Fuck Me

Unless your someone like Carmen or CK I mean this figuratively not literally. I played my favorite little tourney again tonight.. The Bodonkey 3K. Again I go out deep this time in 20th place again. I feel bad about the hand I pushed on. The hand that setup the push was interesting though. All you brain surgeon MTT players out there let me know what you think.

Late in the MTT. I have 12k stack. The blinds are 600/1200+ANTE. I limp into the SB with 79 spades and the BB checks. The flop comes 74K two spades. I lead out for 3k. I get re-raised 5k more. This leaves me with about 4k left if I call. I jam the rest of my chips in. He calls. We turn over our cards and it is 74o two pair for him. The seven on the turn reduces my outs to six and the spade on the river is just rubbing it in. SO was this too aggressive?

The hand I went out on sucked balls. I had 6k left. Having survived down to 20th place.. and I jam A9o into AJo for 75% of his stack. I gotta stop doing that. However with like 3BB I will only beat myself black and blue for doing that. I think my new MTT rule is to never jam Ax... although ATo got me as far as I got.. when A4o calls my all in jam.. hmm.. I love me some Ax. Fucktard.

Couple of Early Morning Rants

So here is one for you.. I am looking at getting an exercise bike. So I do a search of your local Sears and see a few bikes like this. I am looking at the features.

CoolAire™ Workout Fan-Stay cool with the built-in workout fan.
Nice. I can point it at my thighs and stop the sweat!! WOOT!


EKG™ Heart Rate Monitor- Make the most out of every workout by monitoring your heart rate.
Sweet! I can tell if I am going into cardiac arrest! Should be good.

Then I get to this little number.. 250 Lb. Weight Capacity-This heavy-duty bike accommodates weights of up to 250 lbs.
Now honestly this does not effect me because I am too short to be 250 pounds. For Christ sakes though your selling these things to lard asses who want to lose weight. Who's bright idea was it to limit it to 250 pounds. That is fucking barely obese or something. What the hell was this made in China or something? Where obese is 99 pounds wet? Fucktards. Make the bike for people who can use it.

Rant Number two. I love Dean Koontz. He has written some good Fiction in the past and I always enjoy reading one of his books. Servants of Twilight is one of my favorite works of his. His latest book is called The Husband. The premise is that a man's wife is kidnapped and he has to pay two million dollars to get her back. I can believe in fanatical cultists, Anti-Christ's and little green men but you want me to believe some guy is going to pay two million to get his wife back? All I can picture is the guy on the phone trying to stifle his chuckling. I would believe it more if they asked for ten million not to return her. I just do not get it.

I should have a Razz post up soon as well as a response to my being selected as the #4 hater. I am very disappointed that I did not rate higher. Personally I think Hoyazo made the list so people would go to his blog and say "no no Hoy we do not hate you, you are great, we love your blog, can we please suck your dick some more". Fucking egomaniac that Hoyazo guy is!

Peace.

I keep fucking up

I am such a fuck up at late points in tourneys. I have played the Bodog 3k 4 times and in my estimation made some fucked up plays late when I had a stack. The latest is calling off my stack in the SB after I raised 900 and the BB jammed. I had 12k in chips with 150/300 blinds.. and it cost me 7k. The SB for the record had 33 and I had AJ. I acted too fast again.

On the good side I have played this fucker 3-4x and made the money twice. Once I went out in 19th this time in 45th.. sooo.. I am thinking that a final table finish might be in the cards eventually. I must be doing something right early.. then donking off late.. If I can tighten that up I think I can get over the hump. Like I said before the structure is rockin!!!

Thanks to ScottMc and CK for railing me. You the best. Love you all. I also heard Raisey Daisy went far in a couple of things tonight. I have no details and await a post tomorrow. Also await Hoyazo rebuttle of her success. The synopsis synopsis should read "She is so lucky.. wah wahh wahh.. I am so good". Peace.

BoDoggy

My advertising payment from Bodog finally was able to be deposited on site and I have started playing there. I refuse to become the total shill that Smokkee is but I have to give them some props. So far I have been hitting the 3k tourney over the weekend and a few SNGs. In the tourney I have placed 19th and 89th. I could have done much better in both but I made ill conceived plays at bad times. Hey I am Waffles this is what I do. I am trying to clamp down on this.

The software at Bodog is very unfriendly. It just does not have a intuitive feel to it. However once you get used to it you are fine. There are a few nice options for reporting peoples cards and hands in the options pane and I suggest turning them on. A very smart short person once told me "Sharks hate bad software".. and this axiom has served me well.

The tourneys themselves are awesome for Jeciimd(tm) style play. The levels are long.. Antes do not kick in for a while and you can really play a solid game. Even with only 1500 starting chips I never feel rushed in this game. Of course I have a need to self destruct towards the end but that is another story.

The reporting mechanisms on the tourneys leave a lot to be desired. I have a hard time figuring out where I am in the tourney.. how close we are to getting rid of the last few people.. etc etc.. I would like to see more of a running total of every user in the tourney if possible.

I have heard many stories regarding the trustworthiness of the site itself. It does not offer any cash out method other than check and it usually takes two weeks to get paid from what I have heard. Since cashing out is not one of my strong points I will have to wait to comment on these issues. I would not have too much of an issue with waiting two weeks for a check although I think the site would be well served to have quicker methods to get your cash out.

