PAIIII GOWWWW!

Let us see where did I leave you.. Ah yes, I was busy spilling beer down the back of Kats hot leather sleeveless dress and being fondled by all manor of model level blogger chicks.. at least that is what my delusional mind says and I am sticking with it.

Finally Iggy decides he wants to go over to the IP. So we round up some players and head on down. Carmen, Maigrey, April, Bobby, Derek, Grubby, Gary, Daddy.. many more people decide to go on down to the IP.

Somehow I end up sitting down at a table of PAI GOW. Now I have never in my life played Pai Gow but I have read many columns from various experts and I think the only real thing you have to do is yell PAIIIIIIIII GOWWWWWWW at the top of your lungs as often as possible.

I started up immediately screwing up as I touched the cards before I was supposed to. All of the cards MUST be dealt before you are allowed to even touch them. I never knew this. Now normally this would not be so bad but the dealer gave me an evil look. I think her name was Bock Choi or something like that. She was actually just funning with me and was a riot. I loved Bock Choi!!!! She was awesome. All I really remember about the game was yelling Pai Gow!!! at random intervals. You see I did not know a Pai Gow was when the DEALER could not make a hand. SO without this important knowledge I was left with just yelling Pai Gow at random times and hoping it made sense.

After a while I was down a few bucks and everyone called final hand. They all wanted to go play even more –EV games so I put my remaining $55 of my original $100 down and shoot to double up or die. I ended up getting trips and high card on a dealer Pai Gow and was up about ten bucks. The big winner I think was Maigrey. She knew her Pai Gow man!

Blackjack has always been a horrible game for me. I love playing it but I just never win unless I count which believe me I was in no condition to even attempt. I did however get to yell PAI GOW!!! at the top of my lungs several times. This would be a recurring theme for the rest of the trip.

It was hilarious watching Bobby Bracelet play Blackjack though! That guy knows how to play the game. He starts off by paying the dealer to bust. “Cmon Baby! Five bucks to you if you bust!”.. however the funniest moment of the night was him and Maigrey explaining what a pigs nuts look like.. complete with hand fondling action. Seeing those two fondling an imaginary pig’s nuts to explain to the ninety year old female dealer why they look like eights... AND THEN having the eight they were calling for come was priceless.

I quickly gave back my Pai Gow winnings in black jack and wandered around a bit more. I went to the bar and chatted a bit with Iggy. If you have not been to the bar at the IP you are missing some weird shit. The decked out pimps and hoes there are funny as hell. Not to mention that crazy bastard Daddy was there! If you think I am crazy I have NOTHING on Daddy. He is the king of the nut jobs and I bow to him. Although I admit I did not get any hooker action it was a blast.

I finally caught back up to Carmen. She says she left me three nasty messages for leaving her alone at the IP. I can not wait to hear them! Nothing better than a sexy woman swearing at you!!! WOO HOO! I better get my phone on the charger. Of course I did not abandon her. I would never leave Carmen alone at a bar. I love that girl!!! The thought is just inconceivable.

Around 9AM in the morning we finally decided to leave. Actually the bartender was being a total shit head and yelled at Carmen for kneeling on a bar stool… hellllllooooo? I hate when bartenders are morons. Serve the beer. Be nice. Make tips. Carmen was nice enough to offer me a ride back to Dons. We took a cab to her place first so she could freshen up for her afternoon plans. I was feeling a little ill by this time with a gut full of SoCo and Beer. It felt like the SoCo was trying to drill its way out of my stomach.. So I lay down on Carmen’s bed and got to sleep for a whole hour. Wow. Sleeping where she sleeps.. That might have been the highlight of my trip. So we end the first day in Vegas with me somewhat peacefully slumbering away at the goddesses crib with about four hours until the WPBT main event started.

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