Motherfuck You Banks
I swear I am going to go move in with BamBam. I will bring a tent, camp off his million acre man lot and mooch off his wireless signal. Not sure what to do about electricity. Gerbils?
I was really happy to read Bank of America is going to get fucked up. If WikiLeaks founder was not my hero before he would be now. I fucking hate banks. I should just bury gold in my fucking back yard like Dr. Pauly. Cmon you know he does.
Latest fucking joke. I sign up for a Citizens Bank account. I decide to go green. Whee. So I get no paper. No checks. No statements. I am like a zero cost account to them. So they fuck up my ATM card and shit. No big deal. Finally we get everything worked out and I am going to maybe pay a bill electronically for the first time (yeah yeah fuck you I am a late adopter) and then I get this letter.
We fucking hate you. So we are going to start charging you 5$ a month on the 5th of December. Have a fucking Merry Christmas.
Scumbag Citizens Bank
I fucking signed up with your goddamn bank because I wanted zero hassle, no fee, fucking bliss while I work my fucking wrecked life out of the pits and work up the functionality to actually fucking pay a goddamn bill. Yes, I am that fucked up. So I go down to the bank and cancel my account.. and instead of giving me my goddamn money back they take out the fucking $5 fee that I never goddamn signed up for in the first place. Fucking cocksuckers. They even have the nerve to blame it on the Government. Now I am the first person that will fucking blame the Government for everything but somehow I think your fucking lying to me you cocksucking bastards. Thanks for fucking charging me to lend you my money for a fucking month you goddamn fucking monkey cocksuckers.
So it is off to Canada! I will live like Charles Bronson in Death Hunt! Motherfuckers! Catch me if you can!!!!
*** P.S. Thanks to Kid Dynamite for this link it made me laugh.