Heeeeesssss Baaaackkkkkkkk

stupid fucking whore bag motherfucking idiot scumbag motherfuckerstupidassholemorons

I Fixed It

My wife came to me last week and complained that our water bill was large. She said it was because the toilet had been running. Somehow I was supposed to magically know this was going on so it was my fault. The other day she calls down and says that the toilet is running again and I need to fix it. Now any of you who have read this blog probably realize this is a mistake.

I went up stairs and somehow got the top of the toilet off. I think I lifted it or something. Very difficult. So I look down and see all of these parts. Not sure what any of them do. I start poking around trying to figure out how to get the toilet to stop running. Eventually I get to this black part. I start wiggling it and pushing on it and suddenly WHOOOOOSH it pops off and water starts shooting everywhere. I quickly hold the cap over the stream of water and yell for my wife. She shuts off the water with a wrench. Problem solved. No more leak.

Time Wasting Fun

Check out this Gender Analyzing tool for your website.

We guess http://www.sirfwalgman.blogspot.com is written by a woman (53%), however it's quite gender neutral.

We guess http://www.mookie99.com/ is written by a woman (52%), however it's quite gender neutral.

We have strong indicators that http://www.pokerenthusiast.blogspot.com is written by a man (97%).

We think http://www.carmensincity.blogspot.com is written by a woman (73%).

We think http://fuel55.blogspot.com/ is written by a ghey lagtard pussy (100%).

Pretty accurate.

Brand New Blog

Check out this new site. My son has decided to share his writing with the world. He of course needs thousands of readers being the attention hound he is. I wonder where he gets that from. So be sure to add him to your Bloglines or Google reader and drop him a nice comment every once in a while. Who knows maybe he will be the next Dr. Pauly? Oh fuck what have I started!

Brilliant Game

I had a really good time being the target in the Bodonkey. It really was not much different then every other day where everyone is trying to knock off Waffles but at least this had a little extra on top. Before the game I was telling Bayne I would be surprised if I did not have 12K chips going into the first break. I was not very far off in my estimation.

The first big donator to the cause was Columbo himself. A player at the table mentioned to me that I made people play badly. If this is not a great example of that I do not know what is. I called his pre-flop bet with a weak holding of A7c. The flop brought me a beautiful straight flush draw with the straight being my favorite kind -- a gutter ball baby. So when he lead out I just cold called. The turn brought the nuts. He checked and I figured that since he was a good player he would expect me to bluff the scare card. So I did just that and bet out pot. He called me. The turn brought a ten which completed every draw out there. So what did I do? I fucking jammed him all in. Of course Columbo obliged my brilliant play by calling off his entire stack with his rivered set of tens. NO T$ FOR YOU!

The next big hand came against someone who really deserved to be whipped and beaten on my good pal Skidoo. Never have you played against such a gambling wamp rat as this guy. He wants to be in every hand. It is like action is air for him and if he sits out too many he will drown.

Up until this point his little aggtard ways had worked well. He had jammed his 25 s000ted into Chad's Aces and sucked out a river flush to gain a huge stack. However he did not know who he was fucking with. He raised some ratty hand pre-flop and I knew he was so full of shit. So I called with my QJo. The flop came about as good as it gets with a Q for the top pair and three nice pretty flush cards to go with my jack. Now if you had bet me a million dollars that Skiddoo had squaddoo that hand I would have taken you up on it. Like the good little monkey he is though he bet out. The turn was air and when he lead out here I jammed for all my chips. Of course he called and flipped up 94o with a four of hearts flush draw. He was practically drawing dead as his flush outs were bad and he needed a non-flush nine or four. He did not get it and shortly afterwords he found his big lead had evaporated and he was looking in from the rail. NO T$ FOR YOU!

I really do not remember too many hands from there until the final table. I kept up a nice chips lead and stayed in the top five for most of the game. The final table was an interesting mix of some really good players like MiamiDon and some total retarded lags like PokerDave.

