Girl Advice

I read everyone's advice about women yesterday. Now I admit I am no professor at this whole getting laid thing but I had some serious questions about both postings. Being an engineer I decided I would try them out.

First up is Gary's advice. Now, no offense bro, but I think he gets laid about as much as I do.. perhaps less.. so taking his advice could be kind of sketchy. However I am willing to consider the fact he may have been a playah in his day. I ran his advice through my engineering mind and came up with the distilled approach:

Go up to a chick in a bar and say "Hey bitch, I want to lick your cunt".. and if that does not work pull her hair and run. I know at least part of this did not work for me in grade school. Sally was pretty fast on that playground and she kicked the shit out of me. I am willing to give this a try though.

Now Josie said the following "Like catching her eye and holding it". "say her scent drives you crazy", "tell her you want her badly". I think I can do that. So I went outside my building after work. It was just getting dark. I went up to a woman and told her "you smell good and I want you", I then looked at her trying to make eye contact. She looked back which was a sign that she liked me according to Josie!! She started walking a little faster. I kept looking at her. I kind of enjoyed this mating ritual. It was kind of tricky keeping up with her when she kept trying to duck into alleys and stuff. Eventually we ended up in the police station. This almost lead to another kind of date which was a lot less desirable.

I think her advice for the girls was kind of off too. Guys are visual. Always look your best. Nononono. We do not care if you put on that scarf from Macy's or what not.. you can skip a shower for a week and we will STILL pay you attention. All you need to do is flash a little cleavage and flirt a bit.

Never EVER chase a man? Shit the easiest way to get laid is walk into a bar, pick a dude, and then grab his cock. You will be in the alley getting laid before you know what's going on. Such shoddy advice Josie!

As for her fifth item.. Do not work so hard. Just tell him his bulge is HUGE. No guy is going to think he has a tiny cock. So just hit him where it counts. Seriously all you need to do as a woman to pickup a guy is... be a woman. I was going to say be breathing.. but for some guys that is optional too. Peace!

25 Things Part Whatev

First some things I was wondering and things I have to take care of. Carmel baby how you doing. I got a question. Did you ever get Grouchie to go out to a gay bar with you and if so do you have a funny story about this? If not then some other funny bar place you dragged him to. I am just curious...

Gary buddy. I have not forgotten you. I have not started the exercise and I can not think of a good contest that does not involve one of us failing.

The number of posts I have is 2945. Not too bad. I thought it might be more.

Now for 25 of the most ridiculous, funny, embarrassing, things I can think to tell you. A lot of these I am sure I have mentioned before.

1. The first chick I had intercourse with was when I was 21 or so. I went over her house and we all got drunk at this party. She dragged me into her room and we fucked. She then asked me if I wanted to fuck her again. I was so shit faced I hesitated and she got PIIIISSSSEEED off and kicked me out of her bed. As a side note she was on her period.

2. I actually had a few chances to get laid before this chick. One girl and I used to go into the woods or behind buildings and strip and she would stroke my cock. I was very bad and inexperienced at sex and did not know what to do. I kind of tried to finger her but I was not very good at it. She might have been a virgin too... I assume that would make it harder to finger her although I have no idea... See I am kind of a n00b.

3. I had another shot to sleep with a chick but she disgusted me. I actually was not going to let this stand in my way but once I got her naked she just sat there. I mean she did not even move. Just naked like a board.. So I said fuck this and I kicked her out of my house.

4. After the first chick it would be like 6-7 years to the next chick. I really needed to meet someone like Josie when I was 18. That chick would end up being my wife. Somehow between chick number one and tons of experience with the wife I finally figured out how all those porn movies worked and I was gooooood.

5. With the wife she had to basically attack me to get sex. I was shy. I was washing the dishes after dinner and she comes up behind me and sticks her hand down my pants. FUCK YA! I get her onto the couch and I start doing what I thought I should.. like fingering her.. and then all this wet stuff comes out on my hand and I instinctively say "ewwwww". Somehow I still got to fuck her. I improved over time and before long we were fucking in the car, the woods, all over the house with the threat of her roommates coming home, we were like crazy rabbits.

6. Since then I have been with a few other women.. still less than 10 on my score card. Each one seemed to have an amazing time. I never cheated on the wife while married.. we agreed a few years ago we could see other people and that is when I slept with a few more women.

7. The freakiest chick I have slept with at this time was a chick that fucked a bottle, in a room, in front of a bunch of dudes, on video tape. If you have a freakier story let me know!

8. I am a horny motherfucker. When I was 18 I would masturbate like 15 times a day until my dick was raw and I could not go anymore. How come nobody told me about lubrication? Today I have slowed down and only have the urge like 5-6 times a day. My dick goes up at the gust of the wind. I am cutting down on masturbation because orgasms are so much better when you have stored up for them.

9. My sperm is like ultra potent. I spewed my load inside my wife twice without a condom and ended up with two kids.

10. Some days I want to try every fucking crazy ass sexual thing with all different types of women to make up for not being a man slut in my youth. Other times I think women are insane and I would be insane to want to have anything to do with them. I am sure the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

11. I am still too shy about picking up women. I am getting better though. A couple of woman ago I got really touchy feely with on the first date and that went awesome. The last chick I went out with was a co-worker. I asked her if she wanted to go out for beers. I stroked her legs and back... but then she got cold feet and it did not work out. However I was a ballah and had a good time and I asked her out so I am moving in the right direction.

