Friday, April 21, 2006

BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID!

Top 100 Things you Never Wanted to Know about SirFWALGMan
DO NOT READ THIS AT WORK! DO NOT READ THIS AT ALL!
1. I am an INTJ type of personality. Other famous people of my type are C. S. Lewis, John F. Kennedy, and Dan Aykroyd and Hannibal, the Carthaginian military leader, not the cannibal. Apparently we are a varied people.
2. I started playing poker seriously about two years ago. Around the same time I started this blog. I had only played a few home games before that. The usual games there were Racism (Black Cards Do Not Count), Affirmative Action (Red Cards Do Not Count), and Texas Sweat which involves flipping cards until you have the best hand and betting each round. It can get expensive.
3. I love Science Fiction. I used to read a book or two a day when I was younger. I am talking about 300+ page books.
4. I love cheezy Science Fiction movies. Killer clown from outer space is one of my favorites. Frankenhooker was not bad either. Who can pass up undead-boobies killing people.
5. I like the taste of blood. Usually my own. This leads me to beleive I either have an iron deficiency or I have Vampiric blood in my past somewhere. The fact that I hate sunlight is a good indicator too.
6. I am an old fart. I just recently turned 37 and I feel about 200 years old.
7. I used to own a 1990 Mustang LX 5.0. It hauled ass and looked good with my leather jacked.
8. I love video games. I used to play them all the time but have not found the time lately. I actually treat poker like a video game and I want to be the best at it. I want to beat the game.
9. The first computer I owned was a TI/994a. It was a cartridge based system with a basic programming language. I liked the Dungeons & Dragons game on it alot.
10. I used to play street fighter until my thumbs blead. I loved that game. Lucky I built up callouses.
11. I had a Pac Man cheat book and I could score so many points that it rolled back to zero.
12. Dungeon and Dragons type games are my favorite which is why I refuse to play WoW. I know I will disapear and my wife and kids will need to get accounts to talk to me. really.
13. I was accident prone as a kid. Either that or my parents beat me alot. I had stitches 5 times at least, three broken arms, and numerous other accidents.
14. I love Sushi! I am a big fan of appitizers in general but a whole food type that is all appitizers! WOW!
15. I enjoy a good argument. I know you guys are all shocked. Sometimes I say things on the blog to get a response and cause a deep conversation to occur. I usually learn alot if this happens. I am willing to argue any side of the issue, just as long as I get to enjoy arguing.
16. I am the least technical gadget techie you will ever meet. I mean I can program circles around most people but my PC is three years old, I have never had an IPOD, and my TV is from the stone age. No HD or nothing! So shoot me.
17. I am totally deaf in one ear. I lost my hearing as a baby because my parent refused to take me to the doctors until my eardrum shattered. Yeah, they had issues.
18. If your a gold digging hottie I would have been the guy for you. I spend about 10$ a week including gas and food on myself, in turn I make thousands a week at work (gross not net). I really have very few needs so it's all your girls.
19. I am married with children. I have two little cuties ages 3 and 7. One boy one girl. I am done.
20. To the hotties from paragraph 18, I am not very happily married at this point, but I am pretty loyal. I do not see myself sleeping with any of you. Sorry. I know your all dissapointed now. I do hope to get my marriage and life in better shape but I have not done anything to fix myself yet.
21. I have never been arrested or in trouble with the law.
22. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Anime, Manga (and Hentai). I know the difference between two of the three. Some of my favorite series are Naruto (I have the first 160 episodes on AVI), Full Metal Alchemist, and Inuyasha.
23. Since I have said I like Sushi, and Anime, the next logical step: I love Japanese women. I think they are so hot. Actually to be more specific I love the American idea of what Japanese women are like. I have never actually dated one so I would not know how the reality was.
24. I like School Girl uniforms. Probably for the same reason I like the idea of Japanese women. I tend to be fairly passive in life and it is sexually exciting to take control.
