Friday, May 28, 2010


I was not going to watch the Blogger game last night. I was not all that interested in who won. I was kind of hoping for an Old Schooler like April to take it all down. I thought JJ had a great chance too. He played two BBT events in two years and won both. I just put up the lobby so I could see who won in the morning.

My desire to not watch the game totally came unhinged though as I saw the leader board fluctuate up and down. Riggs wore down my last bit of resolve and I ended up railing the whole thing. Here are some thoughts.

Hoyazo was the kiss of death. His picks were universally bad and I think only two of them even made the final table. He chose: Hoyazo, oossuu, Jim McManus, TripJax, the Goat, All in at 420, VinNay, pvanharibo and Shabazz Jenkins. I was sad to see OSU go out first. I think he played a hell of a series. While it did prove my point that there are no favorites and every game is starting from scratch I was kind of pulling for him.

I went on super monkey tilt from the "Good Game" comments. I mean are you fucking kidding me? Can we change this to like NT (Nice Try), or TB (Too Bad). Something besides good game. I mean telling that monkey fuck Jim McManus that he played a good game by going out in 17th place with a shit hand? Is that really a good game? If you end up only doing better than 4 people? Seriously? I mean I know if this was a live game Goat would be sucking Jim off under the table but good game really, truly?

You know who played a good game? HOYAZO! He went out a bit early. However he had to be taken out by a two outer that improved to a boat. The Goat monkey fucked his chips in the middle totally fucking beat and got beyond lucky. I hate to say it but you can give him a good game.

Goat then tries another two out Monkey Fuck and can not pull it out of his ass this time. Good game? Fuck no. Your monkey ass should of been on the street a whole fucking lot earlier than this. Not good game.

You people who say gg offend the English language worse than I ever could. I fucking ass rape the English language with a rusty pipe daily but you, and your good game, is way beyond that. It is like sticking a broken bottle in BEFORE the rusty pipe!

You know who played a good game? JJ played a good game. He deserved to win. He fucked up sure. Everyone does. He consistently kept at the top chip stack with like maybe a fifteen minute diversion with a few stupid plays. The whole fucking game. He was a top three stack. That my friends is a good game.

You know who else played a gg? April did. Texas April. I know retarded huh? She played great and ended up getting sucked out on when her A7 could not hold against an all in call by A4. Pro tip people. I do not care if it is blind vs blind you just do not get that much equity by calling all in with A4. Shoving could be alright but calling blah.

I tell you one thing. Until the final table this was NOT a blogger game. No. Some aliens took the bloggers and replaced them with actual poker players. It was sick. People were making laydowns. They were value betting instead of ramming in with nothing. People were actually playing normal, solid, poker. I never thought I would see it.

The final table did my heart good though. It degenerated into the donkey fuck I am so used to. People sucking out with AQ vs QQ. Jamming A7 only to get called by A4 and donkey fucked hard. NY Rambler proved his fuck a duck luck style pays off when after folding for six hours straight he jams his remaining 3K chips into the chip leader with the almighty 87. Not even suited. He is up against AQ s000ted. Flop 8. Turn gives AQ suited a flush draw. River. Blank. The retard was able to actually win after that. So sick. You wait six hours then you decide 87o is the best chance for you to win the tourney... and your right. Jesus. Poker is fucking sad.

All in all I was glad to see the smoes beat the pro's and have our boys take most of the final prizes. I am happy to see JJ lucksack into another win. Three games. Three wins. Fuck you. Blow. At least he is one of the good ones. I guess Rambler is better than some FT shill winning. Barely. It would have been nice to have seen someone like April or Marge go deeper and represent the old school. Both of them did really well. So ends another year of BBT fun. peace.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I was talking to my boy Riggs today. He mentioned that he wrote up his thoughts on LOST. I said to him "I bet you like the ending". I was right. How did I know? Was it amazing psychic powers. Was it my in depth knowledge of LOST. No. It comes down to two types of people. The "Intellectual" frauds and the deeper people.

The people like Hoyazo hated it because it did not tie up every button. It did not answer every little nagging question. They could not grasp it with their supposed minds. It did not fit in a little black box they could store away in their information factories to prove that they were smarter and better then everyone else.

Hoyazo just does not have the emotional depth to appreciate a story like LOST. When he fucks his wife he is just depositing sperm in her pussy. It feels good. Putting another deposit in his personal cum dumpster. Another win for the amazing Hoyazo!

When a real thinker like Goat bangs his wife he is not just plugging away at a piece of flesh. He is penetrating his wife's soul. He is joining with her on a deep, emotional level. The body falls away and he penetrates her far deeper than Hoys shallow tool can ever reach. Intertwining, joining, becoming one. Beauty. Emotion. Depth.

I can predict who is going to like the LOST finale and who is not very easily. The people who see the shallow surface will not and the ones who can dig deeper and can accept that there is always more will. It is pretty simple.


I sometimes wonder why it is so easy to be clever and witty on the pages of this blog. It is easy to be charming and amusing chatting with my friends on IM. Walk up to someone in real life though and I sometimes become the shy quiet guy with nothing to say. Weird. Since I babble on all day to Riggs and Bayne until their ears bleed. I wonder if I should be typing on an imaginary keyboard in the bar. Kind of tap out my messages on the boobs of that hot blond while I throw out some infamous pickup line like "Hey baby what's happenin'". Perhaps I should.

