Thursday, May 31, 2007

I am speachless

Fucking have Q8.. four people left in the MTT.. the flop comes 9TJ.. I JAM the flop.. FishyMcDonk Jams the flop and JoeMcFuckingRetard calls my first jam and the rejam with a fucking gutshot draw and fucking rivers a runner-flush. I just can not speak. I ended up finishing 3rd.


First off someone asked how many more Blogger Battle games there are.. From what I can tell there are 5 more MATH events and 11 more Riverchaser/Mookie events. There is also one more Big Game.

So the total investment for the rest of the season for all buyins is 305. The entire prize pool left as an estimate is 5700 dollars... in addition the "pool" is currently at 2400 so that might finish out at 4K?.. not sure what the payout structure is going to be.. and no idea what the Freeroll is going to contain..

Other options would be to skip the MATH games or pony up 8.80 for an SNG for each of those and only play the ones that can be entered with a token. Same with the big game.

Anyway.. back to my fold of 99.. I often struggle with people saying "Call this" or "Fold that".. because it all depends. If I could see the cards face up and knew he had Aces then the fold is easy. No need to go in as a 80% dog. How do your instincts for the game play out though? I have seen Hoyazo say "x hand is good so I jammed".. with some weak TPTK holdings and the like.. BUT if his instincts are screaming to him that the guy has a particular hand then he HAS to go by that.

I have been trying to get in touch with my Jedi side a lot more. I see hands play out and I have an almost psychic sense of what the guy has. You should not confuse these moments of total clarity with just awfuckit moments or push and pray mentality. I think if you have a "spidey" sense as Mookie called it you have to stay in touch with it and trust it. It may not be perfect poker play or by the book percentage play but I will leave that to the math guys. I believe fully in the minds ability to sub-conscientiously analyze all of the disparate tendrils of information and come to incredibly conclusions. If your not taking advantage of that then your missing out.

One other thing. Often times you need to give yourself the time to reach the right conclusion. If there is one thing I have been guilty of in the past is the INSTAJAM. I now try and think through the entire hand before making my decision. The quicker you act the more chance you have for making a mistake. Slow down a little on that clicker and your results will improve.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Bubble Boy

Last few bucks went out as the bubble in the Mookie. Nothing really big. Won a few nice races. Lost a few races. Got a MAD string of AA/KK hands and only got paid off once.. by DonkeyPuncher.. THANKS! It was SB vs BB and I jammed my AA and he called with A7.. not a bad call if you think the SB is stealing. That one hand got me to the final table.. I raised AA/KK/AA on DDionysis 3 times and he never fought back. I mean it TOTALLY looked like I was just stealing his blind EVERY time.. guess he had crap cards or something.. haha..

I think possibly I needed to limp Aces at that point. Chances are I get HU anyways with the blinds as high as they were.. and I needed chips. Period. Thinking about that train of thought. Probably should never have gotten in that position to begin with but was not getting much to steal with.. and getting played back at A LOT when I did steal with weak cards..

One other move I am not sure of.. 8 peeps left. Seven spots paid. I look down and see 99 as a mid-bottom stack. It gets raised in EP by Numbono. Do I jam 9's or fold? Best case is a race. Worst case he has JJ/TT type hand. I folded. Not sure it was a bad fold but interesting hand.. I am kind of interested in what you had so if you remember let me know..

I finally got short and had to push Q8d.. I pushed into KJo.. and did not catch anything. I had to push. Zeem had to call. It then came down to essentially a coin flip and I bubble.. Lest I am heading back in the right direction..

Congrats to BuddyDonk for making the money and a good live cast.. and for Jeciimd increasing his consecutive blogger with cashes except him record: 4th in points. Only person in the top 53 without any money. errr. Congrats? I think Hoyazo's post cursed him to be honest.

DuggleBogey: I wish I knew how to beat morons
DuggleBogey: how do you know what they’re thinking when they’re obviously not thinking?

... Ironic with the Donkalishish suckouts he had in that game. HAHAHAHAHA! ...

Also find myself underfunded for finishing the BPT.. soooooooo.. if anyone wants an investment.. Finish up the BPT with me. You get 50% of all of the profit.. plus a shot at the top 4 money that gets split (I think I am put at 21:1) PLUS I believe I get into some freeroll or something with my points???!!!?? Not sure.. but you also get 50% of that.. So for a decent investment you get a shot at some good money if I can go on a rush and take over a top spot in the points. I am currently going to be sitting at 12th.. so the possibility is there.. drop me an IM.. I am SirFWALGMan on Yahoo if your interested..

Otherwise see you at the Poker Blogger gathering.. I will be coming in around 11PM on Friday night and heading over to the MGM.. Everything else is in the air.. Mucho thanks to everyone who has offered me a free floor/bed/couch.. I appreciate you all..


Common Sense

When you return the restroom key please dry it off.. I sure as fuck hope that was water..

Stupid Ideas

I have long held that stupid idea's are a much better money making venture than intelligent ones. I saw this show last night and some donkey made a toilet paper protector and like sold it for 16 million. I mean wtf!! 16 million! To hold your TP!! I hear these stories all the time.. like the add-on clips to those shoes with holes in them. I mean if it was not a bad enough idea to make shoes with holes in them.. now you make something to plug them.. and sell the company for millions.. jesus.. I have to invent something (besides the Waffles Sweat for Bad Luck) that is stupid but sells millions.

Google Street View

Google has a neat street view feature now for certain streets including much of Vegas.. Here is a link to a cat that got caught on camera. So ladies when your putting your pussy in the window please be careful.

Et Tu Pauly?

Ow. That dagger in my back hurts. Ha! Pauly suggests you stay away from me during the blogger gathering as I am a pariah of bad luck. He called me Samyaza!!! So I had to go read about that fucker.

... the most powerful angel in heaven ...

Well if your gonna be bad then you might as well give it your all right?

... In the Book of Enoch he is portrayed as the leader of a band of angels called the grigori that are consumed with lust for mortal women and become Fallen Angels ...

Ya baby! Bring it bitches! I definitely like the ladies! A little fornicating with the ladies is always good. My offspring were giants.. that should tell you how I hang ladies if you know what I mean..

I have no idea of what this has to do with bad luck though. Oh well. I think Pauly gave me a good business idea.. I will sell my sweat at the WSOP as a bad luck spray. Just squirt a little on the guys at your table and WALLA you have all their chips. Instant suckout powers. Be careful not to use too much though.. this shit is going for a ton per ounce. I will catch you later.. got a lot of masturbating to do to generate that much sweat. Peace.

It's all about the Fro..

Watched some Deal or No Deal last night.. this black lady was the funniest person I have ever seen. Check her out. "It's all about the FRO!!".. I may have to buy one of those for Vegas.. she won 400K.. I think she probably makes 30K a year. Seems like a nice lady though. Good for her.

I also smoked Fluxer taking 2 of 3. He lucksacked out when he pushed his 97 vs my A6. Turn 9. River 9. No straight for me. Fucker. I had one nice suckout on him too.. I call his umpteenth all in with KJo and he turns over AT.. I spike a Jack and that brings me back into the game.. where I totally destroy him. I own Fluxer.

I have mostly played HU non-HE games. It has been fun. I am 4-0 so far in Stud and Razz. I P@WN these L00Z3RS! Haha. Mookie is on for tonight. I am signed up. So come and take my LAST TEN BUCKS! Think your man enough? Not if your some Metro-sexual giving women advice on what dresses to wear biatch! Bring it.

Ten more days to Vegas baby!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Sad Sad Day

I have lost all respect..