25. I like to give up control too.. a Dominatrix would be fun. Ok, maybe I am just a pervert. I think that must be it.
26. I don't do subtle. It is just not me. Sorry.
27. I consider myself an above average but not genius programmer. I make a living contract programming and enjoy it. I usually take advantage of the places I work at by coming in late, wearing jeans, and things of that sort. In return I give excellent work and make myself invaluable. I am currently doing mostly C# programming and alot of XML/XSLT work.
28. I think South Park is brilliant. I have a ton of seasons on AVI and enjoy watching them. I also have the original pilots to the show.
29. I never knew Poker Players had ghost writers and I am dissapointed.
30. I hate when people break the rules. Like going straight in the left lane. I feel like running my car into you.
31. Some of my favorite Science Fiction includes Douglas Adams, Stephen Donaldson, Anne Rice, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Frank Herbert, and the list goes on and on.
32. I used to want to be a writer of childrens books. Every story I wrote as a kid my classmates loved. I swear I wrote a story entitled Candy Land and it was so good my teacher stole it and published it years later.
33. I had a dream once that 10 midgets ran out of my wall, picket me up, and tried to take me back to there world. I have no idea what they wanted. I grabbed the edge of my wall and they could not get me through. So they gave up. I beleive this dream happened before I saw the movie Phantasm.
34. I LOVE horror movies. I think there is an escapism theme going on here. hmm. Steven King books are great. I hate most of the movie interpretations.
35. I know over ten programming languages. Including five or six extremely well. I love to try new things.
36. I can barely speak or spell English. I failed most verbal language classes including Spanish and French. I did pick up a little German while trying to get into the pants of a hot redheaded German girl. What can I say, women inspire me.
37. I used to wear gerranimals, and had a velour shirt. My parents really set me up for a tough life as a kid.
38. I used to be a straight tighty-whitey kind of guy. However people including my wife have slipped in Sponge Bob Boxers, Scoobie Doo Silk Boxers, and some weird ass tighty-whities that actually are almost like shorts. The legs are a little longer than usual. It makes it hard to pee.
39. My son owns two tree frogs. I love those suckers. They pounce on the crickets and gulp them up in one bite. Man can they jump!
40. I am over two fists long when fully aroused and let's face it guys, as long as you can get two hands around it, does anything else matter?
41. I am so good at computers because I spent my years from 13 until now spending a TON of time on them. It makes me uniquely qualified to become an online poker player because I do not mind sitting still for hours and hours.
42. When I first started blogging I wanted to be a professional player. Who could blame me. I was extremely successful. Not enough to where I could give it a try but I had a good first year. The idea of playing professionally has now lost alot of its shine.
43. My favorite poker player is Howard Lederer. For some reason I think his sister is sexy. I am not sure why.
44. I hate skinny women. Not because they will not sleep with me but because seeing all those bones sticking out of your rib area really grosses me out. I do not like chicken bones either. If some hot skinny women wanted to change my mind about all of you I might attempt it for science sake. I would have to get my wife's permission first.
45. I think my favorite hand in poker is 22. I love the ducks. I like quacking. The number two is my favorite number. I hate KK.
46. My favorite blogger in the whole world is ******. Sorry I can not say. Of course this is probably a good way to start rumors.
47. I tend to steal peoples catch phrases. I do not mean to. I just like them. My latest victim is Trauma's "That's just how I roll". Your so cool Trauma!
48. I had a tough 8th-12th grades. My parents moved around and you never fit in. Additionally my hearing problems and introverted nature probably made me seem weird. Oh well.
49. I have a small group of close personal friends but I am fiercely loyal to them and would do a hell of a lot to help them out.
50. My best friend John I met on the internet. We used to trade software when we were bad children. He is extremely smart and more extroverted than me. Very cool guy.
