First Communion

I missed the Riverchaser today because my son had his first communion. Now I have been in a church once or twice.. actually had a period of time where I was sort of religious. Sitting in Catholic church brought back some funny memories though.

First off I want to say I think AlCantHangs nightly benders are a result of the wine they feed to kids. They gave my son some of the alcohol and he was red as a drunken bum on Christmas. Start them early..

Secondly when you join a dykey Felicia looking type chick with some bald freakazoid they make really fucking ugly Munster type children. I am still shivering as I recall that kid staring at me.

So anyway.. being brought up with a Jewish Mother and Protestant Father meant that we basically were heathen hell spawns. However as my friends went to Catholic church and I was interested in this mysterious building I had occasion to visit. I remember the disasters that were my first visits.

As a curious kid I wondered what that bowl people were sticking their hands into was. So I get up on my tippy toes and peek at the bowl and thwaaaap.. my green lifesaver goes flying into the holy water.. I am not sure what people thought when they did the cross and green water went flying everywhere. Probably had to call in an exorcist to fix the place up.

I bet this is one that everyone has done before.. So the church is dead quiet as the priest has asked for a moment of silent prayer or something and I am sitting bored out of my skull swinging the praying bench up and down. When suddenly I miss on the downswing and BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! This echoing boom shoots through the whole church. I swear some old lady died.

Ahh the memories.. My wife is the religious one so my son is going to have to deal with this for the foreseeable future.. although he seemed to enjoy himself today as the center of attention. Big surprise there huh?