Stud Tilt

Tonight is the second game of the season. I need to remember these fuckers names. Goddamit. I have them written down like #10 - Petie. I forget like who did that great job at Catcher the past game... erm... Lucky I had an assistant coach to keep score so the batting lineup will be good. Of course this is the summer league. So this little guy who hits everything and is really fast is out tonight. Doh!

Last night I played the daily dollah with VeryJosie. She suckered me into it. I actually kind of like the event but milling through 4000 donks is hard. It was a sick night for me. I started off great and trippled up. I then called an all in with a made flush. Dude with two pair figured the flush turn card was a good spot to jam. Of course he was right as he went runner-runner boat on my ass when the river spit out another five.

I then flopped trips three times. Every time I lost. The first time the board ran out runner-runner clubs and I had to fold. The second time I was up against a hidden boat of ducks. I kind of thought the player might have ducks but it is hard to get away from trips in the dollar donk. The final hand I overplayed my flopped trips on a flopped flush board. So 96 diamonds was the winner and I was sent to the rail.

I felt a little tilty so I went and played a $20 buyin O8 cash game. I had a straight flush draw on the turn. The turn card was a King. So I jammed my entire stack in. Know what called me? A pair of tens. Not even Ace-Ten. Some crap hand like JT46. One pair. Nada. Even if I was ahead at that point the fucker rivered a third ten so would have won anyways. Wow! How do you call off all your cash with a pair of tens in Omatard! Not even top pair. Scary.

Now I was really steaming.. so I went and played some .50/1 Stud. Again above my bankroll level. I crushed. The table was FULL of donks and I scooped like 5 hands straight with ridiculous hands like 3's full of Jacks. I had one guy call every bet when I was showing 5 spades and 4 low cards on my board. No idea what he was hoping for. I ended up winning 1.5 buyins, playing a couple of STTs, and ending the night up around twenty bucks. Not really the recommended bankroll management technique but I will take it.

Lost Vegas

Dr. Pauly announced today that Lost Vegas is now ready for purchase on Lulu.com.

I will be ordering my copy soon. Dr. Pauly is a really cool guy. His writing is fun as hell to read. The first time I met the guy was on a trip to Foxwoods. Here are some of my initial opinions about the guy for you guys who are too lazy to click.

I was a little nervous about sitting down and playing by myself so I just watched until the good Doctor arrived and took charge. As many of you know Pauly is an average looking guy. He does not dress fancy. His appearance might even be called a little disheveled, much like my own, but I have to say there is something special about him. Call it an aura or a sense of hidden power. A force that flows out from him, making you instantly comfortable in his presence. It has nothing to do with external appearance or what he says or does, it just emanates from his being. He has done a lot of remarkable things so far and I predict much greatness from him in the future.

Now here it is. The greatness I predicted! A sweet ass Vegas book that is going to do awesome things. See how genius I am. I know all. Except how to dodge that two outer on the river. I shall work on that though!

I will review the book once I finish it. I like the cover though. It reminds me of "Resident Evil: Extinction". I loved this poster from the movie. Are there any zombies in your book Pauly?

Game One: Tie

We had an interesting game one. It ended in a 10-10 tie. Not so bad. I had a good assistant coach who actually had coached before. He is the macho, sports guy, yell at your kid type, so I let him take some control. Otherwise he might throw me in a locker. brrr memories.

Having only seen a few of the kids play before I kind of had to try people in different places and see what happened. The assistant coaches son had a good arm but everyone was hitting him. He was probably our worse pitcher. Although I am sure he has talent.

What do you do with the fat kid who can not catch but wants to play first base and catcher? Fuck me.

My son had a mixed game. He had no hits but he turned a nice double play, made bunch of good plays at second and short stop. He did drop an easy pop fly. Lucky the guy at third tried to steal home and he threw him out. He also has trouble with those bloopers that drop just outside the infield. The ones you have to really back peddle for. I think I will keep him at second and short. He handles the grounders really well and caught a nice line drive too.

One kid fouled a ball right in front of my car. It took a huge bounce and made it past my trunk. Near miss. The car is cursed I think.

I was sweating my ass off at the end of the game. Fricken weather. I knew there was a reason I hated the outdoors. I came home and passed out.

From Shizzy To Bizzzy

Apparently I am busy now.

I purchased a car so I can get around now. Of course 3 days after I buy the thing someone drops a shopping cart into it or something and it now has a nice scratch on the driver door.