51. I tend to act very quickly while playing poker. I almost always know what I want to do or accomplish by a bet, call or fold. I am always looking for new ways to play also.
52. I played dungeons and dragons when I was younger. This was before it was a video game or a massively multi player game. It was better back then. You had to story tell to keep interest. I enjoyed it alot.
53. I played rogue on unix machines when I was younger. I was never any good at it.
54. I lost my virginity to a fat chick who was totally drunk. It did not take very long as was sort of a let down after waiting 21 years. The next woman I slept with I married. I sometimes think I should have tried a few more in between.
55. I hate bars and loud parties mostly because I am deaf in one ear and can not hear a fricken thing people are saying when there is alot of noise around me. So I have to smile and pretend I can hear your drunken ranting.
56. I play a MEAN game of DRUNK POOL. I once bet a Gynecologist that I could make an amazing cut shot when I was stone drunk. The deal was I get to scrub up and watch one of his exams. He agreed since nobody could ever make that shot. I won. He never paid.
57. I used to be suicidaladventurous. I would cliff jump, climb mountains with no rope, and I even have even tried sky diving. I found it to be boring. It was too sureal to be scary.
58. I never liked school. I would go half the year, get straight A+'s and then skip the other half. My reasoning was that it averaged out in C's and I passed. Nobody ever held me back a year so I guess I was right.
59. My wife is a smart lady. She got a scholarship to Smith college in Western MA. Huge GPA, giant brain, very smart. Unfortionatly she is not practical as her degree was in History and English and that qualifies you for a job as the manager of McDonalds. She wants to go back to school and become a doctor. I think she would make a fine physician.
60. I sleep hard. I once fell out of my bed (top bunk), landed on the floor, and never woke up. On the morning I was confused as to how I ended up on the ground.
61. My dog Charlie was sent to "The Farm" when I was in 6th grade. To this day my parents will not admit that they killed him. I only started suspecting this when I was 21. I am not a very suspicious person by nature.
62. I think my parents had sex, got pregnant, and had to get married. It is the only way I can see them together. The timeline between my birth and there marriage is very close too. I have endless fun bringing this up.
63. I have no idea how long the men in my family live. My father and grandfather both died of cancer from smoking. Grandpa also gave it to my aunt who was 18 at the time and several years younger than me. It was the first time I experienced someone I knew dieing.
64. I have never been a good fighter. I just do not have it in me to inflict physical pain on another person. Mental anguish is another story.
65. I have no idea why people read my blog. It is one of the mysteries of the universe.
66. I used to have alot of weird theories, like, that babies are super genius's and each second they get older they get dumber. They keep trying to tell us how to solve the worlds problems but we can not understand there advanced language and by the time they can speak in our monkey grunts they have lost too much brainpower to be useful. I have too much freetime. Another one of my theories was that you need three wives. One is the Sex Slave wife. She is a hottie with no brains and you bang her. The second wife is the housewife. She cleans, cooks, and takes care of you. She has the children and brings them up. The third wife is the intellectual and interesting one. She is the one who is the most fun to talk to. Since that theory I have become married and I think one is too many.
67. I used to be a bible banger. I grew up non-religiously and got into the bible when I was in my twenties. I could quote you book,line,verse from any chapter of the old or new testament. I even converted people to Christ! Now I am a searcher. The general idea of Christianity as portrayed by modern man does not sit well with me. I would be more than willing to have a conversation on theology but in general I find the two camps you see totally wrong. You have the people who are all brimstone and hellfire. I have issues beleiving in a god who would send you to hell because you were brought up Muslim for instance and did think Christ was your savior. I have equal problem with people who say the bible is interpretive and not literal. I think that allows you to make up anything you want and I can not go with that solution either. I will let you know if god comes down and starts teaching me poker. Otherwise I will keep searching.
