Im So Sexy

I was in a store the other day and went up to the counter to pay. The hot little thing that was on break leaps up and say "I will take this one". She turns to me and says in a lusty whisper "That will be 4.99 sir". So I look her straight in the eyes and say "Thank You" in my sexy man voice. She smiles at me as she returns my change. She so wanted me.

Happy Mothers Day

Holy shit it has finally happened. My mother showed some motherlyness. I am not sure that is a word but lets go with it. This is the woman who waited until my ear drum burst to get my ear infection taken care of. So she was over for the holidays and comes down stairs and says "I know you are depressed and I think you need help and medicine. Can you go get some help?". So after forty years my mom has finally shown some kind of care for her first born son. I of course was not going to let this continue and just said outright "no".

Seriously I know we have a lot of shrinks and head wankers out there. Fucking hell one of them is the best person in the whole wide world and I really really like her a ton. Does anyone think this profession is really healthy? I mean lets look at the facts. At current my life sucks. I am sad. This should be normal. I should not be happy that my life sucks. People in my life recommending I take happy pills and talk to someone to make me happy are retarded. If I was happy about how my life was at this moment then I really would need to talk to someone. If I want to mask my pain in happy pills I could just take some dope or swallow a bottle of jack every night. I mean what is the difference? In order to be happy my life needs to change and become better. I am pretty sure getting divorced, moving, and living on my own will be a huge shake up and at least start some type of changes. If they are for the better or not is going to be up to me.

I did not mean to offend anyone especially the lovely lady I mentioned above. I am sure that professional shrinks are good for something and possibly people who are depressed for no reason could use some drugs. I on the other hand have plenty of reason to be depressed and should remain so until that changes. Makes sense to me? Anyone have a different opinion?

Props

Today I am going to give some mad props to my boy TripJax since my night at PLO sucked. First I got sucked out on in a three way pot. I limped Aces, guy after me made it 1$, next guy popped it to 4$, so I jam it to 18$, and the original raiser pushes all in, and after a few seconds thought the third guy calls off. Now in general this hand is not going to favor me three ways, and anyone getting 3:1 money for stacks probably should call here. So the original raiser had TT62, the final caller had TJQK no s00ts. Of course the straight guy hits his two pair and scoops the seventy five buck pot. If I could have held on there I would have had a totally different night. I also misread a board against Drizzle and did not notice he mad his mad straight. I was probably tired or tilty or something because normally would not play that way. At least I decided to quit soon after that.

Back to the props for TJ. He has been posting some niiice pics of his smokkin' hot wife in Hawaii. No idea how he ever landed her but congratz bro! Keep up the pics. She is looking so good.

Have a fun weekend everyone. Latah.

Hammer of the GODS

Figured I would post a wayback machine picture for all those who like to laugh with *cough* at me which you know is every single one of you. I am the one in the middle. For some reason everyone always thought I was on drugs but I never really smoked in HS. Word. I loved that Hammer of the Gods Tee. I wore it until it fell apart.. about four years ago or so. Peace.



On the PLO front this turned a one buyin night to a two buyin night. Sometimes its just that one hand. I had to double check my hand. I swear to you thought I hit gutters like a motherfucker!

