New Feature: Emails From Waffles

In this new feature I will share some of the emails I have sent my co-workers. Today we have the one I sent when someone installed a new database table but forgot to give permissions to the table to the applications that needed them.

"Can you tell the Genius people who created the new DB that [xxx] user need permission on the DB?"

That is all.

Totally Different Direction

I really had nothing all that interesting to say today then I popped over to Josie's blog. I meant to tell her to jump into the street because Lightning says she will do it.. Just kidding Josie!! She had a link to Tara's site I Can't Help It, I'm Just Me. I have to say I love a woman who can use the word Fucktard in a sentence! Her blog is kind of a lot of the Waffles drama without the bad punctuation and spelling. Not sure if she can do a good rant yet. Worth a read though people.

Things are pretty static in my life right now. We sent the hot Au Pair that was bunking with the Mongloid Au Pair off to New York. She is staying with a nice family there. I really had no problem with her staying with us for a few days. We are getting rid of the Mongloid at the end of the week I think. We have traded her in for a nice Scottish Hottie. Tall. Blonde. Not so hot that she thinks she is all that. Perfect.

Still procrastinating starting working out again. Getting closer to being motivated again. I should write a book on procrastinating I am pretty good at it. I will start that tomorrow.

The boy is still playing Basketball. He enjoys it but gets mad when the coach does not give him enough time. I understand where he is coming from but between favoritism and him not being a super star at the sport I think his ass is going to continue to get splinters. I did not tell him this because he works hard at the game and I want him to continue with it.

We continue to worry a bit about his education. He has some learning disabilities in ADD and Dyslexia. We do not think the school is providing the proper education and keep fighting to get him some outside schooling. The schools are more concerned with budgets so they fight this constantly.

I also worry a little about his medicine. The wife wants to drug him up more and more I think. It concerns me on a lot of levels. It was kind of hard for me to agree to give him anything because I sort of think this whole thing is voodoo doctor shit. I also think that there is a possibility of that kind of medicine leading to drug addiction. I mean it is basically speed for kids right? The wife disagrees totally. Obviously taking drugs can not lead to taking stronger drugs. That is unpossible. It is all kind of confusing. The kid is in sixth grade now.

I remember not taking school seriously at all before 7th grade and after that due to being a social outcast I never reached my full potential. However I always aced what I needed to in order to get by and now I have a job that most people would consider highly successful. I mean I am no Chacko and "The Wife" but I do better than average.

The girl is a sweet darling little girl as usual. heh. Sometimes I think she gets overlooked with all of the drama of the boy. We will have to make sure that does not happen.

Anyways life continues to be an interesting mess. At least I get to amuse all of you. Peace.

Friggen Snow

Is starting to annoy me. Wednesday is the next storm.

I have decided to take my annoyance out on you all and post my pick for the Super Bowl. It is kind of sad every year when football ends. I really like the sport. It is the only one I really think I can attempt to gamble on too. Anyway hopefully this helps Dr. Pauly make his choice. I am picking to crush the game. Green Bay. Steelers go down in flames. Rapist does not win. peace.

Peaker

Peaker is dissapointed boo fucking hoo. heh. Just kidding man. I am kind of disappointed that I stopped running too. It had some good effects though. I have gotten a few people in my work to run. Including one guy who is doing 8 miles runs now. Indoors on a treadmill. Several internet buddies picked up the running bug too. All this came down from Shelly starting her awesome fitness success!! Damn girl you look so good.

I did not quit just because of the cold. It was dark too. Yeah. Cold and dark. Seriously it was pretty hard to run when you could not see anything. I kept meaning to move it to a gym or something but never did that. I also think I have some seasonal super-depression. Always starts up around November and could possibly be related to my dad dying in November but I am not sure. Days get darker.

I totally agree that running or some form of constant exercise is very good for me.

Anyhow I am planning on getting something going and I will pick the running up when it starts getting light again.. like March maybe... Hopefully I will be in good shape by March and the running will add to it.

Good Morning MBTA

Dear MBTA Parking,

You make me laugh so much. I find it really cute when you leave notes on my windshield saying I owe you money. I mean cmon get some balls like the town of Needham and have cops give out real tickets because there is no way in hell I am paying you. I mean I only park there a few times a year. So basically you can fuck off.

