New Website

I was thinking of a cool website "Fucked Up Interviews.Com". You basically get people to have you come in you bug the office before hand so you can get reactions of the key people and then you come to your interview and do some fucked up shit.

Like maybe dress up like a roman with a sword and shit and when they come to interview you draw your sword and say in a deep voice "I AM AN EPIC PROGRAMMER!". "HEROIC IN MY BUG FIXING". "YOU MUST HIRE ME!".

Or like wear a shirt that is inappropriate. Like have a black dude go in with a shirt that reads "The Honkey Oppresses my People" or a chick in a thong. She could ask the interviewers if they mind if she stretches before the interview.

1000 Words About Poker Tonight

Bloggers Are Annoying

A bunch of this is going to be tongue and cheek but I feel like calling out a bunch of retarded statements I have seen in recent blog posts. First one goes out to Rakewell. Congrats on winning the Mookie and going on a nice run. He writes

If so, may CK and the poker gods forgive me! Also if so, phenomenal laydown, CK.

So let's review. Rakewell flops the nut with A5 and CK maybe has two pair. It goes something like Bet, Raise, Re-Raise, Re-Re-Raise. How is this a PHENOMENAL laydown by CK? I mean fuck me. She knows that Rakewell is not a fucking total donkey. He is showing a ton of strength followed by a jam. Of course a stunningly beautiful and awesome player like CK is going to know she is beat. It is not a PHENOMENAL laydown. It is fucking average at best. Can we leave Phenomenal for really good laydowns please? Twit.

Next lets give the stupidest man alive a fucking shoutout. Hoyazo you stupid fuck. I love your ridiculous predictions. Instead of realizing that people get totally burned out after BBT events and some get busted and need some time to reload Hoyazo proclaims the end of the world. What a fucking moron. Thirty five fucking people last night. Another idiotic prediction by the jackass. He will obviously write another post now declaring how he was totally right and somehow his uber brilliance has lead to the Mookie regaining it's former luster. He is so fucking wrong so often I am glad he picked the Yankees. I think he picked the Yankees but I am unsure as I fell asleep after the nineteenth page.

While we are on the subject of fucktard Hoyazo can someone tell me why he contradicts himself in his own blog posts. I mean it is bad enough that he denies saying things, gets things totally wrong, and writes opposing posts later on but can he at LEAST keep his opinions consistent in a single post? It fucking drives me nuts. I mean I am reading about him saying one ridiculous thing and the like two paragraphs later he totally contradicts himself with some other moronic sentence. He is the epitome of monkeys smashing keys to try and make Shakespeare.

What the fuck is wrong with BuddyDonk and the morons playing to Mookie? I played last night and decided to fuck around. So I raise the hammer in EP. Now I know I am old school and that you yougins may not remember the hammer so well but fuck you all. The Hammer is king. So this retard in the Mookie in second position calls with A7o. Now raising the hammer in EP may be asking for trouble but you have to be special retarded to call with Ax. It is reserved for the white helmet retards.

The flop comes AAK. I am in the mood to have fun and see how far I can take a hammer bluff. So I lead out for half pot looking like I want a call. Repping a big hand or something to Stupid System retards. He calls. I then lead out again on the turn for half pot like I want a call and he obliges by calling. On the river I fucking go nuts to the wall ballah and jam my entire stack in. Now the reason I know this guy is a retard is because he uses up his timebank to make the call. He thought I had AK because I laid down a plausible line and he figured he was beat but made the call. Definition of a retard and ENTIRELY the reason you do not play A7 like that against an early position raise. You can NEVER know if your weak ace is good.

So then Buddy gives me crap about going to the felt with the Hammah? First off my play was 10,000,000 times better than my o-pponents but irregardless of that I DROPPED A MASSIVE HAMMER BLUFF!!! I should be given a fucking parade for Christ sakes. You married old school Buddy you better start liking the Hammah or I will dope slap you myself! Can you imagine the EPiC humor if he had actually folded to my river bet and I showed? That would have been priceless.

Gah I love Bloggers!