12. I really hate rejection. I think I take it too personal. This is why I have trouble asking women out. I also grew up thinking they were little special princesses on pedestals. I still think they are pretty special but not some unapproachable creatures. Perhaps by the time I get to 80 I will be a playah.

13. I used to love to draw. I bought all kinds of kids art books. I also LOVED to draw buildings like churches. I think I have lost the ability to draw a straight line over the years. I used to be alright at it but my perspective was always slightly off.

14. I have lived in the same state for all my life. I am a true homer and a fan of all the teams. In order Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins. It has been a good few years to be a Boston fan! Sometimes I think I should experience other places but I really have no desire besides the occasional trip to Vegas.

15. I have pretty bad relationship with my family. It is mostly indifference. I just do not feel we ever bonded and I really have no desire to do so now. On the other side I totally adore and love my children more than anything. I think some of my relationship with my parents makes it hard for me to express that sometimes.

16. My mom is a liar. She did not take me to the doctor and my eardrum ruptured. I never found this out until late in life. They killed my dog and told me it was on a farm. I just think it's ridiculous. My sister is a thief and has stolen my credit cards several times including once from a receipt on a Christmas gift I gave her.

17. I have been depressed for my whole life I think. At least I can not really remember being happy. I felt "bored" as a kid which I think was depression. Jr. High and High School was hell and very depressing. The last 5-6 years it has gotten really bad. To the point where I have become more dysfunctional every year.

18. On the good side I feel like I am coming out of the worst of the depression and going back to normal depression. I might get some therapy sometime. I have no issues with doing this except I do not think it works and I hate the idea of being medicated. I am trying to change my opinions and go ahead and do it.

19. I REALLY hate medication. I do not take aspirin, or anything else. I have occasionally smoked a joint but I was always scared to take anything harder. I thought if I took LSD I would be in my job one day and get some flashback and strip naked and dance on the conference table or something. Even worse I thought maybe I would be on drugs and not know I was on drugs because they hazed my thinking so much I did not know.

20. I have a good imagination. I live in Waffles world which may be slightly different to reality but I enjoy it.

21. I have a lot of esteem issues. I think I suck and am ugly and worthless and why would anyone be my friend. I am trying to get past those.

22. I used to be REALLY accident prone. I have like 5 sets of stitches, I cut my wrists by accident once, I broke my arm three times. I think the bones were partly because I was born premature. At least I was always told I was behind on the growth scale and my bones were weaker or something.

23. I am a decent programmer. I am self taught. I would not say I am the best or smartest but I know how to get things done and I know how to make them work without breaking in a quick amount of time. I really love my job and love losing myself in code. I have worked as a contractor for the past 20 years without being out of work for more than a week so something is working.

24. I am trying to be a better person. I think I get angry too much. I tend to quit on things. I have a lot to work on and I am trying to start thinking through things more and getting into a better mind frame. I think a lot of that is done by just meditating on good things and checking yourself internally a lot.

25. I hate dancing. I am too self conscious for it. I feel like everyone is watching me and I totally have no rhythm. I am however easy to get drunk and I have no idea what is going to happen when I am drunk. I am a friendly drunk. I might say anything at any time. I could even dance! I could get feeling good / semi-drunk on two beers. See, I told you I was easy.

Feel free to ask any questions you may have. Peace.

Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff

“Amid all the musical laments over not having a heart, a brain, or the nerve did anyone notice that they didn't have a penis among them? I'd think it would have shown on the Lion and the Tin Man, and when the Scarecrow had his pants de-stuffed, you don't see a flying monkey waving an arrant straw johnson around anywhere do ya? I think I know what song I'd be singing: 'Oh I would while away the hours/Wanking in the flowers/My heart all full of song/I'd be gilding all the lilies/As I waved about my willy/If only I had a shlong.”

-Biff

Anyone ever read this? Any good? Peace.

Can You Imagine..

The impact of this technology on the world? I mean some chick could give you a handjob from a thousand miles away. I love innovation! Peace.

Gary This Is Your Fault!

Totally blame Gary here because he started it. I do not have time right this second to write up 25 Things About Waffles.. but here is a link to 100 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Waffles. This post was written April 2006. I will do a new 25 Things as soon as I have some free time.

Oh and for another blast from the past... Here are some quotes from Duggles era 2006. We were kind of like Blogger enemies but not really.. we both just liked to yell a lot. I actually respect and like Duggles a lot. I think we have a bunch of things in common.

SirFWALGMAN can barely write at all, but he manages to spit out some very entertaining stuff for someone with no better than 3rd grade english skills. He posts A LOT, so you will sometimes see three or four posts a day from the guy, and then hear nothing for three days. Just when you're afraid someone has hit him in the head and left him for dead in a ditch, he comes back like nothing happened. It's great stuff.
-- DuggleBugger Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Can anyone guess how many posts I have done on my blog? No prizes for the right answer except my undying amazement. Peace.

Kinda Busy

I forgot to tell you all yesterday that I had an horrible accident. I was all ready to go see my daughters shrink and I even FORCED myself to not leave too early. I normally like to show up 15 minutes early to everything and give myself a good buffer so I make it on time. I sit down on my stairs to put my shoes on and RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP the damn ass side of my jeans splits all the way up! Motherfucker! I mean they were probably jeans from 1990's but still? I knew they were getting a little frayed but daaammmnn!

On the dinner schedule for this week is Sweet and Sour Chicken with Rice, Chicken with Onions, Red and Green Peppers, and some 85% lean hamburgers, as well as a nice spinach leaf salad with onions, peppers, and whatever other fruits or vegetables I can toss in topped with a nice balsamic vinaigrette. mmm good.

