Ouch

OMG! I was playing with my daughter tonight. I had her on my shoulders and was pretending to be a roller coaster zigging to the right and swooping down until I swooped when she zigged and all of the sudden my back freaked out. So now I am waiting for the real pain to start. My back is killing me and my ribs are sore. Tomorrow is likely to hurt a fuck load more. Guess I should not have teased TripJax. Lol.

Reader Comments

First off thanks for all the support as I go from Gilbert Grape to Adonis. I may stop somewhere in between as I am already too much for the ladies.

Lightning was curious if I had changed my diet much. I have not really. I have cut down on caffeine the most. I try and watch what I am eating a little more. Somedays I will try a little harder than others. I plan to eventually start cooking for myself more and get away from all the processed foods I eat. I can never see myself as a sunflower seed eating maggot. I think everything is good in moderation and will probably keep to that mantra.

As to Ick saying I needed to give Hoyazo props for his big win. All I can say to that is if a duck shits in the air enough times it is gonna hit someones head eventually.

Things I have Learned Walking

Things I have learned walking recently..

1. It can rain a lot of days in a row.
2. City kids like to play in the fountains. Fuck. I want to join them! Those sprinklers look awesome!
3. You can not go a block in Boston without getting a puff of smoke in you face.
4. Bayne says losing 5 pounds is a gimme when you exercise, nothing to write home about, it is nice to have friends.
5. Walking generates testosterone. Testosterone turns my normal surly attitude into fantasies about smashing the guys face into the cement just because he looks funny. Testosterone is probably a bad thing.
6. It really can rain a lot of days in a row.
7. Retarded kids picking on you is a low point in life.
8. City blocks are not all equal.
9. Hawk Chicks do not fear the rain and wear white shirts which makes Waffles very happy. White shirt on a chick is just behind Catholic Girl Skirt.
10. Man can it rain a lot of days in a row.

Exercise commences on a daily basis. Calisthenics starting up every other day. Drink of choice for exercising nerds is Diet Weight Watchers Root Beer, chilled, not frozen. Nobody sells these around here but at least the morning and dinner drink is set. Feeling a little Jonesing for poker after the PLO8 13th place 3-outer fiasco.

Mafia Wars

Fun game on Facebook. I finally hit 501 mafia members. This is the highest you can go at least to gain benefit in fights. To add Mafia members you have to invite them to be Facebook friends. Since I have finally hit the top I have started removing these people from my friends list. It is a slow and sad process as I finally realize that these people are not my friends. *cry*.

Exercise Plans

Still going. As to all the comments yesterday and suggestions thank you. Also thanks to BamBam for getting all inspired and shit. I would link you but your site has turned into a soft porn movie.

As for the drink suggestions lets run through them.

Dr. Chacko - Coke Zero.
Coke Zero weirds me the fuck out. I had gotten on a slight kick of drinking the stuff a while back. It just blows my mind for some reason. I honestly can not come up with any words to describe it. It is like something but nothing or something ya know? It is a decent choice for a replacement though. Possibly if I can get my brain around it I could do this.

Astin - Tea or coffee, black, unsweetened.
I am not sure if I have ever shared this on the blog which is totally weird but I HATE COFFEE! Anything even related to Coffee, Tea, Coffee Ice Cream! UG! It tastes like shit. OMG! I mean how do they get you to drink this shit in the first place? Everytime I taste coffee I want to puke. Unsweetened to top it off?!?!? ARGG!

IAK - Diet Something
This one is all me. I am a super scientist from the future and I have to tell you aspartame IS THE DEBIL! The FDA should ban this shit now but they are a bunch of corrupt, paid off, fucktards. I swear that thing eats your teeth and then it digests them with your internal organs. It is some sort of fast acting acid. I know you doctors with your degree thingies and stuff disagree with me but YOU ARE WRONG, I ARE RIGHT, STFU NOW! Mark my words just as I predicted $5 gas with Bush, among the other atrocities I predicted he would do, I know for a fact aspartame is going to be found to be a stone cold killah.