An Unpaid Review: Ultima Online

I was perusing Facebook and the lovely and talently geeky HellaHoldem had posted about a free trial to Ultima Online. Now Ultima and I go wayyy back. I played the original Ultima. With the blocky orcs and shit. I mean old school. I played up until Ultima VI or VII. I did not really enjoy Ultima Underworld but the rest were really fun. I had wanted to try Ultima Online for a while. I even downloaded a trial before but I had install issues which killed me. Luckily this time it was painless.

I created a character and logged in. In a stroke of good fortune Hella was on with her character. She wanted to help me get off to a good start so she opened up a teleporter and off we went to her house. She brought me up to the attic where she had a million chests full of equipment. At this point it got a little Mrs. Robbinson weird as she undresses down to some cute garters. New baby Ultima character taken advantage of by the experienced lady of Ultima.. I wish!! So she finally found some good gear for my guy including a kickass colored jester hat and I was off to playing.

One thing that is interesting about UO is it's lack of concrete class and spec definitions. Even in the older Ultima games you would choose to be a Paladin or a Mage and get certain abilities. In this MMO EVERYONE has access to every ability. If you want to spec all your points into Carpentry and Tailoring you can. Just do not leave the city mmkay? You can make interesting combination's by mixing Necromancy and Warrior skills and things like that. I had a good time initially trying out different concepts I found online.

The learning curve is a bit huge though. Figuring out how all the points mix and match together is a bit daunting. The UI itself has some interesting quirks and is not entirely intuitive. An example of this is if you accept a skills quest then you can not train other skills until you finish it. I was confused about why my Necromancer could not get a head start by training new skills for a while. A lot of right click context menus and weird mechanics make it a little hard to get used to.

I kind of got tired of Death Waffles the Necromance after a while and then tried a few more characters. The one that was easiest to play was Postal Waffles the Archer. He was very powerful in that he could keep kiting monsters while shooting them from range. I was sporting a bunch of cool gear and had like 8k in gold feeling good about myself when I decided to try the magic gates. These gates like in the Ultima games teleport you to different locations. Not remembering much of my Ultima lore from my youth I choose MAGINCIA! Here is where I ran into problems. I find myself in the middle of a group of nasty magicians who kicked my ass. The teleporter home was BROKEN so I could not escape Magincia and even if I could resurrect the bad ass magicians just blasted me again. In addition you needed to get your gear off your dead body OR YOU LOST IT. So Postal Waffles died. Permanently.

Eventually I retrieved his life with help from a tough ass Paladin riding some weird bug. My gear was however gone. I was able to restart the gear from scratch and got a good start again. I started taking on the Orcs in their caves and did pretty well against all but the Magician Orcs.

I wanted to experience different classes so I started an Assassin. Very tough to get to the strong assassin part because you need to build up poisons which is a slow process. So I never got a feel for how this type of character would play. I then got him stuck in an ant cave and he is perma-dead too.

Do you see a pattern here? It is REALLY easy to screw yourself bad in this game. Not very enjoyable after putting a lot of hours into a character. I also could not figure out some easy things like how to get a rune book or cast a spell on a runestone to lock down a teleport point for myself.

Overall I found myself getting a little bit bored. Killing a lot of the same monsters. I do want to try some more things in the game but I am not sure what to do next and where I can have some fun. Hella has not invited me to her attic again XD. Perhaps I will try a few more things to give it a chance. At the moment though I can not see subscribing to the game. I also found the interface to be a little sluggish. I like some of the concepts of the game but I need to see more fun things to sway me into paying for a subscription.

Instinct vs Execution

I was fucking with Dr. Chacko the other day. He made a bad laydown on the river. Reading his blog, taking his opinion of the person into account, and looking at the action it seemed to me like a ballah making a play on him. Excellent read by me since it was right. I ribbed him a little about it.

Last night I was playing PLO8. Had bottom two. A chick puts me all in on the river. There are some weak straights and better two pairs on the board. My instincts screamed at me that she was making a play with a busted draw. It would cost me my entire stack to call. I choked and folded. I was right again. She had an overpair and was making a move. If I win that hand I have top stack with 3 left and a huge lead against my opponents. I went out in fourth after a long struggle where a few shorter stacks doubled up.

Earlier in the game I see an all heart flop. I have top pair. Dude jams me in for my entire stack on the bubble. I have top pair. Nothing better. I make the call because I read that he is bullying me since I have shown some weakness. I double through his bluff, and cripple him a few hands later with QT straight vs T7 straight. It catapults me to the final table and the decent fourth place finish.