Dear Otis,

Thank you for recommending ECCO shoes. I found a pair of black leather flats that at least somewhat resemble the trendy ballerina slippers I'm so fond of wearing. These ones, though, feel like walking on blissfully squishy little pillows and should serve me well during the WSOP. Though I'd be even happier if they came in pewter... or maybe bronze. Anyway, those Danes sure know how to make a shoe! My feet owe you an Arrogant Bastard at the Rio.

Love, Change

My Response:

SirFWALGMan said...

Holy crap can Otis reccomend some panties for you too? What the hell is he doing!!! Is it sexy for guys to know about shoes? Did I like miss that class? Fawk.

Just wow.

Fucking Poker

I am broketh again. Ahh well. I will spare you the details but from a free 150 donation from the advertisers (love you peeps!) I ran that sucker up to around 600.. then wanted to push it too far too fast.. and played a couple larger tables than I should have.. got my normal bad beats in Razz playing A234 against some donkey showing pockets kings.. fuckers... Actually in reality it has taken a while to go bust this time which is cool.

I put my last 55/down this weekend in an 55/SNG. First off let me say that the people playing these ARE FAR WORSE than 11/SNG players... FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I get down to the bubble with like 2K left.. and I open push A9 with the blinds being huge.. and I get called by a dominating hand right? Like an AJ? KJ? something good? You know since I played like 5 hands all tourney???!!??!!?? No fucking A2.. and runner flush.. and there goes my money.. fucking retards..

I think my last eleven is going in at the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! this Wednesday.. So you get the added bonus of busting me AS WELL as taking my last ten spot. WOOT!

Talking about fucking retards what is it with these reality TV shows about stupid jobs and why the fuck do I like them? I was watching that GAY shear cuts thing where all these hair people go through cutting hair with like anal shears and birds nests.. I have no idea what the appeal to me is.

How do these shows get started too? I mean does someone go in and pitch? Change100? I mean can I go in and be like.. Ya.. Ya.. I got this idea.. umm.. its like umm. McDonalds Workers.. ya.. And you can like crack up as the pretty girl gets zits from eating the food ya.. ya.. and and.. and her ass grows like 5 inches! Oh yeah! Ohh ohh.. and you can have the grossest customer contest.. and have some fat guy puke on one of the McDonalds kids and he would like have to be all nice and shit.. and yeah, it would be funny.. and you could like have some dude who does not speak english at the drive through window.. Oh.. and he could be talking to the McDonalds chick who does not speak english.. I mean think of the hilarity that would ensue!!! Shit this stuff is easy.

Peace out. 10 Days to Vegas! Get your libidos out ladies! Cause Waffles is coming to have some fun!!!!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Live Ranting

First off let me commend CC on his fine post about the worst five blogs. It appears he put as much effort in it as he does his poker game and as such got the same result: BAD. It was not even close to funny or good.. come on dude, you get paid to fucking write and that is the best you could come up with? If Pokerworks needs some real talent I might do a guest post. Anyway..

Oh yeah.. and Trauma's post was his idea. If anyone else would like to do a guest post I am up for it. Since Trauma set the bar so low I doubt I will deny you. So bring it. Now on to the days content..

It normally is probably not a good thing to call your wife's friend a fucking cunt but hey that is how I roll. I can not believe what a jackass this person is and I am entirely pissed off that my wife would confide anything to her.

Here is the setup. I am sitting at home having a good time playing some poker while my kids are over the FatLonelyBitches house. Her husband is on a business trip AKA Fucking his Blond secretary in style somewhere. So apparently my son overheard me having a losing session and dropping a couple hundred. No big deal. It is poker. It happens. So this bitch starts going off on me. She is like you should not be talking about poker in front of your kids. Now I normally do not talk about poker in front of the kids but when you play they are bound to hear about it. So I mention that I think these fugly bitches drinking around the children is far more damaging. She then says "Well drinking is legal".. ok.. so when your alkie son fucking kills someone during a DUI and my son wins a ton of money we will see how that goes.

I actually do not have a big problem with moderately drinking when the kids are around.. it teaches them to be responsible when drinking possibly.. but these chicks were definitely well on the way past tipsy.

So then she goes off on me saying she has tons of friends and they all lose a ton of money playing poker and nobody can win. Ummm.. Well.. Not true. Possibly if your friends are all as fucking dumb as you are then ok they probably do lose.. myself I am solidly break even and so who gives a crap. If I want to spend my time playing poker that is my business. We then tread off the path of poker and she starts telling me that I am lazy and I do not make enough money. Ohh sorry.. I only make like twice what most of my peers do. I will try harder. Just cause you fucked some guy who became a CEO or some stupid shit like that does not mean you have any skills. Except in blowjobs and possibly getting pregnant to entrap. Fat cunt. I do not know how your husband can stand you. People who live in McMansions are so not in touch with reality.

So I finally call her a fucking retard and slam the phone down on her. I later find out.. and this is the funniest part.. that the kids were shooting dice for money over her house!!!! SHOOTING DICE! At least poker is +EV. I mean you fucking ream me out for gambling and you start the kids on a craps addiction that will last a lifetime. At least be consistent you fat cunt.

Waffles out.

A Guest Post from Trauma

Before we get to the guest post.. Is Falstaff out there? Hello? Is this thing on? Listen.. are you organizing this Vegas thing? People been asking if someone is going to make a nice list of everyone participating with e-mails and cell phone's and all that kind of stuff like April did.. So what is the deal you fat fuck? You gonna do any work here or what? And now without any further ado..

The Taint Hound Speaks out..

Is this thing on? Am I really writing at Amazing. I barley update the thing I have, that ummmm, blog? Yeah that's what it is called I think. Sirf told me the other day he was thinking of pulling the plug and shutting it down, I pulled the plug once, but then I just plugged it back in and posted 2 times a month!! The best thing about the pulling the plug post was people act like its Sirf trying to get attention. Are you kidding me! They guy can drum up 40 comments just by calling Jordan a tool who overplays 88 and you think he wants to get attention with a post like this? I think Sirf is misunderstood by most of his readers except for a select few, I would consider myself on of the select few. We all like Sirf for different reasons, some people like him because he takes his entire bankroll and plays a limit game where he only has 40 BB. Some people like him because he says things they don't ever say. Some people like him because of his sexy serial killer looks…..well OK not really that last one. Sirf is like Mike Mattasow but without the money or the drug problem, at least I think he doesn't have a drug problem. To me Sirf is my ambassador of Quan. He is the only blog I check daily, other blogs get bi daily, weekly, bi weekly, or never fucking read again status , but Sirf has held down the check daily status because he is that entertaining… ambassador of Quan if you will. One day he will have to stop posting, maybe Congress will make it against the law, maybe he will meet an untimely death, or maybe it will just be the right time. Now is not the right time. I want you to blog and blog hard, in fact I better see a good post about how you either won the Mookie last night or got donked out by some fucker!!! Sirf stays, deal with it, at least he has fucking contact and isn't shilling out every fucking space on his blog.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

So far not bad..

The "Save the Waffles:Eat some Bacon" campaign has kicked off slowly. I am mildly impressed so far but not overwhelmingly. My man Fastpitch had a nice post.. very touching.. *sniffle*.. Fuel gave me a fawking kiss! I got a nice award from Don Morris. I should reciprocate by giving him the IG:I Cant fold To Waffles weekly award for worst call with two cards. You know though.. Ace-Nine is the Shizz Nutzz! Fucking donkeys.

