Predictions of the Super Bowl

The cooler shall speak soon.. However if you do not wish me to make my prediction and possibly destroy any chance your team has for a title I am currently taking bribes on any of the major poker sites.

Thank you,
The Cooler

Times are Tough

Waste your time with some coupon fun.

Short Posts

I may start doing more of these. Mookie is a clown fish. Works for me.

Bring it Old Bitches

The Story of Waffles

The following is the fictitious Waffles bio from the Facebook group that IT started called "My Friend Waffles Needs 1 Million Followers". You should join the group just to see the sexy picture of The Wife. No not my wife. Dr. Chacko's wife.

I started out life as any normal child would, growing up, and trying to find my way in the world until that fateful day when I was seven. Our class decided to take a trip to the Eggo Waffle plant in western Massachusetts to see how a real factory worked. I remember being excited to see where these breakfast delights might come from and I was not disappointed.

Even as a lad I was a bit forgettable shall we say and I had that explorer’s lust that lives in the hearts off all children. So it was not a huge surprise that I wandered off as the tour continued and even less of a surprise that nobody noticed I was missing. I climbed up to the top of the stacks of Eggos when the event that would change my life forever happened. I tumbled from the mountainous stacks into a group of boxes in the middle of the warehouse and could not extract myself for many hours.

By the time I was finally able to free myself the Warehouse lights had been turned off and I was stuck alone and quite frankly scared in this large building. What I did not know was that by some convergence of fate and bad karma this was the final day that the warehouse was open. Due to lack of sales in the eastern hemisphere of Eggos and the cheap cost of manufacturing these in Taiwan the plant was to be closed and used as a backup storage facility.

What this meant to me became abundantly clear. I was trapped in this Warehouse and nobody was coming to get me. The first few weeks I held onto hope that someone would notice I was missing. Possibly my parents would send out the National Guard to find me or my teachers would notice that I was gone. I concentrated on survival for those early weeks. I had an abundant supply of food in the legions of Waffles around me. Fortunately the skylights let in enough light for me to see during the day. In order to get enough water to drink I had to collect the drippings from the leaky roof. I setup a makeshift home and waited for someone to come for me.

About nine months later I finally gave into the despair in the knowledge that nobody was coming. It was a difficult time. I was seriously contemplating suicide as the loneliness and the horror of my situation sunk in. As I sat upon the edge of the largest stack of Waffles and thought about throwing myself upon the hard concrete below my savior and best friend forever came into my life. His name was Boxy. He truly did save my life. We had the greatest of times together. I would talk to him and he would listen in rapt attention until I was done. He always knew what to say. We spent hours playing Waffle Frisbee and juggling. He taught me to read all the boxes in the warehouse and showed me a true philosopher’s heart. We spent hours in deep meditation studying our inner selves.

Years past and I grew older. It was hard to tell how much time passed. Eventually I made another friend – sticky. He was a rat I found one day on a sharpened stick. He was a great friend also. Boxy, Sticky and I had many adventures together. Sticky taught me everything I know about sex. The women are all amazed at my skills in the sack, well, assuming there were any women, they would be impressed.

The years passed and finally by chance one day during the great Waffle shortage of 2000 the Warehouse was finally opened. I was found by these strange human beings who I had not seen in so many years. My identity was finally confirmed and when the police went to my house my mother told them I was upstairs. Apparently she had not realized I was missing.

Now I was stuck in this brave new world. The smell of Waffles clung to my skin from years of eating them. I had a pallid complexion and a sensitivity to the light. I knew how to interact with boxes and rats but humans were a different story. I tried to date but it is hard when the only food your stomach can stand are Eggos. The only women I could even attempt to attract were from Kentucky and, despite the Waffle House being high society there, even I knew that was not going to work. Finally I stumbled across this wonderful place called the internet. I setup this Facebook account and created this group. I figured if I could find a million people that would call me friend then I could possibly finally find happiness.

So please join this little group. Help erase the tragic accident that has gotten me here and open up a bright new future that has endless possibilities. Thank you for your kindness. Waffles.

My Weekend of Poker

I called a chick a fucking cunt. Enough said.

Am I the Only One..

Who thinks this is pretty fun to read.

Blinders says and Matt replies and I chuckle awaiting the next volley.

Breakeven plan continues..