As for suckouts. These exist on Bodog as they do on Riverfuckers, and Full Tilt. I just today got all my chips in with AQ vs KQ on a AQx flop and my opponent got runner -runner flush. However with the structure the way it is, and a run of good cards, after I told him to fuck off and I hated him, I went on to win the whole thing. It was tough to get decimated and only have 800 chips left with five people remaining. The comeback was fun though. The final hand of the game was against said KQ flush fucker and he jammed all in with A6 vs my KT on a T6x flop. There were myriad raises and re-raised in between. I felt he might have me beat but I had a big lead at the time and took the risk with my KT. This could be a wonderful relationship.

As for my screen name. Well you will have to find it out for yourselves. Besides a few friends I am keeping it secret. If you see someone at Smokkee's tourney yell "Fuck you you horrible fucking excuse for a human".. then I may be outed otherwise you will have to figure out which comedic depiction of my playing style is correct and try and find me that way.

While I am at it buy Johnny Hughes book at Amazon. I have no idea why. It seems the in thing to do on your road to becoming an A-Lister. I have read his posts on Iggy's site and found myself enjoying them.. they sort of remind me of diarrhea.. they go on for a while and kind of smell a bit but in the end you feel better after having them. I will never have the writing prose of a Dr. Pauly or Johnny Hughes but I try and fill my little nitch.

Peace. Oh yeah almost forgot. UN-DE-FEET-ED!!!!

New Years Resolution

I figure I would get my New Years resolutions out early. My first resolution is to let the Waffle's side of me out more often. I entirely enjoyed this encounter I had during the Christmas shopping season. I was pulling into this small parking lot and this lady was in front of me. Another car pulls in behind me. The lady is blocking a car trying to get out. She gets out of her car and tells me to move. Obviously I can not go anywhere.. So she starts telling everyone what to do and to move except herself who is blocking everyone in. So I roll down my window and yell "You can have the spot just move your fucking car out of the way you cunt!". She quickly got back in her car.

Normally I let the Waffles stay inside and grin and bear it. This year I would like to call more people pricks and cunts and whores. I would like to scream at the cutter's in line.. tell the cell phone gabbing donkeys to fuck off!!! Straddle up to that Asian woman on the train and tell her she is smokkin'!! Alright probably not the last one because I AM married.. and I do not REALLY want her to say "Yeah baby" and rip my jeans down and start sucking my cock in the middle of MBTA. Someday I may win the WSOP and then.. then.. I will get a blow job on the MBTA.. during fucking rush hour baby!!! OH YEAH! It is the year of the Waffles.

Second thing I would like to do this year is infuse my life with a bunch more energy. I just have no energy and feel like shit most of the time. I just need to buy a bike or something and put in 20 minutes a day to a healthier life. If I got said Blow Job from above I would probably die of a heart attack.. die happy.. but still dead.

So those are the things I am going to be shooting for in the New Year. I have some vague poker goals but nothing really concrete right now. I look forward to reading all of your posts about your goals and dreams. Peace out.

Tonight is NOT my night

It started out horrible, got really good, then went back to bad. I started out losing about a buyin early. I was really bummed. CK helped out a lot and got me cheerful again and I started kicking ass. If she did not cheer me on I would have lost my buyin and called it a night for sure. I got up to +1 buyin.. but got a few brutal suckouts including 88 vs 89c and flopped nut straight vs two pair. Arg! Turning the boat fuckers. Anyhow it could have been worse and I ended the night down about 20BB. Not bad. Not great. I will take it. I really had good tables. Hopefully tomorrow is just as good except less suckouts. I may call it a night early if I get off to a good start. I need a good night psychologically.

Commuting Rant

I have a poker rant coming however todays commute was really fucking annoying. Actually I hate commuting every day so this is not really any different. So here is my ode to the commute.

Here is to you fucking Mexican guitar hero wanna be begger fucker. Go fucking beg somewhere else. I do not wanna here your cabana music strummed out. I admit your decent in a third grade remedial way but who the fuck wants to hear that shit. You suck. Go away. While your at it take that fucking Chinese bastard with you. I have no idea what the fuck he is playing. It looks like he killed a few rats and used their whisker's and bones to make some retarded mini-harp and now is plucking out some retarded tune that makes me long for your playing. Fuck you both. Beg on the streets like normal people.

Now the retarded guy I will give a pass too. He is retarded so he probably does not know any better. However why can't your handler put your mussel back on? I mean motherfucker. I swear I thought you were going to bite me as you screamed at the top of your lungs "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PASSS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PASSS!".. What did your grandpa rape you with a T pass when you were little? What the fuck? Pleeeeaseeeee control your retarded pets when riding in public. It is just common courtesy and other people do not feel real safe.

The fucking dorky looking guy in the train station was ok. I just include him because he broke into my pacing orbit while I was waiting for 15 minutes for my fucking T-Train to come. He was cool. He was the size of Iggy and he had big fucking blue shoes on! I mean what the fuck??!?! He looked like the long lost Dorkey Smurf. Please only come out after dark if you look and dress like this.