I guess it all comes down to confidence and the comfort zone. Hacking out shit on the keyboard is as natural to me as breathing. I have been doing it since I was thirteen.. the keyboard thing, not the breathing. I just need to get that familiarity in person to person interactions. Get used to using that silky smooth voice to charm the people around me. Until then does anyone want me to type on their boobs?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

King of the Elves

Poker still sucks. I keep wondering much like some other bloggers why poker is not fun. It is entirely because my opponents are coin flipping dick weasels. Point in case. The game is 180 peep SNG. I have a 4k stack. I look down and see KJ s00ted. Not the best hand but I am in position and it is reasonable. I jam my stack in. I really want to double up here but the blinds are alright too. My opponent has a 10K stack. So this is a SIGNIFICANT call here. Not a world ending call but one with some effect. So the genius thinks until his time bank is almost down and then calls. With the almighty. Monstar! Q3. I am shitting you not. He is a fucking genius though. Because a 3 binks on the flop and a Queen binks on the turn. The jack on the river is just to really piss me off.

Some of you might say "Hey higher level players haz more skill!". No. Not really.

VeryJosie has a funny post about her sister meat puppet or something. I dunno. I thought it was kind of funny. We just had an Asian intern start. It is kind of funny some of the cultural differences. For instance I guess his name is really hard to pronounce so he says to call him Aubrey. Of Teutonic origin, "Aubrey" means "Fair Ruler of the Little People", or "King of the Elves". The name is traditionally male, but is also used as a feminine name in the United States. Should someone tell him he is using a fairy girl name? King of the Faries? Should I just send him to East Boston? Fucker needs a dentist too or at least a sand grinder. Least they are pearly white. I am so going to hell.

Women have brain damage. Wife get's into a fight with her boyfriend this morning. I KNOW with 100% certainty this is going to lead to me getting yelled at. It is because women have a fucking wire loose. It's like the targeting wire. You should be yelling at your dickhead boyfriend NOT ME. Fucking cunt bag. It is HIM you are mad at. You are also mad at me but that is normal and if you were not mad at him you would keep your fucking pie hole shut. Shit I should call his wife up and yell at her. Might as well get the Trifecta in. Fucking daft bitches.

Does she not know that she just needs to suck dick and keep quiet until AFTER she moves in with him? I mean do not show him what a bitch you are. FML.

Big shoutout to my man MiamiDon. He comes out as a big dumb frat boy when you first meet him but there is some real depth to the guy. Thanks for everything man! I really appreciate it. Don is a really smart guy and has a wealth of experiences. It is also cool that he has been uniballin bitches since 1979! BOOM!

I spent yesterday at home mostly just sleeping all day. Partly because my fucktard wife just does not get it. All I ask is she yell down after her shower so I can come up and get ready. Instead she is all like "It's not my responsibility". Well whenever I come up your fucking hogging the shower at different times so maybe it should be. Bottom line though. You make fucking nothing with your stupid Ivy League degree. So your number one concern should be getting me a ride to work not fucking taking off at 7:20 because I am not up. See women are fucking stupid. Glad to see I am cheery today.

DISCLAIMER: If I have any chance of getting into your pants obviously I am talking about the OTHER women not you when I write this. You are obviously a very good woman. It says so right on your blog so it must be true.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


I played the 1$ nightly the other day. I have to say while the result was not what I wanted it was BY FAR the most fun I have EVER had playing poker. Early on I was able to accumulate a big stack. I was then able to run that stack up to the point where I had a 600k to 200k lead in chips. For a HUGE part of the game I was like a 300K stack with everyone at my table being 10K-30K stacks. So I decided to play an aggressive game. I called a ton of jams. I played a ton of hands. I raised almost every hand. People would jam into me. You know what? I was winning like a motherfucker. It was the most fun ever. I mean QT flop comes AJ9.. So I call an all in jam by trip Aces.. because I can. River is a 8. Hands like 35o cracking queens. Riggs was shaking his head so much that he hurt his neck. I won something like 8 hands in a row before losing one. After each hand I was like "Nobody believes me I tell them not to play against me. They do not listen". I then get jammed by someone else. Bust them. Repeat my mantra.

I have to say if you have never abused a HUGE chip stack then your missing out. It was the most fun ever. I ended up losing in the end. Wound up like 160th despite my huge lead. Totally fun though. My last two hands I may have overplayed a bit. I had a BB hand where I had the SB covered. He raised 3xBB, I jammed, and of course he called with A7. My final hand everyone limped. I had A5. Flop comes Axx. I jam it all in again. With a big stack. I get called after some thought by AJ. Turn 5. River J! UG!

One thing that annoyed me about the game was certain bloggers chatting "Hey he is going to blow it". I understand ribbing me and I know nothing was meant by it but it kind of disappointed me. I actually turned observer chat off. I think when someone is playing for a 1500 prize negativity is just wrong. In a Blogger game it is alright to cheer for your guy but we need to stand together against the donks.

Hopefully I can get on a good run tomorrow night.

Friday, May 21, 2010


I played a donkeyment last night. Probably should not be playing them as my bankroll is growing but not fully flourishing yet. I sat down and played my first cash out game. I assume these might be a good place to play since the cashout part reduces the value of the game. The fact that this makes them a little -EV in the payout department keeps the sharks away. So you get a nice little fishie game.

Early on I was like a fricken yo-yo. I could not decided if I wanted to play or not. I would bet out with the made flush on an 88x board on the turn and get called by A8 who would river an Ace then only min raise me when I lead out on the river. Orly? So you make an -EV call and then you compound your error by not taking me for nearly enough. Excellent play sir. Excellent play.

