Saturday, February 28, 2009


Snowboarding was a riot. I enjoyed it a bunch. I think I did pretty good. I only fell twice and once it was because I tripped over a skier. One time I went face first into the ice. I was doing the ole right turn move where you lean forward on your board and lift your heels. Unfortunately at the end I cut my edge right into the snow and went flying. The backwards fall was because of the skier. I did my right turn and somehow ended up parallel with the hill looking up.. but my board decided to go backwards and I tripped over the skier. oops.

I was very surprised at how much actual work this Snowboarding is. Since we were in a lesson we had to climb up the hill with the Board on one foot. That in itself tired me out big time. Actually to the point where I got a little out of breath and dizzy. I really need to get my ass in shape. So I laid down and watched the kid for a bit before jumping back on. My lower legs also are sore as well as my back for some reason. Surprisingly enough my knees are ok.

One last warning for those of you stout people like myself. You see my friends there was one thing I did not realize until we started using both feet strapped in. See in order to get both feet in you have to do something very hard... You have to be able to reach down and touch your left toe. Now for skinny people this is easy but I have not really seen my left foot for a long time. No way I could reach it. One foot I was fine kneeling down. The teacher had to strap me in for the two footer version though. Very eye opening.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Preparing for the BBT4

I have begun preparations for the BBT4.

Starting out I have not played any poker for the past week and a half. Almost two weeks. This allows the cleansing of the bad F-Bomb Karma back down to manageable levels.

I started taking my lunch. This will allow me to get back to fighting shape. I must get back to blob shape before the BBT4 starts instead of "Holy fuck lets use that guy for the drive in movie projector" shape. Actually I have been enjoying eating my homemade lunch. Before I started doing this a typical day would be no breakfast or a coke, Potatoes, Steak, Gravy, Veggies, and a coke for lunch, and then some TV dinner or something for breakfast. I would normally feel very bloated after lunch and fall asleep.

Now I have a Banana and Coke for Breakfast, A sandwich with like Blueberries and Strawberries for lunch as well as a second coke, and a TV dinner. I feel a lot less tired after lunch which is good.

I will also be going Snowboarding this weekend. The wife and kids went last weekend and had a great time. So I figured I would go with them this weekend. I have never been before but it seems like a good time.

So the preparations are in full swing and the BBT4 is kicking off this weekend with the awesome Big Game which can make or break a series in terms of profitability and the Euro Trash game. Should be a hoot. Does Acornman run the Brit Blogger game or is it someone else? He was the only Euro I could think of to link. Let me know if I got that wrong.

Tournament: Brit Blogger Game
When: Sunday's at 16:00ET
Game: NLHE
Buyin: $5+.50
Password: donkament

Tournament #81289088 (03/01/09) - NLH Super Stack Big Game
When: Sunday Night
Game: NLHE
Buyin: 69+6

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Obsessed with LOST

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when he looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

FML is a pretty fun site. Fake/Real who knows. Amusing. I wonder if Goat submitted that one?

I have to say I totally love Iggy in a Ghey Dwarf Sex way and any other way there is. He is such a great guy. He is not my backer but I still love him.

Apparently when the sun comes out and shines it does so in a major way. Not only have I been backed in the BBT4, I also have gotten some deals done that have given me a very nice starting bankroll. I look forward to increasing it to EPiC heights and then crashing out and burning to keep my break even status. I am thinking it will have to wait three months though. I have the feeling that the BBT4 will be a HUGE grind and the majority of my play will be in it. A fun grind mind you but filled with a lot of late nights and some days of just pushing through.

I am also enjoying my Death Knight in WoW and have become a little addicted to Maffia Wars on Facebook. Come join my Maffia so I can have a lot of people and kick some ass! Until later Peace.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Letter from Waffles

I noticed a lot of hatred in response to the last post I made. I am sure that you will all be happy to know that I have received full backing in the BBT4. Some of you questioned why a well known break even professional player would need any backing. It is not a matter of need. Us professionals, the Negreanu's, Brunson's, Helmouth's, Matasou*, and of course myself, we all do backing deals. It is just how we roll. Not all of the professional players are open and up front about these deals but we all do it. It is sort of a sign that you have made it to the top when you are backed for events.

