Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Stupid Bayne

Actually I love Bayne.. not in a weird, rub your bald head, kind of way. He is a good guy and cares a lot for me. I consider him a friend. I don't think his comments are very funny though. Also they kind of miss the point. I mean I get that there are a million things I need to change and the whole living situation is part of all that. Even though I know he means well his comments are not constructive and are hurtful and depressing in a way.

The point of me making changes though is not to be on someone else schedule of what they think I need to do. The point is to get in touch with myself again and start FUNCTIONING as an adult and a human instead of being what I am now. It is kind of hard to explain though.

As an example I feel good about yesterday and today. What did I do? I have kind of been promising my kid for a year that I would get him baseball lessons. I have been putting off doing anything about this. Finally I went after it and we have a lesson this weekend. I look at myself and know I want to be a man of integrity. When I tell my kids I am going to do something I want them to book it as done.

Anyhow I am going to do things at my pace, when I want, where I want, and how I want. I am going to come up with solutions that work for me and I am going to keep asking myself who I am and who I want to be and how I want my life to be and work towards those goals. If people say shit that bothers me I am going to tell them too.

It is really hard to describe just how out of touch I am with who I am and what I want. How far I have turned into myself and away from anything resembling normal behavior. It is not a new thing. I think I have been dysfunctional all my life but it has really gone overboard in the past few years and it needs to stop.

The exercise continues to go well. I did my 10 flights of stairs and 46 pushups yesterday. Tonight is my third day of running. Things keep progressing and I keep asking myself the important questions. Peace.


Blogger Bayne_S said...

Thank god you have maintained your focus on lightning for rubbing others body parts.

word verification "bainop"

I think of you as a "misery addict".

It is up to you to decided when you are actually going to try to improve things and it is obviously you that is impacted most if you don't.

Getting in shape is positive.
Spending time with kids is positive.

If you and wife can continue to co-exist as room mates more power to you but from what you've written in past it seems unlikely.

1:33 PM

Blogger lightning36 said...

Waffles -- you are starting to sound like a shrink. You know -- those creepy guys ...

2:17 PM

Blogger DuggleBogey said...

Word verification: Plorke

2:28 PM

Blogger KenP said...

Well, we all think we know the other guy. Maybe or not.

What you've said the last two days makes a lot of sense. And, you know the changes are all up to you.

I'll take a prop bet that you'll do it! Not a cinch but I think the other guy will need odds.

Seems like when the bitch hurt you (and keeps on) you've built a shell and now need to push it aside to be yourself.

I'm reminded of the line that idiot Canadian uses in his man talks -- no this time I mean on The Red Green Show(PBS here) -- "Remember, we're all pullin' for ya."

My word verification is oaron -- which doesn't mean squat. Oar On / Oar Off just doesn't have the punch of Wax On / Wax Off

3:18 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take care of business brother. Dig deep and find it within you.

I'll have you out here for a weekend rockin' Vegas in no time. You'll be killing the poker tables, knocking back the cocktails and bangin' the hotties like and old veteran.

Just do it.

Since we're on this topic, word verification: duggledonkey.

6:44 PM

Blogger Kajagugu said...

You are full of courage amigo!

8:30 PM

Blogger DrChako said...

Word verification: gread

Beats anything pithy I was going to say.


10:03 PM


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