Bad Blood - Crystal Light
Ok I am going to avoid any pussy jokes here because frankly he is big and scary. However I think this is a good idea. It could work. Ah crap. I knew it. It has the Debel in it too! aspartame!!! Debil powdah! HELP!

So I guess the search continues.

I also bought a magical device called a pedometer. Mostly to figure out how far I am actually walking since those city block things confuse me. The pedometer is a magical, wondrous device and I have no idea how it works. It just like knows. Kinda like Google. Sick huh?

Hoyazo Translation V2.0

Nobody possibly could ever have a 3 on a 332 board when they are betting into me after I have shown strength. Oh my, they do have a three. This person is obviously a donk for calling 10$ off pre-flop in a five way pot and then stacking me for $190 more. I do not know how they can win with odds like that. I am going to get so much richer than I already am.

Exercise Make Feel Good?

Day 77 of my long ordeal of exercising.. no, wait, it can not be that long. Ok. Probably the first week. The rain is scheduled through Monday. It is comforting that god would kill everyone in MA by horrible flood just to get at me. At least he knows who I am. I did manage to weigh myself and I am down two pounds (including boot trick) in the first week. So off to a good start.

Today the pain set in. I can barely lift my arms. Somehow all the muscles between each rib are sore. Not sure what caused that probably the pushups. My stomach was hurting pretty good this morning too. Next day of calisthenics is Friday.

I am trying to figure out what to drink. I think 4-6 cokes a day is too much so I have cut down to just one at lunch. However I am at a loss for a good replacement. I could drink root beer and get the benefit of less caffeine but probably would not help me lose too much weight.

Water is out. I may be the only person in the world but water tastes like shit to me. I mean I have a low tolerance for boring stuff so maybe that is it. I have tried going all water a few times before but it just is not me.

I guess I am not going to worry too much at this point about the diet. I am of the opinion that diets suck. I would rather be 5000 pounds than not eat something. Exercise is where it is at and moderation on the really bad stuff.

I did buy a book with some recipes that I may try out. It has a set of 15,20, and 30 minute ones. Some of them look really tasty and they are all reasonably healthy when compared to say my couple of hot pockets last night. So basically not much going on so you will have to suffer through the exercise regime for a little while more.

Exercise Grind Continues

Another day of exercise. Another day of rain. Goodtimes. I actually threw some calisthenics in last night. a whole 15 pushups and 30 situps. Note to self: putting pressure on giant balloon seems like not such a good idea. Today I will study the difference between a pushup and a crunch and which one is better to do. Like how far up do you go before it is a crunch? Are crunches just something lazy people invented or are they the way to go. All this exciting news. I bet you can not wait until tomorrow.

Exercise Woes

Yesterday I was doing my walking thing. In the rain. See prior post. I walked from the train station down to the super market to meet up with my wife. On the walk I pass by this very friendly retarded fellow who comes up to me and say "You look funny with that stupid beard". I just got slammed by a retard. FML.

Noah Build Another Arc

I know god hates me but does he have to be so blatant? Ever since I went on this walking kick it had rained. Every. Single. Day. I prefer indoor, treadmill, walking so I do not have to deal with snow and rain, but I am treadmilless so I have been splashing through the rain everyday. I am almost positive that god is going to break his promise to Noah and flood the planet if I keep exercising. The boot trick worked and weighing without the boots I lost a pound already! Yay me!

Season Over

Had a decent weekend. Did my mile walks for the weekend. Weighed myself (with shoes on so I can cheat later and "lose" more weight) and came in at 187. I figure my first goal will be to get back down to 170. The Rooster is more obsessed by shoes than the Wife. True story.

The boys team finally went down to the Rockies. He did not get a chance to pitch. Apparently the fail coaches son giving up six or seven runs was not enough to take him out. The boys team could not get anything going against the star pitcher of the Rockies. The best they did was bases loaded in the first. Boy was disappointed.