It must be some god just reminding me that letting things own you is bad. So fuck the scratch.

My normal nights started to become - Work, Home, Wow, Poker or TV in the basement entertainment room with the lights out. Work. Repeat.

This past weekend going into the rest of the week should look something like this..

Saturday I had practice with my team. Coach Howland. I suppose I should make them call me that as a respect thing. I hate authoritah though. Fuck the man kids! Call me whatever the hell you want. I ran the kids through two hours of loose drills. We batted, fielded, pitched, took water breaks. Nobody died. My back has been aching ever since. Remind me to find some other way to throw balls to the kids. I was winded at the end and I barely did anything except batting a few and throwing some balls to the outfielders. I am reducing the practice to 1.5 hours because 2 hours seemed to be a little long.

A friend at work decided on having a home game. So after practice I went home and rested a little AKA Passed out. I woke up in time and headed over. I proceeded to lucksack a bunch of 3-outers and basically hit when I had to. I wound up cashing 3,1,1 for the three game series. With seven or eight people at a ten dollar buyin this ended up netting me like $65 after the buyins. I also was told I had to come back so my lucky ass could donate next time. The blinds were set to make the games last around an hour. My basic strategy was to be tight, try to make the money, and suckout as much as possible. It worked well.

Tonight is our first game of the season if the thunder storms hold off. I should be leaving work a little early in about an hour. So far I have been asked to drop one kid off, drop another kid off at the end of the game, and one of the kids canceled at the last moment. I have seen five of the ten kids play so far. Setting up a batting and field roster is going to be fun. I also think that I only have a lefty catchers glove. I may have to punish the kid who actually has catching equipment and make him catch the whole game.

I start couch to 5k this week. Tuesday night will be a nice twenty minutes of exercise. Brisk five minute walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of walking with 60 seconds of jogging for twenty minutes. I have been walking 1-2 miles a day when the weather has been good. So this slow start should be good. I need to get a few things before I start though. Sneakers, Shorts, Socks with no holes. Besides that I should be fine.

The rest of the week is more of the same. Second game on Wednesday. Hopefully I can stop off and get a righty catching mitt before then.

Thursday I am going out for drinks and possibly doing my C5K training again. I may miss that and have to make it up on Sunday. Friday will be the 5K exercising. Saturday will be practice again.

Better than sitting on a laptop alone I guess.

Nobody Died

First practice as coach went pretty well. Only five kids showed up. I decided to cut the practice down to 1.5 hours instead of the 2 hours I have the field. I did a lot of hitting to kids. I let them all bat. Let some kids try and pitch to others. Tossed some fielding practice. All in all it was good. Kids seemed to have fun. I have no idea what my lineup is going to be since I have not even seen all the kids.

After the practice I was sunburned, out of breath, and pretty dead. My heart rate was way up. I am a fat ass. Least I got some exercise.

After the game I took a little nap then woke up in time for a co-workers home game. Unlike my normal type of run, I was like a suckout god. I played kind of tight and the blinds got high then I would get in A2 vs AT and river my two. It was pretty sick. The only game I really felt I had no suckouts was the third on.

I ended up taking 3rd, 1st, and a split for first for the last game at midnight. I guess Josie must be rubbing against... err off on me. Since I have rarely run that good. Walked away with around seventy bucks in profit plus free food and drink. Not a bad night.

Step One - Check

Got something like this.

Not Much Going On

I got all the team stuff worked out yesterday. Set a practice schedule. Now I just have to read the coaching for dummies book and I will be all set. It is not a good sign when it almost kills the coach to carry the heavy equipment bag. I told my eight year old daughter this and she was like "Dad, you know it has wheels?". DOH!

HORSE Says Neiggghhh

HORSE news from the world of poker:I cashed. I know unbelievable. On a fluke I decided to play the nightly HORSE game. I got off to a good start and held the chip lead for a short time. As people tightened up near the bubble I started getting short stacked. Xlm and Pushmonkey had also entered this game. Pushmonkey would donk out early as usual. Xlm hung in there. Until the 18th spot with 16 spots paying. He tried valiantly to eeek in but his 99 was run down by the all powerful tourist. I got all in on the bubble and my A23T was able to scoop the pot against QJ78. My opponent flopped a Jack to my ten on a 5JT board. It was a bad flop for me but I had to play it out. The turn 3 gave me two pair and a nut low draw. So I shipped my final chips. I was called and the river completed my low giving my opponent no help. Two pair and nut low for the scoop. After the bubble broke I was able to chip up a lot. Finally down around ninth place I went all in on a Stud-8 Hand of A2Q with some suit. I was unable to hit my low and took ninth place money. It vaulted me back over 200 after a mostly down weekend that saw me give up forty bucks. On the good side there was no tilting or going higher in stakes. I just played through it and fought back to where I am now.

