Monday, September 24, 2007

Sexual Advice Waffles Style

I am a total pro here guys.. plus not a lot of poker this weekend as I was busy kicking the shit out of TWO level 50 ELITE dragons with my level 48 hunter. Booyah! So I figured I would comment on this Article I found via Fark..

10 biggest sex mistakes men and women make. Forgetting to take the condom off before returning home to your wife surprisingly absent from list.

It was pointing to an Article on MSNBC about the Today show.

Disclaimer: I may say fuck cunt slut whore bondage anal rape or any other combination of sexual words to boost ratings and garner more ad revenue.

1. Women don’t understand why men don’t like to cuddle.

Ian: After sex, men return to the pre-aroused state, women return to a semi-aroused state. For guys it’s a total system shutdown. We just want to crash, whereas women want to connect, cuddle, converse, even have more sex. Women shouldn’t assume that a guy is insensitive if he’s more inclined to snore than snuggle. He’s probably just shattered. Think of it as a compliment to the sex you just had.

Fuck ya bitch! I shot my load into you and now it is time for me to go to sleep. If you were lucky I also let you have an orgasm.. Ok for me this is a MUST because I sure am not getting action from my looks alone. Got to give the ladies something to come back for. So anyway check this response out..

Tracey: I disagree with this. I think men do like to cuddle! They’re just worried their partner might see it as weak and them as vulnerable. I think a lot of the time a man suggests sex, what they’re really after is the physical closeness a cuddle would provide

What the fuck are you arguing about bitch? Like you know shit? Shut the fuck up! Let the guy with the PENIS talk. Jesus your a fucktard. I will tell you one thing. Guys do like to cuddle. However NOT just after we blew a load all over your face. No. We want to enjoy our triumphant moment with SLEEP. So get over to the wet spot and shut the fuck up about snuggling. If you want to put your arm over my sleeping body feel free. When I snore into your ear do not take it personally. It means you did a great job. I am satisfied. Talk about snuggling later when I want to get laid again.

2. Women don’t understand the extent to which performance anxieties, self-esteem issues and body-image issues all affect male sex drive.

Ian: Absolutely. Guys have many of the same issues as women when it comes to sex: feeling out of shape, unattractive, not wanting to be seen naked during sex. I worked with one guy who always had to rush to put on his boxers after sex and could never cuddle naked. His wife didn’t know what was going on. Turned out he felt very “smallish” after sex.

Tracey: Men aren’t robots. They’re humans and worry about the same stuff females do. Also there’s pressure on men to provide good sex to women. They expect a lot from men in bed these days, and often expect men to be mind readers, rather than tell them what they want. I’m not surprised men get anxious and their libido dips.

Ok. I think both of these fuckers were smoking crack on this one. I mean just because you found one fucking retard that is probably gay that wants to put his boxers on after sex does not mean we are all retarded. Shut the fuck up Ian. How the hell can I feel unattractive when I am doing the nasty with some chick in bed? This is my triumphant moment! I am KING! She is moaning and screaming and begging for more. If I feel anything it is GOD LIKE!!!!!

3. Women think that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place.

Ian: No way. As relationships progress over time, women can’t assume that guys are Pavlovian dogs that want to have sex every time you ring the bell. The mental turn-on becomes more crucial than the physical turn-on, and sexual desire begins in the brain, not the groin.

Tracey: They do! And they get all upset if he doesn’t get an instant erection just by looking at her! It’s true that young men probably are ready, willing and able at any point, but once a guy moves into his 20s, the pressure mounts in other areas of his life, like career, and he’s as capable of getting distracted by life’s problems as she is!

Hello? In his 20s? What the fuck are you talking about bitch! Of course we want it all the time! Here is a clue: As soon as we do not want it all the time it is time to find a new bitch!!!! Jesus. I would thought you would have learned that by now. I am fucking almost Fourty years old and I want it all the time with the exception of just after I had it and then I just want to sleep.

I do agree that sex is all about the mental though. Ian is correct about that. So surf some freaky ass porn sites and figure out some freaky deaky things to do with your woman. It will keep the sex fresh and mentally stimulating. It will also help empower you by seeing all the shit you whore bag is willing to do. Trust me guys. You will not be disappointed.

Anyway.. as fun as this was.. I will let you read the rest of the article yourself. One thing I am not sure of from the article is who the hell are Ian and Tracy? I mean what makes these fuckers experts? Have they logged 10 million hours of porn? Do they even know what sex is? I have no idea where they get these people. Here is to hoping I play some poker tonight.


Blogger bayne_s said...

Please do not subject us to sexual advice because it inevitably leads mind to picture of shirtless waffles you had gall to post.

Now I must look for a fork to stab myself in eyes

2:48 PM

Blogger meanhappyguy said...

I didn't believe my eyes when my daily porn search (fuck bitch bitch load orgasm shot face bitch bitch penis sex face bitch nasty freaky porn bitch stimulating fuck) returned your blog as its number one match!!

9:40 PM

Blogger smokkee said...

hey dumbass, you're married with kids. therefore, you have relinquished your opinions on sex cuz you're not getting it anymore. if you are, it can't be that good. cuz you're probably doing it solo.

i'm getting as much as i can now, cuz i suspect i'll be put on notice after the honeymoon.

2:34 AM

Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

Hi baby! Nice post. I probably shouldn't be reading it on my brand new computer in the conference room at my makeshift desk (the conf. room table), but whatever! I'm SO tempted to download messenger and talk to you for a few minutes, but it's risky so I probably won't. Your gone for the day anyway cause it's 3 p.m. here. I'll get online and talk to you tonight. Maybe we can delve further into this sex article.

Oh, look how popular I am on - they love me over in Holland!!

3:11 PM

Blogger osinsh said...

Kinda true that "As soon as we do not want it all the time it is time to find a new bitch!!!!". I wouldn't say that in exactly those words, hah, but thats why we cheat our loved one time to time.

5:46 AM

Blogger jusdealem said...

I think you should contact Oprah immediately. All women should know these things....

8:12 AM

Blogger TripJax said...

Please replace any instance of the word Cuddle with Huggle...

8:26 AM


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