Gotta...

Get the exercise in the morning down. Grouchie is probably already doing pushup-circles around me. Bastard! It is really hard to just wake up and hit the ground running. It has actually been a huge accomplishment for me to wake up at 5AM... it has also had some hard side effects.. like sometimes feeling extra tired from a little lack of sleep... I am a night owl and can not sleep early.

I finished the Hackers Handbook to Dieting. It had a nice daily exercise regime.

Basically it is a ladder that starts on the bottom rung with.

Two Bends
3 Situps
4 Leg Lifts
2 Pushups
75 Running Steps, 1 Jumping Jack, then 30 Running Steps

It advances from there up the rungs. You spend 5 days on each rung and you do these daily. You should complete the rung in 15/minutes or less or drop down a rung. I am going to modify this because I still like the 100-pushup program and want to kick Grouchies ass in it! So I will skip the daily pushups and instead do 3-days a week of pushups on that program.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get this to work at 5AM in the morning. Ug. Peace.

Tracking..

Here are some facts on what I have eaten today. I need to be tracking it a lot more as well as finishing reading the guide.

Breakfast - Honey Nut Cheerios w/ Milk
280 cals
3.5g fat
52 carbs

Lunch - Wendy's Chicken Wrap (Can't beat 2.20 lunch!)
260 Cals
90 Cals fat
3.5 Saturated Fat
50 Cholesterol
730 sodium
25 Carbs

Potatoe - Plain, with butter
320 Cals
50 cals fat
115 Sodium
61 Carbs

Coke -
140 Cals
45 Sodium
39 Sugar

So that adds up to 1000 Calories, 18.5 Grams of Fat, 135g carbs, 790g sodium, and 39g sugar.. plus some water. I think the sodium is probably a little high... but everything else seems reasonable.. I should be somewhere in the 2k range of calories I think.. gonna go read some more now..

Oh and Gary.. do everything for yourself. It does not matter what other people think, you need to love yourself enough to do things that are good for you. I fight this every day of my life.. how can anyone love me if I do not love myself...Peace.

I am Fucking Hungry

I ate my chicken dish last night, Chicken with Onions, Green Peppers and Red Peppers. Added some rice and corn. mmmm. Big plate. Ate it all up and... I was still HUNGRY! So I had some ovalteen.. and.. four hours later.. I AM FUCKING HUNGRY! Goddamit! wtf? fucking hunger! Send Sally Struthers to my house!!!!!

Here is a Good Question

How do you sell stuff?

I mean it seems like it would be simple. Just go onto craigs list or something and write a few words and *boom* sold, right? I just am not good at this stuff. Here are some examples.

Kids Kitchen Set. It is good quality plastic, few years old, has 3 sections with a oven and microwave. Kid barely played with it but it's been sitting in her room for ages. Has all the pieces like food and stuff. Just for sake of argument lets say it is this model. It is not but lets just say it is for argument sake. How would you sell something like this? Would it sell? Is it just junk?

How about electronics like Microwaves? I think those might just be garbage that everyone dumps for like 20 bucks. Are there better options?

What about furniture like kids stuff like stacking chairs, or even like Sofa seats or couch parts.

How about large amounts of science fiction. I got goddamn books all over my room! SELL SELL!

How do you go about selling shit like this? How do you price it? Where do you list it? Does it cost a lot to advertise? How does selling work? I am very fascinated about this subject but I think I suck at it. Peace.

Still Trading Water

I feel like I am stalled for the moment. Need to gear up and start accomplishing things again. It is amazing how good accomplishing things makes you feel. Just little things mind you. A task here, a task there, maybe a few tasks get accomplished towards a bigger task. It's good salve for the soul.

I cooked food last night. I did not do my big Sunday shindig this weekend. I cooked a couple of turkey burgers (90% lean) with some oil and added a little crushed red pepper (too little) and put it on a bun with ketchup. I then finished off my monstar salad as a side. Not sure about the caloric intake with the bread and stuff but I crashed afterwards.

Tonight will be the turkey meal with the onions, red and green peppers.. tiny bit of salt. mmm mm. Throw some rice and some veggies and we are really talking now. I love that meal and the best part is it tastes even better reheated.

Today I had the wheat English muffin with raspberry jam. I feel kinda hungry already though. Doh! I even ate some strawberries with it! I feel like the honey nut cheerios fill me up better. Perhaps I need to add a couple slices of bacon or something if I have the muffins.