I would then get taken down to like 400 chips. Get pissed off that my starting stack of 3k was decimated. Jam 34o from EP. Get called by some late position tard with T6 suited.. and flop 34x. The poker gods would then gift me with AA vs KK vs Q9 (no idea what the fuck he was doing) and I would 4-bet jam and get called by both and now I have like a 6K stack. Ironically I had to fade the Q9's outs.

The deck then refused to let me lose. It was pretty amazing. I would hit with every hand I played and I would hit with every hand I folded. I amassed a top 10 stack and kept it going. I cashed out my initial buyin because like five hundred people were left and I had 38k chips, for 6k chips I was freerolling. I continued along. Started getting a dry spell. Riggs, IT, and Josie came and railed me. With about 200 left I limped a 56 s00ted against a LARGE stack. We had equal stacks. Both of us in the top 20. The turn made my straight and gave his pocket 3's a set. Classic. Full Tilt. Setup. I jammed and he called and now I was sitting on a top 3 stack.

I need a lot of work on my middle game. I held on and made a few chips as the numbers dropped. We made the money at around 75 of 900. I increased my earnings as my stack decreased. It was tough. I would get a hand like JJ and raise it to 7500 of my 60K stack. I would get a caller. The flop would come AKK. What do I beat there? The guy who called me would lead out. Sometimes I would try and play a little stronger and call. Sometimes I would fold. I mean what do I do in these situations where people are calling pot sized 7K raises everytime and the flops are missing me? Should I have been more aggressive and just jam every hand? Instead of trying to see flops with a good stack? I would raise AQ in LP and get called and the flop was Kxx. I mean do I really jam here against a 150K stack? Do I jam my 60K stack against a 40K stack on the previous hand? I think I made good laydowns but they hurt.

I am pretty sure in these situations I got outdrawn by some tarded person with A4 and KJ or some such crap. I know I missed out in situations where like 5 people would limp. I think this is an insta-jam in every case. Sometimes I could not because the guy before me got the same idea.

I did make one untimely bluff. I had pocket eights and waited for the turn to bet. Nobody was putting any chips in. Unfortunately I let some crappy hand catch up. I would have bet the flop but it was multiway and the pot was called in like 9 places so it was a 15K pot already. On the turn when I finally lead out I get jammed and have to fold. That was a 20K mistake I wish I could take back. I still had a healthy 40K stack though. Riggs laughed at me. :(.

As good as the beginning went I could not seal the deal and ended up shoving 25 s00ted in position with <10BB. I am fine with doing that. I happened to run into queens in the SB and could not suckout. Mucho thanks to Josie for railing me into the wee hours of the night. I may play another MTT or so to hone the skills for the remaining BBT games. I obviously need to do better at forcing chips into my stack when the blinds and the antes grow.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Common Misconceptions

I took a nice walk today. I was walking through the commons and there were little baby ducks. These little buggers were diving under water and getting something to eat. It was pretty cool. They would submerge all the way then pop back up to the top. So I strangled them. Nooooo no. Just kidding. I liked them. Almost more than the college students sun bathing.

Since I am in such a good mood I thought I would clear up some misconceptions people have about poker and how the game is played. I will start with some common poker terms and explain where the misconceptions come from and what they really mean.

Term: Pot Committed
Misconception: No Buddy Dank this is NOT your dedication to Mary Jane. I can see why your stoner brain might think that but we are NOT talking about drugs here. HEY! Stop eating those Cheetos and pay attention!

Fact: Pot Committed is a term that morons came up with to totally absolve themselves from moronic plays. It refers to having fucked up so badly that folding now would be even a bigger fuckup. If you have committed too many of your chips on your chump move then you yell "POT COMMITTED" and fall on your sword. A lot of people seem to become pot committed as soon as they raise one big blind. You are doing it wrong.

Term: Fold Equity
Misconception: When Lightning's wife tells him to stop making her a sammich in the kitchen and get to folding her granny panties. Lightning thinks to himself and figures it is better that he get folding then his wife beat the crap out of him.

Fact: Fold Equity is another donkey crutch. It allows people to justify the horrible plays they make. Shit if I just shove all my chips in to that EP raiser I have so many chips that he has to fold. I have fold equity. I can force someone to fold. It is probably best to use another donkey term to figure out if you REALLY have fold equity. This is the RANGE.

Term: Range
Fact: This is another donkey crutch. The math nerds love this one. The donkeys love it too. Basically what donkeys do is say "Oh yeah, your range was [insert something I can beat here] so that is why I made that terrible call". If your a math nerd it gets even better. You can say that the average person in that spot has this fixed range. You can ignore everything about how the person has been playing and what your eyes tell you and say "It's math!". If you have mad skillz like me you KNOW what your opponent has so you can make much better decisions. Leave the ranges to the donkeys and the math nerds. Seriously though it is good to THINK about what your opponent has and not just about what is in your hand. See how often you are right and this may show you how good of a player you are.

Term: Waffles Bust Equity
Fact: There are no misconceptions about this. It is fucking fun to bust me. Just admit it. Always +EV. Everyone takes HUGE shots at me. Normally my bad Karma makes these pay off so keep it up. Busting me is a lot of fun! You may not have a lot of chances after the BBT5 is over so get em while they're hot!