So it continues. Played a little LHE and Stud8 last night. Profited a little in both games and kept generating that rakeback. Oh yeah baby! This weeks payment will boost the bankroll 10%! Woot! I think it is silly that Doc and Dork can not build a roll from crumbs. That dumb contest they had a month ago. I mean cmon. I would have won hands down. I think they need to read my book when it comes out. I guess I have more experience than they do. If things continue to go break-even I should be able to settle up with IT before he goes into toxic shock and oozes his guts out. Wish the puss bag a quick recovery though. So far it sounds pretty disgusting.

Seriously though playing smaller stakes makes you really have to consider how profitable certain moves are against certain types of players. You have to adjust your game accordingly when people have poor pre-flop hand selection and really pay attention to what their bets are telling you and if they are big fat liars. Especially in the lower limit NLHE SNG games I have been slowing down pre-flop and outplaying my opponents post flop. Cutting down on large c-bets and folding a hell of a lot more. In general it has probably been good for my game. I obviously have to ramp it back up for higher levels games.

Stupid Fucking Mookie

Maniac57: elusive is licking tainted peanut butter off his boyfriends co*k

Goddamn game is pissing me off. Fucking idiot player Elusive calling raised with A9 vs my KK and hitting his fucking Ace. Then I finally look down and see a good fucking hand like QQ.. and the retard of course limped AA in the EP and fucking had a hand. No way I can fold to that fucktard there. Such a fucking moron. God loves idiots.

Borgata Winter Open

Our very own Riggstad will be covering the events here. So make sure you check out his posts and support a working brotha.

Ode to Frankenstein

I have been remiss in paying back Instant Tragedy for one of our stupid prop bets. Since he is oozing puss and all that good stuff I figured I would finally get around to paying up. So here is a review of as he calls it "The Donahue Empire".

So we should probably start with his flagship blog, the self named Instant Donahue. This is where our man shares the details of his life. Sometimes you have to smack him a little to get him to open up but normally he just spills it all out. The pain. The puss. The special lady with the handcuffs. It is all here. If you are interested in the man behind the velvety radio voice then this is where you must go.

Under the aptly name Instant Tragedy moniker we get out friends exploits at the poker tables. Do not let his apparent ineptitude at the tables fool you for this guy is no break even player. No he is certainly not. Read up about his latest prop bets with Team Tragedy and the Mookie. See if he can beat team Schlubs with his dream team of poker bloggers.

Controversial as the word "BOOOM" is at the tables, the whole meaning of the BOOM generation is displayed at Feel the Boom. Here you can read about amazing suckouts and incredible pots won at the fiddy cent level. This one is a compilation of posts from various bloggers and gives different perspectives on the BOOOM. If you can handle the BOOM then go here.

Kangaroos could not pull me away from this last blog.. the aptly named I hate Everyone Equally. This is a collection of rants. We all know how much I love rants. I have been looking for a successor to my title of the rant master. Hoyazo was looking good but he is way too wordy. If Instant Tragedy practices a lot he could be in line for the job. Go check out some of his wonderful rants.

So that ends one of my debts to IT. I really hate prop bets. I hope everyone can see how I feel about his blogs. Good luck to him and his health in the future. He is actually a pretty cool guy.

Obama Rama

Everyone is commenting on the new President. I am glad Bush is out. Obama has a lot of fixing to do. George broke the country good. I predicted much of this in my early pre-second term Bush posts. Did anyone listen to me? Nope. My predictions for Obama is that he is a classic slick speaker but is one of the boys. He is not going to change much. I think he will be great for our international relationship with the world. He is going to have a really hard time with our domestic state. We are just really fucked up and it will take time to change. I think there is a good chance he makes it to a second term and possibly then he will be able to make some lasting changes. Not all full of warm fuzzy hope though. Ah well.

I did think that this video was wicked cool. I would love one of those. Good for the ole road rage. If nobody survives there are no witnesses. BLAHAHAHAHA! Oh, did I say that out loud? Oops. I did think that the opening in the top was too big though. I think a well placed grenade could really fuck that gunners sex life up.

I also read a bunch of people talking about the chance of assassination. I even saw a bunch of Psychics predict it would happen although they had him surviving the attempt. If Jody Foster can cause a president to get shot then Obama sure does have a chance of attracting some nut bag. So how many of you have him on your celebrity list for 2009? Cmon fess up! Hopefully nothing like this will happen.