I understand how being a member of a privileged group might make some of you who have to do it the hard way angry. I can see you shaking your heads asking "Why was he picked as a named pro for a Bodog contest" or "Why does he get a column of his very own in the Mookie on Full Tilt?". I was just talking with Daniel Negreanu the other day** about this very subject and we were sharing stories about the jealousy of the little people. I told him we just have to forgive them as their underachieving lives make them angry bitter little things. See I am looking out for you.

I also realize that a lot of the hate come from your fear. You were totally owned last time by the break even king and it is only natural for you to not want me to play. I understand this but break even players are good for the game. They generate excitement and interest in poker in general. In the end the money goes back into the poker pool and that is good for everyone. I see myself as causing a Moneymaker type effect in generating interest in the game.

Us professionals also realize that we have been given great gifts in life and have a high sense of giving back to the community. Why I have even started a few of my own charities. I just put together the group AWCFEAW (A Web Cam For Every Asian Woman) out of the generosity of my heart and CSGSDL (Catholic School Girl Skirt Defense League) has always been near and dear to me. When we save a skirt for those girls and they come and sit on our laps and tell us how much it means to them it just makes it all worth it.

I am looking forward to this BBT4. It should be a lot of fun. I really appreciate all the hard work AlCantHang puts in getting these setup and Full Tilt adding some amazing prizes. Good luck to everyone. Remember just play your best and be careful out there.

* All assumptions of other professional players getting backed is pure speculation but from what I hear totally true.

** All conversations with Daniel Negreanu happen inside my head, but if he was really there then this is how they would happen.

Friday, February 20, 2009


It is finally upon us. The BBT4. As usual my broke ass is looking for backers. I am looking for full backing through the entire BBT4 sent to my account before the BBT4 starts. The entire contest cost is around $650 not including any Big Games. It is up to my backer if they want to back that also. It gives more chances to get good points but is the most expensive. I think that would add another 150-200 to the total cost depending how many they get in. If I can not find a backer for the entire event then I will consider backing for individual events although I think this gets rid of the main incentive to back me. If I win a month and get a seat, or win the ME seat then anyone who has backed me in full either gets a cut of the seat or a cut of the prize I can win with the seat.

Anyway my math is not exact just ask Bayne. Unlike other forms of poker I tend to do very well in the retarded blogger version. Last year I outright won a month for a $1500 package, and won several other events, almost won a second month out right, and I won something in the tourney of champions. My backer at least doubled his initial investment and had a nice shot at the 10K seat. Last year in 2008 even with a shorter playing schedule I ended up top five on all of the existing blogger games available. I already have a cash in a Mookie and a second in a Dookie. So I think at the very least my backer would get all his money back. Best case scenario we win a seat to the ME this time. If you want to back me for the entire event then send me an email at, IM me if you know me, or drop a comment if you can stand the ridicule. :P.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tainted Dookie

Mookie won a tainted Dookie. I think I may have chip dumped my entire stack to him at the end HU. The shame of this game will live on forever. The second time I have chip dumped everything to Mookie. He must either be a great player or he must be blowing me or something I dunno. Perhaps he sent me twenty five cans to redeem at the grocery store! Nobody will ever know because I am not saying. Just realize I always chip dump to Mookie. Everytime. A lawyer said it so it must be true.

Quick One

Why I think Mookie players have a fold button I will never know.

Preach it Sister

DJ's are the most annoying because they think they're famous and demand to be treated so.
-- CJ

Say it is not so! I would never have believed it. I do love reading CJ though. She is a sweet kid.

Planet of the Apes

Does nobody learn from the movies? In a Planet of the Apes type scene this chimp went house on this lady. As far as I can figure the bitch got him the wrong Elmo. I can see the chimp saying "I'll teach that bitch I said tickle me Elmo you motherfucker!". Yes, I am a sick, sick person.

Poker Post

Just a quickie. I figured I should write about poker on occasion. So today's installment is a question to people:Do you really want better structures to your games that cause them to favor more skilled players? This is an interesting question. At first take everyone probably says "Of course I want better structures that help skilled players". Probably it depends on which game your talking about. For instance lets take SNG play. If you have two sites. One is Bodog which has longer rounds and smaller blinds which makes for a better structure. The other is Full Tilt which has quicker games. Which would you rather play if you were a grinder? I think you would give up some skill in order to make a better hourly figure. So Full Tilt would be preferable even to highly skilled players. Am I wrong about that?

