Thanksgiving Memories

I do not tend to be overly nostalgic but sometimes it just hits you. I have always had a weird relationship with my parents. I do not really like them. It was weird when my dad passed away from cancer a few years back because part of me felt like I owed him some tears and another part felt like who cares. It is not that I hate them. I guess it is more indifference. I feel like they were not in my life as a kid. A lot of my memories of my dad consisted of him being out on the road driving his big rig, sleeping all the time he was home, or beating me for waking him up.

Sometimes though there were good memories. As I wandered down my moms basement at Thanksgiving I ran smack into a pretty fun one. Sitting behind the boiler downstairs were two bow and arrows. They brought back some fun times. In front of our apartment complex with him hitting this skinny tree. Telling me stories of bow hunting in the woods. Letting me do some target shooting. I had a few of my own memories like the cops pulling me over while I was walking down the street looking for an arrow I shot into the air. oops. Luckily it was unstrung and I just got a warning.

My son eats up all the stories of my past life. He has already laid claim to one of the bows. Perhaps we can make some more memories at an archery range. Hopefully I can get my head out of my ass and be a better father for my kids.

I guess these nostalgic memories kind of surprise me. I have not visited my dads grave yet. Not because of any hatred or dislike but mostly because I do not see the point.

Really It Is Coming..

I promise that Turkey Day writeup is coming.. Until then do you fucking believe this shit? DeSean Jackson my star! Fucking Concussion. Big Ben? Same. I am fucking single handedly destroying the hopes and dreams of football teams everywhere. Drizzle when Peterson goes down with the career ending knee injury I AM SORRY MAN! Really! Please do not hate. Being the cooler is not a controllable power. It just happens.

Poker is SUCH a Joke

I mean how can it not be when you get all in with AK vs AQ and the Queen spikes and you have to get a miracle Jack to win. How is it not a joke when you pot for half a guys stack leaving almost the amount of your bet in your stack and you have the ass end of the straight but you KNOW your opponent has a naked Ace ON THE FUCKING TURN and you can not fade a fucking king? If you enjoyed that you will probably enjoy the thanksgiving writeup. Hope your holidays were fun.

Ansky Poker Bling

Fun little ditty about the man and his titty. BLING BLANG BLAOW!

Bowling Fun

We all went bowling this weekend. Was a fun time. First set I was doing pretty good. I then wind up and get ready to toss the ball and somehow I end up tripping on my own feet and face planting in the gutter.. straight down on my knees.. holy fuck that hurt. No permanent damage except my ego. Nothing stings more than a whole bowling alley of thirteen year old girls laughing at you.

I easily won the first match with some pathetic score like 85. This is small ball bowling so scores are lower but not that low. SO the second game we are cruising along and I notice that my seven year old daughter is killing it. Bumper help. SO she crushed my wife and son. I am on my last frame. She has a 21 point lead. I pooch fuck the first frame and only get back 7. So I need to score fourteen to crush her little dreams. Fuck me if I am going to let a seven year old beat me. So I reach down deep and pop it.. leaving three pins up on the left side. Now I have to dig down deep and get fucking lucky. SO I focus and nail the spare. It was sick. The wood just flew all around and nailed it for me. Final ball I only needed 4 and hit an 8 to end up with something like 96 for the win. Baby girl tears are the best!

She was not too upset to lose actually but I was really happy to beat her. I know I know pathetic. Fuck you too.

Up For Challenge?

Luckfuck and the crew are challenging any three person team. Anyone game? My finishes in past WPBT have been 10th, 4th, 3rd.. See I am trending towards first. Let me know in comments.

Fun Times

AQ < T2, J7 < 76, A8 < A4, etc, etc, etc.. All for opponents entire stacks and the win. Get's tiring getting in as a huge favorite and losing.. not to mention losing like ten coin flips in a row. If you lose ten is it really a coin flip? Did not think so. Least the suffering is done for the month.

On the personal front the wife is on the rag and my sister is apparently opening credit cards in my name again. Nice. Hope she likes her old prison buddies.

Testing One.. Two.. Three..

I think I may need to get a phone for the Blogger gathering. I know I know. Fuck me. I have no phone, no car, no watch. Well the watch is because I do not believe in time. That is another story. If anyone wants to get my number (Not you April you already got it!) then drop me a line at SirFWALGMan@Gmail.com or look me up on Facebook. Chances are if you went to the last gathering I have your number. Scary huh?

Is it evil to wonder about hitting on the EMT when your co-worker is being attended to? If he dies is it evil? Lucky for me he is ok. Just a little Diabetic Shock. Nothing some candy can not fix right? Fuck if your gonna get a disease get one that makes you eat candy though!