Ohh and I talked with the boy last night. Instead of going all Jihad and showing him anything I just talked it out with him. He was kind of pissed and said his sister provokes him all the time. He also said he had not hit her in like two months. I told him we were dealing with HIS issues right now and not his sisters and it is HIS issue that he hits her and screams at her. We agreed he could write down whatever provoking his sister does and she would get punished for it. However he was not allowed to bully her or hit her or he would get severe punishment and this was his only warning. We shall see how it works out. Peace.

Interesting Meeting

Today I got to meet with my daughters shrink. Apparently the school felt it might be useful for her because she is having socialization issues. I am actually glad I went because it brought a lot of things up.

I told her about my depression and the marital situation so she would have some better insight. She said my daughter thinks I am dating VeryJosie. I corrected that situation and let her know my wife was dating a guy, had him over to see the kids, and that I would never bring a woman home unless we were engaged or something serious. The shrink had no idea the wife had a boyfriend. Good lying there woman!

The "VeryJosie" incident came up too. I explained that while it is slightly improper to send silhouettes of naked chicks to young children.. that it was not graphic and I mentioned to Josie to never do it again.

I told the shrink that my daughter still slept with my wife. That I felt this was psychologically damaging and probably some of the root of issues. She asked why she still slept with her and I said I thought it was more my wife's hangups and shit than my daughter but that I was not sure.

I told her that I felt like I was doing some good things to come out of my depression, most of which I have listed here, and it was going well. That I was trying to take the high road with the wife. I was trying to ignore her negativity and try and do what was right anyways. She reminded me that I was depressed for a long time and if the wife was to see the positive changes it would take a long while for it to register through all the past history.

The shrink was talking about my daughter having socialization skills and I said I thought it had to do with her being a little different. She likes to dress in boys clothes and do her own thing and be her own woman. She is kind of geeky and weird I suppose. I am so proud of her for being her own person. I would never try and change that. Unfortunately different does not always play well in school.

My daughter wrote a story about catching a fish and how blood squirted out of it's body and scared her. She was very frightened apparently. I never noticed her being scared. She wrote this really, graphic, horror story about it I suppose. The school was "shocked" by it apparently. Now I have not read the story or anything but to me it seems she is getting dinged for being more intelligent for her age than her peers. I asked the shrink what the issue was and also if she had read the story. She confirmed she had not but my daughter told her about it. She did not provide a "why" it was a bad thing. Just "too graphic".. which sort of goes over my engineering brain.

The worst thing I heard is she is terrified of my son. He has ADHD and impulse control issues so he yells a lot and gets up in her face. I never thought she was scared of him because to be frank she beats the shit out of him and gives it back to him all the time. He has also on occasion hit her. Everytime we see this behavior we yell at him and send him to his room for punishment. We tell him it is unacceptable and he is not to pick on his sister. I am not sure what else to do. The shrink suggested maybe getting him a punching bag to take out some of his energy on. I will probably do that.

I am thinking about showing him some pictures of really battered women and asking him if he wants his sister to turn out that way and explaining to him that his behavior is a risk to have his sister get into an abusive relationship. I am not sure if he is too young for that or if it would even help. I can not think of any other ideas though. Any suggestions? Think this would be effective? Helpful? Too much for a 13yr old?

I also took out of the situation that I need to spend more time with my daughter. She seems like the reasonable, well mannered, normal one so I think she gets the shaft sometimes. Need to stop that.

We ended the chat and she suggested that I should go to a shrink for my depression. I am feeling better right now and I am on the fence about shrinks and medication but I said I would consider it. Peace.

NCAA Still Losing

The boy is still ahead 57-49 now.

We are getting down to the nitty gritty. He had Baylor win which was bad for me but I countered with Kansas.

I had the following teams moving on:

Kentucky, Missouri, Ohio State, NC. Only Missouri is out. So I have a good shot of having some dogs in the final four. The boy however has Kentucky, Louisville,
Syracuse, and NC. All four of his picks are alive. He has two of my picks covered. I need Syracuse and Louisville to get KOed!! Fun times doing NCAA bracket with the kid. I told him next year I will let him play Dr. Paulies pub picks. Peace.

Exercise Ladder

I really do need to exercise. So I am going to start the Hackers Guild Exercise ladder TODAY DAMMIT! Here are the basics.

Do every level of the ladder for one week. It should take you less than 15 minutes to complete the ladder. If you succeed in doing this for a week then you go up a rung on the ladder.

Rung 1
Bends - 2
Stand upright with your legs apart, hands outstretched above your head. Bend forward, as far as you can, trying to touch your toes (it's OK if you can't reach your toes). Then straighten up and bend backward moderately. Repeat the specified number of times.

Situps - 3
Lie on your back on the floor, feet slightly apart, hands at your side. Lift your head and shoulders off the floor far enough so that you can see your heels. Smoothly lower your head and shoulders back to the floor. Repeat the specified number of times.

Leg Lifts - 4
Lie face down on the floor, legs slightly apart, with the palms of your hands under your thighs. Lift your left leg, bending at the hip and knee, while simultaneously lifting your head from the floor. Smoothly lower both your head and leg. Then lift your right leg and head in the same manner. Repeat the specified number of times (each repetition involves lifting both the left and right legs).

Pushups - 2
Lie face down on the floor with palms just outside your shoulders and arms bent. Keeping your knees on the floor and allowing your legs to bend at the knee but holding your upper body straight, lift your body until your arms are straight. Then smoothly lower your body back to the floor. Repeat the specified number of times.