68. I used to program on a commie-64 computer. It had a great sprite engine for writing games. PEEK-POKE. Bam, you have moving graphics. It was alot of fun. I wrote my first game on it: Farmers Daughter. You had to make your way across the screen and get the farmers daughter. All the while dodging the farmers pitchforks. It was interesting.
69. I am pale. I do not get much sunlight. Once a year I go to Jersey City and soak in the sun for a week. I relax, hit the boardwalk, swim, tan, and have a great time.
70. The biggest bankroll I have had playing poker is $3200 or so. I blew it overnight. I built it over a year. My current bankroll is at $2050. I build it over a few days. Although it took a year to get over losing my first bankroll. I beleive I am ready to be a massively winning player now.
71. I am a winning poker player. I know. Its a huge shock to me. I have only put $800 into poker over the past two years. I have $2050 current and I cashed out another $500 recently. So I am moderatly ahead. I am not satisfied with this.
72. I am currently reading Zen and the Art of Poker. It is a must read. It uses short paragraphs so even Veneno can read it.
73. I suck at drinking. However I give it a good try every once in a while. I once drank so much I puked for 12hrs straight. I shit you not. My friends were going to bring me to the hospital, instead they took my Mustang for a drive, well, there not very good friends. I am not sure what got me. When I chugged the bottle of Bacardi's or the bottle of Vodka. Hmm. Perhapse the beer? Al?
74. I tend to binge drink at least once every five years. I always regret it. It always ends in puking. My father was an alcoholic so I stay away from regular hits of the bottle. He took me to a bar when I was five and I started crying for some reason. He quit drinking as much soon afterwards.
75. My father was pretty opposite of me. He had many jobs in his life, always blue collar. He was a mechanic, a cross-country trucker, a soldier, a welder, a nursing home aid, and many many other jobs. He was excellent with his hands. He went to the Nam and was a gunner on a chopper. Interesting guy. I never really got close to him though.
76. My mother is opposite of both me and my father. She is a quiet little mousey woman. I was never close with her either. However she still lives. The women in my family line have HUGE lifelines and live forever. However they decay quickly and end up looking like the living dead.
77. I have one sister and in Obie Wans words: "You'll not find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy". You give her a christmas gift and she finds a receipt with your credit card number and runs up 3K in bills. Enough said. I pressed charged both times but no jail yet as my parents bailed her ass out for the zillionth time.
78. My favorite color is purple. Ok call me a fag, I like it.
79. Since you already think I am a fag I might as well go the whole way, I have seen my best friend John naked. That is gay isnt it? He has seen me naked too. We used to live together for many years. The first time we shared an apartment in woburn. My car was stolen around five times. Woburn sucks. The second time he wanted to take the summer off and try and start a business. So I offered to put him up rent free for a while. That surely has to be gay. It worked out good except he spent more time flirting with the pool girl than getting business. So finally I kicked him out. He owes all his success to me. We have not had sex.
80. I met my wife through a co-worker who was getting tired of fending off my sexually repressed advances on her. She was a hottie.
81. My Sperm are SUPER POTENT! You might even get pregnant from grabbing my junk. If you do not beleive me try it! I have shot twice in my wife and scored both times. All other times were with a jimmy cap. You can not get better than 2-for-2 baby! Some people try there whole lives and can not do it.
82. I love animals. I have had Birds, Dogs, Cats, Fish, and Frogs. I would like ferrets, lizards, snakes, and other types of animals but I will need to get divorced first.
