Thursday, December 23, 2010

Motherfuck You Banks

I swear I am going to go move in with BamBam. I will bring a tent, camp off his million acre man lot and mooch off his wireless signal. Not sure what to do about electricity. Gerbils?

I was really happy to read Bank of America is going to get fucked up. If WikiLeaks founder was not my hero before he would be now. I fucking hate banks. I should just bury gold in my fucking back yard like Dr. Pauly. Cmon you know he does.

Latest fucking joke. I sign up for a Citizens Bank account. I decide to go green. Whee. So I get no paper. No checks. No statements. I am like a zero cost account to them. So they fuck up my ATM card and shit. No big deal. Finally we get everything worked out and I am going to maybe pay a bill electronically for the first time (yeah yeah fuck you I am a late adopter) and then I get this letter.


We fucking hate you. So we are going to start charging you 5$ a month on the 5th of December. Have a fucking Merry Christmas.

Scumbag Citizens Bank

I fucking signed up with your goddamn bank because I wanted zero hassle, no fee, fucking bliss while I work my fucking wrecked life out of the pits and work up the functionality to actually fucking pay a goddamn bill. Yes, I am that fucked up. So I go down to the bank and cancel my account.. and instead of giving me my goddamn money back they take out the fucking $5 fee that I never goddamn signed up for in the first place. Fucking cocksuckers. They even have the nerve to blame it on the Government. Now I am the first person that will fucking blame the Government for everything but somehow I think your fucking lying to me you cocksucking bastards. Thanks for fucking charging me to lend you my money for a fucking month you goddamn fucking monkey cocksuckers.

So it is off to Canada! I will live like Charles Bronson in Death Hunt! Motherfuckers! Catch me if you can!!!!

*** P.S. Thanks to Kid Dynamite for this link it made me laugh.


Blogger StB said...

Thank Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. They are the ones who crafted the legislation that resulted in these nice fees. When governmnet is out "to protect you" you end up getting screwed and paying more! Unless you buy the fucking dip...

7:41 AM

Blogger Buffalo66 said...

ING Direct ftw. No fees, no hassles, no minimums, free paper checks mailed out if you need that.

The interest APY is competitive with any other no minimum checking.

Also no fees ATM network nationwide.

7:54 AM

Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

HI only buried silver bars in my backyard. The gold is in a vault in my Armageddon compound in Colorado.

I'm not the biggest fan on ING, however in terms of personal banking, Buffalo is spot on about their lack of petty fees.

Maybe we need to have Waffles write guest rants on!

9:11 AM

Blogger BamBam said...

Forget the tent. Once you help get all the Raccoons out of the back barn, it's all yours!


6:05 AM


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