Steps - 105, 1 Jumping Jack, 30 Steps.
Run in place at a brisk pace for the specified number of steps, lifting your legs 4 to 6 inches from the floor with each step. Every 75 steps, stop and do 7 introductory ``jumping jacks'': stand with your legs together, arms at your side. Jump up in the air, extending your legs to the side and your arms outward to the level of your shoulders. Then jump up again, bringing your legs back together and your arms back to your side.

The ``Count'' column in the table helps you keep track of the running and jumping phases of this exercise. The first number is how many complete sets of 75 steps of running and 7 jumping jacks you should perform. The second number gives the number of extra steps you should run after the last full set (don't jump after these final steps).

Be sure to count a running step only as your left foot touches the floor, not every time either foot touches. The easiest way to keep count is to count to 75 as you run, do the 7 jumps, then start counting from 1 again for the next running phase. I find that keeping track of the number of complete sets of running and jumping is best done by setting out a number of coins equal to the number of sets for the current rung and moving a coin from one pile to another as you complete each set.

Anyone else with me? I know Grouchie stopped his pushups by now, right? Right? Admit it! Even Gary can do something this easy! Hah! Needed to get back on your bad side bro. Josie already has her own personal trainer regiment so lets not screw with her. Lightning has a pussy heart and I am not going to be responsible for his death plus he probably already has some wimpy heart-attack survivor program going on... I am starting this tonight! Peace.

Sometime If You Try..

Sometimes it seems like the Universe is on your side if you only try. I was trying to figure out some ways to save some money from lunch. Tuesdays are now free lunch at work. Niiicccee. So if I brought one day a week I could dump twenty bucks a week from the budget. Time to tackle some of the bigger things next! Peace.

NCAA Update

Thursday the boy scored six points on Louisville and Syracuse, while I made my only three on Ohio State. Today I have Kentucky, NC and Kansas vs his Kentucky, NC and Baylor. He leads the competition 48 to 40. Basically kicking my ass. Since Kentucky and NC are a wash I need Ohio State to win and Baylor to lose.

He has four teams he picked as the final four still in it. Kentucky, Louisville, Syracuse, and NC. Great job for his first year albeit I still have three of my four choices at the moment. Peace.

I forget Now

I had a bunch of stuff to write about but now I forget.

I was walking back from the bookstore and some crazy azz fight almost broke out. A biker was riding on the wrong side of the street and almost got creamed by a dude that slide out past the stop sign.. mostly because he was not expecting some dumbass biker to be going the wrong way. So basically both people were morons. As morons often do they start yelling at each other and I swear it was like seconds before bloodshed but they both backed down. For those interested I bough R.A. Salvatore Gauntlgrym, a Drizzt novel, and Charlaine Harris, Dead in the Family.. more familiar as True Blood to some of you.

Oh yeah, I remember now. I am impressed by the suggestions and posts about general shit like saving money. I have been doing a lot of things and will continue. So here is my general question to all.. How the fuck do I get less tired? This totally sucks. You see I am getting less sleep lately because waking up at 5AM makes me feel more productive and motivated and allows me to get the kid ready for school and not feel rushed. However I am also tired as hell. I fall asleep on the way to work on the train. I fall asleep on the way home. Hell I even fall asleep after lunch somedays. It is ridiculous. Just give me my bag of pigeon feed and put me on the park bench already. Any ideas? Peace.

Smiles

Just for the record - NO, I do not have a mobile phone. I like to tell people it is so the CIA can not track me. Does that make me dangerous to chicks who like dangerous guys? heh. Actually it is probably because I have not felt like being in contact with people the past few years... although that is changing as I come out of my funk.

Are you reading Carmel? She has the nicest... smile ever. Seems like a nice, giving person too. Go read her blog.

As for myself. I try to smile every once in a while but it does not work well. I think I spent too long frowning and now have lost the ability to smile. I can still laugh. When I try to smile I look like an insane dude who might kill you. I have compromised though and have attempted not to frown lately. Peace.

New Experience

So maybe I will join the modern age. Today I bought 3 books on Amazon. I have used Amazon in the past to look things up but never bought anything. I am actually kind of pissed at them for shutting down my favorite online book selling site.

What spurred me on to do this? My work gave me a free $100 gift card for Amazon because I am the AWESOME. Yeah, I said it. Peace.

Fishy

I did the fish. It came out alright. Nothing special. I had it with green beans. So healthy at least. Tonight I can have the awesome chicken and peppers and onions I cooked up.

On the good side I had a great night with my daughter. I am starting to cook up my food and prepare it. She comes over and wants to touch the fish. At first I say no but then agree ONLY IF SHE WASHES HER HANDS AFTER!!! Yes, my daughter is a little strange but I like that.

She then gets more useful and wants to cut the peppers. I am a little scared of giving her a knife as she is only 9! However I suppress my over-protective fathering genes and say alright. I do the initial big cut down the middle, show her how to gut the pepper and remove the seeds and then I show her how to dice the peppers. She ends up making GIGANTIC cubes but it was only her first time. I told her she did great and next time we would work to get them a little smaller. I think we both enjoyed our little cooking adventure together.

Wife was in a total bitchy mood last night. Fuck her. I did not sink to her smelly, filthy level.. I guess I am now but this is my private blog and none of you morons know her! I have to get it out somehow right?

When she got home she yelled at me for using the stove and cooking. She was all like "I did not know I had to reserve the stove, you have not cooked in 13 years".. I then tell her "fine, go ahead and put my pan in the fridge and I will cook it later".. but she says she MUST use that pan to cook on so forget it. I then spend my 10-15 minutes cooking my food and she never ends up cooking hers. See she just wants to bitch. She just comes home and yells and bitches at everyone. What a cunt.

