Waffleizing the Pirate Shizzle

My good friend the Pirate Whiner asked me to take a look at his rant. I gave it a fail grade but agreed to Waffleize it. I will be more than willing to help any of you with this service. Here is my conversion.

Play With Retards Get Smacked in the Face with Their Dummy Sword

I was fucking amazed at the totally retarded play so far. Even more amazing was the fact that I actually managed to avoid a total riddonkulous beat by one of these fucktards and kept a top ten stack for most of the night.

Then two things happened to change all of that. First off I flopped a nut flush and some retarded asshole with two pairs thought that they were good. On a fucking all flush board. With me goddamn capping you. Are you fucking serious? I mean cmon. Of course the poker gods favor the brain dead and he spiked a boat on the river costing me a ton of my chips.

Next up I played my favorite hand the ever tricky 85 s00ted. I three bet it pre-flop to disguise the strength of the hand against my opponent so that when I flopped big I could take him to value town. The flop was a fucking monster. 877. I do not think the hand could have hit me any harder. I knew Heffadonk was fucking bluffing his ass off because he wouldn't know a good hand if it came up and bit his tiny little dick off. So I capped my monster hand and got ready to rake a huge pot in. Of course I underestimated the stupidity of my opponent.

I knew I must be way ahead when the donkey check-called the turn. I mean that idiot might as well have been playing with his hands up. Shit he might as well play blindfolded since his decision making is something akin to a retarded baby monkey on acid. The river brings a fucking fourth club and of course I do not have one. I lead out anyways as a blocker bet but Heff the donk calls. Do you know what he had? One guess? I mean he had to have had something strong like JJ or the Ace of clubs right? No this fucking retarded idiot turns over a pair of fours!!! I mean a retarded whore with a first grade education could have folded fours there. What the fuck do you beat? I mean seriously? Even if you do hit your flush it is a baby four flush. What the hell are you trying to do there? I mean I have seen some bad play in my days but this is just ridiculous. It just goes to show how players put no thought into playing hands and just pray for a miracle win.

I guess he might have thought he could represent a big hand and bluff me but like I said earlier this guy would not know a big hand if it came up bloodied his asshole with its giant man tool. It is amazing these people can even chew gum and breath at the same time. I mean are you fucking kidding me? Learn some basic hand reading skills you stupid fuck. Figure out where the fold button is when your bluff is obviously not working. Oh well there is always another torture session during the BBT and I will see you at the next one.