Monday, April 09, 2007

Second thing I probably hate most..

I am so fucking uber ranting mad about my fucking car right now it is ranking up there with.. well.. yeah, with poker. Taking it out on Jeciimd while fun is cool but not productive.

I am so pissed off about my car. I think the only thing that might piss me off more is the fucker I work with. He is a nice guy. However he is always smiling. Not this nice friendly smile but this creepy fucking I am a retard smile. Now he is apparently not retarded and is probably a smart guy but fucking cut the crap. I swear something is damaged in him. I am not sure if he was tortured for years by some communist Chinese dictator before he came to work in America or what but fucking creep someone else out.

Anyway my car has been getting new features over the last couple of months to a year. The first feature it got was: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! The fucking thing decided it only liked one channel on the radio and stuck there. I can not change the channel. I can not put a CD in. It is stuck. It might have something to do with all the Coke I have spilled down the front of it but I honestly think it is AI.

The next feature is started showing was the FREE GYM. It decided I was getting a little chubby so it turned off the power stearing. So now I have to have arms like a weight lifter just to get in and out of a parking spot.

Lately it has had decide I don't know what the SPEED LIMIT is.. so randomly the gears shift out and I get no traction and the car either slows to a sputtering stop or finally kicks back in with a nice grinding sound and gets me where I need to go.

The final straw tonight was the fucking BALLOON TIRES that keep popping every few months. I swear I have had more flats this year than ever before. I am heading towards some night work at my old job and get as far as Burger King before I have to pull over and park it. Luckily the guy I was working with tonight picked me up in his BMW sports car and drove me the rest of the way. I finished up my work and now at 12AM I am getting home, munching on crackers, and contemplating bed which will not come easily since I had to walk a few miles back to my car and am hyper right now.

I swear I do not make this shit up. Someone put a plague on my lineage years ago.. I suspect it was GOD but I do not have any proof. Anyway at least I do not have to worry about how I am getting to work until the morning.


Blogger Fuel55 said...

Shut up and buy this before I do:

9:40 PM

Blogger smokkee said...

get a bicycle and peddle ur donkey ass off.

2:07 AM

Blogger Drizztdj said...

Why mess with two tires?

Just get a unicycle and make some coin while juggling baby kitties and chainsaws on the way to work.

7:05 AM

Blogger DuggleBogey said...

What kind of car do you drive? GM?

7:42 AM

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Subaru Legacy LX, 1997 Model, 160K miles of me abusing it.

8:33 AM

Blogger bayne_s said...

10 years old and 160k miles in Massachusetts! Has road salt completely destroyed the exterior of car?

Suck it up and replace car.

1:28 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home