Brilliant reads are only good if your willing to act on them. I think in part it is what separates a good player from a great player. I know I have the instincts for the game ESPECIALLY online. I just need to work on trusting myself when it counts.

Running Baaaaad

All in on the flop...

Fail

Some nights are teh fail. I have been looking a lot into how I feel on nights that are not good. I think somedays I just do not have the patience to play MY GAME. I end up getting slightly gambooly or making calls I should not. Perfect example was last night in PLO8 SNG when I had a nice stack and ended up racing it twice before finally being knocked out as a semi shortie by the amazing K3xx where xx is shit. If I had played a little more conservatively then I would have cashed and probably taken first. I finally ended the night just fucking around and jamming various hands in PLO8 cash game. Blew off a buyin and went to bed. I am not sure what makes for an impatient night vs extreme amounts of waiting, stalking, and taking down the prey. I am also not sure that I should not play those nights as long as I keep to my plans of playing within my bankroll.. but recognizing that I am destined to lose on a given night may have some value.

Fucking Retard

No not you VBPro. I was tired and bored so I decided to fuck around in the SNG I should never have signed up for. So I decided to jam any two face, Ax, any two s00ted, and any pair TT and greater. So I get 4 limpers. I have A5o. I jam all in and you know what I fucking get called by? Guess? A7? AK? TT? AA? Nope. Fucking KQo! What the fuck? To boot he spikes the Queen on the fucking turn. For all of his chips. What is wrong with these fucking retarded morons.

Chaching

Been running well in MTTs the past few weeks with 4 of 6 wins including two seconds, a third, and a tenth. A few heartbreaking loses deep with hands that had good equity against my opponents hand. Still I will take it. The bankroll has swelled up to just under 500 from it's starting point of 200. Not too bad. The skillz game last night was a lot of fun too. I was a little on the tired side but hung in there for a third place finish. Other than that nothing much is going on.

Down in Tenth

Was doing great with 16 left in PLHA when I got bad beat -- by the fucking nanny needing me to drive her to school. I got back in time with a 7k stack and ten left. I was 10 of 10 but not too far back. I get dealt QQTA s000ted. Flop is Jxx. Turn is a K of clubs giving me the flush and straight draws as well as an overcard. River is a nothing two. I go from having a great hand with a possible triple up to 21k with ten left to out to the monster hand of KTJ6 rainbow.

Cry?

Lose a bit. Get mad. Lose more. Get madder. Lose more. Get really mad. Ballistic. Go 25/PLO. Lose a buyin. Go 50/PLO. Lose a buyin. GET REALLY MAD! Play 3/6S8. Win it all back. I am not sure if I hate Poker or myself more.

Stupid Motherfuckers

This is exactly what kills me about poker. I am a good player. I watch people. A German is on my left. We both have even stacks at 3k. Five people left in the SNG. I notice he jams scary boards A LOT. To try and steal pots. SO I have 56 clubs. The flop is 34 two clubs. BOOYAH! He bets out. I decide to call. The turn is a nice third club. Scare card. Now look what I said. He bets hard on scare cards. So I wait for it.. wait for it.. BAM JAM! He shoves his ENTIRE stack in. I obviously call. What does he have? Queen hi. Nada. With.. wait for it.. the 8 of clubs. Could I have owned him any more? Oh hai? Whaaaa? Iz nice to meet you club on riva! Motherfucking idiot game. I go from first stack to out in a matter of seconds. I would have had a 6k stack with 4 people left. Stupid fucking Germans! I wanna hire a gay German Hooker and kick him in the balls!!!

Fucking Ugly

I am not sure how many times you can have a flush and low draw along with some other small outs and MISS EVERYTHING while your opponent catches the single card in the whole deck that will give him the win. One of those nights. I tried to play through it but it did not work out. I even took a break in the middle. Bah! Oh well. Did not damage the roll too bad.

Big Waffles FU to the FCC

Kid Dynamite has a post up about the new FCC regs we have all been joking about. Waffles take on this: Fuck you FCC! What the hell? Do you really consider Blogging to be "Main Stream Media". I mean are you really that fucking retarded? Blogging is like the red neck cousin fucking red headed step child to anything even related to media. Sure there are some really good professional people doing it.