Full Tilt Poker Game #12342084644: Table Bowles (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 23:54:37 ET - 2009/05/20
Seat 1: schwags33 ($50)
Seat 2: Maniac57 ($56.50)
Seat 3: PAINN ($43.95), is sitting out
Seat 4: MoppyMop ($23.50)
Seat 5: rc2theb ($19.50)
Seat 6: Kashatrian ($189.05)
Maniac57 posts the small blind of $0.25
MoppyMop posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [7s 4d 5s 4s]
rc2theb calls $0.50
Kashatrian folds
schwags33 folds
Maniac57 calls $0.25
MoppyMop checks
*** FLOP *** [As 3c Td]
Maniac57 checks
MoppyMop checks
rc2theb bets $0.50
Maniac57 calls $0.50
MoppyMop has 15 seconds left to act
MoppyMop folds
*** TURN *** [As 3c Td] [2s]
Maniac57 checks
rc2theb has 15 seconds left to act
rc2theb checks
*** RIVER *** [As 3c Td 2s] [9h]
Maniac57 bets $2.50
rc2theb raises to $10
Maniac57 raises to $32.50
rc2theb calls $8.50, and is all in
Uncalled bet of $14 returned to Maniac57
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Maniac57 shows [7s 4d 5s 4s] a straight, Five high
rc2theb mucks
Maniac57 wins the pot ($37.55) with a straight, Five high
rc2theb is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $39.50 | Rake $1.95
Board: [As 3c Td 2s 9h]
Seat 1: schwags33 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: Maniac57 (small blind) showed [7s 4d 5s 4s] and won ($37.55) with a straight, Five high
Seat 3: PAINN is sitting out
Seat 4: MoppyMop (big blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 5: rc2theb mucked [Jc 9c 9s Qc] - three of a kind, Nines
Seat 6: Kashatrian didn't bet (folded)

I made one bad play for around 1/2 a buyin when I knew the guy had quads. I had the KK boat. If I folded there I would have had a great night. Aggtard Germans are good for the bankroll also.

Poker is EZ Mode

I was going to write about how I got the name Maniac57. A while ago I wrote about how I got the name SirFWALGMan. SO I figured I needed a cover story for Maniac. I really had no reason to choose the name though. I mean I could say I drank the blood of 57 maniacs. That might continue the legend that I am.

Fortunately for you I played some poker. I had a nice session at PLO 6-MAX. The session started out crappy when this hand screwed me bad.

Full Tilt Poker Game #12310899012: Table Petros (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 10:52:09 ET - 2009/05/19
Seat 1: PAINN ($14.60)
Seat 2: Formitrol ($23.80)
Seat 3: winners curse ($59.40)
Seat 4: yxtlb ($40.55)
Seat 5: KnockOuter28 ($49.50), is sitting out
Seat 6: Maniac57 ($20.65)
Maniac57 posts the small blind of $0.25
PAINN posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [Jd As Kc Jc]
Formitrol folds
winners curse folds
yxtlb raises to $1
Maniac57 calls $0.75
PAINN calls $0.50
*** FLOP *** [7h 8c Tc]
Maniac57 checks
PAINN bets $1.50
KnockOuter28 stands up
yxtlb has 15 seconds left to act
yxtlb folds
Maniac57 calls $1.50
*** TURN *** [7h 8c Tc] [Js]
Maniac57 bets $6
PAINN raises to $12.10, and is all in
Maniac57 calls $6.10
PAINN shows [4c 8h 4h 9c]
Maniac57 shows [Jd As Kc Jc]
*** RIVER *** [7h 8c Tc Js] [5d]
PAINN shows a straight, Jack high
Maniac57 shows three of a kind, Jacks
PAINN wins the pot ($28.70) with a straight, Jack high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $30.20 | Rake $1.50
Board: [7h 8c Tc Js 5d]
Seat 1: PAINN (big blind) showed [4c 8h 4h 9c] and won ($28.70) with a straight, Jack high
Seat 2: Formitrol didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: winners curse didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: yxtlb folded on the Flop
Seat 5: KnockOuter28 (button) is sitting out
Seat 6: Maniac57 (small blind) showed [Jd As Kc Jc] and lost with three of a kind, Jacks

So here I have turned my set and have a nice redraw to a boat or a flush. The tard has hit his outs for the straight which sucked because he should not fold here. I miss about a million outs. It was not fun. See how I make some of the calls I do? I assume 1 million outs which gives me good odds for most draws.

So then I am kinda tilty but whateva. I mean we have a ton of limpers and I have a chance to make some cash if I can hit.