I want to try something totally different. Someone in the Mookie played EXTREMELY well last night. I know? Can you believe it? Normally I am used to pushmonkeys and donkey fuckers but this guy put one on me. He raised in MP to 3xBB and I had him covered. So I re-raise to 1K because I had the stack.. I had a middle pair of TT. This was my first mistake. As I told Jordon before.. you can not make the pot THAT big with hands like this. It is just a recipe for disaster. He cold calls me.

Now in these donkeyments NORMALLY someone with a good pocket pair jams and someone with crappy hand cold-calls. It is just how you no folding fonkeys play. One exception have I seen in the entire history of the Mookie: Otis. That is it. So the flop comes mostly unders.. I have made the pot 1500 already.. He has 2K behind so now I either JAM my tens or fold.. No other choice. I have put myself in a bad situation. by re-raising pre-flop. So I jam and he calls with his Kings and I lose a big pot.. and go out the next hand with AT vs QQ with a Q and A.. Was not too sad about that hand. So now I have TWO or THREE players among the Fonkeeys and Monkey Fuckers that I really need to think through hands with. Jesus.

I remember the good old days when it was like 14 people.. and they all sucked.. and Mrs. Mookie played just to get harassed by me. *sigh*. Anyway.. good play man. I pulled a Jordon and got outplayed.

I think we all have nights when we do not bring our "A" game. If you always have those nights Mr. Morris then maybe you do not have an "A" game.. oops. That was not nice. Back in your box Waffles!!!

So since there are no more Blogger Games this week that count as points I am going to try and hit up the A&B again tonight as well as some token fun. See if I can make money instead of points unlike our boy Jeciimd.. who is the ONLY person in the top 47 points with no money. That is a fucking miracle. Hoy was right! AMAZING!

Oh and if you sick of reading my shit today go tag Pauly. He has an excellent writeup about poker. Listen to the man. He is a smartie. Much better than that so called Blogfather.

Peace out till later peeps.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

You Decide: The Finally

This blog really has taken on a life of its own.. Sometimes when I sit alone in the dark I can hear Waffles silently chuckling to me in his maniacal laughter.. taunting me.. I swear that he has a life of his own. I have no control over him anymore.

So convince me I should keep this Madman alive. Originally this blog started with some good intentions. I sprung on the "Blogger" poker scene when it was well started but fairly new. The major players were established, the Doctor, The Blog Father.. Felicia Lee and her charming personality.. I had very good intentions for the blog. I would explain my unique trials and tribulations in this game. I would let people know when I did go on tilt so they would understand they were not the only one. I would encourage people and teach them my spiffy poker strategies. How to not play all those crappy little cards. Stick to the big hands. I played exclusively LHE.. and had a nice run. I might have even helped a person or two hang in there until they had to mortgage their house or something.. It was good and clean and pure.

Somewhere along the line it has become Waffles private pulpit where he can rant and rave and get all the frustrations out. You never know what the guy is going to say. Some people handle it well.. but the real fun comes with people who can not. It is always fun to tweak a little. Lighten up you homo's.

I enjoy the blog.. I know the readers enjoy the blog a ton. It is fun and while the humor is dark at times.. and the blog wars numerous.. It is always a quick fun read. I have met some of the best people through this blog. I mean Don and Carmen let me crash at their place every time I am in Vegas.. I can always get Fastpitch to cheer me on or JJ to listen to my bad beat of the hour.. I have learned a lot not so much from reading their blogs but from lurking and chatting.

I got to party down with Gcox, and ScaryLady (Where the fuck are you?), Iggy, Pauly, Kitten, Ick, AlvinCantHangus, Carmen, Donny, LoveElf, Smokes, Hoy, Jewels, V.. etc, etc, etc.. (If I did not mention you by name it is not because I hate you, I do, but that is not why)..

I really would not give up what it has been for all the matzah ball soup in New York. It sometimes feels like it has outlived its usefulness. So to steal someone else's catch phrase: You Decide. If you like the blog and want it to stay then convince me. Any way you want. Sent me a couple of hookers and a bag of blow. Write a blog post. Comment. Whatever. If you hate the blog and want it to close.. then let her rip. I will make my decision after I finish partying in Vegas. Until then I will catch you at the Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookie tonight!!!!!!!!!!!

Daily Double Donkey Style

Played loose and fast and hard and had a lot of fun. I double penetrated the thing.. which is not as good as two chicks but I will take it. I was ITM in both tourneys of over 1000 people. I get an extra bonus as soon as Full Tilts snails hand add the amounts up. On the good side I get my name on the Daily Double winners page! WOOT! It probably will net me thirty extra bucks if I am lucky.. but we shall see.. The top amount it could net me is 1800... but the statistical odds against that are pretty damn high.

I pulled off my first ever re-steal. I am not much of a re-stealer. I actually am not much of a stealer despite my reputation.. although I have been changing that. I thought that was fun though.

Not much more excitement..

I was talking to Bayne about how you might play the DD differently in order to get the Bonus from the large prize pool.

Like for instance if your at 50th in both lets say.. and you have a medium to smallish stack. Do you ram and jam and go for the huge payout.. or do you blind down and only play premiums in an attempt to get the reward for lasting longest (around 500)..

I think in general it is probably best to just play the thing normally and try and win both.

Tonight is the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! Where I try to avoid getting donkey punched by KJ or some hand like that. I am bringing it fuckers. I actually had normal luck last night. I had some ducks hold up.. and won a race or two with AK.. then lost a race with AK to go out around 70th in the A.. short stack jammed 33 into KK in the B at around 120th.. Not bad for 2000 entrants. I am coming for you tonight IG! I am coming for both Ig's.. IG and Iggy. Your mine!

I am still deciding if I want to shut down the blog or not.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Getting Fucked at the Hoy

I love IG to pieces but she keeps making the worst calls against me and winning. Remember a few weeks ago when she calls my jam with 33 vs AA.. So now I raise, she re-raises, and I push for ALL OF HER CHIPS.. and she calls me with KJ.. AND FUCKING HITS A BOAT! What the fuck? I mean is my range of hands that wide that KJ is ever possibly ahead? I understand you got a good matchup but my range there is something like AK/AQ/AJ/AA/KK/QQ/JJ.. any pair.. so against a good portion of my range (and I do not include KQ/KJ because that is NOT in my range to jam) you are so far behind it is not even funny.. Sure you got the 60/40.. but the blinds were not that high, you had a stack, and you kill me with the DONKEY hand!!!! KJ is the freaking donkey lovers hand goddamit! At least have the IG and outplay me. Fuckitall.

Then very next hand I get AA and I do the ole "I am tilting now JAM" push move from EP... and nobody fucking calls.. come on take a chance. I just got a brutal suckout.. call for christ sakes so I can get back in the game..

Then when like no chips left I get a BB vs SB situation with Otis and I am fucking MURDERED by his SECOND pair of Aces and a fucking Ace on the river to just rub it in. What the fuck? Stupid fucking Hoy, I blame you.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Rebuys are good

I made it to 27th place for a small profit. Not happy though. I had an 80K stack with 8K blinds and jammed my AK s000ted.. Called by TT.. which is somewhat reasonable.. and just could not win that coin flip. I win that one hand and I am top 5 in chips and heading towards the final table. That came on the heels of losing when I jammed a small stack in on the turn with bottom pair and a flush draw.. he had AQ (2 overs) and the board double paired on the river.. not on my bottom card.. and no flush.. to give him a 60K pot.. I would have survived my AKc hand if I had won that.. albeit with like 80K in chips.. which actually is what I went out with. Really pissed. First place paid 4K.. 600 runners.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


I am starting to think you guys who say not to slow play your hands might be right...
I did not give the context either. 54 people left. 10/1 SNG. 750 for first. 20K pot waiting for me to take it as all 3-people called off their entire stacks in this hand. I berated that moron for not being able to lay down his flopped boat. Idiot. Two outer. pfft.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Hello Everyone! What a wonderful Morning!