New Term: Hoy Logic
Fact: This is just the stupidest shit anyone can say. Like today when he basically said OSU is a shoe in for a seat. That is total bullshit. Look I respect OSU. He is playing a mean game AND he is running REALLY hot. Could this lead to a seat? Sure. Does it anoint him as the defacto winner? No fucking way. He could EASILY crap out first. It's just the nature of poker. Fuzzy math like Hoys is stupid.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Ella ella ella. Fuck that song too. I fucking hate umbrella's. It is not really the umbrella or the concept that so offends me it is the retarded fuckwads who operate said devices. I mean seriously. I know your a self absorbed dickwad who is all into their own space. You have your iPod blaring and are texting a mile a minute so you do not have to interact with people. I get it. I approve. Do you have to be so fucking selfish that you swing those deadly weapons into peoples faces? I mean fuck me. Walking down the street I have to be a goddamn ninja to dodge all these fricken things. The manufacturers are making them bigger and bigger now too. It's like a bunch of fat, overweight, elephants with tents over their heads stampeding down the sidewalk. Fuck anyone who is in their way.

Guys, hello, yeah, I am talking to you. Since when did guys start carrying umbrella's? I mean I know the pussification of men has been completed by left wing wacko femenazis but fucking have some man juice in you. You really need an umbrella? Fucking grow some balls. Take a clue from Waffles. Know what I wore in the rain today? My fucking hair! Yeah and it felt good. You can wear a raincoat. I will allow for this. A fricken pussy umbrella though? Cmon. What's the matter you going to ruin the product in your hair you got from you goddamn fruity foo foo hair stylist (No offense to Joe Speaker)? Just throw that fucking purple umbrella into the trash. Give it up.

You want to hear about manly. I will give it to you here. Last night my son was at his baseball game. I was watching him play and this huge pitcher nails him in the arm with a fastball. Did the kid cry? Did he whine to the fucking coach? The umpire tries to stop him as he is running down to first to see if he is ok. He is like GTFO you fucking perv umpire. I am a man. I can take it. He then proceeds to steal two bases and score. All this with a fucking bruise the size of my hand on his arm. I mean this thing is fucking nasty. His pussy mom is all like "Boo hoo we should take him to the emergency room". Fuck that. Nothing a little duct tape can't fix. I make sure he can move his fingers and the bruise is not directly over a bone. It hit the meaty part of his forearm. Not likely broken. So we slap some ice on it when he finishes him game and he is fine. No money for you Chacko you rat bastard!

He is going to post something about it on his school blog. I will let you all know so you can post a million comments telling him how kickass he is. No swearing this is a kids school blog monitored by teachers. So be nice.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Crazy Like A Fox

I used to wonder why Full Tilt sponsors these little blogger get together. I mean they set out a bunch of cash on a lot of unknown little bloggers just doing their thing. I thought about it and at first I figured they liked all the link love. A whole bunch of sites linking to you does increase your SEO value. Most of the blogs, while having some awesome people I truly adore, have like five readers. So you get some value from the links but not a huge bump.

Eventually I just decided that Full Tilt Poker is insane. Awesome for us! The crazy rich uncle is sending us cash for our birthdays! Love and kisses XOXOXO. It was pretty awesome that Full Tilt did this. One of the best sites for playing online poker and they send us the love. Very awesome.

Lately though I have finally figured it out. I read a few articles. No really I read the article not just looking at the picture. It finally hit me. Poker rooms LOVE donkey players. The really really really bad players. It makes everything tick. The horrible players keep the poker rooms going. We Bloggers are the worst! So Full Tilt has obviously found a gold mine. We spew our nonsensical poker theories and draw more bad players into our web and ship them right off to Full Tilt. It is awesome! So as long as we keep being break even we will have BBT events. All the way to BBT1000. Where Waffles Jr will be Sucked out on by Sucko Jr. It will be Epic!! So keep up the good work.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously I am talking about the OTHER bloggers not you when I write this. You are obviously a very good player. It says so right on your blog so it must be true.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Bad Sport

Call me a bad sport but I DO NOT congratulate Lightning. I mean I like the guy. He really is a nice guy. Kind of goofy and weird like me. He had to have played one of the worst games I have ever seen though. Besides that fact that CALLING AQ into a 3-bet shove is like bending over and saying "Give it to me up the ass".. I mean the range for that shove is AA-JJ AK. So most of the hands your up against your totally fucked. The guy just plays flip a coin. As proven by his next call of a 3-bet jam where he was against Aces and by some miracle lost.

I will also say his retardation was probably the least shown by the hand we played. He consistently called huge bets on Axx boards with Queens for significant parts of his stack and gollleyyyy if that Queen did not show up three times. Two outers for the skilled play. Go Lightning. I am not even including the five or six times he legitimately hit a set on the flop vs hands like aces and kings when he should have called.

Every MTT is based on getting a little lucky. Catching a nice suckout here and there. When you consistently get in dominated worse than a dwarf whore in a leather factory and pull miracles out of your ass that is not playing well and just getting lucky here and there.

Basically he played Keno all night long got a fucking once in a lifetime blow job from statistics and lucked his way into a seat he probably did not deserve based on his play. So congratulations? Really? I think I will save that for someone who deserves it.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


fucking idiot moron cocksucker fucktard bastard asshole cunt licker ass sucker dwarf tossing take it in the face anal wart herpies slurping scumbag motherfucker shiteating dick slurping pig fucking horse sucking bitch ignoramus.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Art of War

All warfare is based on deception.

Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.

Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him.

If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.

If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.

I am starting to think that I have been too trusting. I have seen certain signs that make me think the wife is doing a lot of things behind my back. She will mention things like supervised visitation and if I am in the next room over while watching the kids then they will be taken away from me. Sort of like she has been talking to a lawyer or something.