The final table became a real nit fest. I have not seen that much folding since I visited the Chinese Laundry in Downtown Boston. I saw my chips diminishing so I decided to raise a speculative hand like KQ. Short handed I think this is fine. I could have put it all in the middle but the result would have been the same. Scott25 then decided to re-raise me. I thought about the hand a little bit and determined he had a pair smaller than a Queen. I had seen him do similar moves with smallish pairs and something just felt like medium to small pair. So I decided I needed to gamble and jammed my stack in. He instantly called with his Jacks and we were off to the races. Luckily it was a short race as a king flopped and I doubled up.

I then ran Jacks and AT into Aces as two shorties doubled through me. The bubble had been going on for a while so at the break I announce "I am going in blind". Now you might think someone would limp and try and trap me with a reasonable hand but I got no action with my ducks. The very next hand I jammed the hockey sticks and everyone folded again. I sat back again as everyone folded for that twenty six bucks. Here is my thinking though. As sixth place I get 11T$. As fifth I get $26 and no T$. So the difference is nothing. I was going to play for first.

I get T7 in the small blind and everyone folds around to me. Again I have rarely ever seen this amount of ridiculous non-stealing in any game I have ever played ESPECIALLY with Bloggers. So I jam my hand into PokerDaves big blind and he wakes up with AK. I outflop him with a seven but the river brings his miracle resuck and I am down to 200 chips.

The poker gods decide to mock me and give me AK the very next hand. I of course go all in here and get called five ways. The flop looks good with K45.. but when NewInNov jams I am sure he has a hand. Lucky for me it is just two pair. The river pairs the board and I have 1 blind.

I look down and see another small pocket pair. I get all in but this time it was not to be as PokerDave wins the hand and takes the bounty on my head. All in all I played a good game and enjoyed myself. It just was not to be. I look forward to all of the poker sites offering me professional player contracts in the coming weeks and will be taking my time to decide who gives the best offer. Obviously Bodog has and edge because they were the first to recognize me as a world class player and put a bounty on my head.

I look forward to playing out the rest of the season and I should be able to make the Table of Champions at the end of the season. Dominating that tough field will be a lot of fun. Until next time have fun playing poker.

Tonight it Counts

T$109 Bounty on me Tonight @ 9:05pm ET

9:05pm ET: Bodonkey II
Buy-in: $10 + $1
2500 Starting Chips / 15 min blind levels
Prize Pool will be distributed as per Bodog's standard multi-table payout table.

Also if you have not read my brilliant interview go check it out. This bounty is just more proof that I am better than you all.

Playing too Much

I think I am playing too much poker lately. Sure I am winning a ton. However I can feel the old angry feelings. Like last night in the blogger game. I mean what kind of retarded are you people? It is like they took a bunch of retards on a bus and let them loose in the zoo and the retards gang raped some chimpanzees and the result of this union is the bloggers I played in last night Bodonkey.

Anyway I am certainly a sadist so I will be playing the Mookie tonight and the Bodonkey with my bounty on Thursday. I will be doing my best to make sure you idiots do not get that bounty. Peace.

Fame and Fortune

yeah yeah, your a big bright shooting starrrrr enjoy your failure tonight -- Skiddoo

The dim lightbulb had the wrong day, it is Thursday, but he knows a star when he see's one. Not only write ups in infamous places like Las Vegas Poker Blog and shout outs from blogs around the world. I have finally been recognized for my genius. Put in a group of such esteemed pro's as Rizen and Evy Ng my true poker genius is finally recognized. Nobody can stop me.

I am afraid I am however failing to break even lately and it has me a little morose. I am pretty close to reaching my all time highest bankroll. Only the poker gods know if I will reach this high water mark but all signs are point to good things. Often times I feel a little boredom set in when I am running well. Not exactly sure why I guess that being break even is more exciting.

I think..

... I have mastered Stud-8.

Maniac57: LMAO
Maniac57: i rivered the 3
soaringpilot: idiot ugly moron
Maniac57: I cant let you win too much you might leave
Maniac57: then we cant have babies together

Break Even Baby!