83. I have some decent hacking skills. Nowhere near the uber-skills of the super hackz0rz, but I do goot. I tend to be a white hat, which means I do security probes and auditing to protect people. In school however I teamed up with my arch nemesis: the night school's smart kid, and we locked the entire school out of the DEC. The principal had to beg me to let them back in. It was a nice ego booster. It was my lazy teachers fault anyways. He gave everyone ADMIN rights to the DEC because he was too lazy to set permissions, and he left all the DEC manuals laying around. So what is a kid to do? I taught myself the DEC OS, which is all script based, rewrote portions of it, and made it so I could never be locked out. I was bored. He also had stupid passwords like: Blonde. Oh, and teacher, I am sorry I got you fired, it made my heart twinge a little seeing you bagging at that Stop & Shop.
84. I have never had a poker tutor or a disciple. I could see both being interesting in there own ways. However nothing has presented itself yet. Veneno has her own style and I would ruin her. Nobody else is interested. So I dole out a tip here and there and feel good when people take major steps up. Nobody has really stepped up to teach me about poker either. Although reading blogs and books has been invaluable.
85. I am a self taught person. I never went to college. I have never looked back. In my industry it is what you know and what you can get done and I am extremely good at both. I continue to teach myself new things and learn and grow.
86. My favorite sport is Football followed by baseball. Hockey, Soccer, and Basketball never turned me on as watching sports. I would be more than willing to play them.
87. A good sign I need more exercise is the fact that when I walk up stairs I start breathing heavily.. all two of the stairs.. yeah, I better get on it.
88. My favorite tourneys are ones where I can bust bloggers I respect. The BadBloods and Venetians of the world are much more fun to break than the p0kerd00die27's.
89. Thinking of 100 items is tough. I am surprised I have not quit. I sometimes do end up quitting things that are hard.
90. I used to know it was time to move to a new apartment when the toilet got so stinky I could not use it. I had issues with cleaning and the topless maids were useless. Err.. for cleaning.
91. I have never been a huge strip club guy. Although I have nothing against them. Some pole dancing skank usualy does not do it for me. The places I have been did not offer lap dances. I have never had one. The best show I ever saw was when Lenea (porn star in such favorites as Load Warrior) visited a bar in Stoughton. She had sweet smelling smoke and was dressed in a HUGE southern bell hoop skirt. She proceeded to put it over the top of my friend John's head and grind away. He was never the same afterwards.
92. The best porn by far are stories. I used to always read Letters to Penthouse. Anything that lets you use your own imagination is ten times better than graphic sex. Imagination is goot.
93. As rich as I should be I am actually in some debt. It makes life stressful. I hope to use some of my poker winnings as well as OT to get out of the hole this year.
94. I have a half of a fake front tooth. No it is not gold. I was riding down Beacon street in boston on my Schwin Speedster and hit the breaks. The front break engaged but not the back one. I did a nice face plant. My friend Mark ran screaming to my grandmothers house and said "He is not dead yet, call and ambulance". Err.. he was a spaz. It broke off right on the nerve. So it hurt like hell. Although it is nice to still be able to feel it.
95. I "should" wear glasses however I hate them. I never wear them. The only reason I got them was because I failed the eye test for my drivers license. I actually passed it the first time because they did not test me. The second time I got failed and had to get glasses. I wore them for a while. I like to think the ugly chicks look better when you blur them a little.
96. I am a shortie. I am 5"8 and if you ask me in public I will say 5"11. I have brown hair, peircing deep eyes, and a rather unremarkable appearence. If I cared more I could maybe make average looking. I have a big belly. Everything else is somewhat skinny. Weird. I am probably 40 pounds over my ideal weight. Not huge but not in shape either. We went over the two hands thing earlier.
97. I am a GREAT lover. If you ever have the fortune of being in my skilled hands you will never forget it.
98. I am a GREAT lover. If you ever have the fortune of being in my skilled hands you will never forget it. That one needed repeating.
99. My favorite drink is micro-brew beers like Sam Adams or Pete's Wicked. I once drank 190 proof corn wisky. I will shoot my hard liquor straight up but I have a secret passion for fruity drinks. Were back to the gay thing now aren’t we?
100. I am an average guy.