I feel like I am changing and looking to the future and present and she is somewhat understandably stuck in the past. For the past 3-4 months I have been doing a lot of things around the house, with the kids, and fixing the messes left by not facing up to our problems. Every time I do something good she is always "well you never did that before so fuck off". It is a bit frustrating in a way but nothing I can do except keep on doing what is right. Peace.

Super ADHD Post

I am wicked hypahhh today. So here are a few thoughts.

My old salad was awesome. Capricci with bacon and vinaigrette mm good. Josie says it was a heart attack salad but the bacon was sparse and all the veggies were good. So now I am trying to find one I like with a decent dressing. First up was the Quinoa. I did not know what a Quinoa was but the rest of the stuff was salad, peppers, carrots, oranges, and a red wine and oil dressing. Figured it might be somewhat healthy. It tastes bad though. I am not into it. I need a vinaigrette!

I actually, finally, after all these years, actually liked a Lightning post. I may have liked one before but I can not remember. He talks about cutting corners to save some money. He says it hurts the economy but nobody says you can not use your savings to buy a big TV or some hookers and blow!

His ideas do not really work for me. Coupons seem labor intensive and not very saving. If someone has some better ideas let me know. I was tempted to buy the globe but at 3.50 am I going to save even 3.50 with coupons? Doubt it.

The rest just did not really apply for me. I am going to go through things and see if I can come up with some better ideas. The comment section had some good ideas too.

Shelly mentioned cable and I think that is a huge one. I am going to save like a hundred or two a month and not lose anything I really watch. Food has to be a good one too.. but I hate bringing to work and carrying a bag home or throwing out paper. It just all sucks. Need to think about this since I spend around 45-50 a week on lunches. Cranky had some good ideas with her outside the box type of thinking. Who would think to negotiate on your bill. Nice job! Lots to think about.

You ever hear that nice song.. you know.. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, longer.." .. I think that is the chorus. I can never sing it without going "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, longer, suck my donger".. Yeah, I am perverted.

AMP as many already know and Bayne spelled out in black ink is Asian Massage Parlor. I have never been to one myself. Not even sure how you find one. I do read a blog called "Happy Endings: Confessions of an Erotic Masseuse". No idea if it is true but it is fun to read.

The whole hooker week thing to me was kind of funny. I have often thought that it might be cool to use a good one. It is a pretty up front, honest, transaction. Instead of "here have dinner ($$), and a movie ($$), and then maybe sex", you take the bucks and get the sex up front. My whole issue with the thing though is I feel that ALL of those women are damaged. I mean there probably are a few exceptions but if you ask most of them you would get a sob story and I do not feel like I should heap it on. I feel bad abusing them and taking advantage. Of course they want me to so maybe I should. This argument will go on forever.

Tonight I shall cook Haddock! With a little lemon and chives. Healthy dinner I think. We shall see.

My dick is annoying. It is like the dog in UP. "heyeheyimupcanwefuckthatblondechickonthetraincmon".. I mean every fucking 15 minutes it finds something else to catch it's attention and scchhwiiiing. I mean it is better than being some limp dicked old man but fuuucckkk!

So end the ADHD fueled thoughts I have had in the last 5 minutes. It's nice to be me. Peace.


Peace.

NCAA Down To 16

Here are the dogs I still have in the race -

Kentucky
Michigan State
Ohio State
NC
Kansas

The boy has -

Kentucky
Baylor
Louisville
Syracuse
Cincinatti
NC

He is currently winning 42-37. The scoring goes 1pt for round one picks, two points for round two, etc.. and then there is some extra bonus for getting the score right at the end. Peace.

Stripper Week

Much like Hooker week my life has been pretty much devoid of strippers although I do have one story. I would say I have been to strip clubs probably three times max despite the fact that I lived in Saugus for a long while and was about 1/2 mile from a strip club. Actually there were two of them on Route #1, the one for the guys, and the one for the girls.

The most memorable trip I took to a strip club was during a special theme day. The club in Stoughton was much better than the one in Saugus. It is like comparing the Bellagio to a Roach Motel.

On this particular day they had one a porn star come in and dance. It was actually a porn star I knew of. In those days I did not have as much experience in porn as I do today. It was harder to get to stuff in those days. You actually needed a VHS tape. Word.

The porn star dressed in this little miss moppet dress. I mean this thing was a HUGE hoop skirt. I think she had on other things too but she stripped down to this hoop skirt and would twirl around and give you sneak glimpses. She also had a fog machine that pumped out this awesome smelling perfume. Normally I hate perfume but this was the kind that caused instant scchhwiiinngg.

My friend who took me to the bar was tossing around cash and he looked like a pretty harmless nerd so the porn star comes over and puts the hoop skit over his head and starts gyrating her naked body around. I was totally jealous that he got the royal treatment.

I do not really remember too much more. She eventually got totally naked and danced around for a bit. I think we left soon after. So that is my major moment at a strip club. I still have never had a lap dance.

So is next week going to be AMP week to finish off the streak? If anyone knows what an AMP is then you are as perverted as I am (I am looking at you Grouchie!). Peace.

Tidbits

I think it is time for the ole nose hair trimmer. I do not think I should admit this in public. While you can not knit a sweater out of my nose hair the few strands I have bother me sometimes.... soooo... probably time... Ears are still clear.