Fathers day was meh. Sweet little girl gave me a pen with all smooshes of playdough or something applied to it. Very nice. Everyone else ignored me. Also very nice. The Wife (the good one not my wife) wished me a Happy Fathers day. It brought tears to my eyes. I must be going soft.

Emergency work fix this morning as I strolled in at 10:30ish. Bwahahah. I should really either stop being so valuable or get a new job. Usually with me after about two years I get bored and become a very pouty employee. I probably should not complain as I am gainfully employed, surf the web for weeks at a time, and occasionally do some work. I prefer the beginnings of projects where there is a ton of work and design to do. The day to day type projects bore the fuck out of me.

Otherwise nothing much exciting going on today.

** Oh almost forgot.. Thanks for the suggestion IAK. I have some SBLI email addy for you. Send me a line at sirfwalgman@gmail.com and we can chat.

Personal Trainer

So apparently Jocream (Spelling probably wrong why can't you have a normal name like Paco) AKA The Rooster has taken me under his wing and is pushing me to get into shape so I can score some babes in bars or something. In addition Instant Tragedy's loss of 90% of his body weight has actually inspired me to start exercising. Also the fact that my wife has gotten sexy skinny fucking pisses me off to no end.

It is probably The Rooster cawing at me every day about taking a walk and getting some sneakers that is helping the most. As an aside I actually would like to try out a pair of these babies. Feel free to comment on which color you like if you are a hot babe with some fashion sense. If I did not list you do not worry there is plenty of Waffles to go around. Ahh yeah!

I appreciate the bird man helping me out. If you have never met him you might think he comes across as a sleaze bag. A leisure suit Larry type who needs a shave scoping out the skanks at the hooker bar. Ok. Possibly he is. He is also a really stand up guy and I appreciate him pushing me to be all I can be or some sort of corny shit like that. Appreciate the push man!!!

I have been doing my walks for the past few days. I have some reservations since reading that the inventory of jogging actually died.. of a heart attack.. It is true people.

Yesterday I got in a five mile walk. I am shooting for one mile a day. My cunt of a soon to be EX wife "forgot" to pick me up at the train station so I had to hoof it home. Albeit she may not be a cunt but I was a little pissed. The walk did feel pretty good though.

Today I took a walk at work. I found out that 20 blocks equals a mile. I thought it would be easy to map out a mile route around my building. However it alludes me how to figure out what a block is. I mean each section is different. In the front of buildings there are two small sections divided by an alley. Is each small section a block? Are the two sections combined a block? To further complicate matters the sides of the buildings consist of these very long sections. So do they count as 2 blocks? 3 blocks? 1 block (Jesus please no!).

Ah but walking brought back some great memories of one of my favorite bloggers. We had such good times with my thighs sweating and chaffing didn't we? Ah the memories of Vegas. I also figured out that eating chili and walking equals heart burn. Fuck that sucks.

I will also probably go Ghey like Astin and start cooking some healthier meals. My current eating habits are horrid. I usually skip breakfast except for a coke. Lunch tends to be an overeating fiasco since the lunch room stuffs your plate miles high and I was taught to eat everything or else I could not leave the table!! Night time eating could be anything from a bag of popcorn, to Fridays Buffalo wings, weight watchers TV dinner.. last night I got home so late I ate a package of Swiss cheese for dinner.

The final thing I will need to throw in is some weight lifting to help in the burning of some calories. I plan on doing light lifting like three days a week eventually. Just quick workout to the chest and arms. I did this before I met the wife and got into decent shape. Perhaps I should consult Badblood in this endeavor.

So I guess I have found a little bit of motivation. I am fixing up the downstairs room so I have a place of my own while I am stuck in the house. I am trying not to tackle too much too fast as that usually leads to burnout. I currently weight around 190 possibly a bit less. I am shooting for 170 as an initial goal and then possibly 150 as a final goal. I am 5"7 so I do not think that is a horrible weight to shoot for. We shall see how it goes.