Welcome to Online Poker Pals! Are you having a good day? I sure am! You all are beautiful people and I hope that your poker game is progressing in a direction that makes you happy! Oooh just thinking about it gives me chills.

I want to give a HUGE shout out to that trooper Mr. JeciiMD! Not only is he a healer of the sick and a wonderful human being but his persistent tenacity has landed him YET ANOTHER cash in the points! Ooohh lets all give him a big warm hug shall we! I believe that he will hit those points HARD for the rest of the Battle of the Bloggers event. You go you big stud muffin!

Who made that name up anyway? Battle of the Bloggers? I mean that is so harsh. Can we rename it to Every Blogger Doing Their Best. We can then do away with that harsh point system and instead EVERYONE can be a winner! What do you say boys and girls! Are you with me? I knew you would be!!!!

My good buddy Jordan is in Vegas... Oooh isn't that special? I know with his scary aggression he is doing well at the tables. Oooh I get goose bumps just thinking about it. You go girl! When he makes those power moves pushing all his chips into a pot he is behind in you just know everyone is going to fold. That my friends is TRUE POWER POKER! You can learn a lot from that man!

Ohhh.. and did you see the latest Duggle comic? I mean brilliant. I brought a tear to my eyes I was laughing sooooo hard. His comics just reflect the true artistic beauty he posses. You sir are a Hemingway and Picasso all rolled into one cute little ball of man flesh! I can hardly wait for the next one!

Well that is all people. Please be careful out there! I know you have to take money off of the aquatically leaning people.. but give them a big hug when you do! Cause that is how we like to do it at Online Poker Pal's!!!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

It is what it is..

I get shit from a guy who's only poker content in 2 months is a fabricated hand history? Someone who's blog is really one of those infomercials you see every night at 1AM after the real programs have stopped running. I think he wants in on my conversation with Jordon cause his page hits are down or something. Sorry. No links for you!

And the other guy? Who has only won an MTT when he has lied and logged in as someone else? I think he has "Fat Kid" syndrome. It is great in chicks who lose the weight and still have low self esteem because they are always going to be that "Fat Chick".. and that gives you a shot baby! Not as cute in middle aged New York males. I really am slightly surprised that Jordon might be upset at all by my comments. I guess the more outward bravado you show the less you have inside...

I am always amazed when someone says I should not rant or rave. It is the essence of my blog. I mean cmon? How long have you been reading? Most people take it with a grain of salt. I am not going to change that aspect of my blog. First off it is too much fun. Secondly it has gotten me some excellent advice. Finally I really love my readers and I think they would be disappointed.

I reserve the right to change my mind about how much of an idiot (poker player) someone is. I remember some classic rants against people. I mean do you remember when Sucko was named? I can not even remember what offense he perpetrated against me.. but I started checking out his blog, listening to him talk, and I have come around to respecting his game. I think he may be one of the best players among the bloggers.

Fuel you still suck.


Sometimes I think that the attitude that Woffles has that makes him so entertaining to read will also be his biggest obstacle in getting to a place where his game is solid and secure from bankroll tilting. If you can't look at your own game and improve upon yourself, then are you are destined to continue the same cycle of building a bankroll and losing a bankroll? - High On Himself

Go read the response in his blog if you want. I will say I am glad everyone buys into the rhetoric. For the people who know me.. and they are very successful players.. they know what I am all about. If there is one thing I do all the time it is deeply think about all things poker and specifically my game. I am always looking to change up my game and figure out new styles of play. Putting on some LAG clothes for a while to see how they work, playing tightie whitie.. seeing what parts of a good players game are worth emulating.. figuring out how all the different types of players work. Being able to change up my game from hand to hand or orbit to orbit. I may seem like a shallow player to my readers perhaps but nothing could be further from the truth.

I will also say that a player who has won what, 2K, in his poker career should not be looking down on anyone. I always talk about my losing games and hands and bustouts because they are more interesting.. I have not done superstar things like some of the other players like Wes, DoubleAs, Don, Scotty, Lucko, and whoever else has earned good money over a long period of time.. but neither have you. I have a positive cash flow in poker and while I would not call myself successful yet because I do not have as low standards as you do I am far from a losing player. I know for a fact I will get there because I have the work ethic, raw talent, and ability to see things from all angels that will make me succeed. I have the drive and determination and nothing can stop me. So keep it coming haters cause I sure as hell will.

Mookie Pfft

No cards. No luck. I pushed TJ vs 99.. spiked my T and he rivered a flush. I then put my all powerful 55 FAWKING shit cards against his A9d and he spikes a 9. No luck. No cards. Early exit. Riverfuckers is tonight. This is the one MTT that I recommend the JeciiMD style of fold-and-fold poker. None of these donkeys understand there is a button besides call.. so your pre-flop bluffs and your amazing bluff will be called by ATC and any pair. You really need to wait these fuckers out and bury them with a monster hand.

Last night took 3rd in a 11+1 Turbo and won five bucks playing NLHE. Not much time to play after the Moooooooooooooooook! So not a bad night.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Crazy Shit Man

This blog has been a lot of fun. Sometimes I think I should close it down though. As much fun as it is to try and help people like Jeciimd by telling them they might wanna look at loosening up a wee bit in my sweet and humble way.. it just does not go anywhere. Possibly Hoy saying the exact same thing in his blog today will get through? No. Oh well.

Picking on Jordon is fun too.. I love him.. he is a funny guy. I think he is a true New Yorker.. and I betcha he enjoys the verbal sparring as much as I do. Hey Hoy, can you tell Jordon he is too aggressive? Possibly he will listen to you.. No? Oh well.

As much fun as it is to rant and rave about plays I do not agree with and ham it up a little bit it is only partly me. I am actually a very nice guy as LoveElf told me. I am fiercely loyal to my friends but I require a lot of patience from them. I have no compulsions against telling someone they are fat or stupid or fugly if they ask. I am deadly honest and I expect that of people around me. I tend to like people who do not take themselves so seriously. The kind of people you can fuck around with and they will fuck you back. Uptight people annoy me. Hmm. Possibly the blog is a look into my dark side.. the part I keep inside so I do not get arrested or in a knife fight in Starbucks. Who knows. Some days I think I have given in to the pseudo fandom and let the blog become a parody of itself. I may just shut it down and open some obscure poker blog somewhere that gets five hits a day.

What the fuck am I saying! Bring it bitches! This is too much fun!

Concepts in NLHE Poker

I found the comments by CzechRazor on the hand High on Himself and I played to be very interesting.

I honestly really just want to help the guy.. When the Poker books say "Be Aggressive" they do not mean to be aggressive for aggressions sakes. The idea is not to try and bully yourself into a hole that you can not get out of without sucking off Jesus. Seriously.

I find it totally incredibly ludicrous that anyone has a problem with me getting someone to commit 3/4 there chips and have a GREAT chance to double up on a 4:1 favorite hand with one card to come. You really never get odds that great in poker.

The concept I liked about Czech's comment was that thin line.. In a tourney you have a set amount of time to accumulate a large enough amount of chips to survive to the goal. So you have a couple of things you need to do. One you need to accumulate as many chips as you can. Secondly when you get a certain amount of chips you should protect them by ending the hand as quickly as possible based on the strength of your hand.