I do like the fact that Obama has really caused some racist activity to come out of the closet. I find it fascinating that people can hate for skin color. I remember working with a black man once. So shoot me. It is not my fault my field is not very diversified. He would always tell me stories about racist cops. It really surprised the hell out of me. I thought Massachusetts was a pretty open and progressive state. I remember one time a cop said his Kia went from zero to sixty in the block between the lights and the entrance of our workplace. I mean a fucking Kia!!! Shit those things run on a wind up key. No way. So they stopped him and ran him for warrants and everything came up clean so they let him go with a warning. I was pretty shocked at the time. It really opened my eyes. I think as a Nation we have come really far but there is always going to be hatred of some group or another. I guess until we can accept ourselves and stop being miserable we are going to try and blame things on someone else.

Ah well those are my thoughts. Tonight is the Skillz and tomorrow the Mookie. I doubt I am going to play either one. I am being conservative with my kindling bankroll. Hopefully it will shoot up and be able to sustain the weekly Blogger circuit.

Cooler Power Activate

BWAHAHAHAHA Arizona -- Riggs

Unfortunately my cooler powers came back in full force and I went 0-2 this weekend. I think I was mislead by women. My Wife is a Philly fan and the lovely and amazing Carmen was for the Ravens. Women always misleading you.. but they are so soft and purdy.

On the poker front I was able to pay off a debt to Bayne so that only leave IT. Things are going alright albeit slowly so he will have to wait a little while. I am playing my normal break even strategy with rakeback that should be profitable. Skipping from game to game as the mood hits. Playing S8, Limit Holdem, and the 6.50 SNG games with some success.

Break Even Poker Saved

Payment received. Break even players around the world celebrate. The Ghandi of break evenness is back in the game.

Rushashanna?

Was it a Jewish holiday yesterday? Probably not. However my commute was ruined by protesting jews. Now I have no problem with protests. Especially about important subjects like Gaza and the jew songs were kinda cool. However get the fuck out of my way for christ sakes.. or, um, jew god sakes? Shit I should study this stuff more. Anyway my people I am totally fine with you showing your support. Just stop jumping in front of me with your signs and blocking my way and making my commute miserable, k?

NFL Predictions

Here is my final prediction before the Super Bowl. Unfortunately I went 3-1 last week so my cooler powers sort of disappointed.

Cardinals vs Eagles
I think the Eagles *should* win this game and cover. My only hesitation is if the Cardinals get into a scoring groove. I watched last weeks game and was not impressed at all with the Eagles. If the Cardinals get it going then the Eagles will not keep up. They need to stop the Cards offense hard. I am going with the Eagles here though.

Steelers vs Ravens
I watched both teams play. Obviously they both rely heavily on their defenses. Which to me means one of these teams will win the Super Bowl. I am picking the Ravens here. Baltimore will squeeze by the Steelers in a close game and be your next Super Bowl Champions. You heard it here first.

So bet 'em like you see 'em. The cooler has spoken.

Business Class Rocks

I just saw this picture on Tony Pierce Bushlog site thingy. I had to laugh because it seems to me like Business Class all get put on a boat and rowed to safety while us regular schlubs have to wait on the plane wing for a ride.

Anyway glad nobody was hurt and great job by the pilots. Just wondering about that picture..

Oh Oh..

The era of breakeveness may be over. I have yet to get my welfare check for the month. It is hard to be break even when your not getting free ad money. It could be the end of poker as we know it..

Verninator

Normally I kinda like reading WWTD but go away thinking he is a retard and is probably making far too much writing his idiotic crap on the internet. I did however like the Vern post.

THEY are AFTER ME and YOU

I was reading today how our rights keep getting eroded by the Bush regime. I was talking to a blogger and he was of the opinion that since they guy did something wrong he should go to jail. Period. On the surface this seems right and just but the problem is that these laws were put in place to stop a tyrannical government like Bushes from seizing too much control.

The erosion of this law basically gives THEM the right to go into your house and SEARCH for something evil. I do not think a single one of you are a hundred percent angel white. Illegally copied movies, CD's, cable converters, Poker anyone? Is it so far fetched to have someone come into your house, check your computer, find you were reading about some terrorists, charge you with being a terrorist, ship you off to some terror camp and ignore all your rights keeping you imprisoned as long as they want with no access to the outside world and having some skanks put their asses in your face.

I agree that this is the extreme example but the basic laws are there so that this extreme will not be reached. As we remove all these checks and balances it gets easier for THEM to get you. Be aware my people. You may be next.

Surprisingly enough..

This post from NotAlwaysRight is sort of funny.. but in this case I think the customer is correct.

Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen - ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ - how do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

People are Stupid

If this is fat then I wanna fuck a fat bitch all night long baby. Well I wanna do that anyways. Besides the point. She is gorgeous. She has like a tiny little flub on her side and everyone is all like calling her names. No wonder normal women think they need to eat one carrot a day. Pisses me off to no end. I personally hate the rib-sticking out skinny fucking chicks. Give me a woman with a little meat any day.