MTT play is more of a tossup. All of these types of games take a long time. So having them take a little longer while giving you a skill edge may be a good thing. The games stay tight longer in theory and the bubbles take longer to break but honestly your looking for that first place win anyways. That is all that matters. So I think here you would want a more skilled game.

None of this applies to cash games. I guess a table with less rake might be good or more fishy players. Who the hell knows. Obviously the less skilled your opponents the better.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Death Knight Elf

Wow. I had a great time with my female Death Knight Elf. Originally I started my DK and had no idea how to play it. So finally I got around to reading some recommendations about how to play the suckers. Wow did it make a difference. I went from getting killed by things to just kicking the shit out of everything and having a good time. Unfortunately this lead me to stay up until like 3AM. I am looking forward to getting my 78 Mage up to 80 this weekend to join my rogue and then killing everything in my path with my Death Knight.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Mookie Draws

I started off pretty good when TripJax could not fold Queens pre-flop. He called so fast I thought he must have Aces but then I was like "Dude, it is TripJax". So my limp and re-jam to his raise worked out pretty good. Another player in the hand folded Jacks which WOULD have won by suckout. Good thing we did not see a flop as I doubt those jacks fold on a 223 flop.

I then proceeded to lose it all on two consecutive hands against someone who never saw a fold button in his life. First hand I loosely call a raise with KT s00ted. Lousy hand but whatever. The flop gave me an OESD and overcard. The early player jams all in with second pair and I turn a flush draw to give me some ridiculous amount of outs somewhere between seventeen and a gadzillion and I miss everything. The next hand I call another small raise with a speculative hand of 96 diamonds and flop middle pair with a flush draw. Good enough to get it all in. So I check raise my opponent for most of his chips and miss all fifteen to a gazzilion outs twice over. I guess it was not my night to gamble. I was alright getting my money in on both hands though. Obviously when you play someone who can not fold top pair or second pair it is better to have a strong made hand but that is Donkeyment play for you.

I am going to shoot my welfare check into a $55 SNG and either get a workable roll or go broke fast. Peace out.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bring Her To Mah House

According to the guys at Fark, who are obviously a prestigious news organization "Nothin' says love like taking your Valentine to a candle-lit dinner - at Waffle House".. So bring your sexy women by to ole Waffles house and I will show them some lovin' Ahhh Yeahh!

Auto Experiences

The Wife reminded me this morning of some of my driving experiences. We had a big fuel truck riding her ass in parked traffic and after it turned off she mentioned that she would have driven really slow to piss the guy off if he had gone straight. It triggered off the wayback machine and I remembered some of my more notable experiences of my youth flying around in my cherry red Mustang.

.. I remembered the time some guy had the balls to flash his beams at me, like I was going too slow. So I slowed wayy the fuck down to like ten miles per hour. He went to pass me and I gunned the 5 liter engine. I then slowed back down forcing him to creep along at ten miles per hour. It was hilarious ..

.. I remember the guy who was tailing me on the highway. It was like 2AM. The fucker flashes me to pull over so he can pass. Hello? The fucking road is empty. So I slam on my breaks as hard as I can causing him to have to swerve out of my way and so he stops on the highway like fifty feet ahead of me. So I stop also. We are sitting in the middle of a highway basically parked at 2AM in the morning. He then starts backing up on the highway. So I put my car in reverse and also backup. Finally he gets sick of chasing me and runs away ..

.. I was at the stop light when another muscle car pulls up beside me. We start revving our engines at each other. Getting ready to peal out when the light changed. The light switches to green and .. I miss the clutch and stall out.. He flies through the intersection. If course neither one of us noticed the cop car behind us. Until it pulled the guy over and gave him a huge ticket. BWAHAHAH! Best race I ever lost ..

.. Driving home from work with a friend in the car. All of a sudden this convertible blows a tire, spins into my lane, and is sideways before me. I slam on my breaks as hard as I can and come to a stop right before her. She was so scared. Blond. Shaking. Hot. Convertible. Of course I just drove off but that was a pretty surreal experience ..

.. Cruising up to New Hampshire every day for a consulting gig. The roads got sort of boring. So I popped it up to 130 and put it into cruise control. I sort of thought the car that was pulled over behind another car was a cop, but he had that person pulled over already right? About five minutes later I see this undercover card come flying up behind me swerving like crazy barely able to control himself at this speed. I framed the ticked I got and kept it on the wall for a while with the caption "Can your car go this fast?" ..

