Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Day Two, Poker Anyone?

The next day after being poured into a cab at the IP by Iggy I woke up with about 3 hours of sleep, naked, and confused. I do not think the dwarf took advantage of me but I may never know. One thing I hate about being old is the next day hangover. I think some of you know what I mean. When I was a kid the room would spin and IF I made it past midnight some magic drunk fairy would come by and take all my pain away. Not anymore. I woke up fighting the good fight against puking. Looking in the mirror at my naked body did not help. I won the fight with two showers and a nap. I was exhausted though. I know I am a light weight. Fuck you all.

One other note about Hooters. Great wings. Pretty girls. DO NOT ORDER ROOM SERVICE BREAKFAST! It was horrid. Even the bacon was unappealing looking although I still ate it. I am not one to not finish breakfast but this only got half eaten.

I dragged myself out of the hotel and made it to Caesar's. I wandered around a little trying to find the poker room for registration but instead ran into The Rooster and an old school blogger I had never met Carter. The Rooster was starting early as he had already chatted up a 80 year old broad. I swear that guy has a way with words. I mean how to you tell someone "If you were younger I would fuck you" and not get killed. Instead we had the old lady at our table and were chatting with her whole family. These people were from Texas so I bit my tongue and did not say how much I hate Texas. Waffles can be diplomatic on occasion. I have no idea how my divorce came up in this conversation either -- THANKS ROOSTER -- but it was one of the many topics of conversation. I have to say for a retard my man is like a walking jeopardy show. He knows a lot about nothing and can use it well in conversations.

I had a good chat with Carter too as I nursed my coke. He and I have a lot in common. Do not tell him I said that though! He is starting his family with a new baby soon and seeing anything in common with me WOULD BE BAD! We chatted a bit about the industry and old school Intellivision D&D.

Finally when it was obvious Joaquin would not get any 80 year old dried up pussy we all headed to register for the poker tourney. Here again I met a ton of Bloggers that I did not know. Like OhCaptain, Schaubs, Lightning, JJOK. A lot of my old favorites were there too like Carmen, Love Elf, SpecialK, Smokkee, Bayne and the gang.

My table was a mixed draw of players. We had Carmen's dad, April from California, Katitude, Schaubs friend, Absintine, GRob, CK, Butch Howard and some other old guy. I wonder why I always accidentally insult people. The tourney itself was pretty uneventful. Our table was Team Nit. Besides GRob trying to bust out in the first five minutes nobody was taken out for TWO AND A HALF HOURS! Can you believe that? It made Smokkee look like Islidur.

I played one hand fairly well against Absintine. I flopped a set of kings after raising before him. He fortunately flopped two pair. I made an almost pot sized flop bet. He called. On the turn a straight completed but I did not put him on that. So I kind of purposely reached for my chips.. then hesitated.. then reached again and threw 2k in. I have no idea what signal that sent if anything.. but he decided to call me. On the river a queen fell. I wanted to bet something he would call so I threw in another 2k. He figured that KQ was in my range but probably also hands like AK/AA and paid off my bet. I asked if he would have called more and he said no. I have a big problem sizing bets live. I just find it harder to figure out what to bet.

The next memorable hand after a bunch of 93o's was AK. I had a raise before me so I instantly shipped in my now smallish stack. Blinds and antes had chewed through my initial nice run of cards. Schaubs friend thought about shipping it in but my scary fast bet caused him to let go of his AQ/AJ hand. I just figured that I had around 10 blinds left and this was the place to get in. So I shipped it. I wish he had called and I knocked him out.

About this time Jordan brought me a blonde chick. So awesome dude. I was a little shy about it at first but went off to the bathroom with her... No! No! Just kidding. She was one of those table masseuses you see walking around the poker room. She had me straddle the chair and rest on the pillow and went to work. My muscles were SOOOOOO tense to begin with that it HURT like hell. Eventually she was able to remove all of the stress from my entire body. It was wonderful. It was hard to play poker that way but I did not care. I was getting all crappy cards under nine and a woody. Who cared about the poker. Jordan was too cheap to throw in the happy ending. Seriously though thanks Bro! PS - This is the ONLY time your name will be spelled correctly baring more blonde donations.

I was in one of those trance states you get sharks, or alligators in when you rub them. We finally lost someone from our table. Half the field was gone. I decided to raise my 10x stack from the EP with AQ s000ted. M-O-O-N SPELLS MOOOOOOOOON! It went around the table to Schaubs friend and he jammed in after much consternation and maybe some constipation. I was hoping he had something like AJ/AT but I also thought he might have a smaller pair. It turns out we were racing AQ vs 88. Here comes the part where the Poker Gods smite me. The dealer peals off the flop cards and turns his hand. First card up is a QUEEN! YES! I was fucking ecstatic! Until he revealed the second card -- and eight. No flush draw possibly. I go home.

All in All it was a great game. I had fun talking with Kat and CK and the goofing at the table was awesome. I played my hands well and got in decent when I had to. Unlike April I did not take any bad beats. She was getting killed with them. I enjoyed the game even if I did not win.

I broke off and wandered a bit. Crashed in some lounge at Caesar's. Talked to Iggy, California Jen and some others about Mermaid Sex. I did not start it!! As a side note I heard a rumor someone was writing a book -- really, a book about mermaids???!?!?! Carter showed up and since we were hungry we hit the Sushi bar. Doc Chacko was mowing down there already. The sushi was REALLY good. The only thing I did not like was the Unagi. It was decent but not seasoned like I am used to.

I peeked into the tourney when it was nine handed. Astin was doing well. AlCantHang was there. JoeSpeaker at the final table too. Interesting things. Speakers new hairdo was wild. He looked like a rock star. I stopped paying attention to chat with LoveElf and Carmen. Elf was sporting a nice short haircut herself. Looking good! When I peeked back in it was Speaker, Astin and AlCantHang. Funniest fucking final table ever. Al had SoCo shot glasses piled all around his seat and needed Love Elf to help his color blind ass to stack chips correctly. Seemed like every other hand Al was like "WTF! ALLLLL IN"! When Astin woke up with the inevitable Aces I thought Al was done for with his last few chips. JoeSpeaker apparently did also. However he was able to mount a comeback to beat out Joe. Astin would prevail though. I was kind of sad that an old school blogger like Al or Joe did not win but Astin definitely deserved it. It was great to see Al come so close!! I know he really wanted that trophy.

A zillion thanks to PokerStars for making the last longer bet have some teeth. It was really nice for them to throw some cash in even if Team Roach got it. After all the excitement of the day I was ready to go back to the hotel and crash until..........


Blogger Max said...

Thanks for the comment Waffles....I never would have guessed that I get any poker blogger traffic anymore.

Really wish I had more time to read these books....much more addictive than I thought. As for hearing you LIKED them, don't forget there's another one coming out soon....then again, I am sure everyone will hear from me when that does happen.

12:45 PM


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