Been going good with the coke removal.

Yesterday was omelet in the morning,
lotsa water,
Baked Potato and Chicken wrap for lunch,
and the Turkey Burger and salad for dinner,
no cokes.

So I need to accomplish my goals this week. Get a domain name so I can switch email. Start the pushup program so I can make Grouchie look silly. Just kiddin! I need to take the kid to the mall on night this week soon so he can get his baseball gear. If I am feeling really ambitious I need to fire the bitch that comes over in the morning. Also need to finish reading the Hackers Guide to Diet. Peace.

Boys Will Be Boys

My son and I have a weird relationship.

We have a lot of fun together and I enjoy seeing him grow and get better at things. His basketball games are a lot of fun to watch. I can not really tell if he is good at the game.. I think he is probably average.. but sometimes it's hard to not put the shades of your own experiences onto your kids. What I mean is that we assume they will be good at what we are good at and not so good at what we were bad at.

Riding to the game I figured I would ask him about sex education. I think he is a little too young but might as well get some important concepts into his little brain. He does have a mustache which I have affectionately labeled the "Porn Stache". He laughs when I call it that.

I started by trying to ascertain what the school had taught him. Turns out the school sucks and probably shows black and white movies of uterus's. I told him that if he started having sex with chicks he needed a condom.. and if he was embarrassed to buy one I could hook him up... then I had second thoughts and told him he was probably too young to be having sex.

We switched to driving and I told him I would start teaching him how to drive. It used to be easy to learn how to drive. You waited until Sunday and then went to the mall and drove around. Oh yes kids, the mall used to be closed on Sunday. You have it so good. I will need to figure out another option.

On the drive home we were being bad asses. I kinda need to watch myself here and not teach him bad things. Ahh who the fuck am I kidding he is doomed. We pass by a car with a Asian guy in it and the dude has all these pink and red hearts and bunnies all in his car. So without thinking I yell out "man what a fag".

I have recently been trying to stop using homophobic words. I am not really afraid of gay people. I think they are fine as long as they are not touching my butt. It is really hard to throw off the bad habits of my childhood. We grew up in the hood where "Fuck you" was our version of hello. Needless to say we disparaged every race, color, creed, and type of person. I do not think we really meant anything by it. I mean every day we were out with our friends and they were all different colors and nationalities. Anyhow I need to keep trying to not use bad language around the kid.

We then saw his mom driving and I dared him to flip her off. He totally did it! We were howling laughing together. Of course I would pay for this later. It was so worth it.

I asked him if he wanted to learn programming. He is not really into the nerd stuff being a jock. So I was like "well.. you could be a jock with a little side of nerd".. and he laughed and asked me if we were ordering at a restaurant. I sort of think my daughter is the nerdy one and my son may not get into computers like me. It has been a good career for me so I would like to see him learn a little bit.

We finished off the day watching the All Star Game on television. He is into all sports shows and wanted to watch it. I kinda nodded off in the middle and then we yelled at each other for a bit. Never wake the sleeping bear!!

All in all it was a fun day.

Is It Bad

Is it bad that when I see that Alissa Milano's UNICEF commercial when they get to the part that says "If you saw a poor starving kid screaming would you help"... I think "Alissa if you saw a poor starving kid would you suck my dick to help them?". Probably is bad. Peace.

Life is..

Life is what you make of it. I really believe this. You can either swirl around in the emotional whirlpool of your mind and not accomplish anything or you can take stock of your situation and do as much as you can to make it work for you. None of us have control of anything except how we react to life. We can either be sorry that shit happened to us and bemoan our fate or figure out how to make it work for us. I am always getting caught up in the moment and not being productive about making things work for me. I need to change this and also feel good about the changes I have made already.

Diet thing is going pretty good. I think I need some better containers for my food and I need to watch it on the portions. Who knew throwing the whole box of pasta and rice in for the week was a bit much. :). I have not eaten them all! I think that they are going to hit the trash on Monday.. the pasta is getting a tiny bit slimy as predicted. Although I do hear food poisoning is a good way to lose weight.

Keeping to a decent food schedule. Eating breakfast and waking up at 5AM have been HUGE changes.. this week was a challenge as the kids were off of school and there was no reason for me to get up at 5AM.. but I kept the alarm on and just went back to bed a few days. The important part is getting up and next week I will force myself to stay up again so I can get the kids off to school.