.. Numerous times driving my friends around in my dads shitbox brown station wagon. I have no idea what kind of engine was in that fucker but it had a ton of pickup. One time I had a car full of friends and did not slow down in the rain coming into the rotary and flew straight off the road into a grassy patch. Sick. That car was a lot of fun ..

.. His little rice burner was not as much fun. Around the time I needed to get glasses I was driving this thing. Somehow I missed the HUGE do not enter sign on the highway and ended up driving the wrong way. No. I was not drunk. I have very rarely every driven drunk and am ashamed of the one or two times I might have. So finally I realized I was going the wrong way, So I go to swing a U-Turn and the car stalls out. Fun times ..

.. Asking my friend if the way was clear, So I go and shoot out, and this truck comes flying over the hill at wayyy too fast speed. I look at my friend and only see his horrified face as he is sure he is going to die. I gun the engine and get past the truck, who slams on his breaks and fishtails all over the street before coming to a stop, I still remember my friends pale, horrified face ..

.. Pulling donuts on this kids lawn and shooting up houses with paintballs was kind of fun too ..

.. Driving my mom around one day and having her scream every time I accelerated. She almost got us into many accidents. I was so pissed at the time but it is so funny to look back and see her horrified screaming face. Does that mean I am evil? ..

Ah the excesses of youth. Crazy times. I had some fun though. I will say I do not miss the Mustang getting stolen and ending up in that shit hole they call Worcester or Lowell.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Whats Going On

I watched Michael Moore's Sicko documentary last night for the first time. Now Michael is obviously very one sided and tries to be controversial and stoke up the fires. The movie had some really head scratching parts though. Like how does a little girl with a 108 fever get pushed out of an Emergency room? How can a hospital stick sick people in a cab and drop them off at a free clinic? Just push them out of a cab and let them wander the street until someone from the clinic picks them up. How do you deny people things like bone marrow transfers? It is really baffling. I mean they have to help people right? I assume the doctors never ever get to see these people and some administration type is the one sending people away. Am I wrong about that though? Is it the ER doctors that send them on their way? Pretty eye opening stuff if this kind of thing is going on every day.

I also tried to get a Wii Fit. This is like the third or fourth time I have tried to pump money into the economy. However apparently stores do not want to sell me stuff. The Toys R Us I went to was out of Uno for the boy and had no Wii Fit. I then went to Target and was able to get Uno for half the price of the giraffe store. So fuck you forever Geoffry. I still was not able to find a Wii Fit though. Ah well. I think someone should start an exit polling company. The stores they represent would give out a certificate every month in a raffle if you filled out the survey. It would just ask "Did you find everything you wanted? If not what were we out of, and will you wait and buy it here or buy it somewhere else". Possibly they could keep up with demand that way. Who knows. I have to say at least around here the malls are packed full.

I have also been making my lunch this week. I have learned in the one day I have done this that my normal cafeteria lunch is HUGE compared to my sandwich and fruit. I was starving at the end of the day.

What Sci-Fi Character are You?

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

It is nice they chose someone with pasty white skin like mine. pfft.

Monday, February 09, 2009


I just came to the realization that PETA is doing it wrong. In essence they are sending people naked women IF they abuse animals. So if I was a fur trapper and they were going to send naked chicks to pose in front of my place where is the downside? I think they actually are encouraging people to go out and abuse animals. If they REALLY cared about the animals they would use fat, ugly, fugly, chicks in the traps. Naked fugly chicks with warts outside my workplace would certainly cause me to shut down immediately.

Facebook is Funny

While I would rather be friends with Lacey (Glares at someone, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!), I have now become best buddies with Jerry Yang on Facebook! Yay me! I think my standards must be slipping if I have moved from CK to Jerry Yang.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Dumb People

I think it is a government conspiracy to create all dumb newscasters. We have seen it happening more and more as news agencies have replaced talented reporters with good looking morons. It follow good looking law.

What is good looking law? It states that the better looking you are the dumber you are. This is of course a slight generalization and all of the hotties I know are very smart. It makes sense though for the most part. The good looking people are too busy having fun and getting laid to study and become intelligent.

I mention the government conspiracy to replace intelligent reporters with idiots because of some of the dumb stuff I hear these people say. Like today they were talking about a Street Artist. It was the guy who did some Obama poster. At the end they laughed at him being arrested for some past graffiti charges or some such nonsense. Now either they did not know that "Street Artist" means graffiti or... well, no, there probably is no other explanation. Please do not laugh at people in the future when you are saying stupid things.

