Fuck Ya

Alright I decided to kind of push myself out of the blahs. Before I do that I just had a thought could Creepy Kenny be Old Ken P? :P.

Anyway in order to rewire my brain and inspire myself for another push here is the list of things accomplished this year since I started feeling better in January or at least slightly more motivated to pull myself out of the shit hole I buried myself in:

1. Eating Better. Cooking more foods for myself. Trying to get less of the bad and more of the good. I have stuck to my cooking and eating pretty well. I am down to one coke a day and only cheated on that once. I also have had several days without any cokes. Only really bad messup was probably the Celtics game but I am cutting myself some slack.

2. Waking up at 5AM. Before this year I would wake up whenever I woke up and go into work if I felt like it or when I felt like it. I would come in late a lot. Luckily I am a valuable commodity. I do not want to be that person though so I started waking up at 5AM every morning. I feel more productive in this mode albeit I am sometimes more tired.

3. Boy's Schedule - As part of waking up every morning early I am able to wake the boy up on a regular schedule and get him ready for school. The wife was sporadic about this. As side effects of this and my ritualizing the morning schedule the boy has started cleaning up his breakfast dishes and stuff. Yeah, we suck as parents in some ways. Our kids are lazy about doing stuff around the house and I am trying to break them of this slowly.

4. I also added into the morning schedule some time to put away the dishes. The wife usually runs a wash every night so I just do it in the morning. It is good for me to help and it works out well.

5. Another good side effect of morning Waffles is breakfast. I NEVER EVER ate breakfast in my life.. maybe sometimes as a kid.. now I eat it every morning. I think this is healthy for me.

6. Checking account. I set my own up. Of course this started off a shit storm at home and ended up with me served with divorce papers which is probably a good thing. I am now under court order to no use my new checking account (I think) but at least I have it. The legal system is a piece of shit by the way. If you are a lawyer and my friend I hate you but I like you too. Jesus Christ I hate the law.

7. Budget. As a result of the shit storm we actually worked on a budget. I really need to force this forward more.. but on the good side we have an almost budget and I now have full visibility into where my money is being wasted or spent wisely. Mostly full visibility. I do have a LOT more work to do in this area so this is a good next spot for showing some productivity.

8. I also put all the bills and statements into a Quicken clone called GnuCash. It is pretty cool but if you hear me swearing at Josie then it is probably because this is more of an accounting package and drives me crazy sometimes. Balanced ledgers. Sheeesshh.

9. Plans. Well I have lots of em. I am actually acting on them too. Which is a big improvement.

10. Feelings. I sometimes feel them I think. It's been so long. Honestly I do feel a lot better and stronger and in touch. Things set me back and set me off but it's better than the total avoidance I was stuck in.

11. Work. Have been showing up on time and not missing any days. I actually have missed a couple but made them up on the weekends. For the most part I have been more responsible. Sometimes when I get kicked in the nuts by the wife I fall back on this a little but I am trying harder to not take advantage of the good things I have in life.

12. Avoidance. I have been working on this one. I am trying to stop avoiding my problems and face up to them and take responsibility for my own life. I have issues with this but I am trying harder and starting to be more proactive.

Sooo.. I can not think of too much more. However it has only been two months and I have much more to accomplish. So I just need to kick my ass into gear and start the motor moving again. It's really easy. Just decide to do things, write them down, and then do them. Peace.