Normally I might consider paying you but here is the thing. If you look at the entire fucking parking lot I parked in you would realize that I would need a goddamn blowtorch and fucking pick axe to ever figure out what slot I am parked in. I mean what the fuck do you expect me to do? Bring a goddamn shovel to work and dig out my spot number? Are you really that fucking retarded? I mean maybe if you were not cheap shitheads and you actually cleared out the snow from the parking lot people would pay you. Instead you dimwits leave the spots covered in inches of ice and slush and snow and expect me to do what? I mean really?

So I will not be paying your stupid vanilla envelop that you left on my windshield. In fact I will be laughing that you spend 15 cents more trying to collect. Whatcha gonna do? Huh? Yeah, I did not think so. BWAHAHAHAHA! Pussies.

Fuck You Assholes,
Waffles

Been Awhile

Been a while since I bitched about the wife. Things have been going alright. Everytime I do a favor for the bitch I fucking regret it. I mean common courtesy seems to be impossible. Like last week I let the Au Pair take the car in the morning. I asked the wife to make sure I was not left standing outside in the cold. Foolish of me to think that she would pick me up on time. I mean who cares if it is fucking zero degrees out. As long as she gets what she wants.

Over the weekend she calls me up and says the Au Pair wants to borrow my car to see a movie. I have no problem with this really but I ask "Why doesn't she ask me herself?". Apparently the Au Pair is afraid of me. Little loveable hatah Waffles? Cmon, scratch me behind the ears and I am as tame as a kittah. I think this answer is bullshit so I say "She can borrow the car but she has to come and ask me".

I am sitting around Saturday playing Warcraft, shredding people with my Feral cat until it gets nerfed. I go upstairs and look outside and what do you know my car is missing. I came very close to just calling the police on the Au Pair. The wife was like "She said she asked you".. so I have no idea which fucking cunt in my life is lying but it just is not right. I decided if these women were going to act like little children I would take away my keys. So I gathered all the keys in the house and hid them.

If you fucking bitches can not show me a modicum of respect or common decency then I am taking my ball and going home.

In other news I really need to start exercising again. I have not done anything since November and it shows. I am back to looking really flabby instead of the kinda buff look I was building with all my hard work. Also I am back into all my bad habits again. Exercise really helps the quality of my life. I can not really run in sub zero temperatures. If I was crazy like Peaker I guess I could.. but it is just not fun running in the darkness while freezing my ass off. A gym does not sound too good either. After talking to Riggs about it I have decided to develop a winter program. I am figuring out the details now but it will be something like.. Pushups, Pullups, Situps, Jump Rope, Walk Stairs to Work in Morning (30 floors), ... thinking of other ideas... feel free to jump in. I should have a plan this week and I can start it up. I can take the jogging back up once the sun stays in the sky a bit longer.

Oh and Pauly give me a call. I need some tips on hiding money. Under the bed seems a little lame.. Burying gold or coco in the back yard could work. Until later. Peace.

Break Even for Another Year

Here I sit with the Super Bowl left to play and I am in the exact same position of last year. With my 2-0 weekend I am even steven for my picks in the playoffs with one big game left to go. I will not put down my choice here at the moment but most of you can probably guess it.

Of all the scenarios that I could stomach Steelers-Green Bay is the best possible outcome of this weekend. Lightbulb is crying. Rex Ryan is sniffing feet at home. It is as good as it gets with a Jets-Steelers-Lightning team remaining.

I will leave you with this last thought. This weekend I tried to be nice. I went and made a cup of tea for the wife. Sweet thing to do right? Turns out I grabbed some laxative tea by accident. Lesson learned. Never be nice. Peace.

Fucking Donkey Island?

Listen people. I have been approached to join this so called Donkey Island thing. I know everyone wants my star power in their game. I get it. However there is not a chance in hell I am ever joining a poker contest that requires my peers to "Vote me on". I mean there is a fuck load of voting in that thing. I am the hatah and am despised by all. Why the fucking hell would you think I would want to be voted to continue by my peers? I mean if it was not for luck I could probably win immunity for the first six weeks but then what? At the end all the fuckwads I knocked out get to come back and vote me off? If I was fucking lucky they would all jizz themselves and save my exit until the bubble but I am not even thinking that will happen. Sooooooo am I going to join this little circle jerk? Nope. I do have one piece of advice for the contestants though. Vote Goat off first. It will teach him a fucking lesson for starting this bullshit game. Peace.