A Public Service Announcement

Dear friends I felt I needed to give you this public service announcement. I was talking to my friend about sex and staying power. He started to go on about how weed extends your staying ability and causes you to feel greater amounts of pleasure. I was not convinced but will probably experiment in the future. I then tell him that he just needs to focus on something else. If I am with an extremely attractive woman and feel like I am going to blow it, literally and figuratively, then I employ the mathematical method of cool down which consists of running binary numbers until I can chill a bit. He then told me he tried to focus on his grandma and it did not work.

.. whaaa? ..

I am rarely stunned in a conversation as you can probably tell from reading my blog. However this really blew my mind. Please people do not do this. It is way dangerous and you will regret it. You will start hanging out in front of nursing homes. You may ask your girlfriend to start wearing granny panties. At Christmas you will ask granny to sit on your lap trying to rub one out and hoping she does not realize it. Please use another approach. This is NOT the right way to do it. This has been a public service announcement from Waffles.

Aces Fucking Bitches Aces

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! The boy is good. He had a fucking awesome game going 2 for 2 with a double and a single. The team then waits to the last inning and throw him in as pitcher with the bases loaded. I was nervous for the boy. He was a little nervous and gave up a run. Second base made an error to allow a second run. The boy buckled down though, caught a popup down the first base line, struck the last batter out, and brought his team a HUGE victory in the first game of the playoffs! I was so fucking excited for him! I hope they put him in earlier next time. He really is good at getting those needed outs. All Star baby All Star!!!!!

Excellent to Know

It is somewhat comforting to know things do not change in the poker world. Played the 40+5 PLO8 MTT the other day. Nice cool grand on the line for first. Chipped up early when I flopped a small wrap with 234 on an A5 board. I got all in three ways and ended up making a runner runner flush for the scoop. I never looked back from there. I was a top five stack the entire MTT. Until the end.

I made one questionable play that ironically was like the first play. I flopped the nut low draw and a nut high flush draw along with a pair. I potted it and got called three ways. The turn brought a straight to the board and completed my low. So I popped it again. I missed my flush draw and lost about 8K of my 18K stack leaving me 10K and a solid middle stack. I was quartered in that hand on the low, and was beaten by the straight and set for the high. Big hand to lose there.

I stayed patient however and got my stack back up to 20K with 13 left. The first stack had 40K so I was in the running. I then got into this hand. I had A23J s00ted. The flop comes JJ9. A guy leads out and I am trying to decide of my AJ is any good. The turn brings another 9 and the guy ships it. I think the second nine is actually a good card. It brought me a flush draw which could be dead and also likely the best trips somewhat ruling out the J9 in the other guys hand. It could happen but I liked my odds here. So I jammed him and got it all in. I had him covered by a fair bit. He of course, being Greek, bent over and called with J6. As the six hit the river and shot me down to 13th place with 9 spots paying I knew the game had run its course. I had taken a three out beat and swung about 32K in chips. I would have been the chip leader with twelve remaining instead of the chump.

I ended up out a few hands later when I went with A3KQ s000ted against A33K rainbow. Not a good match up for me and IGH when the pair of threes hold.

Tonight I will be watching as the kiddo plays in his little league playoff game. Should be interesting. I think he may have a chance to pitch. He pitched a second game for an inning and ended up with two strikeouts and a grounder for a 123 inning. Solid pitching. His team is up against one of the better teams in the league. It is the Texas Rangers vs the Philadelphia Phillies. Feel free to open the prop betting line in the comments.

Be Careful What You Ask For

My mother and I have an interesting relationship. I ignore her and she keeps calling. I am not exactly sure why this is. Possibly payback for her ignoring me as a child or something of that sort. Tonight she asked why I never really talk to her. So I give in and decide to have a conversation. We start talking about stuff. My jailbird sister may have seen the light. Apparently she said she was sorry for all the bad things she did to me over the years. I have no idea if jail has reformed her or if she is trying to look good to a judge or something like that. I was pretty surprised though.