I am going to try and make some budget changes. Having seen a pseudo budget we are somewhat tapped.. but there is room to fix things. I am really going to start pounding on this now. My first goal is to free up an extra 2k a month. The first spot I want to start is with the fucking woman that comes in the morning. All she does is get my daughter dressed and fed for school, and then brings her to the bus. For this she gets 600 bucks a month. ug. At least this is an easy, low hanging, fruit to pick. Also I am going to switch to Verizon and save like 200 bucks a month. I am almost half way to the goal at least!!

Grouchie, not to be confused with Cranky (Is anyone reading Josie's blog happy?), has me getting stoked for pushups again. I did the 100 pushup program which I think is what he is doing... and it worked!! Until I quit. I was doing 5-sets of 28 by the end of it. Not bad for an old man. It was sexy feeling my chest in the morning too.. it was ripped! The key to this program is to realize that the program is a failure and you are not. It ramps up the pushups waaayyy too fast.. so you need to say "Ok, I am going to do my best, and if I can not do a week I will just do it over". It is a VERY aggressive program.. I think I took like 2-3 months at least to get to 5 sets of 28. It gives a nice framework though so I do recommend it.

I think the best time to squeeze these in is 5AM... so wake up, do pushups, get shower, play a little Warcraft, wake the kid up at 6AM, empty dishwasher, get him ready and to school, come back and get the girl ready, drop her off at the bus around 8AM, and then go to work... phweehhwww just thinking about my mornings is making me tired! Peace.

The Brady Bunch

No this is not about the Patriots. So my wife read this story in our town and it was about these kids who were taken away from both parents. The kids were in placement in our town and something happened with that. So the kids were shipped back to the orphanage or wherever they put kids with no parents. One of the kids from the Football team asked the coach if there was any way he could continue playing on the team for the rest of the year even though he was not living in town.

The coach has a big heart and started up a fund for the kids and send a sappy message around asking if anyone in town wanted to adopt these three children. My wife despite all her faults actually is fairly humane and now kinda, sorta wants to adopt the kids or at least be a placement home for a while. She is all like "yeah, there is a fund for them already that will take care of most expenses and you get money from the state" and what not.

Is it too cynical for my first thought to be "Does she just want more child support?". DOH! Anyway I am not sure if she is serious about this or just wants to do something to help them out and maybe make a few bucks in the process. Peace.

Still..

Still doing good at the eating.

Breakfast every day which is new to me. I never used to eat breakfast. Need to rev up that metabolism engine.

Breakfast has been either a wheat muffin with jelly (ok on day I tried butter!).. or a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. The muffin makes me hungry earlier for lunch.. the cereal seems to fill me up good.

Lunch has been the same ole. Actually it has been better this week since I have been working the late shift in order to watch the kids for vacation. I ate my pasta w/ turkey which I hated.. then had that again last night. It was better after the sauce sat on it for a day.. I also put some corn on top. I also had my chicken and rice meal which was tasty!

One thing I need to watch is portion size... I mean I cooked up a box of rice and pasta and stuff and then I like slop a whole bunch on a plate since it's a serving size.. lol. I need to finish my hackers handbook to dieting!!

Dinner has changed from TV dinners to my cooked meals. I notice I tend to snack at dinner... I mean the girl scout cookies just came, and the kids got Hershey kisses for valentines.. and then they bought some chips.. ug.. and the popcorn! It calls to me but I have not succumbed to its heavenly allure yet. Actually popcorn in an air cooker without butter would be fairly healthy right?

Cokes have been down to one a day still. I even try and savor my one coke a day.. taking a few sips instead of chugging it.. so I can have the coke goodness all through the day... mmm...

Sooooo that is how it goes. Still feel like my motivation is shot. I need to refocus myself. It is really hard when all the thoughts shooting through my head all day are of damnation and doom and nothing I can do will fix things, and other bad thoughts... It is really hard to be motivated when you are pretty sure whatever you do is going to be worthless in the end.... peace.

Can Someone Explain..

Why does news of Iran being assholes like usual make gas prices rise immediately? I mean don't you need something bad to happen to reduce supply to actually raise the price? What kind of fucking stupid system is this?