Full Tilt Poker Game #12310941584: Table Petros (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 10:56:12 ET - 2009/05/19
Seat 1: PAINN ($27.95)
Seat 2: Formitrol ($18.80)
Seat 3: winners curse ($60.30)
Seat 4: yxtlb ($43.10)
Seat 5: Rosvo1 ($49.50)
Seat 6: Maniac57 ($7.30)
Rosvo1 posts the small blind of $0.25
Maniac57 posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #4
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [7s Jc 8d Ad]
PAINN folds
Formitrol calls $0.50
winners curse calls $0.50
yxtlb raises to $1
Rosvo1 calls $0.75
Maniac57 calls $0.50
Formitrol calls $0.50
winners curse raises to $3
yxtlb calls $2
Rosvo1 calls $2
Maniac57 calls $2
Formitrol calls $2
*** FLOP *** [Kd Tc 6h]
Rosvo1 has 15 seconds left to act
Rosvo1 checks
Maniac57 bets $4.30, and is all in
Formitrol folds
winners curse folds
yxtlb calls $4.30
Rosvo1 raises to $32.20
yxtlb has 15 seconds left to act
yxtlb folds
Rosvo1 shows [Kc 8s 2c Ts]
Maniac57 shows [7s Jc 8d Ad]
Uncalled bet of $27.90 returned to Rosvo1
*** TURN *** [Kd Tc 6h] [5d]
*** RIVER *** [Kd Tc 6h 5d] [Qh]
Rosvo1 shows two pair, Kings and Tens
Maniac57 shows a straight, Ace high
Maniac57 wins the pot ($26.55) with a straight, Ace high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $27.90 | Rake $1.35
Board: [Kd Tc 6h 5d Qh]
Seat 1: PAINN didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: Formitrol folded on the Flop
Seat 3: winners curse folded on the Flop
Seat 4: yxtlb (button) folded on the Flop
Seat 5: Rosvo1 (small blind) showed [Kc 8s 2c Ts] and lost with two pair, Kings and Tens
Seat 6: Maniac57 (big blind) showed [7s Jc 8d Ad] and won ($26.55) with a straight, Ace high

BOOOM Baby! I hit one of my double gutters. I swear I hit gutters so hard on Full Tilt. I am the man. If you hit gutters at the rate of 75% then you should ALWAYS play them. I have PokerTracker data to backup my rate over two hundred thousand hands.

So now I am back in the saddle with a full buyin. My luck just keeps rolling along.


Full Tilt Poker Game #12311269333: Table Petros (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 11:25:56 ET - 2009/05/19
Seat 1: SpyDaddy444 ($50)
Seat 2: areYOUdonk ($51.15)
Seat 3: winners curse ($63)
Seat 4: shipit2me1time ($51.35)
Seat 5: Rosvo1 ($62.30)
Seat 6: Maniac57 ($36.45)
Rosvo1 posts the small blind of $0.25
Maniac57 posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #4
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [9d 3c Kd Kh]
SpyDaddy444 calls $0.50
areYOUdonk raises to $2.25
winners curse folds
shipit2me1time calls $2.25
Rosvo1 folds
Maniac57 calls $1.75
SpyDaddy444 calls $1.75
*** FLOP *** [6s Ks 7d]
Maniac57 checks
SpyDaddy444 checks
areYOUdonk checks
shipit2me1time checks
*** TURN *** [6s Ks 7d] [Ad]
Maniac57 checks
SpyDaddy444 bets $7
areYOUdonk folds
shipit2me1time folds
areYOUdonk adds $1.10
Maniac57 has 15 seconds left to act
Maniac57 raises to $30.25
SpyDaddy444 has 15 seconds left to act
SpyDaddy444 calls $23.25
*** RIVER *** [6s Ks 7d Ad] [8h]
Maniac57 bets $3.95, and is all in
SpyDaddy444 calls $3.95
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Maniac57 shows [9d 3c Kd Kh] three of a kind, Kings
SpyDaddy444 mucks
Maniac57 wins the pot ($74.65) with three of a kind, Kings
SpyDaddy444 adds $36.45
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $77.65 | Rake $3
Board: [6s Ks 7d Ad 8h]
Seat 1: SpyDaddy444 mucked [9h Qh 8s As] - two pair, Aces and Eights
Seat 2: areYOUdonk folded on the Turn
Seat 3: winners curse didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: shipit2me1time (button) folded on the Turn
Seat 5: Rosvo1 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 6: Maniac57 (big blind) showed [9d 3c Kd Kh] and won ($74.65) with three of a kind, Kings

I have no idea how this guy makes this call but I am happy that he did. The original raiser had folded out so I discounted Aces on the caller. I figured he would have re-raise pre-flop with that. If I was wrong I had some good flush outs. So I went for it.