I guess some other guy won a HORSE tourney too.

NO Win

Aww. The boy lost his playoff game 4-2. His team lead until the 5th of 6 innings. He had two really nice plays in outfield. One saved two runs earlier when he caught a ball down the foul line. He was pissed they lost though.

I keep having pain in my tooth. Ug. I hate the dentist. Nothing else exciting going on.

Hey Wolfie!

Wolfshead had a nice post about a tough time in his life. I like the Wolf. He is a stand up guy. He will give you shit if you deserve it but he does not take things personally. He shares a lot of hard stuff in his blog too. So big props to the guy. Excellent post. Keep on being the man!

Heading Into The Weekend

The Wonderkid won his game last night and they are heading to the playoffs. Sunday is the big game. Last night was not his best game. He walked and scored a few times. His team won 17-2. They have gone from being the second worse team in the league scoring 10 runs over their entire season to scoring 16 runs each of their last three games. WOW. They picked a good time for a hot streak.

Sometimes my kid is so much like me it makes me shake my head. He lives a lot inside his own head. So last night someone overthrows a ball and my kid is not really paying attention. Not sure where he is. He starts skipping from first to second base. Skipping. Not running. Not trying not to get throw out. Just some little la la la skip. His coach yells "JMAN Stop Skipping!!!". All us parents just lost it. Lucky he was not paying attention.

One good thing about coaching my son's team this summer: "JMan! Do what I say or I will ship your ass to left field for the season!". Power baby! Us parents need the power.

Have not gone to a shrink yet. Getting ready for it. I hesitate a little because lets be honest: they don't give a fuck about anyone. I am not sure if I have mentioned this story before. A while back I got pissed at the wife and yelled some shit I should not have. Big surprised. Waffles getting angry and yelling something I should not. Looking back that is probably how I got to where I am today. I mean if I engage with the bitch and am involved I get fucking almost arrested and branded a criminal.. so I might as well just retreat in my shell and quit. Safer that way.

So obviously this whole situation fucked me up. Being without your kids is really bad. I was totally disassociated with my entire life living in a hotel room being pretty miserable. In order to get back in my house I agreed to see a shrink. I was feeling pretty down so I called and left a message. I said in the message that I wanted to kill myself. Not sure that was exactly true but I was feeling pretty down. Who knows. Some day's I guess it kind of felt like it might be better to just walk out onto the highway.

My skepticism with shrinks comes a little bit from this encounter. I call this person. Let them know I am suicidal and... nothing. No call back. No anything. It is just like "And I should give a fuck because?". I guess maybe I expect too much from people who claim they want to "Help You" and have "Your best interests" in mind. I assume wrongly that people like Doctors and Shrinks take those jobs because they are good people and want to be helpful. In reality all they are is money grubbing scumbags who want to do whatever they can to be rich. Hey I can make some recurring income if I give this guy Xanax or whatever. Seriously this is my opinion of the whole bunch of them with a few exceptions possibly. No you don't get an exception Ick. Anyone with playboy looks like yours has to be a douchebag. Yes I am jealous.

Obviously my doubts are reinforced recently. I know it is hard to always be right. I went to an appointment with another shrink that works with the family. It is obvious I am in a funk and probably somewhat depressed. The boy is worried about me and wants to have a fun dad. So anyway I finally break down and agree that maybe I should talk to someone about some meds or something.

Not an easy choice here. I mean my opinion in general is why would I not just smoke a bone with Pauly or something? Shoot some coke? I mean what is the difference right? These doctors are just legal drug dealers. They get you hooked on their stuff and then they own you. Just like a drug dealer. Just sneakier.

This guy knows I am reluctant and it's somewhat a big deal for me to agree to call someone he suggests for an appointment. I send him an email and two weeks later nothing. No response. I did what he asked. Sent him and email. He was supposed to write back and give me some people he thought were good in the area. Nada. Nilch. Zippo.

Seriously. Nobody gives a fuck. Shrinks are just drug dealers in ties. Fuck the world. Scumbags. Scumbags. Scumbags. Jaded as always. Waffles.