Yesterday

We went to a mediator. In some ways I think we could work things through with a mediator. However sometimes it seems that is not the case. For instance, after we got into all the financial stuff, we start talking about the kids. The mediator asked what we thought would be a good agreement. She starts talking and is like "well I don't know if I want them sleeping overnight with him"... and quickly retracts to "oh, well he might not have a 3-bedroom apartment for them".. So I got kind of pissed off and I say "Perhaps it would be best for her to move out and me to keep the kids in the house. I can afford the mortgage without her and then their lives will not be disrupted". Her face turns crimson red and she starts getting angry and yelling at me "If you think your going to keep the kids! Your using your money against me!"..

I actually think it was kind of amusing if not productive. The more I think about it though... and hey, do not blame me for being more successful than you. I grew up in the projects and never went to college, you got Ivy League schooling... even though you had every advantage in life that I did not I made more of my career than you ever will.. Not my problem.

I have concerns about surviving this whole process. Ever time we go someplace to talk to someone my stomach cramps up, I have side pains, back pains, all kinds of pains.. my body really does not like dealing with stress.. it likes avoiding it more... but I can not avoid this any longer. Peace.

Who Is by Michael Jones?

I swear people have lost the ability to read or write coherent sentences. I was reading this article from Part Time Poker. The author Michael Jones says "Meanwhile, Doyle Brunson does some Full Tilt bashing in his blog.". If you read Doyle's post even a little bit I think this is the furthest thing from bashing I have ever read. He is defending his friends which is noble and brave considering all the hatred in the poker world for anything to do with Full Tilt. How the fuck does this Jones guy think that this is "bashing"? Pick up a fucking dictionary and learn to read you internet toolbag scrub wannabe writer. Peace.

So Far..

The cooking experiment is going alright. The chicken and peppers and onions was great. The wheat linguine with turkey meat and pasta sauce kinda sucked. It just was wayyy too lacking in the flavor department. Need better pasta sauce or something. I actually had pork last night. The babysitter cooked it so.. it was alright. Had it with corn and mashed. Coke has been 0-1 a day.. so not bad.

Motivational level low. Kind of sucks as I feel I am in a bad mind frame. It's better than before but not on a real high note. Hopefully I can change that up. Peace.

Mr. Mom

I feel like Mr. Mom. I am at home today. Did my clothes wash. I need more than one pair of pants. Hey, the old ones started ripping and have not been replaced yet.. Put the kids wash away. Put the dishes on. Started cooking my stuff. I cooked 1 box pasta, 1 box rice, Chicken with Red and Green Peppers and Onion, Ground turkey (we shall call these meatballs), .. then in the middle the kids wanted food. Obviously I asked them before I started if they wanted lunch... no, not hungry dad. So I have like pots and pans running and coooking them two different things.. yeah, spoiled kids.. hate what each other likes..

So I end up with meals for the week which include:

1 - Wheat Pasta with Ground Turkey, frozen Veggies, and Sauce from the Jar
2 - Chicken with Red and Green peppers and onions with whole grain rice and frozen veggies
3 - A bag of spinach salad plus onions, green and red peppers and frozen veggies if needed.. plus whatever other stuff from the fridge I can throw in..

..this all should last me for a week. Josie said do not freeze the pasta or rice if I am going to eat them this week.. so I took them out. Only the chicken and turkey *cough*meatballs*cough* are in the freezer.

I then cleaned up everything. blah.

I shall be working the night shift all week as the kids are out of school and I did not want to pay the babysitters double. It's the 3 to when I am too tired to continue shift for the week plus maybe some weekend... I think I will be out on Tuesday and Wednesday/Thursday my mom is coming down so I can work normal... then at the end of the week I am going to figure out a good way to get fucking money on BCP poker.. because with soft games like the VeryJosie every day I waste is -EV.

I also decided to try out mediation. I have demanded that she remove the papers she filed and if she does that I will try and work this out with less lawyer bomb more mediation... I am not sure it will work but killing each other in court only makes rich lawyer... If she does not remove the papers from court and file something we both agree on with the mediator then I am done trying. Peace.

Diet Going Good

Only had 1 coke a day for the past few days.

Yesterday
Breakfast
Lucky Charms

Lunch
Soup w/ millions of veggies, pork wonton, and shrimp.
Coke

Dinner
Chile
2x Pretzel Rod

Got all the food to cook for dinner this week so that was good. Had a wheat muffin and peanut butter this morning. Not gonna do that again. Maybe with jelly? Peace.