Next it just gets silly.

Full Tilt Poker Game #12311361475: Table Petros (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 11:33:55 ET - 2009/05/19
Seat 1: SpyDaddy444 ($63)
Seat 2: areYOUdonk ($59.50)
Seat 3: winners curse ($62.25)
Seat 4: shipit2me1time ($18.65)
Seat 5: Rosvo1 ($70.05)
Seat 6: Maniac57 ($72.15)
areYOUdonk posts the small blind of $0.25
winners curse posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Maniac57 [9s 5d As Ad]
shipit2me1time raises to $1.75
Rosvo1 calls $1.75
Maniac57 raises to $7.75
SpyDaddy444 folds
areYOUdonk folds
winners curse folds
shipit2me1time calls $6
Rosvo1 calls $6
*** FLOP *** [6d Ac Ah]
shipit2me1time checks
Rosvo1 checks
Maniac57 checks
*** TURN *** [6d Ac Ah] [7c]
shipit2me1time bets $10.90, and is all in
Rosvo1 folds
Maniac57 calls $10.90
shipit2me1time shows [3s 3c Kc Ks]
Maniac57 shows [9s 5d As Ad]
*** RIVER *** [6d Ac Ah 7c] [4s]
shipit2me1time shows two pair, Aces and Kings
Maniac57 shows four of a kind, Aces
Maniac57 wins the pot ($43.55) with four of a kind, Aces
shipit2me1time is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $45.80 | Rake $2.25
Board: [6d Ac Ah 7c 4s]
Seat 1: SpyDaddy444 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: areYOUdonk (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: winners curse (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 4: shipit2me1time showed [3s 3c Kc Ks] and lost with two pair, Aces and Kings
Seat 5: Rosvo1 folded on the Turn
Seat 6: Maniac57 showed [9s 5d As Ad] and won ($43.55) with four of a kind, Aces

I decided to sit out after this hand. Up three buyins. A bunch of sixty dollar stacks at the table. I took my hundred and ran. RUN FORREST RUN! Normally I would stay but I figured it would be nice to lock in a win.

LOST My Recap

This is Gilligan's Island remake right? You girls and your soap operas. Scary.

I Run So Bad

OMFG! You people make me sick. LJ and her buddies. "I run so bad my KQ lost to TT". What the fuck? I cant believe when I jammed that A4 he had AJ. I run so bad. You do not even know the meaning of the word run so bad. Your "Run so Bad" on the worst fucking day you ever had is like my running good. You lucksacks. Shut the hell up. We used to have to fold our aces pre-flop in the old days as we walked up a hill backwards in the snow trying to get a good wireless signal. I tell ya you kids do not know what running bad is.

Disturbed

I have been thinking about this lake chick a lot. On the one hand I think I might have standards. I really have no attraction to stupid women. I think having some sort of attraction is probably a good idea when having sex.

On the other hand my dark side comes out and wonders if I could get her to do the things in my porn movies. Like stick my dick in her ass, then in her mouth. I mean fuck man that's dirty. Eat out of a dog dish before lapping up my cum? How far would she go.

My good side then says "WTF DUDE! Your twisted!!". *sigh*

Bizzaro Waffles

Holy freaking Christ. I feel like Bizzaro Waffles. You know Bizzaro Superman? He is from another world and he is a bad guy which is a good guy in Bizzaro world. I explained for everyone except Jordon. So the last two weeks I have had several chicks throw themselves at me. It is insane. I mean check this out. This is from a chick I knew when I was 18. We got back in touch through Facebook. So she has seen my picture. I told her I would call her a few times but have kinda blown her off because I am undecided.