Here is to you senile old bitch at CVS... please call Dr. Kevorkian I am sure he can give you a nice shot to help both of us out. I mean I know you have to try out ever fucking umbrella in CVS but do you have to do it in front of the only cashier? Can you move the fuck out of my way so I can pay for my food and leave? I swear you had better be a wandering Alzheimer's patient or I am going to hip check you on the ice next time. You smell like old people too. An extra little fuck you to CVS for having ONE FUCKING cashier on duty. I know you are cheap fucks and hire slow people who can not speak a word of English but please have several of these monkeys at a register so I can get out relatively quickly.

Last but not least cute Asian chick.. Do you not notice my dick waving at you? Do you not have the least bit of human decency.. at least wave back.. If you were a truly nice person you would come over when he waved at you and shake his hand. I mean the train was mostly empty. Peace.

No-Poker Revenge

I won two-caps at "No-Poker"(tm) tonight which is good.. I was up four-caps at one time but dwindled down a little on a SF draw and then lost a buyin on a 666 flop with 77.. I re-raise the guy big and he calls with AJ.. and spikes a turn jack. Fucking retard. Oh well.

On a side note please welcome my newest advertiser FlopTurnRiver.com. The have a whole bunch of stuff on their site like bonus's and site rating and tons of information. Check them out if you want.

Merry Whateverthefuckyoucelebrate

Christmas was a pretty fun time.. my daughter got a Guitar (not signed by any bloggers) and she may actually have some talent. I mean she was just banging out noise strumming all the strings (she is only four for Christ sakes) but she actually had some rhythm going. My son is probably hopeless. To be fair he would probably get better with lessons or something.. where I would not have a snowballs chance in hell of ever being musical.. he can always fall back on the recorder too.

My son's favorite gift was the NINTENDO GAME CUBE w/ MARIO BROTHERS BASEBALL. He has all the traits of a bad looser. He starts schooling me by winning the first six games straight.. he is singing "It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" rubbing it in thick.. so then I get the hang of the game a little and smash him in a couple of games and destroy and humiliate him 18-3 in one. He is in tears. I am such a good dad. I smacked him and told him to grow up. It is a fucking cold world. He is still a bad looser. I need to work with him on that a little.

I do not even know what I got for Christmas.. I think like a hundred buck Visa card. Instead of depositing it on Full Tilt I am sending it directly to Scott. I had a decent time though. I have been playing "not-poker" for the past few days. "Not-poker" is your basic 6-max capped game. I know this is "Not-Poker" because I am actually winning. I am pretty much killing the game. I am up 6 buyins in a couple of days. I have had my share of bad beats but for the most part I am so far ahead and they have no draws at all which mitigates my bad luck. Some cases in point are hands where I flop a set of sevens and some dude calls my all in with Ace high. Now I *could* lose that hand.. but even my luck is not always that bad. I have the roll up to a meager amount but it is going in the right direction so we will see what happens. Later.

Blood Elf Fasion Parade

Merry Holidays to you all. Going to watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with the kids. They love that movie. I got my Blood Elf some nice boots and noticed that they kind of look like Carmen's.. maybe I should change my Elf's name.. lol.



To all the ladies out there.. my love.. to you playah's and balla's.. fuck you all. I am coming for you!! One of these days.. fuckers.. To all of the retards.. thanks for filling my Full Tilt account with Christmas cheer. Peace out.

Dumb Bitch

Dumb Bitch,
What were you thinking,
Nothing,
That is why you are,
a dumb bitch

Random Notes

How cool is it that "The Wife's" samba panties are the first thing I see most days when I come to my blog. Super cool! Also.. my favorite 6-MAX table is called Jo Anne! Bring me luck scary lady!

Via Kattitude

We Build Waffles.

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more waffles slogans.

Bad Beat

Poker went well this weekend.. Borrowed 5 bucks, won 10, paid back the 5, and ran it up to 25.. wheee.. I have found my new crack cocaine: 6-max capped. Poker with training wheels. Dude jams all in on the river.. you have 2nd nut flush.. its ok.. its only 3 bucks.. and he has the 2 of clubs anyways.. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I almost died laughing.

I cant..

.. make this shit up..

Snowing in MA

Holy Fuck

I predicted the winner of the BBT2? What a fucking genius I am. What do I get for all my brilliance? About 1.34 in my Full Tilt account. Life is good. Peace.

Fire up the Rant Machine

Maybe try to control the pot size once in a while, and not just JAM on every single edge you might perceive?

I have heard some really fucking stupid comments in my life.. especially from Duggles.. but this one has to be the best. How can you call yourself a poker player and not want to get all your chips in the middle as a 81% favorite with one card to come. That is just the stupidest comment I have ever heard in my life. You can make a point that playing 23 s00ted is not good or whatever other idiotic point you might like but that comment was retarded. I really wish you would explain what you mean because I can not even fathom a reality in which I do not want all my chips in on that turn.

Also for you s000ted connector haters fuck you too.. you know who you are.. you guys are so fucking full of shit you eyeballs smell. I have watched you play over the years. If a s00ted connector walks up to you, whips it's dick out of it's pants, and slaps you across the face with it you are going down on your knees and blowing it off.. then you are going to let it make the money shot in your face and lick the s00ted goodness off your fingers. So stop pretending your all little school girls all nice and virginally pure.