AGBaybee

I took the day off and got a lawyer. Going to cost me 3K in escrow to hire the firm. I think it is probably a good idea. The lawyer seems pretty good. I kind of like her. Have no idea how to see if a lawyer is a ballah or a C- student though.

Really going to suck because I know we do not have the flex in the budget to just spend 3K... but I did not start this. On the good side the papers I was served with were supposed to be served by the 10th of Feb and I just got them today.... sooooo... this might mean they are invalid. heh. Gonna have to catch me again baby!

Also the lawyer said her complaint is total bullshit and will not stand up in any court of law. She said I should probably get therapy for myself so I can prove to the court I am no threat to anyone and am getting help.

She told me that my wife HAD to have hired a lawyer and put money in escrow. The court does not provide free lawyers for people making the money she does... So those were a few good things to know.

She also said mediation hardly ever works well because you still need a lawyer to check what your going to agree to because mediators can not offer advice. They must be neutral.

Stomache is aching, energy drained, back pains... I probably can avoid this whole thing by dying of a heart attack, I am sure Lightbulb can give me some tips. hmmm Bacon Double Cheezeburger is calling! Peace.

Fucking Whore

To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women. - Conan

I am so pissed. I was not seriously running from the summons but expected she was going to stop it like she said.. well, got served today which pissed me off. So I am like "I need a lawyer" and she is like "no, we can work this out"... and then I start reading the complaint and it has wording like "Husband's threatened actions jeopardize the health, safety, and well being of the parties two children".. all because I wanted a checking account of my own... Like an adult or something? I even backed off of that with her and she still files those words with the court? I am BEYOND pissed off.

Yesterday, Sorta Better..

Breakfast
Cheerios

Lunch
Florentino
baby spinach, roasted red peppers, crumbled gorgonzola, caramelized onions, crispy bacon drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette
Bottle of Coke

Snack
4-5 wheat chips with some flavoring

Dinner
Ginger Beef Stirfry
2 Pretzels
Half Box of Thin Mints

I can not decide if the Florentino is healthy or not. Seems like a toss up. The bacon is bad, Balsamic Vinaigrette must be good as far as dressing goes... Cheese is a little fatty I guess... so slightly fat, some carbs, but mostly good? prolly. New dinner eating starting next week.

I feel like I am slowing down in my efforts to effect changes. I guess it makes sense since so much is going on. I need to focus down again. Goal for the last three days has been to setup a gmail account.. still have not done it.. I am going to switch my email so I can go from Comcast to Verizon and save like 250 bucks a month. Having your main email with a cable company is lame anyways, locks you in too much. I looked up my name on gmail and it is taken! Boo. Peace.

Welcome New Reader

Figured I would just put this out here since I do not think I have talked about it much. This was from a new users question about what the situation is. Currently we are married, and live together. I live downstairs in our split-level in a downstairs entertainment room. I sleep on the giant sized couch down there. It is more like a sofa bed. I could sleep in the back room in an actual bed but it is next to the boiler and I think it smells like oil or smoke. Plus I usually fall asleep watching TV which I should probably stop.

We have two kids and live in the top 5% of richest people town. We do not fit in that demographic exactly but we did what your supposed to do and bought the cheapest available house that was in good shape in the most expensive town you can afford. It is pretty in town as it is very wooded and building permits now only allow 2 acres per house, it was 1 acre for a while. So houses spaced out. No major stores in town. No lights at night. Small town. Low Taxes. All the richest people in the state like it because it is easy to commute to Boston and yet it feels like your in east buttfuck PA where Wolfie lives. :).

We have an agreement already to see other people. I have seen a few people for short times and some sex and she has dated another married guy for a while but no way he is getting roped in. It is too bad since it would solve a lot of issues.

My major hangup is that she can not afford the town without my salary as she makes like 1/4 what I do and I can not afford two decent places on my salary alone. So once we split the kids will most probably have to move. I am dead set against this because I had to move when I was in 6th grade and I am still scarred from it. I would so hate to do that especially to my son who is fairly popular but has issues with ADHD that cause him to be hyper. I think he might have trouble making new friends especially at this age where it is naturally hard to move into a new area. All of this could be me projecting my situation onto this situation and be invalid but I am not sure.

