The Absurdity of the Universal Hatred of All things Waffles AKA Proof that there is a Supreme Being and He hates me AKA I can use big words too

I often will ruminate about the universally proven certitude that I have the most contretemps of luck of anyone since Romeo and Juliet forfeit their chance at true love. You often hear me contemplate on how my extraordinarily favorite hands are subjugated repeatedly. You probably chortle and declare "Waffles is descending down the precipitous cliff into to maw of insanity once more.". I now have proof positive that the Universe is controlled by a sentient being and this living soul despises me with a ardor that rivals any known to humanity throughout the eternity of time. I make the presentation of this substantiation of evidence so you can settle upon at your altar, shrine, or vestibule of worship and offer up burning pictures of yours truly in order to gain benediction from this deity. All of you with agnosticism in your hearts should be compelled to hearken to this with much haste least you be stricken down with plague and despair unknown to any since Dante's Inferno. The proof is simple in its presentation and yet infinitely complex in it's nefariousness. Alas I offer up unto you the proof I have been foretelling in this short post: Chicago 10, Arizona 23. I will leave it up to your inherent ingenuousness to calculate the side of the wager I was on. Least you need any more proof as soon as I finished spending untold hours upon this post the Bears made a tremendous comeback from the brink of oblivion and were victorious. Touché All Knowing One, Touché.