So where do you find the balance line? How do you extract maximum value from your hands while giving yourself maximum safety. Does this change based on the point in a tourney. For instance I have heard many people state they would not mind a coin-flip situation early in an MTT.. So would you be more inclined to extract more value even if you give yourself a percentage of risk? Interesting stuff and I am not sure there is one answer.

I will say I would play the hand the same way next time against the same player. My read that I was WAYYY ahead on the turn was strong. Jordon telegraphed his weakness as he often does and being someone I have played against many times I picked up on it. I think for me this early into an MTT I would rather get maximum value out of my hands so that I have a chance at a monster stack later in the game. Instead of pissing away my lead like Jordon decided to do I would have made use of those extra chips and I think it would have given me a good shot at a deep run.

I do think Jordon has some good poker skills.. but the "Bet and they fold" type mentality will work much better on weaker players and as you play stronger competition you will be destroyed. Hell even the weakies will take you out with bluffs like that when they hit monster hands. Your just asking to get stacked playing that way. Oh well. To each their own. I hope Jordon shows up tonight.. he may have to watch some ghey soap opera tonight but we will see.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Little Somefin' Somefin'

I found Jordon Junior today. He was so cute. I decided to play some 100/NL cash.. why? I dunno. I felt like it. So anyway.. I got about 8 pockets in twenty minutes. Jr bet out his 9's and I cold called. He then pushed his stack in on the turn.. and I made the call. He was a shortie but it was nice.

I lay down QQ on a T56 board. Possibly I was too weak in that hand but I felt he had me beat for some reason..

I called a river bluff with JJ on an all small card board. Actually I had a boat on a 44436 board. If he had the nut 4 or Aces/Kings then he outplayed me. I had no sense this guy had me beat and so I called his HUGE river bluff.. and his AQ was no good Ace high. Oops. I also called off some chips with 55 on a 366 board.. the guy never bet after his initial c-bet and I took down a small pot vs AQ again..

All in all feeling good about a 3/4 buyin' victory. Finishing out the night with a little work and a turbo SNG.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Poker 101 By Jordon

You find pocket 8's in late position.. you raise. The flop comes A67. You:

A. Bluff off a pot bet at the flop that looks like a c-bet from a kindergartener.
B. Make a normal 3/4 pot bet and figure your beat if you get called

The turn comes a 9.. So now instead of drawing to a 5% hand I actually have 20%. Now someone cold called my bet on the flop so do I:

A. Snap off another bad bluff to over commit myself and over 3K in chips to a hand that is 20% at best.
B. Realize what any idiot would that I am beat and let it go.. and if the guy does not have something like TPTK and possibly a flush draw which would give me EVEN LESS than 20% for outs

So now you have been outplayed every street of the hand and somehow you suckout a miracle 8 for a set do you:

A. Pretend you played the hand well
B. Bluff off all of the 3K you just won ten hands later with another HORRIBLY bad play

Well it is Jordon so we know what the answer is there.. Find the fold button it is your friend. I am really sick of hearing about how bad you do online.. maybe there is a reason? Idiot.

I predict Jordon makes it no further than 25th tonight. Easy prediction because he likes to get himself in trouble with crappy play. Good luck beating 25th. If you win I will eat my words and say your the most brilliant player ever.

Now not all this fury is directed at Jordon. I outplayed him and he got lucky. I would play exactly the same next time too. Because Jordon is going to lose that hand 80% of the time and I am going to have a HUGE stack at a table full of overplaying

Even before the MATH started I think i cursed myself. I had been running bad.. but finally get some shit going in a Turbo SNG. I looks down and see QQ.. So I raise it up to 400.. I get 2 callers. The flop comes Q9x. I jam. TJ calls. KK calls. Bet you can GUESS the next card... yess.. it was the King.. so I go from first to worst with 5 people left and then bubble out with JJ vs KK.

Fucking poker.

***UPDATE: Shit dude. 35th? You stack me. Double up.. and can not even make it past 35th? I guess I gave you more credit than you deserve.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Vegas Baby!

I am flying out on Jet Blue.. night of the 8th.. and returning the 10th.. Short trip as usual but I seem to be able to pack a ton of activities into the time period. See you all there! Assuming.. you still want to meet me after that last post.. heh.

Seven - Deadly Sins

I got tagged for a meme by several people who should know better.. so blame them.

1. I think I masturbated too much as a teenager.. I used to work that knob 8-9 times a day at least.. sometimes more.. sometimes it would even bleed. I think I had hormonal issues. Of course now that I am old and know how to use it I am ready to be done in 5 seconds. Of course my experience allows me to use other parts of my body to please the ladies.

2. Speaking of Sex.. I MUST go to sleep after I come. Do not talk to me! Do not do anything. You can cuddle. However I will be snoring in about 3.5 seconds. Is this normal? I think it is from over stimulation during sex.. when I come my whole brain explodes into a million bright fragments of light.. sort of like a seizure. It is amazing.

3. Since we are focusing on Sex my first experience was with someone I did not like at all. She was fat and ugly. Now I like the fat ladies.. they are fiiiinneee.. but her personality was pathetic. I think she had the IQ of a rat. I got VERY VERY DRUNK and fucked her DURING her period. When I shot my load she asked if I wanted to go again.. now I was so shit faced I did not know what she was saying so I paused.. now this is NOT the way to get fucked again. All in all I am very disappointed in my first sexual experience.

4. I used to be such a fucking pyro it is not even funny.. flame.. pretty.. ooooh...
I torched a building in 6th grade.. It was by accident. I was tossing matches in the basement and they caught on the leaves. I blamed another kid and he got in trouble because I was such a good kid.

HOWEVER surprisingly enough this was not my first fire. When I was eight or so I was playing with matches in my bedroom. I dropped one in the trash can and all of a sudden a huge fire blossomed. Instead of being smart and telling my parents I went out in the living room and hoped it went away. I had this huge shit eating grin on my face. Lucky my parents smelled the smoke and put the trash can out.

Nor is this my only two experiences with fire. I have many more including lighting a forest on fire and a trash dumpster. We can save those for later though.

5. I love reading. When I was not masturbating as a kid I was reading. Yank. Read. Yank. Read. That was my life. I read fairly fast and usually finish 200-300 page book in 2-3 days. I used to have a collection of over 1500 books and also collected comic books. I sold my books when I moved into my latest house because I did not want to move with them again. I am probably down to a few hundred now.

Our family was poor so I used to steal books so I could read. I guess they never told me about the library. I finally got caught stealing when I was a little older and never stole again.

6. Everything I learned about making love to a woman I learned from porn movies. I assume these guys know what they are doing as all the ladies enjoy my caress. If it was not for porn I probably would not be married today. See kid's porn does ruin your life.

7. I have lived in the same state for my entire life. I actually would not mind divorcing my wife and running away to Vegas.. however even with all our problems I love my kids and do not want them to have to grow up with nothing. Divorce is expensive! So I am probably going to stay married for another 14 years unless I die of a heart attack first. I am working on the second option but no luck so far.

Even though I am not in love with my wife anymore.. and she is a very nice person.. and probably should never have married her.. I doubt I will ever cheat on her. Man am I stupid.

Peace out. Blame Jewels and Raveen.

Mothers Day

Still riding my Down Swing.. or as I explained it to Katitude my Dong Swing. Oops. Typo. I do not currently own a Dong swing. Sorry ladies.