Questions for a Stud

I was mostly thinking of the Bammer when I read this but feel free to comment. I like to keep up on a lot of blogs and I was reading this one. He points to a nice little program called Stud Indicator. I have always been fairly anti-technology on poker sites. I mean if your human mind can not do it or you are too lazy to track it yourself then you should not be given the advantage of knowledge.

Before I start my pseudo-rant I need to mention that this program is officially sanctioned by Full Tilt and Pokerstars according to the literature I have read. I did not know how to verify this with the sites or possibly I was too lazy to do so.

I think this program even goes further than ones that track peoples stats. I mean look at the features. Let's start by stating a few of the skills that make Stud players good at the game. One major one is knowing what cards were laid down by your opponents. If you can not track this then you can not figure out how strong your hand is. Another skill might be calculating the percentage chance your hand has to win or figuring out of it is a good hand both ways. Normally you only want to play strong two way hands for the scoop in Stud8.

If you look at the screens related to this product you will find it does all these things for you. Besides the normal statistics like showdowns and things of that sort it tells you what cards were folded dead. It then calculates for you the percentage strength of your hand for the hi and low. It also tells you what the pot equity is. So basically a bunch of the skills needed to succeed in Stud games are handed to you on a silver platter. You are basically a human bot following the directions of the program.

I will agree with anyone that there are other skills necessary to win at Stud. Patience. Bankroll management. Knowing when to bluff. Not chasing. All of these things factor in. However the information you get from this program dulls the skill edge you need to be successful. I would even go as far as saying that if you just followed the screens in a low level stud game and knew nothing about the game itself you could be a winning player.

So what do you think? Is this cheating? Do you think all HUDS are cheating? Does this go beyond a simple HUD. I personally think all HUDS are cheating and enable people to do things that would not be possible for most people without them. I also think this program is cheating and goes even a little further beyond. I really do not get why poker sites allow these programs. Ok. Well. I do. It is purely for the greed. Especially with HUD type programs. You get more tables open. Which generates more rake. Any site not allowing a HUD would lose a lot of players. What are your opinions?

Counterpoint: The Goat is Contemptible

I would like to make a counterpoint argument to Goats Hoyazoesque post today. Not about the political stuff. Politics are a joke fostered on the poor man to enable in them a feeling of making a difference. Your choices really DO NOT matter. The part I take offense to obviously is that Hatin' is bad.

Now hate is a subject I am intimately familiar with. Having lived with it for my entire life. It all started when I was a tiny little infant in a snug and cozy womb. I think I may have been happy there although knowing me I find this hard to believe. I am sure I was complaining that it was too cramped or it smelled like tuna or something like that.

All of the sudden before my time I am whisked out of this nice comfy space and into the cold. Instead of being placed lovingly into my mothers arms I am grabbed, poked, prodded, stabbed, and slammed down into my new mommies cold mechanical womb: the Incubator. It was the beginning of a life that would always be filled with love for the glow of a CRT and a bit of awkwardness towards the water bags we call humans.

Thus began a life of hate and contempt. At first I did not know that it was right to hate. I tried. Really I did. Being a latchkey child did not help with my awkwardness. What are latchkey kids you may ask? In the time before the nanny state made it illegal it used to be common practice to give your kids the key to the house and let them watch themselves. Shocking to you kids of today. We even walked home alone from school. Sat ourselves in front of the TV and waited for mom and dad to come home and make dinner before they crashed out to sleep.

Awkwardness was somewhat tempered by growing up in the same town for the first six grades of my life. I was still shy around these fleshy things and much more comfortable with the glow of the television and later computers when they were invented. I tried to love them. I really did. I had my friend ask a girl out for me. I was too shy. Instead he lead her back to my hiding spot so she could laugh. Best friends forever.

I really discovered the love of the hate when we moved though. Until then I suppose I had some hope that hate and contempt were not necessary. All that changed when I went to a new town and started a new school in seventh grade. Needless to say I found out humans are worthy of hating. Conservatives. Liberals. All of them. I spent more years in front of the computer shooting things dead. I would see two kids kissing on the bench and the warm hate would grow up and flower. Making me feel warm inside.