One option I never wanted to consider before was just taking full custody of the kids. It may not be possible because of the laws and the court bias but I could handle all the house bills without her salary.. and she could probably not even pay child support if she did not want to.. and obviously I would give her full visitation rights... She obviously would never go for this but I am considering it. I think it would get nasty though.

So... sorta complex situation going on... Lately she is just like fuck the kids, lets get the divorce filed.. Actually I do not think she is like that. She wants to get the paperwork in.. then she can apply for some low income housing that was forced into town. It would be about half the mortgage we pay now so it could work out.... Seems like stealing from poor people to me though.

That is the situation as it stands. Welcome to my new readers. Peace.

Cursed Girl Scouts!

How can I resist their cookies? heh.

I am going to list my eating habits at the end of posts so people who are not interested can skip them. The plan for this week is finish out the week, eat the girl scout cookies and finish off the frozen food.

Over the weekend I will buy 1 pound of chicken, 2 bags of veggies, some quantity of turkey, and make sure we have wheat pasta.. also Salad leaves, peppers, onions, cukes, some stuff like that. I am interested in the price difference but this is not a factor.

I am going to make Pasta and Meatballs with sauce on Sunday, and Chicken with peppers and veggies. I assume this is enough for at least 4 meals. I will freeze it all up and be set for the week for dinner. Also mix a salad up for one night. I will then be set for the week. Going to cut out the cokes also. Lunch will be a problem still but one thing at a time. Breakfast I will alternate between Cheerios and wheat English muffins with jelly or peanutbutter or whatever was suggested. Try that out for a little.

I also want to get back into the pushups. I was doing 100/3x a week for a while and besides the side effect of loving to feel myself up it was working out pretty good. No loss of tummy fat but the chest was getting smokin'.

On the wife front, have not been served yet. She want's me to sign some papers instead of being served. I told her I would talk to her about it tonight. She also wants to go talk to some priest/lawyer guy she knows. Great he can rape you both ways. I told her I think I need to take a few grand out of the bank and hire a lawyer. She did not like this idea. So we are at a stalemate right now. Peace.

The Food List
=============
Breakfast
Coke

Lunch
Soup w/ Pork Wanton, Pork, and all kinds of veggies in chicken broth. Very large size.

Home Snack
Coke

Dinner
1 Hamburger
8 Hershey Kisses
a box of peanut butter chocolate girl scout cookies.
2 Frozen Pretzels
Coke

The Fat Lightning Diet

I am going to try and eat better. I hope this will give me more energy and make me feel better as I lose a little weight. I am at 193, 5"8 right now. I have scarecrow arms and the big heart attack tummy. Women love to rub it though. Go lower ladies! Go lower!!!

I find it hard to fix my eating habits a little. I will describe what I do and you can all make nasty comments. Should be fun. One thing that can help a little is my waking up early. Lately I force myself up around 5AM. It cuts down on my sleep sometimes because no freakin way I am going to bed at 9PM... but it gives me more time in the morning and allows me to eat some breakfast if I want to. I have been doing this schedule for the entire year.

So yesterdays eating went something like this.

Morning
Honey Nut Cheerio's
Coke

Lunch
Coke
8pc Sushi Spicy Tuna

After Snack (I was hungry!)
Fritos
Coke

Home
Coke
Stouffer's Stuffed Green Peppers
Girl Scout Cookies
Coke

So we can take the easy stuff first. I should remove the coke from my body. I might have a diabetic attack when I do this but it will probably help. I should also keep up with the breakfast thing. I can tell it speeds up my metabolism because I get really hungry by lunch time.

I eat a lot of frozen dinners. I am usually really tired when I get home from work and it is hard to get the energy to make a full meal. I was reading Lightnings reccomendations and he said he cut out sugars and salts as well as fat and red meats. Almost everything I eat is salty.

Like I try lean Cuisine from the store and it seems good but is like 550mg salt good for you? It seems not. Lunch is a big problem too.. half the time I have no idea what is in my food. Sushi probably has salt issues with the soy sauce and rice makes you fat and tired right? gahh!

I order these soups sometime at work.. it's Pork Wanton, all kinds of veggies, in a chicken or vegetable broth, with like some hot sauce and garlic.. I think it must have a lot of salt and the pork wanton is probably not healthy.. the other white meat? no? Blah! This is why I HATE trying to adjust my diet. Eating lunch at work is hard and I am not sure how much I would like taking something to work.