Fuking Cunts

Jesus. I fucking jam 9's and get four fucking callers? Really? Brilliant hands like AK, KQ, 22. WOW! You people are fucking amazing. Jam 55 on the bubble in the CO and A2 calls.. of course there are fucking 90000 aces in the deck so I fucking get to do step 1 over again. Fucking morons. Die in fire.

This one is brilliant. Wolf raises 240, I re-pot him to just shy of 900... he obviously should call with AT s00ted because it is fucking suited. I mean how can you not call off half of your 2k stack with AT when you are re-raised? Awesome play. So then your given the baby jesus miracle flop with two clubs. Of course you jam your behind hand again because hell you will win like sometimes. You claim that you had "Fold Equity".. um, yeah.

First off. Let's just ASSUME that I do not know your hand range does not include AA-QQ+ to my Jacks. Lets just pretend I do not know for certain I am ahead of you. No I am not guessing. I am not donky-fuck trying to justify a hand. No. I know. Because I play a different game than you. It is called poker. Not bingo. It is not played by looking down and seeing AT and pretending you are good.

So anyway. While we are pretending that the 2 club 923 flop scares my Jacks and I think your jam means that you have a big hand. Not that it shouts you are a weak ass donk loser that is fucked. How the hell do I raise off half my stack to just shy of 900 chips then fold my last 1000 chips to your jam? I mean seriously? DO I look like that fucking moron Lightning? There is no fold equity there.

SO you gamble pre-flop that you can catch donkey spit and hit the flop against what I would think even a dense person like you would understand was a beaten hand. You flop the Holy Mary Jesus and God fucking best flop outside of an Ace you could possibly flop.. and then you jam your draw still behind and expect me to fold when I have committed almost half of my stack? DO you really think I should not call you a fucking retarded moron?

At least your a man Wolf. I expect you to keep your blog around! Nothing personal. You just suck at poker. I am sure your not that retarded about other things. What? You say this is for charity? Well.. look what I told OhCaptain about that bullshit.

OhCaptain: Aw...giving makes it all better
Waffles: screw that
Waffles: i would Euthanize those rat kids.

Peace out.

Breaking News

This just in -- Shaun Deeb has bigger tits than some of the chicks in the ladies event he entered. I mean did you see that picture? Bitch looks excited too.

Tonight I am playing in the OhCaptain charity event.

Date: June 16
Time: 9PM CDT (Same time as Mookie)
It will actually be running in place of the Mookie. BDR will be broadcasting it.
Charity: Ronald McDonald House
$5 + $5(Tournament, charity)
Password= vegas1
Tournament#= 164273435

Who thought up the name of "McLovin the Kids"? I am not sure if this brings thoughts of frying them up like little kiddie McNuggets or some NAMBLA event. Retarded name but a good cause. Some people will be donating their winnings to the cause also. Not me. I am going to buy a little Asian child and exploit them.

Other than that I was tired from watching the baseball game last night so I played a few STTs, broke even, then had a pretty restful sleep. mmmmm.

Another Good Night

The boy had 2RBI single blooper into center and some nice fielding plays at second base. Second good game in a row for him. His team crushed 16-2 in the first round of the playoffs. Thursday is the next round. He was scared he would lose tonight since they got crushed last time they played this team. Instead everyone was hitting and they crushed.

I Owe Kaja a Buck

Alright you win. I played last night. Break even night. To follow Josies lead: Bankroll - 1.9.

I did my walk today. I have been doing one everyday. Sometimes I cheat and do the short 1 mile one. Today I went full round 1.9 mile route. Here is the walk if your curious.


View Larger Map

Best part of the walk is the water area.



It would have been nice for someone who I work with to mention my shirt was on backwards before I went walking and got the right side all sweaty. Now I think I am stuck wearing it backwards. It's fun being Waffles.

I think as far as my break even goes it is a mixed issue. I think I need to focus on doing just one thing instead of like last night hit some STTs, 4.40 SNG, and then a LO8 MTT again. Too much. I get bored and unfocused. Tonight I am going to hit the STTs until I get back up to the 2's and then possibly do a 4.40 SNG if I have time.

While walking in my dead, ripped boots I like to ponder things. I like to come up with theories on the world. My theories can change obviously. Like before I was married I figured you need three wives. One wife is the nurturing woman. The one who likes to cook and clean and keep everything running. The second would be the hot chick. Who has a smokkin body. She is to bang every night. The final wife would be the interesting one. Who you can discuss things with and have intelligent conversations. I have since revamped this theory to read: If I every had three wives I would shoot myself.