So for Mother's day I let my sister pick the place. She sucks. We end up at this place where I SWEAR I took a wrong turn and ended up in the Mortuary. I mean there was enough oxygen here that if one spark hits we are all dead. Best lines of the night..

"I see almost dead people!"
"I smell old people!!"

My daughter asked me how to spell my sisters name so I told her "F-A-T". Me and the kids got a chuckle out of that one.. The adults were not all the pleased. The food was crap. The fillet mignon was more like a flank stake.. and my scallops were bland and tasteless as expected. This is ok except when your charging as much as my meal at Harvest but providing McDonalds food. Blechh.

New Theme Song

I got nothing. Like me new song though? I have been having such a brutal weekend. I am up to my 6th runner-runner loss and I will not even mention the push on the bubble with Kings in an SNG and the call by QJ.. and yes, I had alot of chips left. However on the good side I am playing tremendous poker and I am only down fourty bucks after my win last night in the 90-peep DS. I took third and yes I got runner-runner screwed or I would have taken out the chip leader and won the whole fucking thing. That is all.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Little Ray Ray

On Math

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Ray Ray.

He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Ray Ray says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Ray Ray replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

On The Math Test

Little Ray Ray returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks Little Ray Ray's father?
"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Ray Ray.
"But that's right!" says Little Ray Ray's Dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f***ing difference?" asks Little Ray Ray's father..
"That's what I said!"

On Grammar
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"

"Very good, Suzie," replied t he teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Ray Ray. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f****ing beautiful!"

On Getting Older
Little Ray Ray was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Ray Ray replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Ray Ray answered, "No, He minded his own f****ing business".

Last Night

Last night was entirely uneventful. I played the Daily Double-B, because I missed the A. Why did I miss the A? Well my wife decided to go out to a little party so that left me walking home. Five miles. Two hours. A lot of pain. However felt pretty good.

I started out horribly in the DD-B. I call a guys raise with K9o just to play back at him. He is in the BB and I am the SB. The flop comes 9xx. So he bets out and I raise, he re-raises, and I JAM! I mean cmon people! TPTK Waffles style! HU! Has to be good right? WROOOOOONNNG! He had AA.. Good for me that K hit the turn or I might have gone out early instead of waiting a while..

So things are going good.. I call some guys raise with T8o.. flop the ten.. and call both his c-bet and his turn bet. It seemed weak to me. He finally smartens up and checks the river.. but his A9 is no gooood! I take down a nice 3K in chips.

I also make a HUGE call. I have T8c and the board is KJ5, two clubs. The 9 of clubs turns and I check it to get some action. It checks around. The river is a worthless 3, so I decide to bet out 500.. the guy with 7K who covered me decides to push ALL IN. I think and think and think.. Two hands beat me: Qxc and Axc. Both hands are possible. However the jam screams more like 2-pair or a straight. Not sure. So anyways with one second to act I call. If I am going home then so be it. He turns over 34c.. and I suddenly have a huge stack.

I end up losing a few bucks when AK misses a few times, and I commit myself to calling with a 84c steal.. when a shortie goes all in.. He has 88 and no suckout for me. Finally I end up in this beauty of a hand. It is with a guy who bluffed ALOT. I raise JJ.. and he cold calls. The flop comes Q45. I bet out and he min-raises me. I call. The turn he leads for 2K more.. now I call here.. but I am staring to get the idea I am behind.. about 4K lighter for my troubles.. The river is a BEAUTIFUL JACK and I am drooling since I am almost positive I sucked out on AQ.. Nope. He had QQ.. and I two outered the only card that I would invest any more money with. Ouchie. Oh well. I could have let this go earlier I just felt (wrongly) that he was bluffing into me.

I also played the 5.50 Razzamatazz last night. I got deep and had the chip lead most of the game. Down to 15 I take two brutal beats. One by a Q9 and one by a K7. I completed both hands pre-flop with A24/A47 hands. Both hands I improved on 4th street to a low draw. I bet both hands down. I never improved. My board even started looking a lot better but these donkeys cant fold nine, ten and even queen draws. Idiots. The hand I went out on the guy had a made KING and hit a 9 on the river which beat me. I was showing a 467 board UNFORTUNATELY I had paired up on the six and never made my draw. Afterwards I told the donkeys just how I felt about their play. That was entirely too frustrating.

I ended up making back my buyins and a little more by taking 2nd in a 11$ Turbo. I have played only three of these and have a first and second finish so that is pretty cool. I probably could have taken first in this one but I got lazy and just jammed J9 hoping he would either fold or I had two live cards. He calls with his A9 and I do not improve. Oh well.

Tonight is the night of a 1000 donks.. the Katitude $1 REBUY circus donkarama! Go to Katitudes site to get the details.

Blame Raveen for the meme that is coming. He tagged me. I even think he read the 100 things you do not want to know about Waffles.. and yet still he tagged me. I guess you do not have to be smart to be a doctor.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

80-20 no Good

Went out just inside the points in the Mookie tonight. I had a 4K stack. I raised 480, Sellthekids re-raised 2500 or something. I think his raise means he is weak so I jam with my Queens. He calls... with his jacks.. Saying "I know you have me beat but I can not fold here can I?".. He rivered a runner-runner straight and then he asked what he did wrong on the hand.

Ok. Why commit yourself to the hand with Jacks? A smaller raise tells you where you are normally. Your bigger raise narrowed down your range for me and made the call with queens easy. However I have seen worse plays.

I am not sure how I feel about the call. I mean if you KNOW you are beat with no doubt. It is still early. You actually could fold. I mean if your that far behind are you pot committed? Chip wise possibly.. but that may be the difference between a great player and a good one. I do not think I fold there either.

So not the best play in the world but not horrible. The guy who gets my rant is Heffmike. Why you might ask?

Ok. I am in a hand with him early.. and the flop is nasty and I keep betting small into the hand.. and so Mike decides well within reason that he will try and take the pot on the river. However he makes a pussy bet and I figure my Ace high is probably good and snap off his bluff... He is then incredulous that his J8c super sneaky I am a bad ass player bluff got called by ACE high. Get over it dude. Your bluff sucked. It was not even a hard call by a long shot.

Mike then proceeds to call most of my raises trying to get back at me for some perceived injustice.. I.E. Outplaying him and making him look stupid.. and ends up losing EVEN MORE chips to me. Great idea. Call raises with crap because you are mad at me and then donate more chips. Genius at work. Everyone watch out.

Finally he says I imploded in the Mookie and somehow did something wrong. I mean I am not sure about this.. but I think I got a guy to put all his chips in the pot as a HUGE dog.. I believe I had a great chance to double up and be in great shape for a run at the final table... and I am not sure but I think that the donkey got incredibly lucky and won some small percentage luckbox hit on some river miracle card. Now I know you do not get poker all that well.. and I am trying to speak slowly here.. and use small words.. but can you explain how I imploded? If you can you are a far better poker player than I ever will be.

Fucking haters.. at least make some sense when you talk smack to me. Anyway.. that was fun. Much better than ranting against SelltheKids marginal play. I see him make mistakes all the time and he just needs to learn. I think he has a great attitude and may someday fold a pocket pair pre-flop. I am not going to hold my breath but we will see.

No more MTTs until Friday with Katitude. The $1 REBUY is so much fun and hilarity that I can do nothing but highly recommend it. If you remember last week we had 170 rebuys and a prize pool of $108. Lets do it again this week people! After that I am playing either the 18K Guaranteed or the 22K Deep stack on Saturday. Until then Rant On!!!


