Saturday, September 01, 2007

Stupid Meme

I hate these goddamn things but when someone picks me out of the millions of people on the planet to pass one on to I figure I probably should answer their stupid questions. I figured I would give this a shot like a normal human being then I remembered I have no idea what a normal human is like.. sooo...

Accent- Who the hell cares. I am an equal opportunity hater. I hate all you fuckers regardless of race, color, accent, or sexual preference. I do have a fond place in my pocket for English ladies accents though..

I Don't Drink - Much. I am mostly a social drinker and since I am not very social well there ya go.. Actually my father was an Alcoholic when I was a very small child and while I am not sure that turned me off of booze I never really drank at a constant pace.

The most drunk I have ever been though was at a party when I was 19 or 20.. I know I should have known better. I smoked a couple of bones, chugged a whole bottle of Bacardi.. drank a dozen beers and had a couple of shots of whisky. Now while this is the warm up for AlCantHangs night if you know me I can get Coyote Fugly drunk on like two beers.

I ended up puking for 12 hours straight the next day while my good "friend" cruised around in my Mustang "getting me stuff at the CVS".. fucker..

Chore I Hate - All of them. I refuse to clean. When I was single the sign it was time to move to the next apartment was that I "HAD" to clean the toilet. Lucky for me I usually had roommates and did not reach critical mass too often.

Pets - I had a dog when I was little. His name was Charlie and he was a basset hound. He howled up a storm and fucked my sister's leg every chance he got. SO one day my parents took Charlie back "To the farm".. it took my Mom 26 years to admit there was no farm. It took me 25 years and a wife to figure out there was no farm.

I had two cats growing up: Smitty named after the Phillies player Mike Schmidt. Spookie and Orange tabby. They both lived a very long time. I rescued Smitty from some asshole kids who were throwing him up against a screen door. Their cat had a bunch of kittens. My mom said "No Cats".. and so I lowered a Halloween pumpkin to the ground level, went downstairs, put him in, and brought him up to my room. I fed him milk from my pinky. He was a good kitty. My mom found out I snuck him in of course but she was a pussy and gave in and let me keep him.

We have two cats we just adopted from a shelter.. Vanilla and Angel. They lived together at their old place. We also have fish and my son has had a few frogs.

I have had a turtle, frog and a bird before. See above about chores. My turtle ended up stewing in his acidic water. Oops. I did not know how to take care of him. I caught him at a pond like the frog and brought him home.

My bird named Tweety rocked. As a kid I really hated my Grandmother for some reason.. Not sure why.. maybe cause she smelled old.. man I have some Karma coming back at me.. anyways.. Tweety would get out of his cage and fly into my Grandmothers newly down hairspray hairdo and get stuck scaring the living shit out of my Grandmother. It was the balls!

Essential Electronic - Computers. Computers. Computers. I have been a nerd for them since I was 13 and I doubt I am going to change now.

Perfume/Cologne - Fuck no. What the hell? I hate fucking guys who splash on huge tanks of Cologne. It is usually some Guido with chains and back hair doing it.. but fuck does it make me want to choke. The ole Irish Spring deodorant is enough for me. I do like some scents from women but I can not tell you the names and I am very picky.

Gold or silver - Platinum! My wedding band is actually made of Platinum. We liked it better than the gold and silver options for its ability to last and look good long after the marriage is over.

Insomnia - Fuck ya! I have Sleep Apnia actually but I can never get to bed before 2AM.. and I am always fucking tired. Sucks balls to never get a good nights sleep.

Job Title - God Emperor of Earth!!! Ohh what theyyyy call me.. I guess computer consultant. I work for my self essentially and line up contracts with different companies for computer services mostly with Microsoft technologies.. but I am a generalist and I like to do a little of everything.

Most Admired Trait - I guess openness.. there is not a thing I will not talk about and it is hard to offend me. Probably cause I am always pissed off. I like to argue a lot too. Just for the fun of it though. I never keep any hard feelings.

Kids - Two of them.. Five and Eight. God they keep getting older. It is actually pretty cool. I really love them a ton.

Religion - I was raised without religion. Sure we celebrated Christmas and hanukkah but we never went to church or synagog. Technically I inherited Jewish I guess. My dad was some sort of baptist or something but not religious. I dabbled in religion for a while growing up. My first experiences in Church consisted of turning the holy water green with my life saver and knocking down the kneeling thingy to make a loud BOOOOOOM! in the middle of the Sermon.. I was part of a church youth group for a while too.. It was fun and I could quote large chunks of the bible at the time. I consider myself searching for the truth now because I am not happy with the way humans portray the desires of our deities in any religion.

Siblings - Sister. Please take her. We are a little different. She steals from her family and has babies without a dad and well I don't.. There are other differences.. I just really think she is a tard and want nothing to do with her for the most part. It was fun teasing her for a year about almost going to jail for running up charges on my credit card. My entire family was begging me to drop the charges but I would not. She got out of it somehow though.. I think my parents paid off the creditors.. probably with there life savings.. my sister is a tard like I said and could care less.

Time I wake up - No set time. When your a talented consultant that people want you can get away with a ton of shit.. and I get away with it all..

Unusual talent/skill - Well I am not as talented as Carmen's tongue.. man that is hot.. but I can make a dog/dragon out of my fingers.. it has a mouth and ears.. pretty cool..

Vegetable I refuse to eat - Little Suzy in the wheelchair down the street? No just kidding.. no legs is hot! I like pretty much everything but Squash and Beets kinds suck.. I think those are veggies right?

Worst habit - Sometimes I eat my beard hair.. ick.. My wife came home one day from work and told me about this freak who did it.. and I was like no fucking way that is so gross.. and then some sub-conscience trick made me try it and so sometimes if I am stressed out I will absent mindedly do it.. Ick..

X-rays - I was MR. Accident as a kid.. 2 Broken Arms, Broken Skull, Numerous lacerations.. probably like 8 times I had to go and get stitches. I was a wreck.

My favorite meal - Fuck I love them all thats why I started my fucking obese blog.. As a meal I will say Sushi. I am a big seafood fan and like it either fried or raw. Next would be some nice hot spicy thai food.. One of my favorites is Squid Pik Pow! MMM! Spicy. Hot. Squid!

Well that is all.. not too offensive this time. Of course that will only encourage these foolish meme people..


Blogger mookie99 said...

"Broken Skull"

It all makes sense now.

8:28 PM

Blogger jusdealem said...

25 yrs to figure out there was no farm...Hahaha

Thanks for playing along, even if you hated every minute of it!

Your friend, Jude

10:25 AM


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