Gary is doing a good diet too one of his keys that Lightbulb did not mention in his diet was cutting out processed flours. I have heard about this. So how do you fricken go about doing that? Is wheat bread good but white bread bad? Is this a screw anything honkey colored thing? I dunno.

Perhaps I need to find some guidelines to how much intake I should be having in a reasonable healthy diet and work towards that... More water (which I HATE the taste of) and less coke would be an easy good start also... Peace.

Starting out...

Well, we are working out a Budget. I got most of an idea of what expenses we have. Kids are too expensive. Anyone want to buy one? Cheap! There are areas that I think we can work on. I am also working on some money making ideas. I like that I am taking control of this. Hopefully it works out well.

Woods..

Hiding in the woods is not good when it is snowing. Just sayin'.

** p.s. Just in case it is not obvious this is a joke. I am NOT living in the woods. I am at home.

Still...

Hiding out. I called the wife and she said she did not mean to file this morning and especially did not mean to send someone to my work and embarrass me. I told her I was not sure if I believed her or if she was tricking me and waiting at home with the dude with the summons. She said she can not revoke it until Monday so I was like "well maybe I should see you on Tuesday then..".. I also gave her a hard time and told her I could be fired because our company is very sensitive about news and lawsuits. It is kind of true but I doubt anything will happen. So I am in hiding right now. Being hunted like an animal. Have not decided what I am going to do...

wow

..I may die from a heart attack in the next few moments... sorry, someone trying to serve you court papers does this... I tried to be fair...

Gahhh I am Going to Die

I swear I am going to die before all this is over. I have such an issue with dealing with confrontation and emotions and all those human like things I have been suppressing for so long. On the sort of good side all this finance talk with the wife has been bringing up a lot of communication. She says she did not realize that she was causing me pain and depression and then she starts crying and shit. Crazy bitches. Anyway it might be the first time in our whole relationship where we are actually, possibly, going to work together on something. I dunno. I am so confused and my back is hurting so bad.. maybe that is my spleen. Arrrgghh!! At least shit is moving somewhere which is better than my avoiding it for the past million years. Peace.

Weird Shit

This morning was interesting. I was putting away the dishes when the wife commented out of the blue "What are you doing? Why are you putting away the dishes lately? You have not done that for 13 years".

I have a good system going in the morning. I wake up at 5AM. Play some video games, read some email, whatever.. then I go upstairs and wake the kid up. He swears at me and says "five more minutes you fat fuck". I then go to the kitchen, get his breakfast ready, set out his pills and stuff.. and then while I am waiting for the five minutes I will empty the dishwasher if I see it is needed. It works out pretty good.

We talked for a bit more and I told her I was doing it because I think I basically hit rock bottom and was trying to improve my life. She said that if I hit rock bottom I would go to a shrink but I said I was helping myself and that seeing someone was not out of the question but not something I was going to do immediately.

I guess I must be making some strides at pulling my ass out of the depression of the past few years if the oblivious one noticed. Peace.

Stole My Thunder

Hoyazo stole my thunder. I was waiting to tell him to shut the fuck up about the Patriots loss to the Giants. I was sitting there waiting for his loser post about the Patriots and how they can not win a game unless they cheat. I knew it was going to happen.. and I was going to tell him that at least my team makes it to Super Bowls and makes it interesting. His team is a perennial failure at post season. I got to see my team play three exciting games while his team picked splinters out of their assholes. That motherfucker Hoyazo beat me to it though!!! He said his team sucks already goddamit! I was looking for something to cheer me up this morning and he ruins it! Cocksucker.

I was very depressed about our loss but I am hopeful too. I think the team will be better next year with all the picks they have. I have to give a ton of credit to the Giants too. Eli Manning took his team through the powerhouses of the NFL and beat them all at home. The fact that the Patriots kept the game so close and had so many exciting chances to win the game was amazing. The Giants Defense SHUT DOWN the Packers incredible offense and the Saints. It was not a huge surprise that this game was very close and the Giants were able to shut Brady down to some degree. I give a lot of credit to their team in showing that good defense is necessary.