Stupid reporters lead to people spewing back the idiotic rhetoric their rich masters. I wish I was a rich master. That would be kinda cool but otherwise it sorta sucks.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Old People Dreams

I woke up having the best old person dream ever. I was sentenced to go back to high school for some reason. I am not sure what my crime was. So I am sitting in class and this little eighteen year old senior is saying "I wonder what old people sex would be like.. I hear forty year olds are the best.. I have had guys my age and they are so quick, and twenty year olds are so bad.." and she is blabbering on while fingering herself through her cotton panties and trying to come on to me. Old people dreams are weird.

Thursday, February 05, 2009


Hoyazo can write about bonus payments, and screwed up companies, and why the economy is bad. His financial blog is pretty good and explains things very well. The real impact of the economy does not hit us until it becomes personal though. Until we see a few of our good friends out of work and wish we could help them. When we see people we know with cut back hours and struggling to get things going. When our own families lose income. As much of a ranting prick as I can be I really wish I could pick all my friends up and bring them to Waffles fairy tale land where we could all live happily every after exploiting the Umpa Doompa guys. I guess I am just saying I wish you all the best.

Fun Times at Mookies House

I actually had a really good time playing the Mookie last night. Thanks to my benefactor for spotting me a buyin. The table selection got really nasty at one point as I had MiamiDon, LJ, Sucko, AND Chad at my table. Three of those four jam any freaking hand if you give them any chips. You can guess which ones.

I started out keeping pretty even. Took some chips off Astin to get back to my starting stack. I then coolered the hell out of Hoyazo. That was a blast. I am not sure if I would have folded here. I sort of doubt it. I raised and Hoyazo called. The flop comes J99. Hoyazo leads out and I cold call with my Queens. I do not want to spook the poor boy. Next comes another nine giving me the bigger boat. I was pretty positive Hoy had the Jack, so when he lead out on the turn I put him all in. He called with his KJ and I was off to the races.

I put a slight beat on LJ. I was in the small blind and running a little close to the ten blind minimum. It folded around to me and I jammed my weak Ace-three off. LJ instantly called with a small Ace-five off. Normally this hand ends in a tie but since we are on Full Tilt I obviously spike my money three and dodge her seven outs to the river.

Sucko decided to double me up somewhere around here too. The "BW" honor was way to tempting for the boy and he called my all in with K8 vs my AJ. Nobody improved and I took down a nice pot. Later Sucko got a little frustrated at some bad luck and spewed off the nice stack he had earlier built. LJ was the benefactor of the final good sized chunk and she was back in the game after I crippled her.

We got down to the final table and I played a tight semi-aggressive game. I snapped off a jam from LJ this time having the better Ace-Junk. I really considered folding to her jam but Ax was a huge possibility so I called. She then had a run of bad luck and then finally got in behind with 66 vs KK only to flop a six and lose to a runner runner AAAKK boat. I guess it was not the Sucko-LJ tag team night.

It was between Jordon and I for the Bubble boy and I figured I could just wait him out. I was right and made it into the money. He had a good stack coming into the final table but made an aggressive play against LJ and found himself on the short stack.

I got some pretty crappy cards but was able to keep my head above water until four people were left. I was the shortest stack and jammed the suited Mook. I figured I had enough chips that April would fold some of the weaker hands she might have. She thought about it for a few and then the Waffles power kicked in and she was like "How the fuck can I fold to him". Unfortunately instead of having the race I was looking forward to April calls me with AT and has me totally dominated. I did flop the gutter draw but was unable to pull it out. At least my chips went to a lovely and talented lady.

A guy who really deserves to win a Mookie finally took one down as our very own ScottMc was able to hold onto his massive chip lead and win the whole thing. Congratz to Scott. I am just happy to be on the Mookie Leaderboard for this year. It was also nice shutting out Team Schuabs since it looked like they might both go all the way at one point. Go Team Tragedy!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Interesting Banning

I think I mentioned that this could be illegal on Full Tilt. Everyone laughed and said I was wrong. Of course nobody is as brilliant and far sighted as I am. So suck it doubter and haters! You are wrong! You know who you are!!!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Superbowl Ads

Spike TV Super Bowl Ad Listing to waste even more time today.

Chess Boxing Jordon?

Interesting sports.