On the good side I am playing some of the best poker ever not from a results standpoint or even possibly a cards standpoint but my mentality has been reasonably good. I have been setting time limits for my play and sticking with them. So as not to become too unfocused by long sessions.. and also to avoid the mentality of "Well I am down 3BB lets just play a little longer and make it a winning session".. I am putting myself into the mentality of one long session and when I end then night is more a function of time and focus as opposed to result.

Even though I am totally livid about the hand last night.. and just basically the past three days where I have gotten people in so bent over it is not even funny.. and yet still have not gotten full penetration.. I did not go off and do anything destructive which is good. I still have my meager roll to work with and in general I am taking this very seriously and making some good strides. I do not think I will ever not get emotional about hands but I can recognize it and leave or do other things to combat the issue.

Also I got to be lewd to one of my favorite people The Scary Lady. She sort of disappeared into real life after last years blogger gathering and has been missed. Hope to see you around the chats even if you have no time to play poker!!!

Tonight I shall try yet again. Peace. Oh and by the way.. I am rooting for JJ or Iggy to win, but I am putting the cooler pick on Jeciimd. I think he is on a streak and is going to do well. If you get gigli man do not kill me please! I also think Chad is one of the best MTT players in our group so he has no shot in hell of winning this.

Fucking Cock Rags (No not you Choad)

Another losing night. At this rate the pain will be over soon. Here is the "one hand" that makes or breaks a night.

Full Tilt Poker Game #4561439606: Table Wadsworth - $0.05/$0.10 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:57:11 ET - 2007/12/20
Seat 1: PokerDude 20817 ($5.65)
Seat 2: NoCaution ($9.85)
Seat 3: SirFWALGMan ($11.60)
Seat 4: MRT888 ($9.65)
Seat 5: frantic20b ($6.20)
Seat 6: Beech Bum ($6.05)
Seat 7: johnegolfer ($2.40)
Seat 8: dissector ($10.50)
Seat 9: notnormal73 ($9.10)
MRT888 posts the small blind of $0.05
frantic20b posts the big blind of $0.10
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to SirFWALGMan [2c 3c]
Beech Bum folds
johnegolfer folds
dissector folds
notnormal73 folds
PokerDude 20817 folds
NoCaution raises to $0.35
SirFWALGMan calls $0.35
MRT888 folds
frantic20b calls $0.25
*** FLOP *** [3d 6h Qc]
frantic20b checks
NoCaution bets $0.80
SirFWALGMan calls $0.80
frantic20b folds
*** TURN *** [3d 6h Qc] [2h]
NoCaution bets $1.60
SirFWALGMan raises to $10.45, and is all in
NoCaution calls $7.10, and is all in
SirFWALGMan shows [2c 3c]
NoCaution shows [Qh Jd]
Uncalled bet of $1.75 returned to SirFWALGMan
*** RIVER *** [3d 6h Qc 2h] [6c]
SirFWALGMan shows two pair, Sixes and Threes
NoCaution shows two pair, Queens and Sixes
NoCaution wins the pot ($18.10) with two pair, Queens and Sixes
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $20.10 | Rake $2
Board: [3d 6h Qc 2h 6c]
Seat 1: PokerDude 20817 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: NoCaution showed [Qh Jd] and won ($18.10) with two pair, Queens and Sixes
Seat 3: SirFWALGMan (button) showed [2c 3c] and lost with two pair, Sixes and Threes
Seat 4: MRT888 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: frantic20b (big blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 6: Beech Bum didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: johnegolfer didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: dissector didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: notnormal73 didn't bet (folded)

** and STFU Don I played this perfectly. If anyone wants to argue that point feel free because your a fucking idiot. If I get someone to commit their entire stack with a 19% chance to win and one card to come I did my job. Fucking poker is such a joke.

I knew it

I knew Hoyazo could take over the Waffles mantle should I become sick or no longer able to perform my duties of starting blogger wars and being a general nuisance. I think if he could just trim off a few thousand words from his "Gone with the Wind" length rants then he might just have it. Rants need to be short and sweet. Two paragraphs at the longest.

I have faith I can be a great poker player just by my reads. I knew exactly what CK was going to say to my last post. Word. For. Word. I shall own her forever more in our poker matches. She of course will still win because I am the unluckiest fucker ever born.. I swear to you all right now I was Hitler in a past life. It is the only explanation that makes any sense.

As far as any veiled insults by bloggers towards me.. meh. I have a lot of confidence and a realistic self image about myself and people can say what they want. If I am at all offended I will mention it. I have a very hard time keeping a grudge against people. Surprisingly enough I do not even hate Choad. I do find him to be juvenile and a bit more of a jockish type of humor but so be it. I can accept people for who they are.

Now if I could figure out how to get my Aces to hold up against AK I would be all set...

A Pictorial of Suck

This was my night. I honestly can not figure out where I did anything wrong in either hand. The AA vs AK hand I re-raised pre-flop. He cold calls. While he was behind on the flop slightly I can not fault his donkey call of my jam of a full buyin. He had some outs. I did not run the math but I would be surprised if I was any more than 54% favorite. I must be getting good at this. I checked. 53%. I have no problem with my push on the flop either. Is there some other line I can take here?

I then lost as little as possible due to a players weakness with set-under-set. The river was kind of scary to him I guess.. so he bet 1.50, I raise 4, and he just cold calls. I probably lost like 5-6 here. Not bad.