She then goes into how I need to get help. I need to see a professional. I tell her I am getting divorced and that will make things better. She goes on about how you have to work out marriages. So I tell her point blank dad sleeping all the time and the way there marriage was is not "working". She keeps harping on how is getting divorced going to help me. I need to go see a doctor. Get medicine.

Finally I go and say "You know it is going to help me?"
She says "No".
"It is going to help me because I am going to go out every night, get drunk, stick my cock in some chicks ass, and then pull it out and make her suck it" I replied
My mom replied in a shocked voice "OMG! I can not believe my son is saying that! That is digusting! You are gross".
Liking that reply I continue on "I am going to make them get on all fours and bark like a dog".
"You are gross! That is just sick!!!" she said in horror.
I finish up with the grand finale "Didn't you bark for dad?"

Quickly afterwards she decides she does not want to talk to me anymore and asks to speak to my daughter. Be careful what you ask for.

Good Times

Does anyone remember the Hoyazo translation blog? You know the one that take his fucked up, rambling, run on sentences and turns them into short, succinct, readable passages. I think that someone should revive that.. it might go something like this..

I did not kill myself because of my horrid play in the BBT4.

Work has been busy.

Everyone told me how bad my play was in email and girlie chat. Denying my playing bad did not work in the last post. Instead I will try to justify it in this post.

After running like the lucksack I was I went card dead and it made me frustrated.

I make calls because of my brilliant ability to apply ranges to people. Calling off with top pair shit kicker is not a fish move it is my mad range ability.

I applied my awesome poker skills to actpyer who was playing like Gary and Smokee combined, AKA tight as fucking hell, to determine that his flat call on the flop and jam on the turn obviously meant he was weak even if it is the classic play with a set, and somehow, for the first time ever, I was.. *gulp* wrong?

In conclusion if you do it you are a donkey but if I do it then I have applied scientific hand range reading skills that are light years above anything you could possibly understand and just cause I stacked off on the button and blew at least two grand if not ten grand does not mean I am stupid.

Red Sox kick the Yankees Ass. Phillies rock. The Mets suck balls. I am out of time for my drivel. I will spew out loads of bullshit tomorrow.

Crackdown: The Waffles Take

Apparently the federallies have been cracking down on check withdrawals. Several major online sites have had problems with withdrawal checks. Here is some well written information by Pokerati.

I have also heard of a few of our friend getting the shaft. Chad my good buddy has been having issues that he wrote about today. I am crying for him. Inside. Deep inside. No that is not a grin. It is that pain I feel for you. Really.

I predict a resurgence of interest in my style of play. Breakeven baby. Removes all problems with check withdrawal. No stress. No worries. I am currently giving lessons. Please signup before the class is full.

I have to believe that someone will figure some other workaround. There is too much money involved in being a payment process for someone to avoid doing this. I look forward to the North Korean Bank of Poker Transfers opening soon. One percent of every cashout goes to nuclear research. Perhaps that is not a good solution.

Hopefully the tight asses in our government who want to tell us how to live, who to fuck, and how hard to play will all die. Barring that perhaps they will fall out of power and we can have some fun.

Fuck Big Business

Turns out I may end up joining my sister in jail. If it happens it will be because I am an asshole and can not stand the man telling me what to do. It is nothing really serious but it really shows that Citibank/Discover/etc blowing the government has really worked out well.

A bunch of years back in 2000 I ran behind on some credit card debts. It was a bad year for consulting and while I was much better off than most people I.E. I actually was working, it was tough. So we got a little behind on a bunch of credit cards. We had been very good up until then. The scumbags at the banks immediately jack the credit rates up to 21% and charge ridiculous fees. We finally are getting out from under a lot of that and have paid our debts except for two cards. One of the cards the collection agency is a bunch of scumbags that break the law, talk to people who's names are not on the card, call on weekends and nights, etc, etc.. so we decided to never talk to them.

