Monday, May 19, 2014

Walking Dead

Sorry. Not been writing as much as I hoped to be. Life is insanity right now. I dislike uncertainty and that is all I have at the moment. We go days in between that are better. Low stress. I run. I work out. I sprain my goddamn back. I work on my attitude. I try and figure out what is next. I am sort of like the walking dead. The cure is ahead but for now all I can do is walk in the lands of bleakness and grey.

The spider legs of the system have drawn me back in. I could live as a hobo. Those first few days I was ready to just cut and run. I felt like nobody was there for me. I felt the kids hated me. I started to buy the fake koolaide the wicked witch was selling. I then went out on a Saturday. Caught some fish with some smiling kids. They were fighting and annoying me the whole time. The oldest brought his friend. It was good though. Fish were caught. I was caught. So now the lease is signed. Utilities come next. Back into the grid at least tentatively.

It was a good experience living out of the car. Sort of a cleanse for the soul. It got me thinking about what I want my life to be about. It got me thinking about homeless people. I say hi to them now instead of staying in my shell. I don't know what the fuck I am doing. Why talk to homeless people? Is that me? I dunno. Not really a people person. Couple of court dates come. Nothing is decided. Payments are made to keep the status quo. I think the witch has figured out her spell has backfired. Life is going to change for me for sure... but unfortunately for her too.

I am sure she is stressing at least as much as I am. I feel bad. I feel guilty. Everything is going to change. It's a good thing but with all birth and life and change there is pain. So I walk. I try and figure things out. I want this to end. Everything is setting up well though. I have a place till Jan. Most of the court issues should clear up by then. I think the picture will come in and I can react to that. Until then I keep walking dead. Waiting for the cure.


Blogger angerisagift said...

GL,bro.i met some really cool people when i was out and about aka homeless.if i had better grammar and punctuation.i would start blogging BUT i am the king of the run on sentence. have a great weekend and keep grinding

3:53 PM

Blogger Unknown said...

Waffles -

Great read. I think everyone of us, or perhaps almost all of us, have felt the pull of cutting loose and wanting to drift for a while. Your blog really speaks to that part of me, at least.

Best of luck, sir.


2:13 PM

Blogger The Neophyte said...

Finally, you can now get on with living without that concrete block around your neck. I know you want to be there for the kids but if you look back at your past few years, you weren't living. You were just surviving, just existing in place. And boy howdy is it gonna change for her. I'm sure she has a new guy in her life, that's why she took these steps. Just be cool, calm, and collected - especially in court - and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING she says and does. Unfortunately you live up in an area where it's just assumed the man is always wrong but if you got a good lawyer, you'll be ok. Just don't let the soon to be ex mess with your head and take it a day at a time. And no guilt. She took the steps, she had you served. So when your day comes, don't let guilt get in the way of what's right. Karma's a bitch

8:40 PM


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