Monday, March 26, 2012

Interesting Meeting

Today I got to meet with my daughters shrink. Apparently the school felt it might be useful for her because she is having socialization issues. I am actually glad I went because it brought a lot of things up.

I told her about my depression and the marital situation so she would have some better insight. She said my daughter thinks I am dating VeryJosie. I corrected that situation and let her know my wife was dating a guy, had him over to see the kids, and that I would never bring a woman home unless we were engaged or something serious. The shrink had no idea the wife had a boyfriend. Good lying there woman!

The "VeryJosie" incident came up too. I explained that while it is slightly improper to send silhouettes of naked chicks to young children.. that it was not graphic and I mentioned to Josie to never do it again.

I told the shrink that my daughter still slept with my wife. That I felt this was psychologically damaging and probably some of the root of issues. She asked why she still slept with her and I said I thought it was more my wife's hangups and shit than my daughter but that I was not sure.

I told her that I felt like I was doing some good things to come out of my depression, most of which I have listed here, and it was going well. That I was trying to take the high road with the wife. I was trying to ignore her negativity and try and do what was right anyways. She reminded me that I was depressed for a long time and if the wife was to see the positive changes it would take a long while for it to register through all the past history.

The shrink was talking about my daughter having socialization skills and I said I thought it had to do with her being a little different. She likes to dress in boys clothes and do her own thing and be her own woman. She is kind of geeky and weird I suppose. I am so proud of her for being her own person. I would never try and change that. Unfortunately different does not always play well in school.

My daughter wrote a story about catching a fish and how blood squirted out of it's body and scared her. She was very frightened apparently. I never noticed her being scared. She wrote this really, graphic, horror story about it I suppose. The school was "shocked" by it apparently. Now I have not read the story or anything but to me it seems she is getting dinged for being more intelligent for her age than her peers. I asked the shrink what the issue was and also if she had read the story. She confirmed she had not but my daughter told her about it. She did not provide a "why" it was a bad thing. Just "too graphic".. which sort of goes over my engineering brain.

The worst thing I heard is she is terrified of my son. He has ADHD and impulse control issues so he yells a lot and gets up in her face. I never thought she was scared of him because to be frank she beats the shit out of him and gives it back to him all the time. He has also on occasion hit her. Everytime we see this behavior we yell at him and send him to his room for punishment. We tell him it is unacceptable and he is not to pick on his sister. I am not sure what else to do. The shrink suggested maybe getting him a punching bag to take out some of his energy on. I will probably do that.

I am thinking about showing him some pictures of really battered women and asking him if he wants his sister to turn out that way and explaining to him that his behavior is a risk to have his sister get into an abusive relationship. I am not sure if he is too young for that or if it would even help. I can not think of any other ideas though. Any suggestions? Think this would be effective? Helpful? Too much for a 13yr old?

I also took out of the situation that I need to spend more time with my daughter. She seems like the reasonable, well mannered, normal one so I think she gets the shaft sometimes. Need to stop that.

We ended the chat and she suggested that I should go to a shrink for my depression. I am feeling better right now and I am on the fence about shrinks and medication but I said I would consider it. Peace.


Blogger VinNay said...

My opinion (though I have no children), is the kid is old enough for a serious talk about understanding the effects his aggression can have on his sister now, and long term.

Seriously consider the shrink. Not just for you, but for your kids. It can't hurt to try.

1:54 PM

Blogger DuggleBogey said...

Man, this comment is not meant as an attack, but it is going to sound like it.

I don't have to tell you that your family situation is all fucked up, right? Two people who do not love each other and treat each other badly are staying together and raising children. Does that sound accurate?

I don't know what your relationship with Josie is, but I can tell you care for her as a friend at least. And now she's caught in the middle of your fucked up shit. All she has done is be nice to your kids. And what does she get for that? To be involved in your family problems.

Lets say Josie was your girlfriend. Would any sane woman stick around if this type of thing happens? You are basically removing your chances of meeting a sane woman and being happy. All you will get is fucked up desperate women in your situation. Is that what you want?

You are a good guy. You've made some mistakes, but everyone has. But you don't have to suffer the punishment for the rest of your life.

If you want to talk or just call me an asshole, email me at gmail.

1:56 PM

Blogger Carmel said...

Ugh, Waffles Waffles Waffles, I have experience in this brother sister at arms shit. To much to write here but I hate my brother now.
Best to make them understand they don't have to like each other be friends or anything but they must love and respect each other. For God's sake give the girl some of your time.

3:30 PM

Blogger KenP said...

Graphic display of battering isn't where I'd start. I think your daughter is the best one to go heart to heart with. Explain what the problem is and offer discussion and help when it becomes a bigger issue at times.

As to your getting help, it might benefit but you've done a lot on your own. Your analytical by inclination. That's done a lot. It might help the daughter too.

The thing that really overhangs the issue is the dysfunctional marriage. It is going to be hard to get beyond a lot of the problem without resolving that. That isn't going to happen soon unless acted on by an unknown force. Getting served might have done that but no cigar.

5:04 PM

Blogger Josie said...

I can't tell you how sorry I am about the very josie card. :( I totally didn't think that through. And I have to tell you, you shocked me when you told I came up in therapy. Holy crap!

6:38 PM

Blogger 23skidoo said...

Don't show him pictures of battered women, if he truly has control issues, it may even give him ideas. You have to lay the hammer down and set expectations for his behavior. If he fails he gets punished. It will suck for both of you in the short term, but stay firm and he will realize his acting out against his sister is unacceptable. My youngest has some anger issues and the best combat is retreat. Diffuse the situation by isolating and building expectation.

8:27 PM


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