One card that I still owe money on is from Discover. So the lawyer there went and got a lien on my property. I was under the impression that credit card debt was unsecured but apparently this is incorrect. I called them and tried to work out something fair. Mind you the original debt was something like 4-5k and they have ratcheted it up to about 12k. Normally they will take a payout of 30 cents or so on the dollar since they buy the debt for like 10 cents. So today I got a notice that if I do not appear in court in September they can arrest me. The lawyer has asked the court to enforce the judgment of the lien. So apparently I am in contempt of court if I do not show up.

I am really anti-social and do not like people telling me what to do so I am planning on missing this. I have some other problems with how this works out also. First off how can the court send letters via snail mail, un-certified, and not delivered to me at all and expect me to receive them? I honestly have not read my mail in over two years and have not answered my cellphone. I really just do not want to interact with the external world at all. So sue me. Oh wait. Nevermind. It just seems really retarded that they are not required to at least have the defendant sign for a certified letter or something of that sort. If I had moved out by now I would never have received the letter. As a matter of fact it was just by chance I saw it hanging out on the stove and took a look.

I also think it is retarded that they would send a guy to jail for a stupid Discover bill. If they did not mean to threaten me with that punishment then they should not have written it on the summons. So they have threatened to throw me in jail for some stupid unsecured credit bill. Um. ya. Serious good cocksuckers those banks have. Just grease all the politicians ass holes and walla unsecured means something totally different. Let's bring back debtor prisons and stockades.

I swear I must be doing this whole thing wrong. Instead of working every day since I was 18 I should have been selling drugs, on welfare, being a drain on society. I would be way ahead by now especially if I impregnated a dozen women or so. I mean we both paths will end up in the same place but one is much more fun than all straight and narrow benefit to society.

I will keep you posted but as of now I am planning on ignoring this summons also. My wife will be concerned about her meal ticket so she may get something worked out with these people before that happens. Honestly speaking I think jail sounds like heaven. I can relax on my bunk, work out in the spa, get free food.. fuck ya! No worries. No decisions. No wife!! BOOM! I can not wait!!!!!

WoW I am Lucky

I played WoW last night. It was fun. Only reason I mention it is to show my luck transcends poker. We ran through the spider wing of Naxx last night (25 man). First boss had some nice gloves. I rolled a 92 of 100. Pretty damn good roll. I am awaiting my prize when the guy after me rolls 93. 7 outer?

Next I was joking with the guys in the group about my terrible rolling. So I throw the dice for fun and roll a fucking 99! Then I say "If this was real the next guy would roll a 100".. So the next guy rolls.. and it is 100! A 1 fucking outer! God loves to taunt me.

I finally did win a roll with a 42. However I did not notice it was a Paladin piece. So I gave it up and went home empty. It was still fun though. Got a few tokens and finally cleared the Spider Wing with a PUG and got the achievement for taking the second boss down by just blasting her to the ground ignoring all of her crazy buffs. All in all a decent night.

El Roacho

I tried to roach my way into a money spot playing a little LO8 MTT last night. I started off good playing one hand in the entire first rotation. The beginning of the second rotation I scooped a huge pot and swung into 20th place with around 80 left. I then totally left the path of master Bayne and stopped roaching and played a few ill advised hands. It gets hard to fold when there are eight people in the hand.. even when you know you should.. I finally went out against two pair with a nut low, weak (but winning) flush and good straight draw. The Qc on the river did not complete any of those hands unfortunately. Honestly I blew the whole roach attempt. It gets hard to play three hands in a long MTT. Kudos to the Ser Bayne of Roachingham he is the man. Perhaps I will try again tonight.

Sql DB Developers

If anyone is looking for work in Boston let me know. We have a 1+ month opening doing some Sql development. My contract was 3 months and is going on year three soon so it could lead to something longer term or pay some bills while your looking.