I ended the night down around nine bucks. Little less than one buyin. Seeing the cards tonight I guess that is not too bad. So when does the 5x buyin night come?

Ahh well.. Hey is it me or does CK look a lot like Mrs. Universe? hmm..

Oh yeah and this made me laugh today.. I got this email that said "Congratulations! You and April are now connected.".. WOOT!

Shilling for CrackJax

Been thinking..

I have been thinking a lot about cash games and figure I need a lot more discipline in my game. Not the good kind of discipline that involves CK, handcuffs, and a blindfold but the tough kind. Treating the game like a business. Spending certain amounts of time and sticking to it. Not keeping on playing "Just to win that twenty cents back".. Last night is a perfect example of why I lose at cash. I was going to hang it up at 12AM but.. just one more hand.. I could get lucky.. maybe double up.. and at 1:30 I finally shut it down. It is a small thing. Did not cost me anything. I may even have made a few bucks more.. but winning in cash I am convinced is about the long view. Treating it like a job almost. Setting working hours. Quitting on time. Not caring if that means leaving up some or down some. Just seeing the results looking back after a few months and loving the fact that you have built something that will last over time.

I am a Gnome Mage

** LMFAO

Cash Games

I am gonna give these a shot in between the huge amount of side work and holiday's popping up. I played tonight. Lost half a stack when AT on a TT4 flop lost to an all in by 88. Runner-runner flush is always nice. I re-bought to full buyin' at Don's recommendation and the very next hand my JJ all in pre-flop stacks the same guy with the 88 when he calls with K8 hearts. Somehow I held on. So ended the night down five cents. Not bad I guess.

Ode to a Smart Man

MiamiDon is a fucking brilliant man. You might never recognize it by looking at him.. he has a sort of laid back midwest kind of look that some might mistake for stupidity. He has a brilliant mind behind that look though. Why am I singing his praises today you might ask? I fell into one of his third level thinking traps. You see one of the faults my good friend has is his love of the hapless Miami Dolphins. I know we all have faults.. Pauly has his hookers and blow, I have poker.. and MiamiDon has his Dolphins. So this year has been extremely hard on my friend.

He has seen his team go down in flames thirteen times straight. One of the worst records I can remember ever. He would not stand still for this though. Oh no! He is a man of action! So in his devious mind he devised a plan so sinister a deal with the devil if you might. He would single handedly do what no one on his team could do: Make Miami win.

Now you might be asking yourselves how is this possible? Is he going to jump in and be quarterback for the Dolphins? Will he put his frumpy 240 pound frame on the offensive line? Can he rush for a thousand yards a game? No no no my friends but he has that clever mind. If you need your team to win get Waffles to bet money against them. So it came to pass that Miami was saved a 0-16 losing record all thanks to one fan who went above and beyond the call of duty. Well played my friend.. well played..

Anyone seen Iggy?

I am concerned about him after reading this story. We all know when he has to go he has to go..

Funny

I saw this over at Tony Pierce site. That dog just cracks me up.. and when the kid picks up the snake with the dog hump cooties on it and starts dancing with it I was cracking up.



Nothing too exciting last night. Mookie can not fold anything the cockrag.. so I went out early. Actually I saw him play horribly last night. I usually do not get to see him play but the amount of limp-calling of raises and then folding to c-bets is sickening. If your hand is good enough to limp-call then throw in a raise. Have some balls you cocksucker!

Reading through all the trip reports.. Iggy has a nice synopsis of available reports since he never writes about himself. Jackass. my only two regrets about Vegas ever are not having enough time to really talk with everyone. The second one is always losing my 5-card parlay in the last fucking 30 seconds of a game. Last year if you remember it was OT with Vince Fucking Young that bastard and he scrambles in for a TD on 4th down.. and this year Dallas scores with 22 seconds left to kill my under. I now know why EVERYONE hates Dallas.

I also just found out that The Wife's name is Michelle. Ha! It is pretty funny how I always call people by their online names. I could not tell you Iggy's real name (maybe that is it) or hardly anyone else outside of like Don or Carmen.. which is easy since they match.

I went to my first Recorder concert this morning. I do not know who the fucktard that invented the recorder is. Apparently it was probably some sheep fucking Shepard. Jackass. I mean when your kid is learning this instrument think about the loudest shrill nails on a chalkboard sound you can make and tripple it. Today though was the culmination of his recorder career as his class played to a packed lunch room. He was looking good in the front row. Way to go kiddo. When asked how he got so good at the recorder his answer was "I just copy what Anna does". Brilliant!!

Probably skip out on Riverchasers tonight. Play some cash tomorrow. Hear that ScottMc! Better get over your little cold there buddy!!!! Catcha all later.

What Color?

Reading about how everyone thought F-Train was gay I figured I should cut him some slack and ask my own Gay question.

What color jacket should I get.

I could talk about poker and jamming all in with 1k left in an SNG with 89o and getting called by the EP guy. Thinking he probably has Ax something.. maybe a pair.. hope not.. but seeing him flip over 57o and hit trip fives.. yes people, I do not make this shit up.. I had 1k in chips to his $1300 with $100 blinds...... crazy shit.......