The other day I noticed she had a picture of one time I spanked my son. I think this was a year or so ago. I normally do not spank the children since I do believe there are better methods. I asked my son when he thought that was. He said he did not even know. It was so long ago.

All these little things make me think that the bitch is plotting behind my back. I may be paranoid. I am not sure. I think it is time to go to war.

She really should have just stfu and kept me happyish and kept taking my money instead she wants to go to war. I will so defeat her and crush her soul into little soul fragments then grind them up and make myself a cappachino with them.

It's on bitch.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Danking Out

I had a horrible game last night. It probably had a lot of factors involved. I had like zero sleep the night before. Waking up at 2AM sucks.

The inevitable letdown after playing a fantastic game. You know how it is. Sometimes your just not on your game. One night your rocking your baby in your arms and pounding that sweet ass while she is screaming like a banshee and the next night it is just not that special.

The table I got did not help at all either. It was fucking donk central. I got runnered by some idiot who called my raise pre-flop with 74. Some fucking Mexican cocksucker could not laydown top pair 9 kicker. I am sure that fucker did not last long. Hope he had to sell his mother to buyin to the Mookie. Fucking idiot. Every hand like half the fucking table calls everything and nothing I have hits. Sick. Normally you can take advantage of those kinds of players but when their trash is hitting and your hands are missing it can be brutal.

I heard Hoyazo was talking trash about me not paying people back. Fucking scumbag lawyer. I have never not paid back a bet. Period. I have taken a while with Instant Tragedy but I paid up. I guess I should not be surprised the guy talks shit. I mean his last post he is talking about how badly everyone played the Sunday night game he was in.. yet he neglects to tell you that with over 30BB he calls an all in jam PRE FLOP with Q2o. I mean seriously? You really want to complain about other people? Oh well just makes me feel better that if I saw him burning to death in the street I would not even piss on him.

Josie asked how many countries I have readers from. I used to keep good track of that stuff. There used to be a cool app called frappr where people could signup and you could see where they were from. I had readers everywhere. Ireland, Germany, UK, Australia, Japan, Thailand, Africa, South America, and a fuck load more. It seems like things have calmed down a little and now it is mostly just the US, UK, and the Aussies. Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!!!

Last but not least that luscious beauty the Love Elf who takes me from bar to bar just so I can be her private clown has asked me for a favor. See she is in training to be some kind of brain shrinker. I figure once she makes it to the bigtime she will owe me some free work. Anyway she is working on her dishes or something in the kitchen. I dunno. I do not get this smart stuff. Anyway she needs your help doing the dishes! Since Smokkee is too lazy or something. So if you want to give her a hand and help her out I am sure she will appreciate it. It involves taking a little online survey. It does not ask you for any personal information that you can be identified by. Go to her site and give it a whirl. Heck she once called me a serial killer so she must be good!

Peace out.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Dank

The Dank is tonight and I will be there. My bet is still running so I need to do good. HUGE upside to winning. Screw the TOC seat. Sidebet is better. Hopefully I will not run into lucksack Joanne this week. Also the lack of sleep last night is not going to help my game tonight. I will really need to focus down.

Otherwise the poker rollercoaster continues. I have been making some nice rake playing Stud8. Last night since I woke up at 2AM I decided to login and get a few hands in. I started off by dusting off a buyin at RUSHHHH. Queens on an all low board vs Kings. Ick. I really need to get away from hands like that. So I fired up the Stud and was doing meh until I got involved in a 3 way pot with one opponent showing 3457 and the other some flush and straight cards. Some miracle happened and my Aces up (Aces and a pair for noobs) took the pot. I was amazed I was not at least splitting there. The table broke after that. So I switched to a second one for a while and made a few bucks.

I checked the rakeback account too and I should be getting a nice little bit along with the Full Tilt welfare check. Should get the roll into the triple digits. So when I win the Dank tonight I will have a nice starting roll of three hundred.

Also a big congratz to Josie for being featured on Poker From The Rail. Hopefully someday I can be an A-List blogger like her.

Apparently Buddy forgot to pay his web hosting bill so he is stuck at if you want to listen to his Radio Show. Damn stoners never pay on time.

Oh and a big gratz to Sucko and LJ on their impending marriage. While I can in no way support getting married I am happy that they are happy or something. Two donks in love is kind of sweet I have to admit.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Excellent Quote

I got this from The Grump.

Phil Laak, in his exit interview from the 2010 NBC Heads-Up Poker Championship, after losing on a river two-outer.

If you can't take the pain and just laugh about it, then you can't make it in poker.

Sunday, May 09, 2010


Fuck. I lost. KK and AA no good tonight. heh. I may have overplayed my Aces. I raised pre- and HUGE stack calls with 44... I really thought I was ahead but nope. The 4 on the flop killed me. I shipped it on the turn. There were a few draws so if I am ahead I need to ship it there. Really disappointing even though I went deep to 21st with a good stack.

Albeit one of the hands that got me chips was A7 vs AA. SORRY DADDY! Flop came low cards with 2 of my suit. SO I shipped it with maximum outs of 12. Actually had 3 fewer than that and rivered a flush.

Ah well Poker gives and poker takes away.

Friday, May 07, 2010

OMFG Brutal

First I play some rush. Down and up there. Getting rivered by two pair all over the place. I mean seriously. Like Q2 vs my JJ and the flop is 297 BET turn T BET river Q FUCK! Finally lost a buyin.

