Thursday, August 05, 2004

Doom III

WARNING: This is an attempt to recreate a story that the Blogger ate. The original was excellent and I am kicking myself for closing the Word Document before seeing if it was online. The one thing I hate about rewriting is the rewrite is never as good as the old one in your mind. NEVER! Anyway enjoy the second rate version. I finally got it back to at least a readable form.

DISCLAIMER: All of you that think I am the cool guy, with the rock hard abs and women on each arm must not read any further. In reality I am the computer nerd stuck in his basement with no lights on until 3AM playing .. err .. Poker. I know this will come to a shock to all of my female readers and you probably will never read my Blog again but I am prepared to suffer for my art.

I was over at Bad Bloods site reading about the much anticipated release of Doom III. Blood mentions playing the previous versions of Doom and Doom II. I can relate. I have spent many sleepless nights in loving arms of a computer game. He neglects to mention the granddaddy of them all: Castle Wolfenstein, although I can see him playing that also. All of this brought back a funny Doom related story that I am inspired to share with you all for some reason.

My best friend John was trying to start a new business. What he was doing I do not know. Being a good friend though I offer to let him crash at my place rent-free for a few months until the business takes off. He ended up spending more time at the pool than the job. I do not want to give the impression that John is a deadbeat because he is not. One tip for people wanting to start a business: Summertime is not the right time, especially when there is a nice young talkative blonde lifeguard named Julie. Does anyone know the percentage of businesses that fail due to flirtation?

I met John on a BBS system. For those of you youngins out there, the BBS was the modem predecessor to the Internet. It had it all: message boards, chat, porn, all the good things of today’s Internet except at 1200bps. One night around 11PM we decide to fireup a multi-player session of Doom. Our systems were hooked together through a NULL modem cable and some wire. Really high tech stuff.

For those of you who have never played Doom it is a very loud game. There are missile launchers, gattlin guns, and all kinds of monster noises. Do not even get me started with the BFG. It stands for “Big Freaking Gun” and it lived up to its name. If you heard the whirring sound of it warming up you were already dead. It also probably did not help that my speakers were on the floor.

So we are playing for a few hours, having a great time, speakers blaring, when I hear a WHAM! Of course I thought this must have come from the game and did not stop for a single beat. BANG! BANG! BANG! Ok. It was not the game. Must have been the door. Who the hell is knocking at my door and disturbing my game? How inconsiderate! I hide my guy in some remote part of the world to avoid being killed and go answer the door.

At the door is every young twenty-something’s fantasy come true. There is a real cute looking blonde girl standing there. She is wearing a skimpy nightshirt looking very fine! Her pert .. little .. nipples .. but I digress. Now, if you read paragraph one of this post, you have probably figured out by now that I am not going to get any. Well, I did get something, an ear full of curses and things better left unwritten. Apparently she had work in the morning and I was keeping her up. Cmon lady, it is only 3AM! Needless to say the game ended quickly.

The next morning she tried to get her revenge. She came upstairs at 6AM and starts pounding on the door. Now little did she know she was messing with a guy who fell out of a bunk bed at age eight, woke up briefly, and went back to sleep. I am literally the sleeping dead. John on the other hand does not have my great ability. He got up and answered the door. She said something to the effect of “How do you like that” and left. Bitch? Or am I being sensitive?

So that is my Doom contribution. It just so happens that my name on the site comes from a grandchild of Doom called Quake, or more accurately “Team Fortress”. I will leave this for another day though.


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