Vegas Trip Report

Vegas was a total blast.. I am sitting here tired out of my mind having landed at 6AM and headed straight to work. I may have been able to get more sleep on the plane except I was next to a fucktard(tm)* who when he was not bumping me was spilling an entire cup of water on the guy next to me. Actually as I look back that was really fucking funny.. he puts the whole thing in this guys lap and the guy screams like a girl and wakes up half the fucking plane.

In the past I have written EPIC trip reports but I think this one will be a quick rundown of who I met and my thoughts about them. I really managed to relax and hang out this time. While I had one of the best times ever nothing seems EPIC post worthy for my readers.

AlCantHang - Had a GREAT time with one of the best guys you could ever know. I hooked up with him hard on Saturday night (at least hard for a lightweight like me) and downed a few beverages eventually passing out at the bar and being asked to leave although I do not remember that part. He also protected me from the Evil Falstaff by quoting the "Drunk Rules". Thank man I owe you!

Iggy - Finally got to spend some time with this creature. My flight landed in Vegas around 1AM. There were very few bloggers left at that time but I could count on Iggy. We later went down and hit the IP.. One word of caution: when he says he wants to take a taxi you probably should let him. We played Seinfeld looking for Veneno's car and the little guys bladder almost exploded. He pointed out some hookers to me including the Pimp Daddy's woman although Dr. Pauly's brother Derek wins the prize for best hooker spotter ever. Even if he was cheering against my Patriots this weekend I still love this little guy.

Dr. Pauly - Always like hanging with the Doctor and got a little bit of time at the sports bar with the man. Always a top notch guy. It is great for us D-Listers to have these A-Lister kind of guys give us the time of day. Thank you for your kindness. He always has the lovely and charming Change100 by his side which is just an added bonus!

MiamiDon - Honestly Don makes these trips very easy decisions. He opens up his house for me to stay at and makes the whole deal pretty cheap. Thank man! Your the best.

JJ - The Jack Are Ok Motherfucker from Texas. I love this guy. He was one of the few people who was pretty much exactly how I pictured him. He is a stand up guy and I had a great time hanging with him.

Buddy Doosh - Ok Doosh.. you better screen capture this one because it is NEVER going to happen again. Buddy was one of the biggest surprises of the trip to me. I really thought I was not going to like him. He is a lot cooler in person. I spent most of Sunday ragging on him while we watched the Steelers vs the Patriots in the "guaranteed" game. He was all decked out in his Steeler black and gold with some ratty towel he has never washed since the Super Bowl. Great guy though. Had a lot of fun talking with him and giving some good natured ribbing.

Veneno - Iggy guilted Veneno into making the trip down to Vegas. She hung out with us throughout a lot of the night and drove back in the morning. It was great to see her again!!!

CK (BWOP) - One blogger said to me "Does she ever shut up?".. I laughed but her overabundance of enthusiasm and bounciness really won me over. She was a lot taller than I thought she would be and sexy as hell. Her friend N is super hot also!!!!!! I even did a shot of tequila for her since F-Train wimped out. I doubt I could resist anything she asked of me. She did promise to take me to the strip club but reneged on her deal more due to scheduling issues than lack of desire. So Waffles still has never been to a strip club in Vegas. Probably for the best anyways as I am not sure my ancient old body could take that much stimulation.

The Wife - Another hot addition to the blogger crew. Fuck Dr. Chako I can see why you want to get home so fast! She is a smokkin' hot woman and very funny and nice. It was a pleasure to meet you. I think the great Samba Pantie bet either went Black or Double Zero, AKA Bare Back.. but I am not sure which.

Love Elf - I got smashed with Love Elf while hanging out with Al. She is one of my favorite bloggers. Such a caring and sweet person and she is hot too.. WOW! It must be true opposites attract! Great catch Smokkee and congrats on your wedding! You guys are great together.

Trauma Poker - As often happens in these blogger get togethers I never have enough time to spend with everyone. I got to hang with Trauma a bit on Friday night and a little at the tourney. Great guy! He even brought me a Waffle House shirt with "Table for Waffles" on the back. Thank man! He was one of the guys I really wanted to meet.

Katitude - Love me a dirty CILF teacher. Nuff said! I finally got to meet the man who "taimed" the kitty. Nice guy. Kat and I need to win a trip to the Aussie Millions now so we can hang with Jewels!!!?!?!!!

Poker Peaker - I thought he was going to be taller too. He was a cool guy to talk to. I really liked him even if he did go jogging at 8AM in the morning. Freaking probably eats bran muffins too.

CarmenSinCity - I totally had like zero time with my girl this weekend. She did take me home from the Bar Saturday night after I fell asleep. I think I was 7-8 beers in before she came to hang out though. Oh well at least I got the requisite Love Elf - Waffles - Carmen picture. Next time you better clear your schedule woman!

ScottyMc - Played some poker with this guy FINALLY after many years of hitting the virtual felt. We ended up hanging out at the sports book (sorry man!) and playing some poker at the IP! He even gave me some good pointers as we were playing. I had a great time finally hanging out with my boy Scotty. My final bad beat happened at his table too.. I had left for my flight and apparently someone hit the bad beat jackpot!! ARG! Congrats man!

CrackJax and TripWife - TripWife is smokkin' hot and very very nice. She spared my balls the kicking they probably deserved. Here hair was not very frizzy when I met her. She must have straightened it for me. Thank you baby! heh. Great to meet both of you.