Nothing else. Just checking in. Hoping Carmen is well. Something bad happened to her to put her in the Hospital. However I have no details. Stop making me worry bitch!! Oh oh now I am dead.

I am removed from the Tao of Poker until nothing is happening. I mean I swear. This week he will probably bump me because him and Change100 were getting hot and heavy and the cat puked on her and ruined it all. I would hose her down and keep going but that is just me. I mean seriously though it is not like Pollack died or something right? Who the fuck calls there family Polak too? I mean fuck that is the ultimate stupid name. How the fuck do surnames start anyways? Did his family like get to pick last or something? I am so confused.

You should never bump the Waffles though. NEVER!!!! Bastard!

Holy Snubbed Batman!

Did Dr. Pauly drop his post about my questions? I see this in my RSS Reader. He even sent a link in the comments. However when I go to his site nothing. I think I have been snubbed. I mean was he like "Holy shit what did I do while hopped up on painkillers last night? Stupid fucking Waffles".

Reader Mail: Waffles, the Vegas Trip, and Hooters

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Real readers. Real questions.

I was going to leave this in the comments section of Waffles' recent blog post, but I figured that I would post it here. The information provided might be of help to some of you some day.

Dear Dr. Pauly,

I need your advice desperately. If I stay at the Hooters Hotel in Las Vegas will I have any of the following problems:

1. Catch weird disease from the sheets
2. Get eaten by mutant cockroaches
3. Get Shot to death in the parking lot
4. Get Gang raped by a bunch of tweakers
5. Anything my lilly white Ass would not like.

Any advice would be appreciated.

You Bestest Fan Ever,
Waffles


And without further ado, here are my answers...

Waffles,

Thanks for taking the time out of busy schedule to write me. I'm pleased to hear that the Psychiatric Ward at St. Eligius allows in-patients unfettered access to email. By the way, if you can swipe any extra Klonapin or other anti-psychotic drugs for me I will be gratefully indebted to you. Those suckers sell at a premium in the parking lot of Phish concerts.

Anyway, I can tell by the tone of your email that you are concerned about many bad things happening to you in Las Vegas. Let me set the record straight... only bad things happen to bad people. Which is an Eastern way of saying, "You're totally fucked." Maybe you would rather spend the weekend at Foxwoods instead?

So let's start from the top with question #1 about staying at Hooters. You wrote, "Will I Catch weird disease from the sheets?"

Of course you will. Hooters is an off-the strip property which means they actually clean the sheets once a month. My advice is to sleep in your clothes. And never, for the love of god, never ever touch the bedspreads. That's where hookers fuck their johns and those NEVER GET WASHED.

Onto question #2. You wrote "Will I get eaten by mutant cockroaches?"

Vegas does not have mutant roaches. I'd be more worried about the mutant scorpions. They only attack smaller humans, so you're pretty much screwed.

Onto Question #3, "Will I get Shot to death in the parking lot?"

This has a 6% probability only because most of the gangs conduct drive-bys in North Las Vegas. They rarely target tourists on the Strip. However, you might want to purchase a side arm. If someone starts a ruckus, light 'em up.

Onto Question #4, "Will I get Gang raped by a bunch of tweakers?"

Tweakers don't gang rape. Addicts in the middle of hits of crystal meth are less interested in deviant sexual acts and more interested in finding a way to get more drugs. Tweakers might steal all of your clothes, but I'm pretty sure that you will not be violated as long as you comply with their wishes and hand over all of your drugs and money. Most of them will leave you alone. If you do get gang raped it will be by a gang of angry gangbangers because you said something completely retarded to them. Remember that Las Vegas is real life and nothing like the intertubes, blog posts, social media networks, or online poker chat boxes where you can act like a total jackoff and get away with it. In real life, no one likes an asshole. You will get beat down if you act like a punk.

And lastly, question #5, "Anything my lilly white Ass would not like?"

I don't think you will like the cowboys in town for the rodeo finals. There will be hundreds, if not thousands of them, roaming around like lost cattle. Cowboys don't like Northerners especially flaming liberals from Ted Kennedy's home state. Just tell them you're from Idaho and you'll fit in nicely.

I also think that you might be freaked out by the porn slappers on the Strip. Don't be intimated by the illegal Mexicans handing out business cards of prostitutes. They should be considered your friends and can totally introduce you to some nice women who like to eat Italian food, watch reality TV shows, and will do naughty things similar some of your favorite scenes from She Male Samba Mania Vol. 7. By the way, ask the local tranny prostitutes if you can get rake back. They'll give you a freebie if you find them steady work.

OK, I think that's it for now. Did I answer all of your questions properly? See you in Vegas.