So I move over to Stud-8. Two times in three hands I have JJJ vs 999 and 222 and GET RIVERED BY FUCKING QUADS!!!!! WTF! I did not even slow play my hands either. So fucking sick. Two quads. Rivered. When I was sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking far ahead. Then I lose assorted fucked up hands. I tilt a little. I pull it together and probably broke even.

I was too tired to continue and my ass was sore so I quit.

UB Still Sucking

I really hate UB. I never really played on there but after the cheating scandal broke I vowed never to play there again. Haley's poker blog has some good followup to this scandal. The deal is that the only power we have as poker consumers to keep sites honest is to vote with our money. If scumbags like Hoyazo put their money on UB and keep playing then we have not told them we will not accept cheating.

Ftrain now has a good post about UB fucking up their own internal security. The original article is on PokerTableRatings. The 100 pounds of fury just editorialized on it. I find it incredible as someone in the IT field that UB would wrap their own encryption. I mean SSL is a standard in the industry and they could not possible save money by creating their own crappy encryption. I guess it comes down to them paying zero bucks for shitty programmers and coming up with a crap product.

So repeat after me: I WILL NOT GIVE UB MY MONEY! THEY ARE FUCKING COCKKNOCKERS! THEY SHOULD BE PUNISHED! Otherwise I will laugh at you when some nerd takes your money by slipping into your lame encryption stream.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I came, I saw, I winned

I played a little RUSSSHHH tonight. I decided to try something different and leave once I won a buyin. It was really fast. I think it took like fifteen minutes tops. I bluffed with 33 on the river on a three spade board after calling two small bets for a decent pot.

I rivered a straight with 52o. Gutterballs love me. Can not win a fucking race for my life.. but give me a gutter and I will hit it like 80% of the time. I potted because I did not think my opponent had a hand. She instacalled and I groaned a little because I know I left some money on the table.

I am up half a buyin at this point. I get pocket nines. The flop comes 823. Two spades. So a lot of draws. Early position bets, doofus calls, I re-raise and EP folds. He limped in so I did not see him as having me beat at this point. I then bet decent size on the turn. Doofus calls again. River brings another eight. At this point I am scared he has sucked out on me. He jams all in pretty fast. Now I read that this means someone is weak. However I thought about this for my timebank and called at the very end. I so thought he had an eight. He turned over 64o. That hand got me to +1.2 buyins.

I check the box to leave and... pocket kings. Ug! I raised. Get one caller. Jxx flop. I bet pot. You know what happens next right? Yeah, he folded, phweeehhhwwwwww. So I am up a buyin. I am going to try and treat this like a job and once I make my nut for the day I will leave. Of course I am currently woefully underfunded but screw it I will play for a while until I have enough for the next level or I bust out.

KQ Debate

It's not that the KQ hand bothers me that much. Obviously if I am my opponent I am getting it all in there. The thing that bothers me is as follows. I feel that I put people on hands fairly well. Do I have bad nights? Sure. Am I wrong? Of course. Do I fail to adjust to the next card on the board sometime? Sure. However I think I consistently set a players range correctly vs what I am holding. The thing I am not sure is what is the right move in a tourney.

Is there a correct move? In theory I would suppose so. I can see a lot of lines for this hand in hindsite.

I could have jammed pre-flop. Is this what your supposed to do in MTTs? With 120 blinds? Just throw in 50BB's if you know your opponent is weak pre-flop. Forgot seeing a flop. Forget outplaying your opponent. Just end the hand pre-flop and enjoy your chips.

I could have called the flop. In hindsight this might have been a better move. I am unsure if my opponent would have jammed the turn or called my jam. Do you play these hands slower and let your opponent catch up in a tourney? Do you play them slower to the turn and then jam there with better odds?

I just really am unsure where I should be making a different move. I see someone like LJ who jams in pre-flop all the time doing very well at tourneys. Is it all about doing that and amassing a stack that nobody can defeat?


Hoyazo Is a Prick

We got twelve people calling it Not The Mookie. Not bad. Assuming 90 people in The Dank that means we only have to convert 78 more. We can do this! Anyhow this means I need to explain why I hate Hoyazo. Ironically enough it involves The Mookie when it was The Mookie.

In general nobody likes Hoyazo. Everyone calls him an arrogant fuck. People think he bumbles on for nine thousands pages of hot air. He basically sucks. However I never really had that much of a problem with him. People would IM me and be like "Hoyazo is a fucking moron" and I would be like "Nah he is ok". All of that ended during a dark, storm filled night, of The Mookie.

Hoyazo and Mookie had a bet going on. Whoever won a Mookie first was the winner or something like that. Perhaps it was if Mookie could win a Mookie that year. I had a big stack on the final table. It was down to like 3-4 of us. Mookie was still in it. If you have never seen him play this was a miracle in itself. I kid Mook I kid! So Mookie jams his stack in and I look down and see some massive hand like 92o. I call.

Why did I call here? Who knows. I was tired. I was having fun. I wanted to suck out on Mookie and make him cry. These games were more a friends night out than anything else. We all did crazy shit. The next thing I know Hoyazo is accusing me of chip dumping to Mookie to allow him to win the game and beat Hoyazo for this bet. He is accusing me everywhere. I talk to him in IM and explain I would never do that. He just calls me a liar and a chip dumper.