5:04pm Marshall so whats a good place in for food and drink
5:06pm Julie nothing really there is the lake we could go and make out


I mean wtf? Then she goes on and tells me that she is going to fuck me until I am sore. I mean whaaa? I never had any chick throw herself at me. I guess one or two got sick of waiting for me to make a move and threw their tits at me.. but that was after a bunch of dates. I swear if I go to this lake she will whip my dick out and suck me off in public. I think I might need to buy a book on STDs so I can recognize the dangerous ones. Weird shit.

Mookie

Scott begged me to play so I did. At least I went out clean with a race T7 vs 44. I jammed the last of my stack in fully expecting to get called. The flop was a nice 89 but I could not improve. I had let myself get a little short so felt I had to make a move with cards that were likely live. CloserX took a little chunk of my stack when he called a raise with some crap hand like QJo and out flopped me. I guess a guy who calls off his entire stack to a raise and re-raise with a monster like A9 can not be expected to fold much of anything. Was fun to see Scott get kicked in the taint by a 3-outer though.

I did a little taint punching myself to Wyld. It was a SB vs BB situation and I had AQ vs his KK. I figured he was a LGay type player and his range could be anything from A2-something better. I was a little surprised at the kings.. but I had him way covered and would make the same play again. Of course I spiked my Ace on the flop to send him on his way. I also ass reamed Scary Lady soon to be Mrs. Scary Lady. I have no problem with the way I played the hand. I called her position raise with A5 s000ted. The flop came 955. I really did not think she had a strong hand. I checked. She potted as she often does. I decided to jam in. Lucky for me she had Queens and her stack was shipped to me. Three bets to doubled up seems like decent implied odds.

The 3-outers were flying hard and fast at our table. I think the word "Dominated" in poker is a total misnomer. There is no skill involved. Just throw your chips in with ATC and pray to whatever gods you worship. Peace.

Breaking Celebrity News

The conversation between Duke and DeGeneres then turned to poker, with the talk show host questioning why she shouldn’t play 7-2 when the likelihood of the flop coming 7-7-2 is the same as it falling Q-A-K. Duke imparted her poker knowledge: “You should only be putting the percentage of money in the pot the percentage of the time your hand will win. 7-2 doesn’t win very often.” Throughout the poker conversation, DeGeneres properly used terms such as “flop” and “boat” in front of her live studio audience.

Ellen DeGeneres is a HAMMER PLAYER! WOW. We have another celebrity poker player who has adopted the way of the hammer. I never really had much respect for Ellen but now that all changes.

Fuck All

I swear there is nobody who consistently gets in better than me and there is NO ONE who can fucking get sucked out on harder. Put a guy all in on the turn with three outs.. more than enough.. Two outs? No problem. Jam 3's into A6 for the fuck of it to spew off last of bankroll.. Flop comes 66A. It just amazes me how fucking badly I get fucked in every situation. I make my opponents look like fools and yet they end up scooping up the chips and winning. I give up.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOSER!

Congratz

Awesome news from the Red Shoe VP lady! Really glad to hear she found a much better job. Her post is a great read too. The part about it that really resonated with me was her reaction to hearing her job was gone.

I enjoy consulting because it gives me a bit of a feeling of not being dependent on a job. I really woke up to the fact that this is all a lie though around the recession of 2000. In some ways it was good and caused me to grow up and realize responsibility is more important than enjoyment of my work. Although in some ways the death of freedom is sad.

When the recession hit I was working for the most evil person you could ever meet. The average day involved him blowing smoke in your face, screaming and shouting people down in front of the whole office. The best part about the shouting was that he was ALWAYS wrong. People would put in long hours helping keep a client happy and he would scream at them. It was by far the worst job I ever had. I felt like I could not leave the contract though because the economy was in the toilet and I was making good money. Finally it came to a head when he stopped paying several people. It turns out he had been holding back money from the contracting companies and eventually they stopped paying us. He then fired a bunch of people for no real reason and told the consulting companies he was not paying them. I was included in this group.