I went 22-10 for the 64-Round. Meaning I have 22 dogs left in the race out of a possible 32. Not bad for a rookie. Dr. Pauly blames me for #2 Missouri losing to #15 Norfolk State. I also heard rumors on ESPN this is the first time ever that two #2 seeds have fallen. I maintain I am not a cooler (a person who's every bet causes a loss to occur cooling off the hot streak of everyone else).

Wife and I had a fun fight last night. Least it was fun for me. No voices raised. The babysitter needed to know what we are doing for the 1/2 day the kids have for Good Friday or something like that. So I told her that I would watch them until she came. The wife is like "no, you will not". So I said "yes, I will, don't listen to her", then she is like "I have handled all the kids duties for the past 13 years so I am handling this", and I said "Well, I am involved now, and I am taking a half day, so the babysitter can come in late". We actually have not resolved this yet but I am happy to have stood up for what is the right thing. It is faaaarrrrr easier for me to work a 2-10 shift than for her to take work off or for the babysitter to change her schedule. It just makes common sense. Moron.

Started accomplishing or at least doing some more things this week which is good. Other than that everything is pretty calm. Peace.

NCAA

Here are my picks for the NCAA. My son is really into the championship. He gets excited about all kinds of sports and it gets infectious. I used to have legendary cooler powers but I think my new positive attitude makes it impossible for me to be a cooler.

Thirty Two Teams
South Atlantic
Kentucky
UCONN
VCU
Indiana
South Dakota St
Xavier
Duke

West Phoenix
Michigan State
St. Louis
New Mexico
Davidson
Murray St
BYU
Florida
Missuuri

East Boston
Syracuse
Southern Miss
Vanderbilt
Wisconsin
Cincinnati
Florida State
Gonzaga
Ohio State

Midwest St. Louis
NC
Creighton
Temple
Michigan
NC State
Belmont
Purdue
Kansas

Sweet Sixteen
Kentucky
Indiana
UNLV
Duke
Michigan State
New Mexico
Murray St
Missouri
Syracuse
Vanderbelt
Florida State
Ohio State
NC
Michigan
NC State
Kansas

Whatever The Fuck Eight
Kentucky
Duke
Michigan St
Missouri
Vanderbilt
Ohio State
NC
Kansas

Final Four
Ohio State
NC
Kentucky
Missouri

Championship
Kentucky
Ohio State

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
Ohio State

Take these picks with a grain of salt. I know nothing about college hoops and just did some quick research. I am sure I made some horrible picks but I went 10-6 for Thursday and 4-0 so far on Friday. I am just enjoying the friendly competition between me and the boy. Peace.

Now For Something Different

Here is a guest post from a lady who has gone through far more than most of us ever will and has kept a positive attitude through it all. It is very inspiring and shows us that a good attitude goes a long way. Without further ado a guest post from Heather at www.mesothelioma.com.

Taking the Good with the Bad

If there is one trait about me that sticks out, it is my optimism. I am often told I wear rose-colored glasses. I do not take this in a negative way. When I was diagnosed with cancer at 36 only three and a half months after giving birth to my only child, I would never had made it through were it not for the way I look at the world.

I was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma on November 21, 2005. I did not see that coming. It was the happiest time of my life and I was being told that I had a deadly disease. I, and everyone else who has ever faced this situation, was faced with a decision. I could wallow in self-pity and anger, shake my fist at god and give in to my diagnosis. I could also face reality while wearing my rose-colored glasses. I chose the latter. It was not just about me. I had a daughter who deserved to know her mommy. I was determined to ensure that she got that chance.

Cancer certainly has strictly negative connotations, but there are two sides to every story. Yes, a cancer diagnosis is scary and horrible. However, it also gives a person an opportunity to test their strength, to realize what is important and to take control of the rest of her life. In my case, it also gave me an opportunity to support others in the same situation and I took that opportunity happily.

I am not entirely sure why, but I chose to take the good with the bad. I went to a renowned mesothelioma doctor who gave me hope that I would live. In a bout of good humor, my tumor became known as Punxsutawney Phil because the surgery to remove my tumor occurred on the Groundhog's Day following my diagnosis. Then, we decided Groundhog's Day was now Lungleavin' Day. The idea is to celebrate life in the way people celebrate the coming of spring. It is a way to acknowledge the people I met while fighting this horrible disease.

I met some great people who were suffering through the same problems I had. They are among the most resilient and brave people I have ever met. These people not only fight cancer, but they bring awareness to our mesothelioma. If it were not for my cancer diagnosis, I would never have even known these people exist. Now, I have meaning to life. I have friends that are fighters. I have a daughter who I get to cherish every day. I will continue to help lend support and continue to wear my rose-colored glasses.

Fuck Ya

Alright I decided to kind of push myself out of the blahs. Before I do that I just had a thought could Creepy Kenny be Old Ken P? :P.

Anyway in order to rewire my brain and inspire myself for another push here is the list of things accomplished this year since I started feeling better in January or at least slightly more motivated to pull myself out of the shit hole I buried myself in:

1. Eating Better. Cooking more foods for myself. Trying to get less of the bad and more of the good. I have stuck to my cooking and eating pretty well. I am down to one coke a day and only cheated on that once. I also have had several days without any cokes. Only really bad messup was probably the Celtics game but I am cutting myself some slack.

2. Waking up at 5AM. Before this year I would wake up whenever I woke up and go into work if I felt like it or when I felt like it. I would come in late a lot. Luckily I am a valuable commodity. I do not want to be that person though so I started waking up at 5AM every morning. I feel more productive in this mode albeit I am sometimes more tired.