So that was it. I really am a pretty low key guy. Sure I rant and yell and scream on the blog but I never really hold animosity to anyone for a long time. I do not even hate Chad or Duggles. I think they are alright. I really have a pet peeve about people questioning my integrity though. I do not mind you saying "WTF! I don't believe you".. But when I then tell you I am telling the truth I expect you to believe me. Of course I lie at times I am no fucking Saint but if I am confronted about it I will be honest. I really hate lying and cheating and fakeness which is probably why I can not find a date but anyways.... So that is the boring story of why Hoyazo is dead to me.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Fucking Cunt

Goddamit. Finally got something going with a 5k stack and like 55 left. I really felt I could do something here. Blinds were 60/120. I call a raise with KQ. First mistake because I knew my opponent was going to bet ATC and I should have just re-raised there. I flop Q34 two diamonds. I have the K of diamonds. He leads outs kind of weak at 600, so I decide to re-raise to 3k. Basically committing myself. My opponent actually had a nice draw with 56d and jams. 3s turn gives me two pair and kills another on of his outs. River of course is the Td. Thank you Full Tilt riverfucking RNG. FUCK!

Second time that fucker sucked out on me. First time was with A2 vs my A7. Gah!

Odds pre-flop: 59% fav me, Flop turned to 52% him, 47% me. So a coinflip. Turn makes my hand a 68% favorite to win it all... and Ten of diamonds on the river fucks me like usual.

The Dank

Make sure you get to The Dank tonight. 9PST or some such crap. vegas1 is the password. Also refer to it as The Dank in your post today or some other name such as The Buddy (ick), Mookie is Dead, or whatever you come up with besides The Mookie and get a link right here.

Brickin The Nutz
Poker Meister
Lucky Duck

As an added bonus if I get eight people this week then I will post why I hate Hoyazo so much and think he is a douchebag.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Now We're Talking

Gah! My wife is SUCH a pain in the ass. I am so fucking pissed off at her right now. Why can she not close the deal and move in with her boyfriend? Suck that cock harder you bitch. I know we have a weird situation going on right now. Basically we have declared ourselves divorced and decided we are but are living together for a little while more so the kids can stay in a nice house in a good town. Somehow this has turned into "Hey you can carry my heavy bag in the morning and should do all the chores I tell you to". No idea how that happened. I obviously refuse to do any chores unless she sets up a schedule of the chores and who is responsible for them. She refuses to do this. Every month or so she then yells at me "WHAT! I AM THE ONLY ONE DOING CHORES! I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!". So I laugh at the bitch and tell her to make a schedule.. and then every month or so... Think maybe the marriage failed because of a failure to communicate or compromise. Probably. To be fair not only on her side.

Lately she has been pissing me off even more though. The other night she is out with her boyfriend and calls up. She says "I am going to have a sitter over for a few hours to watch the kids". I told her I would be fine watching them. She said that I just go downstairs and play on the computer and I should not watch them.

In part this can be true. Normally if she asks me to watch them I will make sure to come up and watch TV with them. At times I have problems with going out and playing with them outside. I guess I am dealing (poorly) with depression or from withdrawing into myself to avoid all the issues of living with my wife these past few years. I have really withdrawn a lot. Even to the point of not bothering to renew my cell phone. I just feel like I have no energy most of the time.

It annoys me when she refuses to let me watch the kids though. So I told her I was glad we had all this money to waste. I then told her I would walk around naked in front of the babysitter. It's my fucking house and I can do what I want. Obviously I was not really going to do that. What does she do? She says "Do I have to get a restraining order on you?"..... Now I am beyond fucking pissed off. I mean we are having a conversation on the phone and your going to threaten me like that? So I raise my voice and say "Fucking do it!". She keeps babbling. I say "DO IT!" "DO IT!". She backs way the fuck down. I think she knew that if I got taken out of the house I would not be back and she would not be getting a cent from me.

I am still amazed that she would threaten me that way when we were having a conversation. I guess it all comes down to communication again. I really need to get out of this funk and take control again. I just can not seem to get my head out of my ass though. I really hate the idea of pill popping to happiness (prescribed not self induced). I believe people have it in themselves to control their lives. I am in this situation because I choose to be. I have never been of the camp that we need shrinks and medicines to get our lives under control.

The best part of this is the other day. I am in the car with the kids taking them to C&J Frosties with a MIGRAINE headache.. ok sometimes I can get my head out of my ass and do nice things.. just not all the time. The kid tells me that she left him and his little sister alone at home. So recap. I am a horrible person for being downstairs when watching the kids and she is a saint for not being there at all. Apparently she was on the phone with them I found out later but still. I actually do not have a huge problem with them watching themselves for an hour. I was a latchkey kid although that may not be a ringing endorsement. In these days and times with fricken nanny police and everyone being hyper concerned about everything but themselves I do not think it is a great idea. The thing that bothers me the most though is the double standard. Everything I do is wrong everything anyone else does is right.

I can never win. Last weekend when she slept over her boyfriends house I went upstairs. Spent time with the kids. Asked them what they wanted for breakfast and drove all over heaven and earth to get them Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds hash browns. Ok. Not the healthiest things in the world but still. I come back with them sporting a dozen donuts. I talked the boy down from two dozen. He is a tough sell. The wife comes home with like one donut for each kid. WIN ME! In your face! The kids LOVE my dozen donuts and look in disdain upon her puny offering. So what do I get? She says she can not believe I fucking bought them a dozen donuts. I mean what kind of idiot buys kids a dozen donuts.

She has been bitching at me to go ahead and get a car. So I did some research and picked something I liked that was a manual. She never before mentioned that MY CAR was going to be used by the nanny. So I say "Um, the car I picked may not be as safe for the kids, let the nanny destroy your car".. and she gets all pissed off. First off lets get a nanny that FUCKING KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE. Secondly why is it ok to destroy my car but her car needs to be protected? Also the fifty times I mentioned cars and models before you MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED THIS TO ME. Fucking cunt. I am seriously so sick of her.