Not much happened last night. Played a $75 token frenzy crazy ass thing with Smokkee and we both won our tokens with 85 chips left. We so good. It would have been interesting if the shortie had won the last hand. I think 4 people would have been in on the Ante and it would have been anybodys token.

I played a 22$ Turbo SNG at Smokkee's urging also. I asked him what was good to play. He first tells me some guaranteed MTT and when I ask when it starts he is like half an hour ago... helllo? I want something I can actually PLAY!!! So I ask him for some advice on how to play these turbo MTTs and he says TIGHT until the bubble then open it wide. SO I play pretty tight. Win a hand maybe before the bubble. Blinds start getting sick so I push ATh HU and the guy in the BB calls with KQo. Umm.. Yeah.. Of course I won because that is how I roll.. I am a Suckbox ever since I have embraced the Donkey Gods and forsaken the Poker Gods. The third place guy could hardly wait to get knocked out. So it went HU. I had this guy on the ropes and dead MULTIPLE times and could not finish him off. Finally my Q7 sucked out on his 66 and it was over. Our HU match was pretty funny and the lead switched many times. We both jammed every chance we got.

The plan for tonight is the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! I love the Mookie MTT. It is my favorite by far. It has been wayyyyyy too long since I took it down. I always get excited when the game is about to start and IM Mookie with a HUGE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK! I figure I will take down first in this thing and be in good position to run away with the Battle of the Bloggers. I predict that Iggy will go out early tonight. He is Forty now and his mind is not what it used to be. I bet he falls asleep somewhere in the middle or wanders off down the street somewhere. If he should somehow show up at my table I am going to take him out. He has caught 3-3 in flushes against me and it is time for the odds to even out. Death to short people!!!!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Another MATH finish

First of I will tell Iggy right now: Your mine. You are so on my shit list. Revenge will be mine! He has sucked out on me for the last three games.. ok, so the last one was a re-suck but three games.. three flush draws.. three ouchies for me. Each of those suckouts has cost me a good finish and gotten him a better finish. You have awoken my ire little man. Not that it slumbers that deeply mind you.

MiamiDon has been getting pushed down the Blogger event chart. He first loses his first place standing to OSU and now Iggy takes over as most cash won. Don just does not have enough donkey blood for these things. He has too much skill and should stick to the cash games or at least high stakes tourneys. I think he has too much pride to stop trying to get back in first though. We shall see.

I on the other hand channeled my inner donkey and made it count. I started off playing like such a tard it was not even funny. I played the first 15 hands of the tourney including a horrible call down with AJ TP jack kicker.. and with 1300 chips my hero comes to my rescue. Smokkee starts talking so much shit I can not let him get away with it. So with my table reputation in shambles I jam the IG(99). The sexy girl does not let me down and I double up through said loud mouth Smokkee and his Hoyazo(AJo). He then utters the single stupidest comment I have ever heard from him and that is saying a lot "If you did not win that coin flip you would be out". Derrr!!!

My image in total shards I call a small raise with pocket tens.. and the flop is a lovely ATx. I cold call the flop and the turn king scares me a little but I believe I am still ahead so when he leads out I JAM. My opponent takes FOREVER which rules out QJ to me and I am grinning ear to ear. I have to think he saw my earlier play and thought I was a tool.. which is true.. so made the call with AQ. He did not suckout on the river and now I was wayyyy up.. top ten stack.

Smokkee falls out somewhere around this time and I get a table change. I make what I think was a huge read against this guy I had never played before named Mike. We both had large stacks. My stack was around 4K and his was near 6K I believe. He is the guy who got me with AQ vs AJ in the early hand. So I raise up my AQ and he cold calls me. The flop comes Axx. Two hearts. He pauses and checks. So I lead out for 1K in order to take the hand down and he cold calls. The turn is a FUGLY heart. We both check here. Then he leads out for 2600 on the river. This constitutes most of my remaining stack. I had watched him closely before because I did not know his style of play. He JAMMED all in on some hands where he had the nuts. So I discarded the flush because of this. A lot of other hands beat me here but I put him on a steal on a fairly scary board.. So I make a difficult call and I am right. He has A5 s000ted diamonds. It was a hard call as it would have left me with less than 2K behind at a time when the blinds were high. Instead I made the difficult call and stacked up to 10K. I was now in decent shape.

The hand that catapulted me to the money was a three way all in. Cmitch who I respect the hell out of was a short stack and pushed in his 2K. I cold called with pocket tens and Mike comes over the top of me for 900 more. A little more than I wanted to invest in the hand but obviously I had to call. So the cards are turned over and Cmitch has 77, and Mike has AA looking good for a HUGE pot. Instead a ten hits the flop and gives me 18K worth of chips. Still only in second place.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. I took out two players again at the final table to make the money. Chipping me up to around 30K. I forget the hand but it was not that hard of a call. I then gave a bunch back with 89d vs Columbo's AQ. No improvement for me. I chipped down a little as the blinds got huge and the stacks stayed even. I then stole a pot with 34o.. and pushed on Iggy's blind the next hand with JTo. He made the easy call with A3c. The flop comes Jxx with two clubs and the midget resucks me on the river. Hitting his third flush against me in the past three games we have played. I like my move here. It costs Iggy most of his chips to call me and I double up if I win. I am 40/60 to take it down or something in the that range and if I do double up I can probably go a lot deeper than the 5th place I went out in. Overall a nice showing though.

I got a chuckle out of the leader board. The first 33-points places all have cashes except for one noticeable exception. Keep getting those points though my friend! I had to jump ahead of him this week after missing a whole week of events and letting him catch up.

I am happy with my MTT game lately. I am on a little hot run and I have been playing my little heart out. I have a 75% ROI for the past 120-days which is nice and does not include any blogger events of which I have cashed in 4-5. I need to keep adjusting my game but I really think it is coming along. I am going to try and get some 75/tokens so I can try some of the deep stack games with bigger payouts. I also am going to take MiamiDon's advice (which is usually good) and keep trying to satellite into the 400K.. I mean if Sucko can go deep why can't I? Right? heh. It is good to have goals anyways! Good luck everyone.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

First Communion

I missed the Riverchaser today because my son had his first communion. Now I have been in a church once or twice.. actually had a period of time where I was sort of religious. Sitting in Catholic church brought back some funny memories though.

First off I want to say I think AlCantHangs nightly benders are a result of the wine they feed to kids. They gave my son some of the alcohol and he was red as a drunken bum on Christmas. Start them early..

Secondly when you join a dykey Felicia looking type chick with some bald freakazoid they make really fucking ugly Munster type children. I am still shivering as I recall that kid staring at me.

So anyway.. being brought up with a Jewish Mother and Protestant Father meant that we basically were heathen hell spawns. However as my friends went to Catholic church and I was interested in this mysterious building I had occasion to visit. I remember the disasters that were my first visits.

As a curious kid I wondered what that bowl people were sticking their hands into was. So I get up on my tippy toes and peek at the bowl and thwaaaap.. my green lifesaver goes flying into the holy water.. I am not sure what people thought when they did the cross and green water went flying everywhere. Probably had to call in an exorcist to fix the place up.

I bet this is one that everyone has done before.. So the church is dead quiet as the priest has asked for a moment of silent prayer or something and I am sitting bored out of my skull swinging the praying bench up and down. When suddenly I miss on the downswing and BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! This echoing boom shoots through the whole church. I swear some old lady died.

Ahh the memories.. My wife is the religious one so my son is going to have to deal with this for the foreseeable future.. although he seemed to enjoy himself today as the center of attention. Big surprise there huh?