Blogging is meant to be a way for people to spew whatever the fuck they want onto the tubes for whatever fucking reason they want. Why does the government think they should step in and protect us from stupidity? The bloggers around the world who want to speak out against their horrific governments are applauded and encouraged by our government and yet they want to shut down our voices and control them. Kind of ironic isn't it? Long live the fascist trends that we have allowed to take root by our apathy, fear and lack of education. Is an Orwellion, or for my stupid readers (This is for you pushmonkey I can type slower if you want) perhaps a Dark Angel, United States that far of a jump?

Nice Night

Took 1,1 and 2 in my SNG night along with a nice second in the Skillz game. Losing to Numblowme kinda sucked but what can ya do. Fucking lucksack went runner-runner 2's to outdraw me. Arg! Actually his play was fine from a chipstack perspective. Would have been nice to win that one and be even again but I will take a winning night anytime.

Stupid Fuck

Wow. I never liked AJ Benza. I mean he was just the fucking retarded guy next to Mr. Kotter right? At least Kotter knew something about the game that was being played. AJ seemed to always just say the most ridiculous things. So now he is being replaced by some hawt chick. Has to be an upgrade. I loved his idiotic comments he made to his bosses too:

I unashamedly told those two guys that if I dont get my gig back....."your basically putting a man and his family on the street. Is that what you want on your concience?"

We can ignore the spelling that is worse than Waffles but what kind of whiny, snively, snot nosed, pussy fuck goes to his boss and cries "Boo hoo I suck so bad I can never get another job and my kids will now go hungry in our mansion". Jesus Christ. Get a pair of balls you stupid fuck. You give all hairy ass goombas a bad name.

The best part of the whole blog though is the kiss ass pansy comments. Oh AJ we loved you. You were the best. You made Gabe Kapler even funnier. Hello? The guy was Mr. Kotter!!! How the fuck you make Mr. Kotter funnier!!!! Fucking idiots. He probably deleted all the comments that said "Fucking about time! Hot piece of tail has to be better than your bullshit".

Interesting Things

I could revile you with my revel this weekend but I would hate to make you throw up your breakfast since many of you have seen my infamous pictures. So we will leave it at I went to NYC, saw some cool stuff, made a chick almost die from pleasure (see what your missing ladies?), got some souvenirs and headed home. Bolt bus is uncomfortable.

Had some pretty fun conversations. One was on the difference between a Geek, a Nerd, and a Dork. Now to me the three are sort of interchangeable with Nerd being the computer guy. According to Wiki my definitions are probably the most widely held versions:

The definition of geek has changed considerably over time, and there is no longer a definitive meaning. The terms nerd, gimp, dweeb, dork and spod have similar meanings as geek, but many choose to identify different connotations amongst these terms, although the differences are disputed. -- Wiki on Geek

My partner in crime for the weekend had her own definitions and there is some corroboration with Wiki. She classified me as a Geek with the definition being close to this Wiki Quote from Julie Smith:

A bright young man turned inward, poorly socialized, who felt so little kinship with his own planet that he routinely traveled to the ones invented by his favorite authors, who thought of that secret, dreamy place his computer took him to as cyberspace—somewhere exciting, a place more real than his own life, a land he could conquer, not a drab teenager's room in his parents' house. -- Julie Smith

My friend said a Nerd was someone who was intellectually superior and knew about everything. Sort of like the ultimate Jeopardy champion. Usually condescending but with some amount of social skills in order to be allowed to show their vast array of knowledge.

A dork is according to the dictionary a stupid, inept, or foolish person. So a geek could be a dork if he was not super good at computers. Dorks think they are good at everything but really just annoy people.

So the deep philosophical conversations about the socially inept groups of humans that I belong somewhere among were very interesting. All in all I had a good time with an interesting and charming lady.

Poker Plan

So I have enacted yet another plan to do well in my poker playing. I am keeping to smallish stakes for my bankroll and grinding away. We shall see how it goes. I also plan to cashout half my bankroll when I hit a certain point.