Instant Tragedy - Totally could not wait to meet him. Awesome guy. Had a lot of fun at the sports book with him. He made some nice parlay bets that came through. Good stuff! Next time I will just copy his ticket. Oh no, that will be worse than the BuddyDoosh curse!!!!

Karol - Every year the list of nice looking blogger chicks keeps growing and Carol did not disappoint. Very nice looking woman!

Falstaff - He is looking really good. You can tell he has lost a ton of weight. His planning of the event this year was superb and even if he tried to put lipstick on me (and who knows where THAT would have lead) it was great to see him again.

LJ - Raisey Daisey was flitting around a lot. I did not get to spend a lot of time with her but I caught her a little the first night and some at the IP. She was playing tourneys like they were closing them down forever. heh. I also hear she got stacked at cash when she jammed J9 (the Lana) into someones Aces.. ok I made that one up. It was good to see you!

Bayne - Got to hang out a bit at the IP with Bayne. Apparently he is everyones nemesis. Fun guy and enjoyable to hang out with.

High On Poker - I was looking forward to meeting this fucker and really only got like two minutes with him. Next time man.

Texas April - Yet another person I did not have enough time to spend with. Oh well. Next time maybe!!!

I had a really great time all weekend even if I spent the entire time in a state of frustrated arousal from all of the hot chicks coming up to me. Probably should have just hit the bathroom and spanked one out. Would have kept my panties drier. We all know I love attention though!

I also got to play some poker with SpecialK, Rooster, F-Train, and many others. I was on the same flight back as Byron also. He is another guy who seems much cooler in person. I had a good time chatting with him while we were waiting for our flight. If I forgot to mention you too bad. I am old and my memory is faulty. Sorry. I met plenty of other bloggers this weekend and ran into some old favorites like CC and Linda.. the homeless man Mr. Subliminal.. Weak player.. Fuel.. BamBam and Pebbles .. it could go on and on and on..

These get togethers are a ton of fun. If you have never been to one your really missing something. Do not feel even the least bit intimidated to go and meet 120 strangers.. I have been amazed at how cool each and every one of them has been. Well worth the trip.

My sports betting luck continued as usual. I missed my 5-card parlay by one bet. I had the under on the Lions-Dallas game. The fucking thing kept almost screwing me all through the fourth quarter but that would not be painful enough.. so my luck caused Dallas to fumble on the 1 yard line and the lions to get the ball. So the game could continue on until Dallas was down to 22-seconds left.. and they punch a TD in to ruin my under by 4 points. See you later $550 for the second year in a row. At least it is fun though.

Crap I think I covered most everything I wanted to in one uber post. The people who are part of these blogs are what makes this hobby worthwhile and it is great to put faces to different people. Until later.

* fucktards is trademarked by all McGrupp Inc, LLP all rights reserved.

Vegas in 2.5 Hours

At least on the plane.. then on Saturday.. this is what is going to happen..

Vegas Tonight Baby

Played the always wonderful Riverfuckers last night. Made one really bad call. Then I jammed my last 400 chips in and got two callers. My AQ obviously was no good against KQ and that was all she wrote. I actually got called 2 ways and would have made a smashing comeback if I won that hand. Oh well.

Tonight I will in Vegas drinking with some slubs I have not seen for over a year. I did not get a chance to get my traditional buzz so I will actually have hair for this trip.. unless I lose a drunken bet to Bad Blood and let him shave my head. He has mad skillz in that area.

I really look forward to meeting a bunch of new people. I promise I am not as crazy as I appear in the mirror. Well.. maybe I am.. but I am pretty mellow in person at least until you get a few beers into me. I have absolutely no plans for the weekend except hitting the sports book with Don on Sunday and playing the blogger tourney. Everything else is open. It kinda sucks I missed Sushi with CK because I love me some fish. Next year maybe I can make it a whole week. Who knows.

Oh and go give my friend Ron a quick visit. He started a blog and maybe we corrupt him and make him play some online poker. We lost touch after he moved back to NY but he was always a good friend. I have told the "most drunk I have ever been" story here before but I may have to retell it because Ron is the one who brought me to the party.

Flight leaves at 8:25 (I hope) and touchdown in Vegas is 11:30.. See you at the MGM before Midnight or else I might turn into a pumpkin. Peace.

WTF

I just do not get it. How can I not be on any donkey team? Past two events I have bubbled and gotten third. I am a shoe in for first this year. Fuck you all.

32-34 Baby!

Huh? What the fuck is Waffles talking about. 32-34? Today I did something I normally hate but it felt good. I enjoyed it. I went clothes shopping. Normally I get really self conscious when I go clothes shopping. I know some chick like Lana and CK are standing behind me off to the right a little saying "Dammmn girl, can you believe the dorky clothes that dude is looking at", "haha! ya what a tard!".. Alright I do not really think LJ and CK are like that.. Carmen maybe? heh. I was pleasantly surprised that my fat ass fits in clothes that are waist 32-34 still. WOOT! Still short though with 29-leg being the best fit.