19 Comments:

Blogger jjok said...

um.....wow?

Fun post.....

1:42 PM

 
Blogger DuggleBogey said...

I read them all.

And I will never EVER get that period of my life back.

I feel ill.

1:58 PM

 
Blogger Bloody P said...

Dude, you and I are a LOT alike.

Well, except I'm not gay.

And I've got three fists.

Other than that...

2:06 PM

 
Blogger Jestocost said...

Here's one of my brushes with pre-semi-fame that you might appreciate: I helped move Suzanne Snyder, the female lead in Killer Klowns, into her dorm room at the start of her freshman year in college. I've also seen her get plastered from beer chugging and puke into a trash can.

2:08 PM

 
Blogger TripJax said...

Wowzer.

That was out there...good stuff...

2:12 PM

 
Anonymous Dangerous said...

You have some serious issues. Seek help

3:12 PM

 
Blogger Jules said...

She started a monster

3:49 PM

 
Blogger katitude said...

Jules, do not lay this at my door...I was tagged; and I tagged NO ONE. He did this coz he was bored.

4:33 PM

 
Blogger C.L. Russo said...

Science Fiction? Read Gene Wolfe. Damn good.

6:31 PM

 
Blogger Veneno said...

Always original and amusing! Can't say I know anyone else with a taste for blood. Was that the attraction with your "first"..lol Sorry I thought that was funny.

I'm glad you realized you would ruin me..

Are you sure about the GREAT lover thing? That ones seems hard to believe. I mean to be great you need to want to satify the OTHER person...lol

9:15 PM

 
Blogger DuggleBogey said...

79. Since you already think I am a fag I might as well go the whole way, I have seen my best friend John naked. That is gay isnt it? He has seen me naked too. We used to live together for many years. The first time we shared an apartment in woburn. My car was stolen around five times. Woburn sucks. The second time he wanted to take the summer off and try and start a business. So I offered to put him up rent free for a while. That surely has to be gay. It worked out good except he spent more time flirting with the pool girl than getting business. So finally I kicked him out. He owes all his success to me. We have not had sex.

Yet.

11:49 PM

 
Blogger Ignatious said...

what duggley said. ^

11:50 PM

 
Blogger iamhoff said...

I honestly have no idea what to say. I think I need another drink.

12:08 AM

 
Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

You were right.

I shouldn't have read this at work.

I shouldn't have read it at all.

11:55 AM

 
Blogger Rod said...

That was, er, way too much information! Having said that, I thank you for sharing; you've got an interesting past!

1:29 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

67. ...The general idea of Christianity as portrayed by modern man does not sit well with me. I would be more than willing to have a conversation on theology but in general I find the two camps you see totally wrong... I have issues beleiving in a god who would send you to hell because you were brought up Muslim for instance and didn't think Christ was your savior. I have equal problem with people who say the bible is interpretive and not literal...


I appreciate your thinking and your searching. If you are still interested in that theological conversation, this should keep you busy a while! ;)

I am a Christian but I see things very differently, evidently, than the way it is often portrayed by modern man. I believe some things cannot be understood in our human dimmension; the balance between forgiveness and justice being one. Wars have been fought, men have been killed, thousands have protested for peace, yet still more have been killed because some wars were never fought. If you can look at history and tell me that humans know just when to forgive and forget, and when to seek justice for the good of others; read no further. But if you have come to the same conclusion as I, read on.

The only moment in history that I can think of when Justice and Grace combined was the death of Jesus Christ. If this is true, then only God possesses the two to perfection.

Now comes the clincher. If God offers us grace, why wouldn't we take it? If we recognize that there is something lacking in our lives, what is keeping us from seeking it in Him? Yet if for whatever reason we choose not to, we come to the other side of God. God invented Justice. Humans fail to be just because we don't understand it. It was here before us. As the ones who can barely follow the directions left us by the One who invented it, it seems somewhat backwards for us to shake our fists at Him for using it Himself.

But there is one more thing. Even poorer logic than being mad at God for His justice, is refusing to believe in Him for it. If you agree that being apart from God is Hell and you are insensed that God would send someone there simply because they refused to believe in Him, please do not send yourself there on account of it. Come to God yourself and see if you can't help those people more when He's on your side. As C.S. Lewis said 'Cutting off a man's fingers would be an odd way of getting him to do more work.'

4:08 PM

 
Blogger Personality Types said...

I'm also INTJ. I made it through most of the list. Just shows again we're an eccentric group eh? :) All the INTJs I know are characters in their own way.

11:20 PM

 
Blogger Carmel said...

What I should be doing is my job, because today I literally have 200 things to do. Instead I'm reading your blog :)
Thanks for the laugh. Back to the grind!

8:11 AM

 
Blogger Carmel said...

I'm surprised how much we have in common seeing as you're an old fuck :)

8:21 AM

 

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