Facebook

So I was bored and signed up for the Facebook this weekend. Mostly Poker Enthusiast and Carmen's fault with maybe a little Rockdog thrown in. I thought his porn site recommendations were pretty good. Amateur video is somehow refreshing. I am somewhat confused. Not that the site is not easy to use. However I know everyone as "AlCantHang" or "JJ". Never got the whole real name thing. So now when someone sends me a contact invitation I am not sure if it is a blogger or some weird gay sex thing.

I can see the amusement of the Facebook a little though. Kind of a cool thing. I am already working on the next great app. Like something that when you update your status on Facebook it twitters it and writes a blog post for you. See too many applications to keep up to date.

Always nice to have hot chicks write on your wall too!

Ouch

I think either I hurt my toe or my gout is acting up. Either way I totally blame Carmen. However I can not stay made at this lovely wonderful woman for very long. So I forgive you baby. Talk to you later.

Huh? Why do I blame Carmen? Oh. She was all like "Hey why don't you go and have some fun with the kids this weekend".. So I am all like "Sure why not". So we decided to go bowling. While I dominated the children and humiliated the wife with my mad bowling skillz.. whole 94 points bayybeeee.. (small balls for you southerners, and before you make comments on how big your balls are I am not impressed you Elephantitis fuckers).. I sprained my bowling hand to the point where I dropped several balls, cut my finger, and my toe started acting up. Jeebus.

Funniest part of the night. We are in Friendlies and my daughter sees this guy with a jew fro and she like like "MOMMY MOMMY! IT IS KEVIN JONAS!!!".

The Sister

Dr. Chako and The Wife's Sister might be my rant mate. I love how she yells at cute animals. AWESOME! Please do not crush any under your high heals while wearing cute knee high white stockings though.

Our Country is Crazy

Today I read this story. Seems like he should be prosecuted possibly. Yesterday I read this story. This guy is facing felony charges. Now how the fuck is that even application of the law? I mean either the law says they should both be prosecuted or neither one should. Who the fuck decides these things? Am I crazy for thinking this is just totally fucking asinine? In my opinion the second guy actually did a less criminal activity than the first one. The first guy is scaring the fuck out of a whole plane full of people where the second one is telling a very stupid and inappropriate joke to one person. I do not get it.

MeanHappyGuy

As much as I love MeanHappyGuy and think he is a great person I still must submit this as my answer to his math problem. I think I should get extra credit for showing proof of my answer.

Blah

Forgetting Buddy Fucktard never folded a hand in his life is a bad way to start the year. Haha. Funniest part is I knew exactly what he had. Frustrating game. Got a few big hands but they all ended up being second best or not hitting flops or having people fold. Ah well. Plenty more Mookies to go.

Stupid Schuabs

I am playing the Mookie tonight. It is at 10:00. Notice to Schuabs. Focusing me in some endeavor to prove you wrong is a baaaaaaaaaad idea. Go team IT!

Nominee for Sainthood

Poor Hoyazo. He is so persecuted. Let's all shed a tear for him for all the lies and evil wickedness spread about him. People accusing him of things he did not do. He is truly persecuted.. the Jesus Christ of our group. Pray for him my friends that this wicked injustice might stop.

Cooler Picks

Baltimore vs Tennessee
I really liked what I saw Baltimore do last week. The defense is really rolling. Possibly Tennessee has had nothing to do for too long and will falter. I know Baltimore was against a weak Miami baby team but I like them in this game. Besides my Hottie would kill me if I picked against her.

Arizona vs Carolina
I like Carolina here. Arizona looked good in the battle of the teams as shitty as San Diego but they do not have what it takes to go anywhere. I think that Carolina steps up and shuts them down this week.

Philadelphia vs Giants
This is a really great game from a fan perspective. I mean these teams fans really hate each other. Nice to see some good old school rivals go at it. I think this could go either way but I am picking Philly to pull it out in the end.

San Diego vs Pittsburgh
Cya San Diego. It was a great and valiant effort. Your awesome 8-8 record will not be forgotten. The Steelers will shut you down hard. Just ask BuddyDonk he will tell ya. Deluded Smokkee will be heart broken after this weekend.

So go ahead and fade the cooler. I am going 4-0 this week baby.

Might Be Good..