My latest theory is on women and toilet paper. Do you know what I am talking about? I mean seriously. I buy a 24-pack and by the next morning the whole freaking thing is gone. Do you really need that many sheets? So here is my latest theory. Are you ready?






Totally has to be. The ladies go in there. They then transform into WereRats. These WereRat women then eat rolls of toilet paper and finally flush the toilet coming out in their human forms. Us oblivious men are not aware anything is amiss.

The little man got to be a superstar last night. Guy on third. A line drive rips up between second and first he dives to the left and make the snag saving the winning run. Nice play little man! Nice play!

Running Bad

Weekend was bad. I was on the wrong side of every race. Gave back like half of what I won in the 4.40. I swear. A-Dominate falls to the three. Small pairs downed. Big slick no good against small pair. All in with good hands and some fucktard calls off their entire stack with Q2 and makes it. So sick.

I did manage to final table a L08 tourney which was fun. I was down to like 25 chips. I jammed. I jammed. I jammed. Next thing you know I am chip leader. I flop the nut set vs the nut straight and miss the pair to lose a bit. Hang in there. Finally the final table forms. I outlast two people then go down swinging with A235 s00ted vs A234 no suit. River fucking killlled my 3/4 scoop. Goddamit! The blinds get so ridiculous at the end. I probably could have gone deeper if I did not make a few "cmon I could be good" calls. Oh well. Seventh is ok although not great money.

I think I am going to take a break until this..

Lock Poker - Brilliance at it's Finest

Wow. I just got 700 emails from Lock poker announcing the merger. I guess my account from some stupid little poker client got gobbled up by these genius's. Well guess what they did? Some moron screwed up and send 700 emails to everyone with the usernames and passwords included. SO basically I got sent A. A list of peoples private email addresses and B. The password they use to login to Lock poker. Nice job guys! I am sure as hell never logging into a site that incompetent.

Score!!!

Played a 4.40 Rush Turbo tonight. Riggs said they are soft. This was my fourth attempt. First three I did not get past 75th or so. Tonight was a bit different. Played my patented go for the third spot strategy and ended up second. Only nasty part was my two biggest losses at the table were against the same guy. Both times he had AA and slow rolled me. Last hand that got me second place I jammed KQ s00ted. He slow rolls into his time bank and then calls. He then says good game. So I called him a scumbag. Still a nice hundred buck payday for a quick SNG is not too bad.

In other news I am now a Baseball Coach. My son's summer league needed some coaches and the wife signed me up. I know nothing about coaching baseball. Ug. Really going to need a car now! Should be fun though. I will let you know how bad I fuck it up.

Goddamn Fucking Slit

This is how I ended my night. Calling some prick a goddamn fucking slit. Not a good night. I ended up only down like four buyins. SO it could have been worse. OMG though. The fucking horrible calls that paid off. It was crazy. Most of the time you can get the shit hands to fold. Tonight not at all. I ended that game with the slit by her calling all in with TJ against my AT. I mean really? This was after her A2 cracked my 55 in the same game. I was getting ass reamed a lot. I also was pushing at bad times. Good pushes like JJ getting snapped by Aces in the BB or something equally retarded. Really started pissing me off. Oh well.

A Guide to Six Max Super Turbo SNGs

What is a Super Turbo SNG
A super turbo SNG is one which you start out with 300 chips. The blinds are 3 minutes each round. So basically you start off short stacked and try to survive to the money.

Is there any Skill?
I think this can be debated. I do think you can use certain skills and tools to make these very profitable especially when your opponents are making big mistakes. I also think that these can improve your MTT end game. Normally in a big MTT once you get to the final table most everyone is short stacked. The blinds are huge. It is pretty much the identical situation as the Super Turbo. So playing in these may improve your end game and get you more comfortable with final table and heads up play. Albeit there are differences most of which revolve around what is actually on the line.

What else are they good for?
In my opinion these REALLY show you quickly what the long term is. In poker your mind should always be on long term results and never on the short term. It is really hard to focus on the long term however. We play a tourney and it takes five hours and all we note is that we lost to a bad beat and did not make the good money. It can be discouraging because we can not see that on our tenth or twentieth tourney we will make a nice score. Playing these quick tourneys you can get in several games an hour just single tabling. You will see streaks where you win a bunch and some where you lose a lot in a row. You will see profit steadily coming into your account though. Through the ups and downs you will see your good play paying off. It kind of compresses the long term into this small area of time and gives you a good outlook.