Cheers,
Pauly


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker at www.taopoker.com. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

My response to his Post also --

Thank you Dr. Pauly. I knew you would have the lowdown on the Vegas scene. My single (I AM FUCKING SINGLE IT DOES NOT MATTER IF I LIVE WITH HER AND HAVE NOT FILED THE PAPERS YET AND SHE TAKES ALL MY MONEY I AM! I AM! I AM!!!!), Lilly, white ass will be flying in on Friday night as usual.. although I have attempted to make it in by 7-8 instead of my usual 12AM time. It will be good to see you hurry by surrounded by a crowd of groupies. I still remember the time you brushed past me a few years ago, I still have not washed that hand.

WoW

I never really expected to get a good PUG together to do "For the Alliance" but tonight we went and killed all the HORDE war leaders. BOOM! Headshot! It was fun as hell and I got a black bear to boot.

Booked

Boston (BOS) to Denver (DEN) 12/11/09 2:50 pm - 5:33 pm UNITED 779
Denver (DEN) to Las Vegas (LAS) 12/11/09 6:50 pm - 7:52 pm UNITED 779
Las Vegas (LAS) to Washington (IAD) 12/13/09 10:50 pm - 6:24 am UNITED 40
Washington (IAD) to Boston (BOS) 12/14/09 8:30 am - 10:06 am UNITED 860
Hotel: Hooters Casino Hotel
Room reservation: Marshall Howland - 1 adult

Hooters Casino Hotel
Check in: Fri 12/11/2009 Check out: Sun 12/13/2009 Nights: 2

Not bad for $400 total trip. I have some concerns so I am checking things out with Dr. Pauly the resident expert on scum hotels in Vegas:

Dear Dr. Pauly,

I need your advice desperately. If I stay at the Hooters Hotel in Las Vegas will I have any of the following problems:

1. Catch weird disease from the sheets
2. Get eaten by mutant cockroaches
3. Get Shot to death in the parking lot
4. Get Gang raped by a bunch of tweakers
5. Anything my lilly white Ass would not like.

Any advice would be appreciated.

You Bestest Fan Ever,
Waffles


I had to pull the trigger though so I went ahead and booked. Who else is going anyways?

A Collage of My Night

In no particular order..

Fuck you Poker Wolf.

Full Tilt Poker Game #15963665553: The Mookie (115861803), Table 2 - 300/600 Ante 75 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:25:10 ET - 2009/11/12
Seat 2: VBPro7 (30,420)
Seat 4: butchhoward (7,784)
Seat 6: Maniac57 (10,984)
Seat 9: Pokerwoolf (43,812)
VBPro7 antes 75
butchhoward antes 75
Maniac57 antes 75
Pokerwoolf antes 75
butchhoward posts the small blind of 300
Maniac57 posts the big blind of 600
The button is in seat #2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [6d 5d]
Pokerwoolf raises to 1,800
VBPro7 folds
butchhoward folds
Maniac57 calls 1,200
*** FLOP *** [4s 2s 3d]
Maniac57 bets 9,109, and is all in
Pokerwoolf calls 9,109
Maniac57 shows [6d 5d]
Pokerwoolf shows [8s 9s]
*** TURN *** [4s 2s 3d] [Ad]
*** RIVER *** [4s 2s 3d Ad] [6s]
Maniac57 shows a straight, Six high
Pokerwoolf shows a flush, Nine high
Pokerwoolf wins the pot (22,418) with a flush, Nine high
Maniac57: figures
Maniac57 stands up
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 22,418 | Rake 0
Board: [4s 2s 3d Ad 6s]
Seat 2: VBPro7 (button) folded before the Flop
Seat 4: butchhoward (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 6: Maniac57 (big blind) showed [6d 5d] and lost with a straight, Six high
Seat 9: Pokerwoolf showed [8s 9s] and won (22,418) with a flush, Nine high

So sick that I flop the nut, turn a great draw with my nut, get Pokerwolf to call off 1/4 his stack on a shitty draw.. AND yet lose. Now I will say that Wolf had a lot of chips. He also probably thought I had like top pair because he is an idiot but fuck man can't I fade the flush draw? Cunt.

==================

Waffles: I mean how many times can you do it in missionary on the bed? At least put on a wig and call yourself Donna.

=================

I was more disappointed about not busting NYRambler than losing the Mookie. Perhaps this is why I am break even. Fucker kept chickening out on me. I would like to believe I lead to his demise as I crippled him before he wimpered away from my table... he also seemed to loose his mojo after that point and just tried to win with T2o all in pre... nice job.

=================

Chat Monitor (Support): Maniac57 has lost their chat privilege for 1 minute. Inappropriate language is not tolerated.

After that I had a hard laydown of TT. I knew I was ahead but why race for my stack when I had a nice thing going. So I type @&*&@@ a bunch of times on different lines and then..