What made me go shopping? Partly I needed clothes for Vegas and partly sitting down in my car this morning and having the button of my Kaki's shoot off my waist, fly around the car, and almost blind me convinced me it was time for new pants. The holes at the bottom of the crotch did not as I saw those as opportunities to show my junk to hot chicks at the right moments.

I do want to say though.. for an old guy like me.. Shopping at Sears is pretty good. I know all you youngsters go to the brand name stores with fancy smancy names. I feel Sears has good stuff I like at cheap prices. I highly recommend them. If Sears would like to advertise on my blog please contact me.

I got two pairs of jeans for Vegas so I could be comfortable and two pairs of kaki's. The jeans I got were very comfortable. I got a pair of Canyon River Jeans which I had never heard of. There are a few types. One type of the jeans had a tiny little silver button. I could not undo it for the life of me. Am I fucking arthritic now? Jesus. I actually think it is bad design by the fucking jean maker. I should sue. They make these tiny little holes with these dime sized buttons. Fuck them. I also got a pair of Levi's because I could not find another pair of Canyon River that did not have the fucktard button.

I ended up with two pairs of Docker's for the Kaki's. Very comfortable. The different models of the pants actually fit way different. I mean the difference in one word: Worn In, means a totally different fit and possibly different clasping mechanisms. I never knew the world of fashion was so complicated. I got out of the store with my four pairs of pants for the low damage amount of $104. Haha! Jealous much women? You suckers would have to pay 5x more for the same clothes.

I also donated a few bucks to service men returning from Iraq. Sears is having some promotion where you can donate 1,5,10 bucks to buy some clothes/toys/etc for the men and women returning from combat over the holidays. I figured I would save up some Karma for the tables this weekend and donate a little.

Last but not least: I had a great time playing poker last night. I ended up playing LJ style. As much as I tease LJ about being an aggro donk (she can be) I appreciate that being aggressive is winning poker. I started out with that premise tonight against my table and re-raised with pockets pre-flop.. raised most hands I was first into the pot with and check-raised a bunch of TPWK flops. Not sure all of these things are always good to do but I enjoyed myself. I also pushed the issue if I thought someone had a weak hand until they proved they were not going to fold. I picked up a few nice pots that way with air.

Finally I think LJ had enough of me being aggressive. She is used to me laying back with my legs in the air instead of taking charge. I looked down and had the bitches in my hand. I knew LJ was going to raise because thats what she does and so I re-raised her and she decided to jam with J9.. I insta-called pretty sure she had nada and she turned over what will be known as the LJ from now on: J9o. I heard the boys on the radio giving her a hard time about that hand and had to admit it was fun. I do want to re-iterate that I think the style of play LJ uses is why she has been a successful tourney player and I respect the hell out of her. Even though sometimes she gets trapped and looks a little silly she totally plays the game the way you should.

I finally lost focus and interest in the game and made a call where I knew I was likely wayyyy behind. I also lost a coin flip here and there. I really need to keep focus through these games if I want to win. Last night though I had a great time. I may even try and scrounge up a few bucks for tonights game. Anyone who wants to trade FT dollars for PayPal or back me for the Riverchasers let me know. See you all in Vegas tomorrow night!!

Seems a little low

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Jacksonville Dating

Have you been Naughty

A Microsoft Santa AI has gone crazy and started talking to kids about Oral sex. Hilarious. Luckily they finally pulled it. NO NOT THAT!!! This one was funny too.. Also, if you ask him "Do you like young girls", he says "My sexuality is not your concern"... he's starting to creep me out now... A weird, pervy, robotic Santa.

Good stuff. See you at the Mookie tonight!

Blahhhhhhhhsss

I have no idea why but I have a total case of the blahhhs right now. I could take it out on Hoyazo or something. That could make me feel good. I mean there is plenty in his current post.. like how he keeps changing the format of the MATH until he can find some format he has a shot at winning.. or even his concern about the payment processing options.. good material there for hinting he needs his payment processor to reload every week.. alas my heart is just not in it. I dunno. Blah. I even took a few days off of work because I did not feel like getting up. I guess that is pretty bad.

On a good note Vegas on Friday Night. I posted this before but here is my flight schedule:

Depart Boston Friday December 7th 8:25, Arrive at Las Vegas 11:33PM.
Depart Las Vegas Sunday December 9th at 10:40PM, Arrive in Boston 6:32AM (ug).

So I will meet and greet in Vegas sometime around 11:45-12:00 Friday night. Should just be getting good then. I will take the shuttle to the MGM and meet you guys there. See ya.

Also possibly good just got an email from an old friend I have not talked to in like seven years.. that is always fun. Later.

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In the continuing theme..

Of I am not as horrible as I would like you all to believe.. my daughter did the sweetest thing tonight. It just brought tears to my eyes at how giving of a child she is.. I came up stairs and my son had just gotten an ice cream sandwich and so I say "Hmm, I think I would like one".. Of course my Daughter was waiting until she finished dinner to have hers. So I look in the freezer and there is only ONE ice cream sandwich. Oh the horror. So I say "Darn, there is only one sandwich left".. and my daughter comes over and puts her hand on my arm and says "Dad, you take the sandwich".. at four years old... she is so sweet. SO I gobbled it up and laughed at her. Nooo noo. I let her have it while I scooped out a bowl of Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. So everything worked out for the best. It just floored me that a four year old was capable and willing to give up ice cream. Shocking.