How great of a game was that too? I mean it was a dog fight the whole way through. If we made one more catch be it Hernandez, Branch, Welker or Gronk we probably win that game. If the Giants make one less fantastic catch on the fifty yard line then again who knows. If your team is not going to win then at least making it exciting is a consolation prize. Thank you for another great year Patriots. Keep Welker on that suicide watch. Poor kid. I look forward to next year. Football is the best sport in the world.

As far as me.. It is taking a lot of energy to fight to reclaim my life. I admit I kind of fell off the bandwagon this weekend. Had a depressed Monday and felt pretty much like doing nothing today. A little could be related to the Patriots loss. Took Monday off work and wasted the whole day. Did not get up when I wanted to this morning but made it in on time. On the good side I am aware of my mental state and fighting against it instead of just giving in. I am winding the energy wagons back up and moving along today. It gets hard sometimes to clear all the static out of your head. Peace.

Sympatheic Pain

What a bad night. There is nothing worse in this world than seeing your children suffer. Last night my son was playing basketball. He was scrimmaging with his own team. He stole like 10 balls from some of the taller kids. He makes a good cover guy or a point guard. One of the kids got mad that he had so many steals so when he stole it the next time and was rushing for the layup the kid shoved him in the back and he went full speed into the gym wall.

The kid came home and did not seem to be in too much pain. However we could see that his rib was sticking up. I felt a pain in my rib for the poor kid. His mom opens her fat mouth and says "If they put you in surgery call me.". Yeah, way to flip the kid out. Luckily I had been telling him that it would be more likely just tape and pain meds. We go to the hospital around 11 and amazingly were out by midnight.

The doctor and radiologist had trouble finding the fracture.. but everything around the rib and all his pain indicated one so they decided to treat him for one. No tape though. Two hundred bucks later for an ER visit he ended up with advil and some breathing device so he does not catch pneumonia.

All in all not too bad. He is still sore. We went to his primary physician and she checked him out and prescribed some good ole vitamin D3. Besides that it is just rest and aspirin. He already wants to play in this Sundays game. I forbid that but we will see how he feels next week.

So here I sit at 7PM working since I took the day off to take care of him. Perhaps Josie can come by and give me a raging hard-on I can not do anything about. Peace.

I Am So Bad

"Rakewell said...

Waffles: Since you have already made it known that you don't respect my opinions and think I'm "a fucking moron" and a "freaking toolbag," I'm baffled why you would bother asking for my thoughts on this hand."

First off I will admit I have a low opinion of Rakewell. It is not so much that I think he is a bad person but I think he is very naive.

He tells Josie her thinking is "absurd" and just thinks that is "being honest" or not offensive. The reason I called him a toolbag was not because of his poker playing experience it was because I felt that his "Holier than Thou", "You're absurd", Naive, whatever brain damaged attitude he has sucks. He looks like that bald fucker in the Princess Bride and acts like him too.

Tony is a guy with a lot of problems. He has some form of Autism. He also has a huge gambling problem at least with slot machines and progressive blackjack or something like that. Mr. High and Mighty tells Tony "Just man up and stop what's wrong with you, you just do not want to quit". I got kind of offended by this. Perhaps in his fairy tale world you just say no like Barbara Bush but in the real world it can be a little harder than that.

Perhaps I was a still a little angry about his treatment of Josie or I might not have called him names. It is just this constant pattern with him. I am far superior to all you people and if you were just a little bit better like I am all your problems would be solved. Like I said he is a naive dickhead. I totally stand by my statement at the time. I am alright that he is butt hurt and I bet he will come here and comment on my grammar or spelling or perhaps my sentence prose as he enjoys doing with his magical, superior brain.

Have fun in your little ivory white castle you fucking toolbag. Waffles out. Peace.

Fiyah Powah

My spreadsheet is called empowerment and it has all the things I need to do. Sometimes it is hard to start things. For instance my sister signed up for some fake cable and somehow got me stuck for 2K. I figured this would be a big stress issue and put off calling. Finally I did it. The people asked for the last four digits of my SSN and it did not match what they had on file. Case closed. Issue resolved. Wish they all went that easy. Peace.

Oh and why is it always after you have worked a 14hr day, wake up at 5AM the next morning, and are exhausted, that someone gets hit on your train stop and your train gets delayed by 2 hours!?!?! I mean I have some compassion for the injured/dead person but could they have waited an hour or so to get hit? Jeeez.