Wednesday, March 28, 2007


>> Welcome to Babblefish 1.0

>> I am Cyberdyne Systems model 101,..and I am fluent in over 6 billion forms of communication. Which language do you wish to convert?
> Hoyazo

>> Loading Hoyazo Language protocol 4.671.
>> Protocol loaded.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
> MATH Update, and Georgetown Mania

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
> I really do not want to write about how Waffles dominated the Hoy. Hmm.. Maybe I can write about sports instead. No. No. I did actually finish second and I will get to mention my name. Oh well I might as well get this over with.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
> Some of it was donkey play, but for the most part there was just some incredible card-racking going on the likes of which I have not seen in some time. In fact, we didn't even get to see the usual ATC-type of foolishness that has dominated the end game play in some instances in this event, because the one particular player's card rackishness extended all the way from the first hand to the final table, through the bubble and right up to the last hand of the entire tournament.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> How the hell did Waffles outplay everyone so badly? I mean I am the great and powerful Hoyazo and this is my game. This is impossible. I can not believe it could be happening? I mean he bets every flop or turn. He must be hitting major sets and two pairs every hand he could not be outplaying anyone. Yes that is it. He is an incredible lucksack. Phwehh for a moment there I thought the universe had turned upside down.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
entering three-handed play as the tournament's three cash winners for the week, with me getting the benefit of a huge chip-up nearing the cash bubble after Columbo's limp with AA fell victim to my limped KK when a King hit the flop and then, of course, all hell broke loose after the flop on that hand

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> I can not BELIEVE Columbo limped Aces on me. If he had just raised to 3x the BB I would have made an incredible read and folded my Kings. I can dodge bullets baby! Serves you right for slow playing Aces!! I am so good!

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
> And more importantly, I spent the better part of the night hoping, helping and praying for Fuel55 and Bayne to get eliminated before me, my two closest competitors heading into this week on the 2007 Hoy moneyboard, and when Fuel finally went down around the middle of the pack, and then Bayne in the middle of the final table, I felt a huge sense of relief and was able to open up my game.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> I am not a pussy right? No no. I could not be a pussy. I am SMART yeah that is it. I will sit back and wait for the other guys to get eliminated so I can stay on top of the leaderboard. My fragile ego would never survive if I was eliminated and so I will be a crouching tiger! Yeah that is it I am the Tiger! Hear me roar!

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
> I played it pretty smart I would say given my short stack, making good reads on Waffles, meaning that most of the times I laid it down, he would show a set, top two pairs, top and bottom pairs, or at worst just plain old top pair.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> Of course he never showed his J3o's or 25o's where he bluffed me out of pots. I mean the guy always hit every flop and always had Aces, Kings and Queens or hit sets. I had no way to call him. Anyway my readers do not want to hear how Waffles used his big stack to bully me they want to hear how smart I am and how well I folded every single hand and how unlucky I am getting horrible cards.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Hoyazo to English.
> In the end I got just what I wanted, getting Waffles to call my allin raise on the flop with him having just middle pair middle kicker (just about the worst hand he saw in maybe 20 or 25 heads-up hands) while I had a flush draw, but that flush draw was not meant to be against Waffles on this night. In fact, just for good measure, Waffles ended up runner-runnering a full house on that hand anyways (just that kind of night for the donkey guy), so the flush would not have been any good anyways even if it had filled.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> Holy shit how is it possible to be outplayed so badly that I did not even win a single hand at the final table! Oh yeah! Waffles is a donkey! What the hell was I thinking? I mean how the heck can he call an all in with 5x my stack with second pair against my all powerful 9? He is the luckiest donkey in the entire universe. It has nothing to do with him just dominating me at the end. I mean I am the all powerful all knowing Hoyazo right? I want my mommy.

> Exit Translation
>> Thank you for using the Babblefish 1.0 translation droid. We hope your experience translating Hoyazo was a success. We are also fluent in other similar languages like Arrogantian, Boastfullion, and languages of the Napoleon Complexa tribe of Wassa 4.


Blogger Ingo said...

*lol* Waffles, you're killing me... *lol*

6:47 AM

Blogger The Poker Enthusiast said...

I thought you knew how to speak hoyazo. Anyway, I'd like to borrow the babblefish 1.0 so I can understand my wife. Can I get a copy or send it in a zip file?

7:04 AM

Blogger Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

I link you all over my blog for the past couple of days, and this is what I'm sending my readers over here to see? Hmmmm.

Those are pretty good translations of what I was really thinking though, I have to hand it to you....

You Lucksac Donkey Mofo!!

7:38 AM

Blogger Fuel55 said...


7:55 AM

Blogger jjok said...


8:36 AM

Blogger Brian said...

Wow, this is some funny stuff.

8:38 AM

Blogger Miami Don said...


Do you have a translator that takes his 8000 word posts and condenses them to a more managable 400 or so?

8:43 AM

Blogger Schaubs said...

Very well done Waffles. Very funny.

A good way to start any morning is with some laughs and smiles. Have a good one. I am sure Hoy was laughing too.

8:49 AM

Blogger bayne_s said...

Now that's funny.

Of course when I say you were a lucksac I am correct.

9:30 AM

Blogger Max said...


9:30 AM

Blogger StB said...

Where do I get your new book "How to make friends out of your enemies with the latest technology"

9:31 AM

Blogger pokerpeaker said...

Awesome post. I hope you keep winning because I like these posts a lot better than your bitching and whining.

10:47 AM

Blogger TripJax said...

ooh, ooh, do me me next

12:27 PM

Blogger KajaPoker said...

This is almost as good as the Matusow vs Cunningham commercial.

2:24 PM

Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

Hahaha, this is awesome. Well played, sir.

2:25 PM

Blogger HighOnPoker said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:36 PM

Blogger Bloody P said...

f00kin' hilarious.

3:09 PM

Blogger Irongirl01 said...

Absolutely Priceless Waffles, I laughed my ass off. I could hear the sound of Hoy in my head. And to top it off poker enthusiast's comment about needing babblefish to translate his wife nearly made me pee my pants...


Oh yeah, congratulations on the MATH win.

6:38 PM

Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...


You race winning card-rack.

Disgruntled 3rd placer.

8:25 PM

Blogger smokkee said...


build a Fuel translater next.

2:41 PM

Blogger BrainMc said...

Very fawking funny man! It's great that your posts can still entertain when you're winning. Awesome sense of humor.

8:33 AM


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