I found my true calling as an equal opportunity hater. I would occasionally give in to the false dream that hating was not good. For instance getting married. We all know how this turned out.

Now we live in this age of hating is bad. It is not entirely a new concept. When Dungeons and Dragons first came out it was bad. It was corrupting the minds of our youths and causing them to kill people. Video games came out and first person shooters and these were bad. Causing kids to pick up guns and shoot people. Now hating is bad. If you say anything with an ounce of contempt, hate, or anger in it you are labeled as a freak to society and need to be locked up.

I have to tell you that the haters are good. The ones who get it out of their systems. Shout it from the rooftops. Head shot that guy in Modern Warfare. Those are the guys who are normal and right and do not scare me. The ones who are not afraid to call someone a fucking retard if they deserve it. The ones who tell Josie her retarded play fucking sucked and she should get some lessons. People who are not afraid to give it to you straight.

The ones that scare me are the ones who bottle it all up. The ones who tell you that contempt begets anger which begets violence. Fuck that. People are worthy of your contempt. If you bottle it all up and do not share the hate then you will be the one who explodes one day. The ones who drink the magic potion and believe life is all love, peace and harmony. The day will come when you realize that those things are just a dark facade and once you realize the falseness of this fantasy land dream you are the ones who break down in full mental collapse. The ones who go out on shooting sprees and cause havoc.

If you just embraced your inner hate and shared it then and only then would the world be a better place. I imagine a world of hate where everyone is like me. We walk down the street and greet one another "Hey fucktard watch where your walking!" "Fuck you slowpoke!".. and we move on to the next person to hate. A giant cloud of flowing hatred. "Hey you two get a fucking room!" "Fuck you bitch, you wish you could get this pussy!". The truth spoken from everyone's lips.

A blissful world of hate. Is it too much to ask for? Probably. Until then you will just have to stick with your old friend Waffles. Show me some hate. Make me believe in a better world.

What Could Be Worse

Talking in a football way of course. I mean jesus christ on a stick with a bunch of retards. I have the option of a Jets or Steelers Superbowl? Are you fucking kidding me. To top that off they might be playing the goddamn fucking Chicago Bears? Fat fucking Rex Foot Fetish Ryan vs the Bears? Is there a worst fucking possible Super Bowl? The only team left that I can root for are the Packers and that is only because The Wife has a fucking smokkin body. Rex Ryan would love her Blog too. So fucking ridiculous. The Giants loss was historically worse but this is a somewhat close second. It has been a while since I have been this disappointed in a game.

Picks for this weekend. Steelers and Packers. Goddammit all.

Are you fucking kidding me?

"retard means to slow down...it doesn't mean stupid and shouldn't be used that way. using retard as pejorative just mocks the disabled whether that was your intention or not. you use the word as an insult, you don't say fuking retards as a compliment. you should know better."

FUCK YOU! RETARD! Everyone knows Retard means Retarded AKA Fucking idiots who drool on their mommies and ass fuck each other. Goddamn man. Do you know nothing? You really wanna fuck with me today? After the Sunday I had! That is fucking retarded! Stick your pejorative up your ass and turn. Peace.

Ug Hockey

I really do not like Hockey. I mean Gary watches it for christ sakes! It can not be any good. The kid however finds it to be an awesome sport. He is rooting for his moms team since they are 3rd in the Division or something and the Bruins are like 8th. He made me watch the game last night. Albeit it was probably a decent game since the score kept changing hands and it went all the way up to 7 to 5. It was kinda boring though. I really hate Hockey. In sports it goes Football, Baseball, Women's Beach Volleyball, Basketball, Hockey, then like maybe Nascar, Soccer, other dumb ass sports. I am pretty sure I am going to be forced to watch many more boring Hockey games too. Ug.

Fuking Retards

I swear I ran into the retard express this weekend. I mean do people have any idea how to play Poker? I mean I can understand like .10 cent games where people fucking play like morons but when you play 100/PLO like does anyone have any common sense? If a dude has $80 and he 3-bets you for $51... do you call with your 25J7? I mean seriously your calling off that 3-bet to win 30 bucks? Really? Is that fucking good poker? Apparently so since the flop comes 55x and you actually win the hand against AAKQDS. Fucking retarded fucks. I refuse to play against you any longer. I am just going to take one shot at the fence every month vs Bayne. Either in a 24+2 or 50+5 MTT or SNG or something. Just fucking swing for the fences and suffer the fucking retardation one day a month. Fucking idiots.