Last night was decent. I grinded the stud-8 for hours and made a fifteen cent profit. ug. Thank goodness for rakeback right? Breakeven making money BOOYAH! I also got to play some poker with the lovely CarmenSinCity. Have you ever met such a beautiful woman? She actually has some VERY good posts opening up about her life. Worth a read.

I went 1-1 in the SNG games but the one that I took home was for first. So I pretty much broke even or made a couple bucks. Advertising and Rakeback should come out soon to pad the bankroll. So in general things are moving in the right direction.

The only games I have played outside of my roll have been Blogger games. See I knew bloggers were the source of all my ruination. Either by tempting me into doing bad stuff or making riddonkulous suckouts. You all make it hurt so good.

Mookless in Seattle

I played in the Mookie the other night. Where is that Motherfucker who started this stupid game anyways? The Mook is probably not good for my bankroll or mental attitude but entirely fun. It was actually a crazy night. I normally am so much better than everyone I play that they look ridiculous and piss me off. Last night was totally opposite.

It was nice to have CK on my table... erm, at my table.

The first major smackdown came when I went all in against Iaatg. He called off most of his stack with AJ but was well ahead of my KJ. The board ended up giving us both boats to the Jack. Sick.

I then played decently solid to take out Heffmike. I called his shortish stack shove with a good Ace and took it down.

I then laid out the SICKEST beat on MHG. The flop came KK4 two diamonds. We both had a King, mine being KT to his KJ. I am sorry but that is one hard laydown. So I put him all in when he bet the flop hoping that either he was bluffing, racing for a flush, or had some hand like Jacks. I was totally wrong and looking doomed until the ten pealed off on the turn crippling the poor boy.

The night was not to be though. Some nights you just play a hyper aggressive game. You just can not settle down for the SNG/MTT circuit. It was one of those nights as proven out by my 0-2 SNG record and my Mookie finish.

Iaatg on a short stack limped his Aces. So I jammed my AK and he happily called. Even if he jams there I am calling his short stack with that hand. The flop and turn did give me a QJ but the ten never materialized on the river. Poker is so rigged.

Soon after DaMan jammed me in the SB when I raised the CO. I decided to gamble a little and called off around half my stack with KQ s000ted. I was in GREAT shape against A9 off. The turn gave me a flush draw for 15 outs but it was not to be. I wiffed and was back to slightly under starting stack.

I finally shipped it to CK with two pair on an all diamond flop. She had the K4 diamonds. I was alright with shipping it in there. It was obvious I did not have the patience for the night and I had a decent hand albeit not very many outs.

So all in all it was a good night. Unlike Hoyazo's (never will be linked) predictions of doom and gloom the Mookie was pretty full with 28 peeps or so. I think his prediction of the demise of the Mookie is only his second dumbest prediction this month followed by Angels over the Red Sox. How the hell can you make that prediction with the history the two teams have? Can you say choke Angels choke? If they win a playoff series against the Red Sox ONCE then you can start picking them but right now the Sox have to be major favorites.

During non-BBT times this is an average number. The conversation was good although I admit to being distracted by a stupid Apple Mac for a while at the beginning. MHG was busy dressing CK up as a WoW Rogue while she was saying "WTF? Nerds! ug!". Some interesting conversations about girl on girl tea bagging too. See what you all have been missing? Even the illustrious Bone Daddy made an appearance.

Cardgrrlll and Rakewell partook (and tookdown the whole thing to boot) in the fun. I don't think they like me much. I said "hi" in my nicest voice and not even a peep back. I must have called them fucktards or sometime in the past. Although I do not recall ever doing so. So many outbursts so little memory.

The usual's like BuddyDonk, ScottMc, Bayne, Lightbulb and a bunch more of the crew were there.

I even avoided getting angry to the sorrow of the Mookie participants. Nothing like a good Waffles rant! I never get mad when I get my money in bad. I still need to work on losing my sense that poker, odds, and justice are a part of any one hand.

On a side note I had a great idea. A Firefox addon that will link everyone up automagically for me. It takes soooo fricken long to add all the links!

Week of CK?

I am considering staying a week in Vegas this year. I could go to the casino and play every day. Heck, I could probably even play with CK. I could sit at her table. Have some water. Give her my money. It sort of sounds like most dates I have had! BOOOOM!

