Actually I love Bayne.. not in a weird, rub your bald head, kind of way. He is a good guy and cares a lot for me. I consider him a friend. I don't think his comments are very funny though. Also they kind of miss the point. I mean I get that there are a million things I need to change and the whole living situation is part of all that. Even though I know he means well his comments are not constructive and are hurtful and depressing in a way.
The point of me making changes though is not to be on someone else schedule of what they think I need to do. The point is to get in touch with myself again and start FUNCTIONING as an adult and a human instead of being what I am now. It is kind of hard to explain though.
As an example I feel good about yesterday and today. What did I do? I have kind of been promising my kid for a year that I would get him baseball lessons. I have been putting off doing anything about this. Finally I went after it and we have a lesson this weekend. I look at myself and know I want to be a man of integrity. When I tell my kids I am going to do something I want them to book it as done.
Anyhow I am going to do things at my pace, when I want, where I want, and how I want. I am going to come up with solutions that work for me and I am going to keep asking myself who I am and who I want to be and how I want my life to be and work towards those goals. If people say shit that bothers me I am going to tell them too.
It is really hard to describe just how out of touch I am with who I am and what I want. How far I have turned into myself and away from anything resembling normal behavior. It is not a new thing. I think I have been dysfunctional all my life but it has really gone overboard in the past few years and it needs to stop.
The exercise continues to go well. I did my 10 flights of stairs and 46 pushups yesterday. Tonight is my third day of running. Things keep progressing and I keep asking myself the important questions. Peace.