For some rare IM instant gratification check out Baynes blog. I still have no idea what the fucker really had.. I should look it up but it was 4 unsuited cards with very little straight possibility putting in $51 pre praying for a miracle flop to win $30 more. Fuck you all.

Divisional Playoffs

I did pretty well last weekend going a solid 2-2 in a totally messed up weekend. Break even is good right Buffalo? I will continue my trend of ruining peoples hopes by posting my next set of picks. Here you go.

Ravens (+3) at Steelers
I like this game a lot. It is going to be some awesome smash mouth football. People are going to get beatup baby. I give the nod to the Ravens here for a couple of reasons. One of the biggest ones is that I do not think Big Ben has been playing well at all. The Steelers can win without him but with the Ravens QB playing well I like them to squeak out a win in a very good game.

Packers (+3) at Falcons
Packers. One of my good picks this weekend. I really think the Falcons have a little too much to throw at the Pack this weekend. I chose the Falcons to go to the Super Bowl earlier this year and I am going to stick with it. Another good game but Falcons take it.

Seahawks (+10) at Bears
Seahawks. Seahawks. Seahawks. Wow. Awesome job this weekend. Your cheerleader coach really did it and got you to knock of the Saints. I think the Bears win this game but I hate that spread. Way to high for a suckass team that got spanked like 40-3 by the Patriots. I see the Bears winning this but not covering 10 points. Look for a close one of 3-6 points.

Jets (+9) at Patriots
Jest! Jest! Jest! Holy fuck. Can that fat pervert Rex Ryan shut his yap ever? Really Brady is a scrub because he went to a play instead of watching every second of the fucking Indy game. I mean seriously? I hope you really believe that he is not scrutinizing every fucking second of that game on tape this week. Were you really whining that you can call Brady a slacker because he kicked your ass on the field for a zillion points? Your like a fucking bad frat boy movie. Stick to sucking your old bitches toes and watch a real football team with a good coach show you how it is done this weekend. Jets are going to get SLAUGHTERED this weekend. Put the house on it people.

So there is goes. The expert picks of the cooler. Use them. Abuse them. Do what you need. Feel free to share any stories about your using these picks after the games this weekend. I would love to hear some feedback even if it is "Lightning: FU WAFFLES! I Can not believe the Bears are out of the Playoffs!!". Peace.

PLOOOOOOOO RUSSSSHHHHHHHH

I love this game.

I was talking to Bayne last night..

Waffles: AA is g00t
Waffles: i checked the riv
Waffles: to some donk
Waffles: and he jammed all in
Waffles: and I called
Bayne: lol
Waffles: lol
Waffles: up 35
Waffles: up 41
Bayne: you will crumble in a -$200 day heap
Waffles: omg your right I am quitting playing right now
Waffles: wow good thing you saved me
Waffles: from continuing on
Waffles: else i woulda lost it all
Waffles: ty so much

BWAHAHAHA! I was waiting for him to say "Your going to lose it all".. See. Second level thinking. I knew he could not resist telling me I would lose it all so I provoked him and then BAM! Turned it around on him. This is why I am BETTER than any of you at poker.

Are You Ready For Some Football

Lock of the week: Patriots move on to the next week. BOOM. Take that you non-division winners.

Saints (-11) vs Seahawks.
I hear all the BS about how Seahawks are going to be this dangerous wild card team blah blah blah blah. yeah I think the Saints cover 11 and even 21. Fucking loser team go home.

Jets (+3) vs Colts
Interesting game. I am going with the trend here though. The Colts are a bad post season team but the way the Jets lost their way into the playoffs and the way the Colts have played the past month I am giving the nod to the Colts. Rex Ryan will have to go home and smell de-feet. Get it. De-Feet. Ha I kill me.

Ravens (-3) vs Chiefs
I am proud of the Chiefs. They done good. Now they can go home and figure out how to do it again next year. Ravens easily win this game.