3. Boy's Schedule - As part of waking up every morning early I am able to wake the boy up on a regular schedule and get him ready for school. The wife was sporadic about this. As side effects of this and my ritualizing the morning schedule the boy has started cleaning up his breakfast dishes and stuff. Yeah, we suck as parents in some ways. Our kids are lazy about doing stuff around the house and I am trying to break them of this slowly.

4. I also added into the morning schedule some time to put away the dishes. The wife usually runs a wash every night so I just do it in the morning. It is good for me to help and it works out well.

5. Another good side effect of morning Waffles is breakfast. I NEVER EVER ate breakfast in my life.. maybe sometimes as a kid.. now I eat it every morning. I think this is healthy for me.

6. Checking account. I set my own up. Of course this started off a shit storm at home and ended up with me served with divorce papers which is probably a good thing. I am now under court order to no use my new checking account (I think) but at least I have it. The legal system is a piece of shit by the way. If you are a lawyer and my friend I hate you but I like you too. Jesus Christ I hate the law.

7. Budget. As a result of the shit storm we actually worked on a budget. I really need to force this forward more.. but on the good side we have an almost budget and I now have full visibility into where my money is being wasted or spent wisely. Mostly full visibility. I do have a LOT more work to do in this area so this is a good next spot for showing some productivity.

8. I also put all the bills and statements into a Quicken clone called GnuCash. It is pretty cool but if you hear me swearing at Josie then it is probably because this is more of an accounting package and drives me crazy sometimes. Balanced ledgers. Sheeesshh.

9. Plans. Well I have lots of em. I am actually acting on them too. Which is a big improvement.

10. Feelings. I sometimes feel them I think. It's been so long. Honestly I do feel a lot better and stronger and in touch. Things set me back and set me off but it's better than the total avoidance I was stuck in.

11. Work. Have been showing up on time and not missing any days. I actually have missed a couple but made them up on the weekends. For the most part I have been more responsible. Sometimes when I get kicked in the nuts by the wife I fall back on this a little but I am trying harder to not take advantage of the good things I have in life.

12. Avoidance. I have been working on this one. I am trying to stop avoiding my problems and face up to them and take responsibility for my own life. I have issues with this but I am trying harder and starting to be more proactive.

Sooo.. I can not think of too much more. However it has only been two months and I have much more to accomplish. So I just need to kick my ass into gear and start the motor moving again. It's really easy. Just decide to do things, write them down, and then do them. Peace.

Feeling Blah

Still blah today. Blah blah blah.

I am not sure how many of you know this but I also write for the Tao of Fear. It is an awesome site which exposes all the scandal and injustice and cosmic plots afoot in the world. It is perfect for me! So go read some Waffles Report's if you want something interesting for today. Lately I have been on a TSA rant and fearing the doom of the Apocalypse if Mitt Romney should win the presidency.

As I Come Back...

I feel bad about some things. I have a Grandma that lives in Las Vegas. She is a nice woman. (Do not ask about her other son who wanted me to go to a Cabaret kinda thing with gay dudes dressed in women's clothing when I was like 16 and visiting them. *creepy vibe*). She is a nice lady and every Birthday, Christmas, and other assorted holidays she sends our family a card.. and I promptly read it and send nothing back. I feel kind of bad about that. So I am going to send her a picture of the kids. Hopefully she does not share it with creepy Kenny. Peace.

Reset

Been feeling junky this week. Had an awesome time at the Celtic game but raped the ass of my diet. heh. Not a bad thing. I then kind of left off it for the weekend.. Going to recommit today. Also took yesterday off. I woke up and felt dizzy and had a sour throat.

Just feeling like I need to recommit to being effective and getting things done. Peace.

Josie Baby

Josie is the best. I am going to a Celtics basketball game with the kiddo because Josie was good enough to give me some free tickets. He is SO excited. I mean like incredibly excited beyond belief. Oh and did I tell you how good the seats are. See for yourself! This will be the first basketball game either one of us has ever attended.

Did I ever tell you that my wife hates Josie? hah! Probably not. She thinks she is a strange, creepy stalker because she put a VeryJosie card into an envelope she sent to the kids. She owed them money because they owned her in Fantasy Football. XD. So from that one incident my wife like seriously hates sweet sweet Josie. What a bitch huh? Peace.

It Be Mah Day of Birthing

Proceed to complement me and tell me how handsome, smart, and what a big dick I have. Commence now. Peace.

Budgeting with a Madwoman is Hard

I kinda want to fix things in my life but I am working with an insane person. We actually did get down to writing out a partial budget. It is all kinds of wrong and I have been bugging her to fix it for a while.

I have however said fine, lets go with this as a guesstimate. So now we need to cut about 2k out of the budget. I am willing to do some hard work to get this done but there are some easy things we can do first. The reason I chose 2k is because that NEEDS to come out as tax money every month. No questions asked.

One of the easy, low hanging, fruits would be the morning woman. What does she do? She comes over. Feeds my daughter, gets her dressed and takes her out to the bus stop. How much does she get for this service which is at MOST 1hr a day? 600 bucks a month! Are you fucking kidding me?

I am willing to take on all the responsibility and grab the later 8:36 train. My daughters bus comes at 8:10 and all the timing would work out fine. However I can not get her to agree to get rid of this. I mean seriously if you make 5 bucks you can only spend 5 bucks period. We need to get back there and I know we can do it easily.