In theory and I hope this to be true eventually you will take a bad beat and just shrug it off. I certainly need help in this area. I will say it has helped a bit but I still call people morons. Just with a little less steam because I know I have the next game to win. Once I really get the right attitude I will not even think they are morons. I will just chalk it up to variance.

So how do I win these?
The six max format pays out two places. It is my goal to always make sure I get at least second in every single game. My strategy takes this into account.

Every hand you play you are going to jam. Hands like suited connectors lose all value and things like big aces and pairs gain a ton of value. Here is the key though. YOU ARE GOING TO JAM. You will not CALL. The power of some of your hands is the ability to have your opponent fold. If you opponent calls every time then you are looking at a 70-30 or 60-40 race at best. We want our opponents to fold so that we have less variance in our wins.

Position is important here too. With a full table of six people you will jam A3o from later position but not from earlier positions. We really want to get a few people out of the way before we jam a weaker hand like that.

Here are our basic guidelines starting off then:

Do not call min raises at all. We are jamming or folding.
Do not complete your small blind. We are jamming or folding.

Call a Jam with AK-AJ, Pair of Tens or better. Normally you are ahead here. A lot of people are jamming lesser aces and you have a good chance to dominate someone. So normally you are calling with the above hands. Anything else I suggest you fold to someone else going all in.

Stick with the strongest of these hands if two people jammed in front of you. You really do not want to get into a three way race without a really good hand. Chances are your not up against AA and KK here. People have a lot less standards for hands in these out of necessity. Keep to the best hands though I would say probably AK and Jacks or better would be profitable.

In late position you can jam any pair 22 or greater and any Ace-rag hand. Push all in with these hands in late position. In early position I would stay a little tighter and go with pairs 88 or greater and Ace-8 or better.

We need to make some chips before we blind out so that is why your jamming a wide range of hands. If your stack falls below 200 then you need to blow your range wide open. Jam pretty much anything decent from late position. You can not allow yourself to be blinded down to nothing because then your jams lose all their power. Just try to be the one who throws the chips in the middle in this situation but add any big cards, suited cards, whatever to your range when you fall below 200 chips.

Other tips?
Remember we are trying to get second place always. After that we can try and win first. Every single game we want to cash though. Keep this in mind.

Do not be a donk when people can be knocked out. Lets say a guy has 50 chips and he pushes in. You have over 400 chips. You look down and see AT spades. Normally I would suggest you jam. However in this case we want to gang up and knock the shorty out. Let people limp in. If you flop a Ten do not push. Just check down. You may lose the hand to a better hand but as long as you knock the shorty out you have gained value. If you flop a monster hand like a set feel free to jam and close the betting. Anything less than a set you should check down and make sure the short stack gets removed.

If you find yourself with a large stack you can test the table and stop jamming weaker hands. A lot of times a 3xBB raise will work fine. You need to have a big stack to do this though. Like 900 chips with 40 chip blind. You can try the 3xBB raise instead of jamming. If you find when you do this that you always get jammed then go back to just jamming or folding.

Also if you find yourself with a large stack you should tighten up. Let the other donks knock each other out. You should reduce your A-rag jams and stick with the AK-AJ, TT or better standards.

One exception to this is a really short stack jam. Say you have 900 chips and the SB has 100 chips. You are the BB. If he jams you can widen your calling range here. Because losing will not cripple you and you want to knock people out. Do not call off a significant jam though. In the same situation if he had 200 chips I probably just fold.

As a side note if you play during the day or on the weekend you will encounter an effect called the eurotard effect. It will increase your variance. For example. First hand of the game the other day. I jam AK and get insta-called by some Russian retard with 9To. Some of these morons will just call anything. This makes things harder at times. Just hang in there. You will win but you will run into a lot more losing games.

In Conclusion
Remember to hang in there. Look at the long term. This past week I have had sessions where I win 95% of the games I play. Yesterday I went on a run where I lost ten in a row. It is going to happen. Know what though? I kept at it and at the end of the day I had a modest ten buyin profit. Play a ton of these and watch the results pan out over time. If you notice your not putting together huge strings of cashes then your probably doing something wrong. These things can be very profitable and it is fun not to have to commit hours of time to a game. Just fire up Full Tilt poker and shoot off a few whenever you have a spare moment. I will report later in the week on how good the rakeback on these are. I think it is going to be poor but maybe the volume will make up for it.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Strategy post is postponed till tomorrow. I like had a tooth ache and so I found some pills and like took one and I am not sure I can write a strategy post. I am however like 10-1 in STTs tonight. Hmm. My dick is broken though. Fuck man! This sucks. My dick is like ALWAYS hard. This is why I go through life like a horn dog. It is so weird being old like lightning and not being able to get it up. Shit. I hope this wears off soon. Perhaps this is why coop is so mad all the time?