Supahstar

I never really thought this was possible but a nerd birthed a supahstar baseball player.. at least for one night. The boy had his debut as the pitcher for his team. I was a little worried he might get nervous and blow it. Sometimes I put my own less than stellar sports acumen on the boy. I forget he is his own person and may do significantly better than I did. Not that the bar is set that high mind you.

I equate the kids pitching to something of a wakefieldish type knuckler. He has no wind up. He barely waits to throw his next pitch. He just tosses it in like he is throwing a pass. Except it has some kind of weird arc to it that throws other batters off. I saw three batters jump back out of the way of pitches that were called strikes. Strange and amusing.

He started his first inning a little wild. A few bad pitches and some less than stellar infield play caused bases to be loaded with one out. I thought he was going to melt down here. One good sign of the inning was everything people hit was on the ground. After giving up one run he buckled down and threw a pitch. The guy lined it right to him. After a little bobble he tossed it to the first baseman for an out. The first baseman was able to get the ball home for an inning ending double play.

He singled in an RBI to help himself out and got up for a second round of pitching. Amazingly he threw exactly 12 pitches, striking out three batters, and only allowing one man on base on a first baseman's error. He had just struck out his second guy when the batter hit a grounder straight at the first baseman. Instead of getting the ball and touching the bag, the first baseman ran to the bag letting the ball head straight into right field. It could have been a 9 pitch 1 2 3 inning, instead the boy had to get one more guy out.

The coach then pulled him in favor of the star pitcher who gave up about four runs, missed third base costing the team another run, and just barely hung on for the win. I was a little pissed that he got pulled after a perfect inning but sports at this level is all about who you know. The coach may have just wanted to end the night on a high note also. You never know.

At the end of the game my son was named MVP and got his second game ball of the season. He finished up with two RBIs and some stellar pitching giving up only one run. He was flying high all the way home as everyone was praising him. Us Wafflers love to get our egos stroked!

It is nice to see him have some success and fun at sports. I on the other hand sprained my shoulder rolling over in bed this morning. It was an odd experience. I lifted my head up to move over to a new position and jammed it into the top of the bed causing some severe pain. I did not even know that was possible. Ah well.

Goddamn My Life is Fucked

Such a crazy life I live right now. On the one side the divorce has ground to a hault before it really got much steam. At first she is all gun-ho about it all and I figured hells ya I am out of here in a month or two. She then wakes up from Fantasy Island and figures out that she probably needs to sell the house and everything slows down. She also is having an operation that forces her to not lift over five pounds for a month. Nothing serious I think. She just pisses herself when she walks. I call her Tina Tinkles. I guess it has to do with the stretching my daughters big head gave her cunt when she came out. Seriously that babies head was freaky big. Add into all this mix the fact the housing market sucks and spring is the best time to sell and it looks like I am probably stuck here for another year. Sometimes I feel like just walking out the door and just doing whatever the fuck I want but the kids would suffer if I did.

Every couple weeks the Beast of the Lake drops me an IM on Facebook. Apparently when you ignore a chick she gets super hot for you or something. I have been doing it wrong all these years.

ME: I have had a cough for like 2 weeks not sure if it is allergies or what.
Beast: you need tlc and a nurse to give you a rub down, on my hands and nees, you need a b and j.

My brain says "Are you seriously thinking of fucking some chick that can not even spell knees?". While my body says "LISTEN DUDE IF YOU WONT DO IT I WILL!!!". Life is funny. Scary part is the first chick I fucked I married.

Wishing Otis Well

Go over and give Otis some good wishes. Hopefully nothing serious with the newborn but it gave me the shivers remembering when they did that to my baby. Anytime your newborn has a fever they automatically do a spinal to rule out Encephalitis if my weak memory is correct. I still remember that day when they stuck the needle into my boys spine. The wife could not deal so she waited outside. It is true when they say you would rather it happened to you. So go wish him well. He is a good guy.