Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Auto Experiences

The Wife reminded me this morning of some of my driving experiences. We had a big fuel truck riding her ass in parked traffic and after it turned off she mentioned that she would have driven really slow to piss the guy off if he had gone straight. It triggered off the wayback machine and I remembered some of my more notable experiences of my youth flying around in my cherry red Mustang.

.. I remembered the time some guy had the balls to flash his beams at me, like I was going too slow. So I slowed wayy the fuck down to like ten miles per hour. He went to pass me and I gunned the 5 liter engine. I then slowed back down forcing him to creep along at ten miles per hour. It was hilarious ..

.. I remember the guy who was tailing me on the highway. It was like 2AM. The fucker flashes me to pull over so he can pass. Hello? The fucking road is empty. So I slam on my breaks as hard as I can causing him to have to swerve out of my way and so he stops on the highway like fifty feet ahead of me. So I stop also. We are sitting in the middle of a highway basically parked at 2AM in the morning. He then starts backing up on the highway. So I put my car in reverse and also backup. Finally he gets sick of chasing me and runs away ..

.. I was at the stop light when another muscle car pulls up beside me. We start revving our engines at each other. Getting ready to peal out when the light changed. The light switches to green and .. I miss the clutch and stall out.. He flies through the intersection. If course neither one of us noticed the cop car behind us. Until it pulled the guy over and gave him a huge ticket. BWAHAHAH! Best race I ever lost ..

.. Driving home from work with a friend in the car. All of a sudden this convertible blows a tire, spins into my lane, and is sideways before me. I slam on my breaks as hard as I can and come to a stop right before her. She was so scared. Blond. Shaking. Hot. Convertible. Of course I just drove off but that was a pretty surreal experience ..

.. Cruising up to New Hampshire every day for a consulting gig. The roads got sort of boring. So I popped it up to 130 and put it into cruise control. I sort of thought the car that was pulled over behind another car was a cop, but he had that person pulled over already right? About five minutes later I see this undercover card come flying up behind me swerving like crazy barely able to control himself at this speed. I framed the ticked I got and kept it on the wall for a while with the caption "Can your car go this fast?" ..

.. Numerous times driving my friends around in my dads shitbox brown station wagon. I have no idea what kind of engine was in that fucker but it had a ton of pickup. One time I had a car full of friends and did not slow down in the rain coming into the rotary and flew straight off the road into a grassy patch. Sick. That car was a lot of fun ..

.. His little rice burner was not as much fun. Around the time I needed to get glasses I was driving this thing. Somehow I missed the HUGE do not enter sign on the highway and ended up driving the wrong way. No. I was not drunk. I have very rarely every driven drunk and am ashamed of the one or two times I might have. So finally I realized I was going the wrong way, So I go to swing a U-Turn and the car stalls out. Fun times ..

.. Asking my friend if the way was clear, So I go and shoot out, and this truck comes flying over the hill at wayyy too fast speed. I look at my friend and only see his horrified face as he is sure he is going to die. I gun the engine and get past the truck, who slams on his breaks and fishtails all over the street before coming to a stop, I still remember my friends pale, horrified face ..

.. Pulling donuts on this kids lawn and shooting up houses with paintballs was kind of fun too ..

.. Driving my mom around one day and having her scream every time I accelerated. She almost got us into many accidents. I was so pissed at the time but it is so funny to look back and see her horrified screaming face. Does that mean I am evil? ..

Ah the excesses of youth. Crazy times. I had some fun though. I will say I do not miss the Mustang getting stolen and ending up in that shit hole they call Worcester or Lowell.


Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

Wow - you sound like a GREAT driver. NOT!

8:43 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waffles, can you email me when you get a chance? I have a poker question for you.


9:31 AM

Blogger DrChako said...

It's amazing how many great memories of our youth are tied to cars and driving.


1:42 PM


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