Woot! Woot!

I had a really good night in Stud-8 last night. I owned the Emptyman. Haha. Not really. He is too tight to get much out of. After starting out a little slow I ended up on a rush and won three of my buyins. I bought in short at the 5/10 table because I am not bankrolled for the game. I did want to take a shot though. Nice little influx of three hundred into the account was nice.

The SNG game that was so good to me has gone to shit. I think I am just running really badly. I mean today I got someone to commit all his chips with Q2o on a 366 flop. I had 55. He rivered a Queen. I had played about 3 hands all game and potted the flop. How do you try and jam me off my hand there? Idiots. Gah.

Playing the 100K this weekend on Bodog. Probably buying the Lich King also.

Oh yeah and on the controversy side.. Smokkee said that Chad played liked a donkey. Chad however says Smokkee is a filthy liar. Go click the link to see the comments. Is Smokkee a filthy liar making things up to gain interest for his shill masters at Bodog? Is Chad a donkey(der!)? Will Hoyazo weigh in on this issue? Tune in here for all the breaking news from around the Donkeyverse.

Fuckers

I had a horrible night last night. Probably deserved it. Goddamn. First I blow a buyin at S8 against the worst players known to man. I then get most of my stack in against some fucking tard who can not let AQ go and turns an Ace which for all they know could have been totally dominated to all hell in the Blowdonkey. Finally I get frustrated and kill myself in the 90-peep I was in.

I used to laugh at Chad (Blog deleted again) and others when they were all pissed off about all the lame ass cold calling that goes on. Jesus Christ though I totally get it now. I do not know if this means I am becoming a better player or just more old and bitter. It could be either one.

At least I outlasted that cutie Evy. I hear she got her little button hole rammed hard a few times. Welcome to the blogger world baby!

I am not sure if I will be playing tonight. I may just get my ad money and payback from a loan to a certain blogger and let my account enjoy being over 2k for the five seconds it lasts.

On a good note I am going to be the bounty next week in the Blowdoggy. Nothing written up about it yet but if Buddy says it then it must be true. My friends at Bodog said I should fan the flames and get people gunning for me (Fisheater) but lets get real. Everyone guns for me anyways. I mean why not go after the best. Ahhh yaaaa baby.

As for Vegas this Winter it is iffy. Falstaff has details on an RSVP poker tourney for those who are interested. The sweet wifey has been laid off. So I probably need to win some big event to be able to go. I really want to be there. Especially after hearing that Carmen is breaking her bra's!!! Go girls!!! BE FREE!!!

Knock Up Evelyn Ng

No wait thats my sexual fantasy. Tonight is the Blowdog tourney for bloggers. I won this thing last week. One of my many prizes was a 25$ casino token. I promptly ran it up to $300 before busting it out. So I HAVE to win the Blowdog again so I can get my craps fix. Here are all the details about the tourrney.

On Thursday November 13th, 2008 poker sensation, Evelyn Ng will compete in the Bodog Blogger Tournament Series.

There will be a bounty on her head for T$109 to play in Bodog's $100K Guaranteed Tournament occurring each Sunday at 4 PM. If Evelyn wins this tournament, the T$109 credit to play in Bodog's $100K Guaranteed Tournament will go to the poker blogger that places 1st runner up. This blogger tournament series is open to poker bloggers worldwide and runs on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 9:05 PM ET.

More details are available at the official blogger series site at http://www.bodogbloggertournament.com/

Learn more about Professional Poker Player Evelyn Ng at http://poker.bodoglife.com/team-bodog/evelyn-ng.html

Just what is Bodog's 100K Guaranteed Tournament? With one of the biggest overlays in the industry, the value of this tournament is literally unbeatable!
Find out more at http://poker.bodoglife.com/tournaments/100k-guaranteed-tournament.html

Mookie Tonight

I sucked my way to a Win

So I played and won the Bodog. I told you all I would. To be honest I had a few good suckouts. First I tea bagged LJ. I raised with 67 uns000ted connector. The flop comes two hearts. I have been studying LJ play so I go with aggro and get it all in with my OESD. She of course is the MASTAH of LJ foo so she has a better draw with the nut heart flush and Ace high being the best hand. Four black on the river and she is on the rail.