I just can not win. Either I am not spending enough time with them or interacting well or I am a total fuckup for making them happy. I take them fishing and she bitches that she can not get anything done. So I tell them it's time to leave. She bitches that I did not let them fish long enough.

I mean I think I SHOULD be depressed. I do not think I should hide that with medicine. There is a reason I am depressed. It is because a bunch of shit in my life sucks. My body like does this for a purpose right? I dunno.

Anyhow I just feel better dumping shit out on my pages. It gets it off my mind. Instead of letting it whirl all around forever driving me more insane. Besides I know my hatah readers love this shit. Oh and if any Nanny Police are around. Um. I made all this up.

Monday, May 03, 2010

BBT5 Reflections

Schaubs has a nice post. Still no sidebar link. Suck it. I do like his post. I wonder how many people have missed more than one event? I have no idea how you could tell.. perhaps Full Tilt Poker could pull logs or something. I would send eviction notices to people who have missed more than a single event though. It is rude and why put free chips on the table. It gives a HUGE advantage to people who have these guys in position.

I think in hindsite Al must be wondering what the fuck he was thinking with this invitational thing. It is funny. The first week the invites go out and I get a zillion IM messages "WTF DUDE! I am not in it!! I have ______ credentials!!! What was Al thinking!". I of course am like send Al an email or something. I am in it. Fuck you. Heh. No. I was actually very supportive of my friends. Now that week three is in the books I get a hundred IM messages saying "Holy shit! ________ was added to the event but I was not!!! My ________ credentials should make me an instant invite and ___________ has not even blogged in a million years!!! And Michael Craig sucks!!!!". Ok. I made that last part up. Fuck you Craig! (As A side note I had a dream the other night that I called Michael Craig on the phone and he gave me awesome advice. WTF?!?!?!).

I am really sorry to the people who feel slighted by the exclusion to the BBT5 invitational. It is inevitable in hindsite that someone would get their feelings hurt. I think some people might have a really good argument and possibly should have been invited. I think some people who were invited probably should not be. I am sure Al did his best to make everything as fair as possible. I do believe that if we have another one of these events Al will decide to do some MATH with spreadsheets instead of this invitational idea. I could be wrong. Lazy asshole brought this on hisself!! heh.

Seriously though despite a few hurt feelings the fact that we can even get an awesome event like this from Full Tilt is really amazing. AlCantHang is the man. The other two events are still HUGE value. I mean eleven bucks to get a 1/4 shot at some kind of WSOP seat. Incredible. So thanks for this opportunity Al. You and Full Tilt rock!

Couple Thoughts

I read that Joanne interviewed Josie on BDR last night. Very Interesting. Apparently it was all about me. Of course it was. It should always be about Waffles. I guess Jo was interested in knowing if Josie was giving out blowjobs or not. I can see exactly why this line of questioning came about. It is obvious right? I am fucking irresistible. Everyone wants Waffles. I am like Adonis. If Joanne lived in Boston she knows she could not resist giving me a blowjob. She probably dreams about it every night. I bet she even yells "WAFFFFLESS" when having sex with Buddy. Oops now I have gone too far imagining Buddy having sex. ewwwwwwwww.

So anyways as far as I know Josie is NOT a slut. She likes to flirt with everyone but as far as I can tell is a lady. At least that is what I have gathered from the couple of emails and the phone conversation we have had.

As far as the merciless teasing I assume it shall continue Josie. Comes with the territory. Everyone is jealous of my mad skillz and fabulous body so they just hate. I have thousands of hatah comments. I just shrug them off because I know that they just wish they could be me. As they said in one of my favorite movies "There can be only one". Latah people.

Freeroll Sunday

Last night was a little disappointing. I started on what I thought was a FANTASTIC table. It had Jordon and LJ. Do not get me wrong. It is not that I do not respect their game but they play VERY aggressively and on occasion this can cause them to make HUGE mistakes. I respect that they go with their reads to the bloody end. It just causes them to double up or knock people out rapidly.

I got the chance to jam into LJ once and then I was moved. CJ got ass reamed by coolers and was out very quickly which caused the table change. It made me sad. I had a whole game plan set for the night. My new table had some good players like MiamiDon, some moron pro, and several others.

I ended up flopping a set of threes on a 973 board. Two spades. Very drawy. So when moron pro lead out I decided to end the hand quickly. I think there is a possibility that idiot pro has a big pair and will pay me off. Spaceman called behind me and I was "Oh shit I am in trouble now". I was hoping he had a hand like two pair but unfortunately he had the set of nines. The turn quads was just to rub it in.

I jammed AK the next hand with like 125 chips. Stupid pro re-raised with QJ. He was the SB. I was happy that he protected my hand and the all small board paid off. I was now at 250 chips. No way I can play with that few chips. So next hand I get 2 people before me in for 150 chips. I ship my stack with 68h. I figure I have two live cards and some draw potential. I also figure it might go 3-ways and I would have a little room to play with at 750 chips. I started a raising war with my move as the first guy re-raised and the semi-pro jammed. Both players were all in and I was against AK and TT. The flop came A6x with two hearts and I missed all 15 outs twice over.

I would have played every hand the way I did again so I think I am playing well. I am just not getting anything going. I felt like last nights game I was a lot more aggressive and just ran into a bad hand. Perhaps I can get something going in the Mookie Wednesday.