How Stella Got Her Groove

My day has been suck. Not too bad right now though. Just hectic emergency stuff. I have decided to impart my most awesome poker knowledge for all you n00bs.

First of all you may ask "Hey Waffles, you are break even, why should we listen to you?". Fuck ya. You should listen to me. First off I have stunning testimonials from other players.

Secondly everyone wants to get schooled by me. I can not tell you how many times I have just been sitting around and major successful players have come up to me and said "Hey Waffles, Come to our cash table and teach us how to play.". I mean WSOP bracelet winners, inventors, writers, all kinds of very, very smart poker players trying to learn how to play with the best.

Third. The only reason I am break even at poker is because of luck. If I even had bad luck I would be millions in the black. That's Accountant speak just for you Josie. If I had your luck. Yeah you. The one reading this. I would be rich beyond belief. For some reason though I have been cursed with infernal luck. I swear sometimes I am playing and I can see god on his cloud just saying "How can I fuck with Waffles today".. then I hear thunder outside. Everyone knows gods laughter is the thunder.

Fourth and last point. I used to try and teach my readers how to be winners. I then became very discouraged about their chances. I am however now renewing my quest to help people out and improve my karma.

So if you apply my skill with your luck you will have much success. I now need to run and catch my train so Part 1 of my Article:How to Succeed in 6-Max STTs will be published later tonight or tomorrow. Tune in for your chance to make millions of dollars.

This Just In

Breaking news. Phil Laak went for a shit and FELL ASLEEP! The continuous poker play is over at 100 hours unless his giant cock falls in the water and wakes him. Keep in touch for more updated.

On the poker front nothing very exciting. Got anal raped in two 4.40's. Watched Josie get Anal raped in a 750K. Twice also. Been killing the 6-max STTs. Those have been fun. I may write a strategy post but I just lost four in a row including Jacks losing to quad three's on the flop AIPF. Ug.

OMG I am Scared

So a while back I told you we were getting a new Au Pair from Brazil. My wife found like the only fat chick in Brazil. I swear. So she came here last night. WOW! She has eaten so much that he head has swollen to the point that she now looks like a mongoloid. This is gonna cost me a fortune in food not to mention toilet paper.

30 Days Of Night

Flush off my third place finish in the 3.30 I have started a plan for world domination. For the next 30 days I will play the Daily Dollar every day. I will win this thing. I had my chance already when I had a 600K to 200K chip lead deep. I let that one slip away. I shall not be denied again.

This challenge should be good for my patience in grinding if not my sanity. I kicked it off last night. I was late to the start of the game and this was bad. I had a 3k stack while all my table mates had already chipped up to 10-13K. The blinds were also at like 60/120 or so.

I think one of the things I do well in MTTs is start strong. Early on it does not cost much to speculate and something about the way I play causes people to never fold. If I can get out to a strong early lead I think I can crush. It is much harder when all the stacks around you are huge and the blinds cost something. I quickly donked out of this one.

I was not ready to quit though so I fired up a 90-man. I was up and down at the beginning. I started off really well and got a 10K lead. I then pissed that away and was back to 4K. I yo-yo'ed for a while... then the bubble kind of burst and I was ITM with a smallish stack. I was able to amass a decent stack with the tourist.

I final table as the top stack. One guy goes out quickly and then I find myself with Aces in the EP. I limp hoping for a raise and get what I want. I re-raise the guy a little. Not enough for him to fold. He cold calls. The flop comes Kxx. I string him along to the turn and get him to commit all of his chips. He turns over K7 on the turn drawing pretty thin. King of the river was painful. It actually did not bother me. I still had a ton of chips. It did pop me down to six of six.

My final table strategy is to guarantee third place then up the ampage and take first. My thinking is that top three spots are the bread and butter. The highest percentage of money goes there. I want to make sure I can make it to third. Sometimes this means being aggressive and sometimes this means just letting the donks murder each other.