The tech sector was hit hard during that time and between luck, networking, and awesome mad skillz I was able to keep working that entire time. I figured out that no matter how free you think you are. How "fast track" your career is, or how stable your nineteen years at the GM plant feels you really are stuck enslaved to one boss or another. I now feel that the best success in the work place is becoming rich enough that you are beholden to nobody or running off to live in the woods. The later would probably end up killing me faster than the prior. Of course I have not reached that level yet and likely will not in my lifetime unless one of my hair brained ideas actually takes off. It would be nice though. I would guess most of us are looking for that kind of security in one way or another.

Joanne and Buddy

I am really happy for these guys getting married! Joanne is a wonderful, smart, beautiful, hard working woman who deserves a good man in her life, and Buddy is um a guy. I am a little against marrying the first woman you sleep with but I am happy for him. Since Riggs and Numblowme started the whole speculation thing I have to throw in my two cents.

Joanne: Fucking marry me now!
Buddy: YES!

All kidding aside I wish you guys the best! It is great when two people find someone to share their lives with. I really enjoyed the times in Vegas I got to spend with both of you. Your both really great people.

Pansy Women Rules

My son was really disappointed at his last baseball game. His team was down by like seven runs in the final inning. The kids put on their rally hats. Basically they turn their hats inside out. They started cheering and yelling and the pitcher could not hit the plate. My son was one of the only ones to not walk. He nailed a ball into short right field just over the first baseman's head and moved to second on an error. So we get to the point where his team has bases loaded and two outs and are only down by one run. The ref then comes and calls the game. Apparently there is a pussy rule. In order for the other kids to not feel like the freaking losers they are you are only allowed to score six runs in any inning.

I get the idea that it is no fun to get your ass kicked by twenty runs in a single inning but grow up you kids! The world is a cold, dark, hard place full of pain and suffering. The more you get when your younger the better off you will be. Hurry up and get disillusioned. It will be easier for you really. Needless to say his team was pissed off and my son was really angry. I told my wife some woman must have made that rule up. Am I right here? Is this the coddling, over protective, woman beast stripping the masculinity from men at even earlier ages. It really seems like it to me.

Dilemma

I have a little dilemma here. One the one side I really want to support some great bloggers like the poker shrink and the always lovely Amy. Their new book on Mike "The Mouth" Matusow is coming out and it looks really good. You can check out the chapter that never was on both their sites.

On the other hand any book that says Michael Craig is a really good friend and a great guy has to be lying right? What other fucking piece of shit lies could be in there? haha. Possibly Mike was still on drugs when he relayed this information? I mean the very next paragraph Michael is telling the guy on a day he should be focused on winning the main event "Hey remember when you were ass fucked down the street in jail there?". I bet for the rest of the day Mike was rubbing his ass and sitting tenderly instead of focusing on his game.

I suppose I will still get the book because it does look interesting. I guess I could cross out everywhere it says Michael Craig, or write "ISAFUCKINGDOUCEBAG" after every mention of his name in the book. That would count as creative editing right? Good times people. Good times.

Hello is enyone thayar

I just had my eyes dialated and it sucks. I can barelay see anythang and the light hurts my eyes.. more than nerd normals. Also to add to the fun the doctor found a "Spot" on my eye.. Cancer, Freckle, Scracth.. She does not know. Referred to an eyeball specialist. I personally think it is brain cancer leaking out my eyeball. FML.

The Donkeyment

The donkeyment is like therapy, not the good kind when you talk to a big breasted psychologist like Tina hoping this is a happy ending psychology shop.. but the bad kind where you throw a kid afraid of the water in the deep end.

I do not think my therapy is working.

Finally A Game for ME

No signs of life in Greenland. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Really Steaming

Who the fuck makes lists like this? I mean how the fuck do you make me the 76th best blog when you damn well know I am it baby. I am numero uno. Number one. Fucking the A-Train. Bullets. Goddamn stupid fucks. At least they had me before that stupid lost blog. You cocksuckers better start linking me up some more or else.