthe

This my dim witted blogging friends is WHY blogs are cool. When you realize that we are all in the same boat no matter how well we finished in the ME or how many years we have played poker. We all curse it. We all ask "WHY!!!". When someone can share his pain and bemusement it connects with our own no matter what stage we are at and that is well worth all the crappy stuff we write in-between. Thanks for making my day!

I swear I work in a Satanic building. Something like that Ghost Busters building that is really a portal to let evil demons in from the NETHERWORLD. No matter what direction I go in this pentagram shaped building I am always lost. I can never even find my way out the right side of the building and I am constantly walking around the outside to get to my car as people snicker at me rather loudly. If I start seeing shadows I am quitting. I may actually quit anyways. The commute is kind of harsh. The job is decent but nothing special. I am on a 3-month trial and we will see how I am feeling after a few months.

Tomorrow night is going to be the Mookie on Full Tilt. Be there or be an asshole! I hope I have amused you with my Uber Ramblings. Tomorrow I may explain my strategy behind the live game at Foxwoods and why it works for me. Until then may your pocket three push to a raise and a re-raise FUCKING BUST YOU OUT OF THE TOURNEY YOU RETARD! Peace.


Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Disturbing. On too many levels to address adequately.

But to address your moronic imitation of a question:

No, there is no such thing as taking out an appendix with tiny holes in your tummy. Yes, I know people will say shit like, "laparascopic this and that" but all that is just a bunch of scientific crabshit. Follow scientists around long enough and they'll try to teach you heresies like evolution and thermodynamics. Then where will you be. That's right - in danger for your immortal soul.

The only way to get your appendix out of your body safely is to have a Viet Cong witch doctor slather you in chicken blood and do psychic surgery while a Thai hooker gives you a foot massage. It's worked for millenia, why would we change our technique now?

In the future, apply ocham's razor and if needed, ocham's shaving gel and man wash, in able to better discern techobabble from reality.

This has been your Muddical Minuet with Dr. Ick.

Uh, parody, right? Right.

9:33 PM

Blogger C.L. Russo said...

Strangely enough, only Thai witch doctors and Viet hookers are covered by my insurance.

Anyway, I think this post has given me a clearer idea on how waffles could end up peeing in his own face. (I won't ever let that die.)

6:02 AM

Blogger HighOnPoker said...

I knew Thai hookers were good for something! I just didn't expect it to be an appendix operation.

7:38 AM

Blogger slb159 said...

Nice post, Waffles. And nice comment, Ick.

Hey Ick, how'd the Egyptians pull peoples brains out from their nostrils prior to mummification? Always wondered that. I mean, I've heard of self-trepanation, but that doesn't come close.

7:42 AM

Anonymous mookie99 said...

Loved the post...it pretty much consumed my morning following all the links...

The Mookie picture is great, looks alot like me too.

See you at the tourney.

9:12 AM

Blogger slb159 said...

Oh, and Jules will be able to tell you that, besides AC/DC, the Wiggles are the most profitable performers down under. What a world.

9:57 AM

Blogger KGBlovesOreos said...

I'm Indian, and believe me, all the good-looking Indian women live in Europe. This is probably why, when I occassionally go to India, I find the Indian men (the ones with their big moustaches and those irresistable Habeeb accents) more attractive.

Pssst, don't tell anybody I told you that.

7:20 AM


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