I hang on until four are left. I then limp KQ s00ted in the CO. I normally do not advise this. It is good to mix it up though. Flop comes Kxx. Dude with KT s00ted rams it in after I check and I hold. I am now numero uno with three left. Exactly where I want to be.

I then used a patented Waffles move. It is the most profitable play in poker. You will NEVER hear this from any book. I think this alone should get me a Red Pro tag on Full Tilt. I mean think of the money they would save in Avatar design. All the happy, confused, mad Avatars would be me with a bright red face and steam shooting out my ears.

Back to the super move. I have 44 and I raise it up. A solid player calls and the flop comes A23. Some people jam here. I checked to keep pot size under control. The solid guy leads out for 25K of my remaining 100K stack. I have him slightly covered. Now I start thinking about why FT would put out a flop of A23. Obviously the other guy has some sort of Ace and Full Tilt is going to give me the straight. So I cold call here. Loose? Possibly. The implied odds are good for me though. I may be the unluckiest player on the face of the planet Earth but I hit gutters like a motherfucker.

Bing. The turn is the five. Now MOST people lead out with a value bet here. I am telling you this is wrong and goes against the patented Waffles Gutter Jam system. You must ALWAYS jam here. You will NEVER get a fold. It must always be the gutter then the jam. Period. So I ship in my remaining 75K and he predictably calls with A8. I stack his ass and we are down to the final two. I now have a 2:1 chip lead over my opponent.

The rest is just mop up work. I jam my sevens. He calls with K9 and I hold up for the victory. First place is the only place bayybeee.

Boston is odd. A black man is dressed in a pimp-red lobster suit selling something or other. New restaurant opening? You go pimp daddy lobster! You go!

Looks like DBCooper decided NOT to quit or to at least remove his rage-quit post. I hope he keeps up with it. He actually is a pretty cool guy and like Loretta said I do not want to be "running people off the internet". Peace out and I will let you know how my attempt to stomp the daily dollar goes.

Fucking Vag

Seriously coop? Perhaps you should quit blogging if my spouting off about a poker hand causes you to shut down you blog. First off if you have read ANYTHING here you should know I get fucking pissed when I lose a hand I should win. Especially when I re-raise the flop bet you lead out with and you call with top pair six kicker. See posts about what a fuckwad lightning is.

I actually felt bad about yelling about that hand since it was obvious it bothered you. So I appologized on the table. Not that your the first person I have blown up at. You will not be the last either. You could be the first person I ever appologized to but maybe not. Poker fucking pisses me off. Probably take it too seriously.

Anyway that is how I am. I rant and rave more about the stupidity of poker than the players themselves. The players just get in the way. I get the venom out. I might throw up a post about it. Kind of a reward for sucking out on me to some. I leave it all at the table. Sometimes I piss people off. Normally we kiss and make up.

Anyway be a Vag and quit blogging or keep doing it. Whatever you like. I sure as hell don't see myself changing anytime soon.

Oh almost forgot. Took 3rd in the 3.30 for a nice little score.

Very Josie

Tonight the VeryJosie monthly kicks off again. Hopefully she does not time it by "that" time of the month. It is a fun little tourney that has a mix of friends of Josie and bloggers. It was disrupted by some other thing but should be running every month now. There are bounties and KO's and all kinds of shit. I promise to harass Josie sexually which is always amusing so come on out and play.

There is a slight chance I will not make it. I downloaded Full Tilt's latest update and now I can not start the software client. Has anyone had this problem? I had to get to work so I could not fix it this morning. I hope it gets all settled tonight in time. I have no reason to believe it will not. SO see you there!

Shut Up

Listen. When you put forth a hypothesis like "I am worth more to you alive than dead because I do not have a lot of life insurance". You should be prepared for my rebuttal. I mean really is that being "mean" if I put forth the counter argument that "No, I think your worth more dead". I mean why did you offer your opinion if you did not want to hear mine? Seriously.

Also if you ask me to buy Maxi-Pads for you.. do you really expect me to do it? Is it mean that I tell you to get Nick to do it? Get someone who gives a fuck to do it? I mean I went shopping not fucking cunt rag hunting. Guys do not do that shit unless they are getting blown. I do not remember my cock in your mouth recently. So that means you buy your own fucking pussy soppers (sorry running low on adjectives).

Anyhow this all means I am disrespectful and do not provide the common courtesy that one human provides another. Go fucking cry on someone else's shoulder. If you are lucky I will throw you a cunt rag to dry your eyes with.