Thursday, January 03, 2008

Fucking Pussy Idiot Motherfuckers

I can not believe how I went out of the fucking Riverchasers. First I have 88 on a 456 flop and know Swimmom the fucking retarded bitch has nothing. So I bet 4k. She jams. I call and see she has nothing.. AQo. On the flop. All of her chips. Not just some. Not just many. Every single fucking chip she has. Fucking 30% is probably the best that cock swallowing bitch has ever gotten it in with. Goddamit.

Then some fucktard decided to rejam with A9 pre-flop. I mean what kind of fucking retarded play is that. I mean my raise and call with 77 was not the greatest play on earth I can admit that. Why the fucking hell would you think A9 was ahead of anything though? Of course the motherufkcing cocksucker hits a nine and I am out. From first to worst. I hate all of you cock sucking bastards. I hope you all get the lobotomies you are trying to save up for but can not because you keep fucking losing. You fucking donkey sucking assholes. Fuck off all of you.

24 Comments:

Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

This is why I love you so much - you are absolutely adorable!!

8:41 PM

 
Blogger PokahDave said...

D'OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH waffles is rollin!!!!!!!!

8:51 PM

 
Blogger Chad C said...

$10 River Chasers bad beats? Wow how unlucky...........

8:51 PM

 
Blogger jusdealem said...

You tell 'em, Waffles!!

8:57 PM

 
Blogger Shrike said...

Fun times, indeed.

9:16 PM

 
Blogger Fuel55 said...

Swimmom is definitely the next poker superstar. She is pure brilliance.

9:47 PM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

Your variance is the worst variance there is.

I mean, it changes your pocket 88 to pocket 77 DURING THE HAND!!!1111!!!

You obv. should have waited until the turn to see if your hand would have turned to rockets. Donk.

4:46 AM

 
Blogger KajaPoker said...

I just know this is going to be a good year. It started off so positively.

5:10 AM

 
Blogger DP said...

bloggers are stupid

5:57 AM

 
Blogger StB said...

Yeah, the beat swimmom laid on you was ugly.

What was with that asshat uglytuna guy taunting you afterwards? Was his boyfriend asleep?

6:31 AM

 
Blogger Falstaff said...

God I love a good Waffles rant!

7:53 AM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

Waffles,

Oops, you posted your response to my comment on my blog instead of on this thread.

You have my most sincere apologies for failing to glean the crystalline meaning of your limpid, Hemmingwayesque, prose. Clearly my lack of understanding that in fact you were writing about two separate hands was completely one of reading comprehension.

Again, I am truly, deeply, and pants-shittingly sorry. I will now go into a dark corner of my basement to flagellate myself with green onion stalks and read "Hooked on Phonics" while listening to Celine Dion bootlegs.

Your Servant Forever,

Julius_Goat

8:03 AM

 
Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

This is why I love the internet.

8:10 AM

 
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

FIRST and THEN might be clues you Goat fucker.

8:19 AM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

Waffles,

How else can I apologize? Shall I wash your car? Of course you are completely right, I don't know how on earth I made that crucial mistake.

We've been in love a long time, Waffles, let's not break up over something silly like this.

With Great Trembling,

Julius_Goat

8:25 AM

 
Blogger RaisingCayne said...

Why sugarcoat it so much though Waffles? ... Tell us how you really feel!

8:27 AM

 
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Tongue wash my car. It will make a great internet movie. It is a 1997 Subaru LX and has not been washed since 2000. I have puked on the side of it once since then also.

8:27 AM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

2 Goats 1 Car?

8:29 AM

 
Blogger KajaPoker said...

2 goats 1 car
2 goats 1 cat
2 goats 1 kat?

8:35 AM

 
Blogger Julius_Goat said...

First I washed the right side of the car, which was gross. Then the car's tires were covered in mud.

(I am of course talking about two different cars.)

8:42 AM

 
Blogger Mondogarage said...

2 donks, 1 Subaru?

8:55 AM

 
Blogger Jestocost said...

Who could have seen this coming?

10:14 AM

 
Blogger bayne_s said...

Best $11 I ever spent!

Pure Comedy Gold

11:49 AM

 
Blogger Love_elf said...

You said Fuck or some form of the word 13 times in this short 2 paragraph post! LOL

I guess I don't need to worry about you having repressed anger issues Waffs.

12:06 PM

 

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