Finally after a few setbacks I found myself on the final table. I played a fairly tight game with a decent stack and found myself three ways with MiamiDon. Now Don is one of the best guys ever and I love him dearly. I would have loved to go HU with him because I respect his game so much. Unfortunately it was not to be.

First I get pissed at him raising my blind all the time three ways. So I jam my K6 and he instacalls me with KQ and a HUUUUGE stack. He had like a 4-1 lead at least. So it is looking bad for me except for the miracle six on the flop. He owned me good but I sucked out.

Next I call his incessant raises with J5 diamonds. I flop the flush draw vs his straight draw. He has JT so he has me totally dominated. I am down to my last nine out for all my chips. Needless to say I donkeyfucked him and despite his ownage I spiked my diamond and knocked him out in third. I felt kinda bad about it but I knew I was gambling and was ok with it.

So after Don outplayed the whole table for most of the final game he was sitting on the rail and I had a 3-1 chip lead which finally ended when I flopped trip fives with 45o against mu opponent and shoved all in on the flop. I had a lot of fun and now have the bankroll on Bodog to play a few more games.

Overall a fun night of Poker!

Oh yeah I won this too.

Nothing Going On Here

Nothing really happening. The WoW Expansion comes out on Thursday. My Rogue is level 69 so the push to get him to seventy is happening. I have to say I am sorta enjoying PvP with this character. Much more so than I ever did with my Mage. I will probably roll a Death Knight as the buzz about the awesomeness of the starting zone is pretty good.

On the poker front I am taking a small break. I will play the Bodoggy and the Mookie this week and then decide if I want to play more. Wait! I saw that snigger in the back. Was that you Smokkee! You all think I went busto don't you? Nah. Did not happen. Actually I had a great weekend. Took over four hundred off the Stud-8 tables. Thank you PirateLawyer and Emptyman. Playing decently. Have not seen a great spike in the Bankroll this month. Mostly break even which is cool. I just have been feeling like it is a grind lately. I do not want to play when I feel that way. I want to feel like it is fun and I am fucking people up because it is fun to make them cry.

I read F-Trains "Can you name ten blacks" post and have been listening to the coverage. People talking about how historic it is that we have elected a blacktan president. How our generation has moved forward so far in such a short amount of time. I think this is true. The older people who were brought up racist are dying out and "modern" people who grew up in somewhat integrated environments look past the color of peoples skin or who they want to fuck and judge people more for the scumbags they are. I really think that the measure of when we have "made it" is not when an Obama victory is so historic but when it is meaningless. When we do not say "This black won this" or "that woman won that" but just see everyone as people.

Do I think this will ever happen. I am not sure. We as humans by nature live to hate. It is part of our nature. We are bred to survive and propagate our genetics and destroy our competition. If it is not hating blacks, donkeys, jews, or hispanics, or the great red Chinese threat, the Indian scumbags taking our jobs overseas, camel fucking Arabs, we will find something else to hate. While I do beleive we have a great propensity to overcome our nature and do some pretty kind and loving things I am not sure how much hope I have in one world working together against hatred and poverty and the destruction of our home planet. Only time will tell.

Forums

From my recent perusal of P5 and 2+2 for whatever scandal/outrage to the poker world is happening now I have come up with the conclusion that people who use forums either are...