I just do not know what to do. I think I will give it one more chance to get the budget in place and make some compromises and if it does not work then I will just take 2k out of my check every month and not let her have it. She will then very quickly have to make some tough decisions. I would much rather set the budget and agree on it but I have no ideas on how to make it work.... I refuse to live this way anymore though. Peace.

Thoughts For The Day

I am glad everyone is enjoying hooker week in Vegas. I have yet to see a hooker in Vegas. I see a lot of skimpily dressed sweet young women but no hookers. I think I have issues. At least Grouchie has them come up to him but since I give off some serial killer type vibe (warranted or not) I have never been approached.

Does anyone really use coupons? Coupon sites? I mean fuck me. First off they mostly want you to download nasty executables onto your hard drive. I would rather go bare back with a Vegas hooker than do that. Secondly they have shit I want. I mean I looked through like 5 sites worth of coupons and came out with 2 I wanted.. and only one I was willing to download since it was a "semi" safe Java Applet. So now I have 50 cents off of my kids cereal after all that work? Fuck that. I think I can figure out a better dollar/hr use of my time. I may give it one more shot with this Sundays paper after that I am done I tell ya! DONE!

I had a horrible nightmare last night.. and at the end I was walking up from the basement of one of the houses I lived in as a teenager and was going to kill someone (Kinda Ammityville horror like).. and then the alarm clock on the kitchen counter went off... which confused me since my alarm clock is downstairs... and I awoke to my alarm clock downstairs going off... with no murder in my heart.... so very weird and disturbing nightmare...

Today has been a total shit show at work with everything going wrong that could. Luckily none of it was my fault, unluckily I have to fix it all. Also no Josie on chat! Where is my morning cup of Jo? Blah. Peace.

Morons

The kid is doing his homework last night and the subject is the origins of your family. So when he asked about my parents I told him my dad's side came over on the Mayflower.. a guy named John da Pilgrim, and my mothers side is of Russian descent.

The wife immediately tells him to erase what I told him, that EVERYONE says they came over on the Mayflower and it is just not true and his classmates would laugh at him. Now I realize I have believed some stupid shit from my lying mother. She said I was born deaf -- which turned out to mean I was born fine but she would not take me to the hospital to treat my ear infection. I may also have been told that my dog "Charlie" was sent to "The Farm". I pictured a nice doggy farm with beautiful fields and cats to eat or something. Of course this really meant the vet and a needle. I may have believed all these lies until very recently. My parents may have totally lied about the Mayflower thing. Who the hell knows. I do know that is how I understand it and no kids are going to laugh when he tells that story. Kids are gullible. Derp.

The conversation then takes a turn and she says some that I take as "What, do you want to be a failure like your Aunt Michele and your father". It was not exactly those words but she is always trying to use my degenerate sister as an example of why I am a failure.

I got angry and I say "By any measurable standard I am the most successful person in this goddamn house by a longshot". When I make like 6x what you do you should not open your fucking fat whore mouth. She then mumbles something about her Ivy League college she graduated from.. and I am like "yeah, you had every advantage given to you on a silver platter and you failed and I had nothing and made a success of myself".. which finally shut her up.

Seriously I do not like fighting with her like that but I have no idea why she has to keep trying to put me down. Why she was so adamant at changing the damn kids homework. The teacher is going to accept it. Why she does a job a McDonalds worked could handle and thinks I am a failure for working over 20 years without more than a week off of work and making more than most of the people I know. It's just illogical and borders on retarded. Peace.

Just So..

Hey guys, how about fixing your configurations to allow email notification to follow up on comments? Blogspot changed everything over and wiped out that little checkbox that used to be there but there is a way to get it back. Gary, you’ll probably have to fix it for VJ. -- Some Old Dude

Wolfie does not blow a gasket.. I think this is what he wants.

If you go into your blogger, Choose Settings, then Choose Comments there is an entry for Comment Form Placement. If you do not what the disgusting white comment form choose Embedded below post. It will then have the comments embedded under your post and there will be a "Subscribe to comments" option which will email you whenever the comment section has been updated. Easy. Peasy. Peace.

Binge

I think I binged a little last night. I feel good this morning though. I reheated some pork that the babysitter made. It was just an end piece so not really a ton.. then I cooked a full bowl of corn.. and I was STILL HUNGRY.. so I ended up on a stupid eating binge.. I think I ate like 8 Girl scout Shortbread cookies and like 3-4 handfuls of pretzels. I then fell asleep to compound matters. oops.

I do not think I blew way past what I am shooting for but just snacking on handfuls of pretzels and cookies is not the way to go. The cookies were like 240g calories, 9g fat, 38g carbs and the pretzels I am going to guess at 320 calories.... so really I probably was within my 1500 for the day.. maybe a little higher.. blah. Tonight I will probably hit the Chicken and Veggies again.. and Friday Spaghetti, and maybe a Salad on the weekend...

The hilarious thing about Hackers Handguide to Dieting is it says TV dinners good. I guess technically from a caloric intake standpoint maybe.. but I have to think your losing out in the long run.. Peace.

Music

Music has never been huge in my life. I suppose it must be because of my deafness. However I do remember the Monkeys fondly. If you ever heard me try and sing I probably would know one stanza from any given song.. and then probably 10% of the words would be wrong... lets not even get into tone and key.

The Monkeys theme song was one of the first I memorized. I needed to do it for a school project. I remember going with my "band" mates and practicing the song until I knew it pretty well. I still remember the refrain I think:

Here We Come,
Walking Down the Street,
Get the Funniest Looks from,
Everyone We Meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around,
But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

Ah well RIP Davey Jones. Peace.