It might be good I am broke and thus cutting back on my play. Last time I played poker on Full Tilt I called a German guy a Nazi. Now frying people in an oven and cracking my kings with some bullshit hand might be the same level of offense.. but probably not.. I am surprised my chat has only been banned once in my five years on Full Tilt. Thank god for lazy people.

Instant Drama Queen

In late breaking news IT needs surgery. In his usual drama queen fashion he has not written any details. I have done some investigative reporting and figured out he is going to change his Mangina into a VeeJayJay. He is finally going to take the leap so he and his girlfriend can be a true lesbian couple. Congratz to you bro!

In other breaking news if he dies I do not have to pay up on any of my best to him! BWAHAHAHAHA! I suppose we should all wish him good luck in his new life.. best health, and all of that.. but accidents do happen..... and a hundred is worth way more than his friendship let me tell ya.

Peace out IT. Hope all goes well.

Armageddon Week

Pretty fun stuff peeps. If you are not watching History Channel you should be. I love watching Armageddon week. Apparently the Mayan calendar and Jewish calendars all end in 2012. When some gigantic cosmic alignment happens. So obviously that is the end of the world baby. Throw in some bible prophecy and Nostradamus and you got some entertaining TV. Which way will we go? Gigantic Meteor, Cosmic Rays, Alien Invasion, Four Horsemen, Global Warming by baby boomer fart? Exciting stuff to watch.

Ikarium Sucks Balls

I was playing this game Ikarium. It was an alright game. Sort of like a baby Civilization. One of the bad things about it was you knew all the units and buildings available.. and everyone really ended up taking the same course. There was no real uniqueness. So like I said it was kinda fun. Not great. My son had seen me playing it and he wanted an island so I set him up.

Apparently this is against the rules. I somehow triggered a permanent ban of both of our accounts. Pretty sick really. I explained that it was just my sons account however they do not take any excuses and ban you forever. I guess there is not real reason for them to not have bad customer service and do whatever they want. However I would suggest nobody play this because you could break some hidden rules that are not easily found. Besides these people are assholes.

Anyway I decided not to start a new colony. It is not worth the time. I signed off in the usual Waffles Style.

Fuck it if I am perma banned you are a cock eating German fucktard and I hope you get aids from your boyfriend. Asshole.

At least I should have a good reason to be banned forever.

I WON!

I won 1,000,0000 Sklansky bucks this morning. I am going to find some poker whore groupie that takes these in exchange for sex. Hopefully she will be fat and ugly so I can bust this slump.

The highlights were getting capped by AJ vs my KK and then capped on the flop AND THEN he turns the ACE and tells me the pot was too big to fold. I agree with him in general but the POT IS TOO BIG BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING IDIOT!

I finally busted out on this brilliant play. I have Jacks'R'Ok. I cap pre-, cap the flop, cap the turn putting my last money in. He flips up AK unimproved... and rivers a fucking Ace. I swear full tilt puts 900 Aces in the fucking deck.

Limit Holdem can be annoying.

So cmon fat groupie chick I need to bust this slump fast!

I must be old

I was reading this today. I mean I am cool with naked ladies. I think there should be more of them. In the right places. Like the bunny ranch, the strip pole, and my dungeon in the basement. However I am pretty sure that at a public skating rink with kids is probably not one of the places I want to see them. I mean I like pussy as much as the next guy but give me a break.

I think even more annoying than the display is the attitude of the PETA article writer. Like everyone else is insane for being the least bit against this all important protest. I mean get a clue. I get it. It is important for people to not cruely kill animals for fur. Get a fucking clue though. This is just not getting people on your side. Sorry. Nobody likes a militant wack job.

Differences

Someone asked "Why do women (for the most part) not get the Three Stooges.". It is pretty simple. Sort of why my blog is popular. It comes down to a simple truism in life -- Guys like other peoples pain, Women do not.

Women are the nurturing types and when people are in pain it just does not seem right. On the other hand as warriors us men like other peoples pain.

For example I was watching Jackass. The guys were on a 5th story roof top. A guy was at the bottom with a cod piece. They were dropping baseballs from the roof to try and hit him in the balls. The cod piece deflected most of the pain. The funny part was when they totally fucking missed and nailed him in the leg. He doubles over in pain and starts howling and screaming. Now that was comedy!

My blog is another example. The pain of all my poker experiences is hilarious to guys. The only reason I have any women readers is because I am smokkin' hot and also I am "the thing to do".. The popular place to go where all the guys are. Women like to congregate to the fun spots.

See simple logic. Easy peasy. See you on the felt.