A. Dumb and cant play poker but want other dumb people to tell them they are good
B. Are smart and can play poker and want to feed you false information so you will lose to them
C. Are smart and want you to so focus on a .000000001% minutia play that you will never improve your real game
D. Want to Borrow five bucks for an SNG and will pay you back real soon dude
E. Need an outlet to talk smack because they are meek little creatures who would be shared of a shadow in real live *props to Bayne!*
F. Never got out of High School and working at the gas station sucks so they come to the forum to relive their glory days
G. Want to offer fake poker instruction to people for money where they watch the guy play and try not to laugh then make comments about anything at all and get paid gobs of money much more than they could make playing
H. Are Poker Starlets and want to explaing why everyone misjudged them when they swallowed [x] persons cum for a stake, were a total bitch on TV, or stole someones credit card to play online
I. Want to explain how it was not really cheating and [x] site should chill the fuck out because how much advantage can you get from playing ten accounts in the same MTT.. I mean obviously they are the top MTT players and all their pears do it.

Feel free to comment and I will include your observations on the list.

P5

Full Tilt Poker prohibits the use of external player assistance programs (EPA Programs) which are designed to provide users with an unfair advantage over their opponents. Full Tilt Poker defines external to mean computer software (other than the Full Tilt Poker game client), and non-software-based databases or profiles (e.g., web sites and subscription services). Full Tilt Poker defines an unfair advantage as a user accessing or compiling information on other players beyond that which the user has personally observed through his or her own game play.

Yay I am famous. Lol. I really hate forums. Do not know what possessed me to post. Really I am more philosophically interested in where we draw lines in cheating. If your multi-tabling I think you could legally say that your cheating using PT as you have not PERSONALLY OBSERVED THE HAND THROUGH YOUR OWN PLAY. Lawyers? Comments? Could I be one of you? That might be nit picking. However I know many of you use things like OPR which would seem to go against the first part of this. So are you filthy cheats? Where do we draw the line?

It appears on the surface of things that we draw the line where WE get a personal advantage. So if ADDING INFORMATION you could not possibly gleam from a table manually benefits you then it is ok. If REMOVING information by changing a screen name then it is NOT OK because IT DOES NOT BENEFIT YOU. Where do we draw our lines. It is kind of interesting as many internet legal and moral dilemmas face us today.

In the end I think poker ends up mirroring life. There are people who will steal from you, do fake transfers.. some will take it farther by colluding and some are basically good but will justify the advantages they like.. Sort of like DVD, Music, and Software piracy.

One other thing. I am not advocating that a site like Full Tilt stop usage of say Poker Tracker. If they did then they would find a HUGE amount of people leaving and we would be left with Cake Poker numbers of users. People LOVE these electronic advantages and WILL NOT play on sites without them. Full Tilt will obviously not threaten their player base and will instead arbitrarily enforce rules.

Does anyone have any opinions? Besides the pack donkey mentality of P5? I really liked the comment: I stopped here. Perhaps you should have stopped here..

Blowdoggie

Buy-in: $10 + $1
2500 Starting Chips / 15 min blind levels
Prize Pool will be distributed as per Bodog's standard multi-table payout table.

BONUS PRIZES:
1st place: T$109 ($100K Buy-in) + $25 Casino Credit
2nd place: T$75
3rd place: T$50
3 bubble players: T$11 (entry refunded)

I warned you last week that I was going to take the blogger tourney over. Well this is it my people. I finally got some small amount of fundage on and I plan to play tonight. This could be the start of a MHG/Dr. Chako type EPiC hundred dollars to a thousand run. Also most possibly an EPiC fail. Be there to see which it is. I think I have enough for four shots at this initially. Be on the lookout for Fisheater2000. He is going to eat you.

StupidStoner

First off if you want to cringe check out the top ten castration movies. Complete with NSFW movie at the end.

I had a meh night. Not even sure how much I am up or down. It was a bit disappointing. I had a HUGE lead in a 75$ 45-MAN SNG. SuperStoner was in this one. He never got any traction and bailed out around 20th. Not sure the hand as we never sat together. So anyway I end up with a first place stack with two tables left. I then take a hit to the gnads with AA < KK. I have a decent stack and lose half of it KK < KJ. Sucks to be me. The rest of the hands were minor lost races including AQ < 22 and A5 < KQ. Standard push as LJ says. :P. Anyway it was nice to have a good stack going into the final table. It sort of sucked to see that get donkeyfucked away by idiots. I COULD have folded the A5 hand but with the blinds at 500 and both our stacks at 6K I was willing to race there. In the past I probably fold and pray I hit the money. I think both styles are acceptable but the more aggressive play will get you the top spot more often which in this case is 10x the sixth spot. No guarantees on either outcome but I will continue to play aggressively.