Packer (-3) vs Eagles
I think this is the toughest game of the weekend. Both good teams. Both playing well. The Wife vs BWOP. Naked. Wait did I say that out loud. Such an evenly matched game I think. Both good quarterbacks that can sling it. Both have defenses that can play. I hate to say this because the Eagles are one of my kids two teams but I give the nod to the Packers this weekend.

So bet em, fade em, just watch and enjoy them.. the Playoffs are here and I am ready for some Football!

Only...

Only 9749.95 left to go! BAYNE IS DOOOOMED! Fucker! DOOMED.

I played a PLO8 SNG. Won it. Paid for my entry into the VeryJosie. Played that fucking game. OMFG. Her goddamn N000b fucker cocksucking ghey fuck of a mormon goddamn beat my AJ with AT, then 78 with 76 and then fucking calls off over a fucking third of his stack with 99 vs my AA... and fucking flops his goddamn set! Motherfucking hate n00b kids. Was fun messing around with CaaardGrrrrll though. Hopefully she knew I was just screwing around. Not that I said anything bad mind you.

Anyhow I went out early in the Josie and called it a night. Bayne is scared now. He knows he is going to have to pay up. Biatch. Hope someone got Josie. :P.

Very Josie Spanking

Tonight is the VeryJosie. Lightbulb is offering 11 bucks for KO'ing her. I am playing just for the pleasure of knocking her out. I owe her some payback for that HU fiasco.

I was reading some comments about there not being a big time weekly game anymore. I think some of it is peoples waning love of online poker. Not everyone can break even for five or ten years straight and still keep playing. I was thinking about what kind of tourney I would run if I ever decided to start one. I doubt I have the star power to get a bunch of degens together.

I think if I was to run a tourney it would go like this. It would be called "Win Waffles Money". It would start out as a SNG format game. Each week for the first 8 weeks people would play this SNG. After we generated enough winners it would move into a death match format. I would put up 100 bucks of my own money in a $100 NLHE cash game. It would start with only the winners able to play. After some of them were knocked out (assuming I was still around) other railbirds would be allowed in. This would be the "Win Waffles Money" part of the experience.

I am not an A-Lister so this will never happen. However I think it would be an interesting format. Not sure how many "winners" would be brave enough to put up 100 bucks on a cash table but might be fun.

Lot of Poker News

First off read about the nosebleed match up with the big windbag TonyG and the mysterious Islidur1 who is currently hosting his very own pissing contest at PokerStars. Change100 is a fantastic writer. Mad props to her.

Bill Rini has examples of the other side of Poker writing. The scumbag, morons, who can barely put together a sentence in English because it is not their first language. Seriously bring back the talented writers. Nobody wants to read your fucking ten cent an hour motherfuckers.

I liked the article too. It mentions Daniel Negreanu's disappointment that Prahlad Friedman has signed up with such a scumbag site as UB. I know that the fact that they stole money from players does not mean anything to morons and assholes like Hoyazo but the rest of us should stay away. Perhaps Friedman is thinking "Hey, I can get the massive amounts of money they stole from me back in the form of a paycheck". Actually I have no idea what anyone playing on that site is thinking. The fact that it is still in business just shows what fucking sheeple we have become. Nobody cares if people steal, cheat, rob them as long as they can get toasters for 9.99 and have an edge from a tiny shitbox site. I suggest that you NEVER play at Ultimate Bet. EVER.

I have to say this too. The days of the American sheeple are coming to an end. The dollar is becoming devalued and worthless and our enemies are at our gates. Were just too fucking absorbed watching some fat pig from Jersey fuck some really drunk dudes that we do not notice it. All your jobs are going away. All your toasters will start costing a ton more. America the third world country. It is coming. TaoOfFear knows this too. Knowledge is fear.

Last but not least that Scumbag Michael Craig is leaving FullTilt. I love FullTilt poker and PokerStars too because they have given SO MUCH to our community. I hate Michael Craig though because he is a fucking shithead. I bet he was fired because it was costing more donuts to feed that fat fuck while he wrote articles than it was worth. Either that or they only need one fat drunk on the payroll. His fucking Avatar looked retarded so at least Full Tilt got that right. I think they should burn it in effigy and watch his fat bacon ass sizzle biatch. Scumfucker. Peace.

Quick Update

Nothing much going on. Break even at my last session of PLO. Still on track for beating Bayne in the challenge. Tired as fuck. Peace.