Just Looking

So for some stupid reason I decided to check out some dating sites. Not sure why because I really do not want to be in a serious relationship. I guess to see what kinds of people use them. You know. I find they annoy me a LOT. Like check this one out:

"Am looking for a non-smoking male that is tall, educated, athletic, kind, has time to get to know me, and is interested in starting off as friends and seeing what develops."

YEAH WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!! YOUR OLD YOU STUPID CUNT! I mean really. Why don't you just say "HEY, I FUCKING CANT GET A MAN UNLESS I BLOW ON THE FIRST DATE.. I REALLY WILL TAKE ANYTHING". I mean Jesus. Your fucking old. Believe me time was not good to you. Lower your goddamn standards.

What's with the Spanish chick too. Do not get me wrong. I love Spanish chicks. However when some fat chick has "soy una persona muy trankila buena honda" on her profile how the fuck am I supposed to know what that means? I think it translates to "I will blow you in my Honda for a Twinkie". I could be wrong.

Even that fat chick put her picture up though.. The one's that put in weird profile caricatures must be really ugly. *shudder*.

Public Service Announcement from Shill

so anyway, i wrote about this once ages ago, but if you aren't already signed up for truly free poker training (tfpt), you should be.

how it works: you play on ftp (click here if you don't already have an account), you accrue points, you get free poker training

no points are ever deducted, they are simply a threshold. 750 points gets you 1 free week of stoxpoker, and training is given in one week increments. one month of cardrunners is 5500 points, and one month of stoxpoker is 3000. stox has more lower stakes and mixed games videos, in case you've never checked it out.

tfpt does not impact mgr and again NO POINTS ARE DEDUCTED. it's free, gloriously free. so what are you waiting for, sign up now!

if you are at all confused, check out cmitch's post here about it, he does a good job of explaining.

i'd be super appreciative if you could post about TFPT on your blog also and help spread the word. thanks!!!

*** The government made me write that I think LJ is a shill for Cardrunners or something. This post is brought to you by the Numbers 7 and 2, the word Donkey, and the Hand A5o because you know she is gonna jam it into your blind and crack your Aces. Fucking luckboxes.

Coming up..

So if I get some shirts from my wife's boyfriend does that make me his bitch? Fuck it. Free shirts. Everything I wear is from now defunct banks. It also is grey or white. Exciting. Plus one for me though - He had to get rid of them because he was too fat for them! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! End result - Tie.

Actually he is a nice guy. I went out for beers with him and the wife last week. Weird? Not really. I mean the marriage has been over for a while and if he marries her that solves a lot of my problems.. SO I am all for it!!

As for the shirts.. they have alligators on them. Must be fancy! A guy at work asked about my new shirt. Knew he was a fag. It is a red one. So it stood out from my normal grey shades. Brings out the bloodshot in my eyes. I am normally not into buying clothes. Not because I am cheap. Mostly because it is not likely to improve my looks. I mean the fugly stick hit me hard and no amount of fabric outside of a nice hood is gonna help. I mean I was walking down the street today and some little girl starts crying. She was Asian too. What is it with that?

Other things are going well. The bankroll will most likely be getting a boost to over 400. My Fantasy Football team is #1 in the league slightly ahead of Lightbulb. I am starting to learn some iPhone development. First new language in a few years.

The weekend should be great. I am going to visit the Library and possibly make a deposit if you get what I mean. Looking forward to a weekend out of town. Should be a great time.

Back to Normal

Maniac57: dude im gonna take your 13 buck then buy your momma off the corner

RUSHHH

Wow what a rush! KK in EP, two people after me raise and jam. I call. They flip AK. I hold. Very next hand two shorties go all in. I jam AK. I am against QT and A7. AK flop and I crush! WOW! Is that what poker is like for everyone else? I love it!

Riggstad Shitfucker Party

My new name for the 1$ MTT. Whee! It was actually fun to play. Seriously sick way to go out when I jam the turn with J8 flush and get called by TP with a Q of crubs. I also get called by a 3rd guy with 2 pair. Crub on the river make my crubs no good. Monkey go cry cry.

Got in really bad in my first SNG. 56h vs AQh on a 23Q 2 heart flop. Ouch.

Final tabled the 27 man SNG though. Took down third place monies. Had the top stack and then took JJ against AK and A6 against JT with the remaining scraps. I run good.