In the Mookie I just had a stubborn moment when I knew my opponent had Aces and I just refused to stop. I went out in the top three. Yuck. Oh well. You can not always play your best. I am not going to beat myself up too badly here. I know I did the wrong thing. I know that I had the right read. So next time.

On the good side the SNG only cost me 15$ as I have been playing the 75$ tokens every night. I think this is actually a decent use of a token. I always seem to do well in the 45's and a score would be big for me. I will keep you updated.

Kids

My son is having trouble with this one kid in school. So kids take sides and he was feeling a little down and like everyone hated him. So I decided to share with him and let him know that everyone in my school hated me too. He turns to me and says "Looser!". Kids.

MOOOOOOOOOK!

Had a shitty night last night. The whole night came down two one hand where my 444 rolled up was capped three ways pre- vs A55. Capped fourth three ways. Capped fifth three ways. Five on sixth. Ug! Crying called down to the river. I knew that five fucked me though. Motherfucking one outer. I had a five in my hand. Dude scoops a $250 pot that by all that is goodly in the universe should have gone my way. No low. Ouchie. That one hurt. I really should just stay away from cash games. I enjoy them but they also still drive me far more nuts than SNG or MTT play. My ROI in the SNG games is staying steady at 22% right now. So I should just stick to what it working.

Least Ye Think

Just to make it clear. I am not perfect. Last night I fell into some bad routines and called a person a moron. Now to be fair to myself he was a moron. Called a capped pre-flop and capped flop with no draws. Pair of jacks. With a queen on the board. Erm. Nice Runner Flush moron.

Anyway in the past I would probably have played on. I had won one SNG, lost one, dumped a buyin at 2/4 and was in the end stages of a 75 token. Instead I saw that my mindset was not right and shut it down. I finished out my token with the second biggest stack. I had a little fun torturing the small stacks on the bubble. After I won the token I shut down Full Tilt with a small dollar loss for the night and a shiny new token.

In the past I really liked playing until I could book a win however small. Seeing the bankroll go down in any given night upset me. Not a good way to think. Your bankroll is just a yard stick that guides what you can play. If it goes up and down it does not matter. Take the long term view. Even if your like me and have been stuck around 1800-2000 for the past few weeks that break through moment will happen and your roll will take that shot upwards. Just be patient, ride out any variance, and let your bankroll take care of itself.

P.S. Duggles, yes I will be buying WOLK. If for nothing else than the fact my Son loves playing WoW. He does not have the patience to level his guys to 70 as he peters out early but he likes to play. Sometime soon he will need his own PC and we can play together. Kids are cute.

Welcome Goat Lady

Hopefully she does not have a beard. However welcome to BamBam's new friend the Goatlady. She seems like a nice person. Should be a fun read.

If I can give one piece of advice to every poker player though it would be: chillax. I have learned over the years through painful repetitive pain is that as soon as you expect poker to give you something you fail. The odds are what the odds are but when you expect your Aces to hold up all the time you are just going to cause yourself pain. So next time your Aces get jammed on the fourth raise and the tard with ducks [2,2] sucks out his four flush to crack your pretty Aces just say "Nice hand" and continue on. As a matter of fact do not only say "Nice hand", accept it, because until you do you will not succeed.

So that is my poker wisdom for the day. Accept what is. Change what you can about YOUR game and enjoy yourself. The results will follow.

Tis but a Flesh Wound

I will be playing the Brit Bloggerment today at 4. Awesome extra prize goodness added by AlCantHang in the form of an FTOPS Entry. Go read about the event at Poker on the Rails.