Chat Monitor (Support): Maniac57 has lost their chat privilege for 5 minutes. Spamming the table is prohibited.

Listen to me now Full Tilt. Imma tell you this because I like you. Stop treating adults like the government does!! Fucking let grown men swear and spam and have them use the fucking mute button if they are offended. Cocksucker. Your worse than the UIEGA you fucking hypocrites.

======================

Almost forgot. Butch! Fuck you too. Goddamn fucking tourist vs my 99!!! Asshole. That is all.

I haz Skillz

Apparently I have inadvertently pissed off another person who I really like and did not mean to piss off. I am good at that. If someone asked what my super power is I would definitely say "Pissing off people power". I really do not mean to do it but I am a natural. Ah well. All I can say is Sorry.

I really thought, and still think, that what I said was correct. However if I said something that was construed as insulting I really did not mean it that way. The worst part is I seem to irritate this person semi-annually. It seems like every three or four months I say something offensive. I really think this person is awesome too so it is a shame. Ah well. Nuff said.

I am really thinking seriously of bailing on Vegas this year. I am just in a funk and do not feel like I am going to pull my head out of my ass enough to go. Perhaps something will happen to convince me otherwise. Anyway hope things are going better for you all than they are for me.

November Nine

I was going to tell you about the fabulous writeup AlCantHang had on the November Nine and the final table action. I then read Dr. Pauly and saw what an ass clown Al really is. Seriously though really good work from both guys which especially surprises me with Al not so much the Doctor. Perhaps he hired a hooker to do his writing while he drank to oblivion in the bar? Either way worth reading both unless you do not want to ruin the surprise. I believe the broadcast is on ESPN tonight from 9-11 also. Have fun.

As for me I am still in a funk.

Idiot 2+2 Guys

I think the 2+2 typical person is a moron. I do chuckle to the Bling Blang Blaow guy. You know the guy who took your money and is now going to rub it on his titties. I figure I need my own poker poem:

RANT RAVE SCREAM
YOU STOLE MY MONEY
I COULD HAVE BOUGHT FOOD
BUT YOU HIT YOUR FUCKING TWO OUTER
NOW I CANT RUB YOU MONEY ON MY TITTIES

TWO OUTS > MY MONEY > SAD TITTIES > BREAK EVEN

Freaking Aholes

My wife just came back from a meeting with the arbitrator for special ed. Basically this is the person who fairly and unbiasedly steps in and discusses options for children with learning needs. My son is diagnoses as having dyslexia and other issues related to this. The school has been very unhelpful in getting him the education he needs. He is currently in fifth grade.

So the mediator basically told my wife that she should be happy and let my son become a basket weaver. He will do good in things that do not need reading skills she said like marketing and sales.

When this tact did not appear to get the desired result, the wife agreeing to the non-plan they have, she then said well if you decide to sue the school to get proper training and you lose then you will be stuck paying huge legal bills to the school for the case.

Mediator my ass. I am so fucking pissed. I swear I feel like shooting a load in her eye and saying "Hey you could be a fucking whore for a living". Stupid fat cow. Despite his reading issues my son is very intelligent and it makes me extremely mad that they are trying to write him off in fifth freaking grade. Although I have reservations about his proclamations of becoming a filthy rich baseball player or football player at this time I have no doubt he will be successful in whatever he does. He is too smart to fail. Bureaucracy is so fucking retarded.

Teh Suck

Here I sit naked, curled in a ball of loathing and self hate surrounded by the discarded bones of poor unfortunate recess peanut butter cups. I am not sure why I am sick and tired but I am. I give up on exercise. I will just except the blah.

I hate Poker and Life Suicide might be good

Alright not really serious about that but life is pissing me off. I had fun fucking .01/.02 table. I jammed every hand for fun. The little retards got really mad. It was fun as hell. Wish poker was fun in general.

SuperGirl126: for 2 cents..
Michael Cb: wtf dude
SuperGirl126: your not a maniac- your just dumb.....
pants_en_fuego: whoooooo
SuperGirl126: hahahahahaha
bruni87: nice
SuperGirl126: hahahahahaha
bruni87: loser
Maniac57: lol
Maniac57: im glad to make you laugh
Maniac57: it is my job
bruni87: thats good for you
Maniac57: please buy condoms with your winnings because we do not want any more .01/.02 people in the world
bruni87: keep on doing that

It is fun to play higher stakes games. Everyone playing those games are stupid as hell. I played a 100+9 SNG. I raise, fire three barrels, and what do I get called by? Some dick with A3o? I mean really? Not like I jammed the pot either. I made nice 3/4 pot bets. Stupid retards everywhere. I need to find a better way to make money. Perhaps I will become a Male Gigilo.