Saturday, May 05, 2007

What is wrong with Full Tilt

I asked Full Tilt to do a chop and this was the answer I got.

Hello Marshall,

Thank you for contacting Full Tilt Poker Support.

At this time, Full Tilt Poker does not sanction, endorse nor support such deal making. Please be advised that the decision by individual players to share and/or split prize winnings after the fact is done so at their own risk and responsibility. Full Tilt Poker cannot be held responsible for disputes arising between players entering into these types of agreements.

If there's anything else we can help you with Marshall, please don't hesitate to ask. Best of luck at the tables!


Full Tilt Poker Support

I mean what the hell? Stars lets you click a button and call a manager over. Now do not get me wrong. I love Full Tilt. It is a great site. However they need to improve if they want to beat Riverstars.

Full Tilt does not offer players things they want like a simple Chop. Why the hell has a poker room not made a "Chop" option anyways? I mean how hard is it. You click chop. Once everyone has clicked chop the screen comes up listing the remaining players. Everyone puts in the money each player gets. If they all match the chop happens and you are done. How the hell hard is that?

Full Tilt can barely keep itself up. This is a HUGE issue. IF you guys are marketing yourselves as the "New" Party.. but better.. and you want to be the professional site then act like it. Site crashes are amature hour and if you do not get a handle on them then when other casino's come into the market your going to lose market share. As much as I like the five bucks you gave me because the site crashed in the middle of my hand I would rather you stay up.

Marketplace. What the fucking hell? Why will you not allow people to sell tokens, tourney dollars, etc, etc.. I mean the whole secondary market that Riverstars has generated is a great way for small fish to trade off satellite wins and big whales to get cheap entries.

I love Full Tilt and it is the only site I have money on. If I did not love you baby I would not be telling you this.. I would just leave you for your sexier sister. Please.. please.. please.. make some changes baby, mmkay?

Rebuys are fun

I got first in another rebuy. The 10$ one one FT. Grand prize a whole $560.. we ended up chopping 1st and 2nd cause the stacks were even, huge, and the blinds were small. Support never showed up so we did in on the honor system. I won and sent him the $120. I am liking how my game is coming around. I was the chips leader in the game from 17th and on. Here is how I got to be chip leader.

I am 13 of 18.. Blinds are decently high. I have A3d and the flop gives me a flush draw. EP bets big. MP pushes. I think. I reason in my head that I need chips to make a run here. I got a good chance to triple up. If I do I know I can take this puppy down. So I make the call. The turn is a diamond and I take the rest of the EP guys stack busting two guys in one hand.

From there on I stayed semi-aggressive and the board hit me like there was no tomorrow. I hit runners and alot of crazy hands including a huge suckout AT vs AQ. It was pretty amazing. I stayed as chip leader by a good margin until 4 people were left. I then made two bad plays and went to 4 of 4. The 4th place player knocked himself out. The guy in first was a semi-donkey and he crippled himself soon after. I chipped back up. Made some good moves and it was finally HU. We played for a while, agreed on the chop.. then I made a bad play and it was 50K vs 170K. I chipped back up to 60K.. and then pushed on a heart flop. The guy called me. He had a heart draw to. No pair. So I doubled up with K high. A couple hands later I take him out 66 vs A6.

Really fun to win two MTTs in two days.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Katitude Friday Night Fiasco

I start my night by warming up for Katitudes Friday Night Donkeyment by playing some Razz. Normally I like 2/4.. but nothing was open so I sit at a 3/6 table. First hand of the night and I win a 30$ pot, and then I end up winning 70$ more over the course of about ten minutes while waiting for the 1$ rebuy madness to commence. I fold out of there and prepare for the Donkeyment.

So I get my starting table. A ton of people I respect at my first table including Weak, PokerWolf, and Iron Girrrlll.. oh yeah, Bayne was there too. I end up rebuying about 5 times. No where near the record on our table which was 54 times. I pushed TT into Weaks second pair of Aces once and finally by the break settled into a top 5 healthy stack of 17K. We had 170 rebuys AND 21 add-on's to make a nice prize pool for the top three.

From there I got good cards. Bluffed alot. By the end of the first break I had gotten into first place with a 20K lead or something like that. I never looked back until the final table. I was on my game. Having fun trading barbs with IG whom I love to death and having a great time. I do not remember many specific hands but I did play Hoyazo AGAIN and this time when he raised the turn he did not suckout on me. I took down a nice pot off of him by recognizing his betting pattern in that spot.

So we make it to the final table and get down to the final four: Bayne, Iron Girrrrlll, CoxLover and I. I have my big lead still when I make my first mistake of the game. I draw to a flush after I allow Bayne to fill up his 44-2 outer, boat on the turn. I actually had a 1-outer to the sf but missed that and hit the normal Ace high flush. So now I was 4th in chips but I had a decent stack and was close to equal with everyone.

I played an aggressive table and chipped myself back into the lead. I notice Bayne is running low on chips and I ask if we should give 4th place ten bucks or something. I mean we played through 3-breaks and spent all this time and to be bubble boy just seemed cruel.

Someone finally busts Bayne and I am cruising along in first when Iron girl kills me. I look down and see QQ.. and she raises me. I make a comment to SoxLover that me and IG want to be alone.. and then she raises.. so I reluctantly re-raise her and she pushes. You will NEVER guess what she had: 33!!! ARGGG! What a terrible move! So I am licking my lips getting ready to go heads up with SoxLover and a THREE hits the fucking turn. My face goes all red and I am SO pissed off it is not even funny. I am left with 24K in chips. All your chips with 33? Cmon IG you can pick a better spot than that.

I will give IG credit she played a GREAT game with a good mix of aggression and laydowns. That one hand is really the only one where I saw her overplay at all. I was FUMING though. So I start stealing a little.. and then on a hand I limp into I flop bottom pair and a straight draw against IG. So I am prepared to push my last 24K in chips here. I do it and she instantly calls. Unlike her other call this one is excellent and she had me killed with top pair flush draw. I type gg into the chat and prepare to mope away.. when miracles of miracles.. the five hits! Holy shit! I am now back to a 50K stack which is pretty much even with SoxLover.

I press my advantage and really punish SoxLovers blind. Fortunately for me he was getting crappy cards and I did not have to go to war with my A3/A9/QJ s00ted type hands. The few times he played back against me I let it go. Finally SoxLover has to push in the EP with KQ. You remember our friend KQ.. the guy who bubbled me from the Blogger tourney last december when I called with TT. Fucker. Anyway.. my AK held up and he was out in second.

So I start playing around with IG and almost before I can get the words "Let's watch the romantic moonlight together for a few more hour IG..".. I find myself facing her raise with AA. I re-raise her to 30K and she shoves and turns over JJ.. She was only allotted one suckout per-night and I took down the Katitude in excellent style. Good game to all the final table contestants. There was some really good poker played.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Babblefish Reduex

>> Welcome to Babblefish 1.0

>> I am Cyberdyne Systems model 101,..and I am fluent in over 6 billion forms of communication. Which language do you wish to convert?
> Lost

>> Loading Lost Language protocol 070-IDON-TGET-IT11.
>> Protocol loaded.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Lost to English.
>> LOST.....oh man. What an episode. What a great fucking episode. I had to watch it in 3 parts thanks to the screaming kid, but man did it captivate me.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> It is bad enough that I play fucking Warcraft and have no life but now I have to pretend I am smart by creating elaborate plot twists to a stupid television show and displaying them for all my dorky peers.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Lost to English.
>>OK Wednesday night's Lost episode was just as awesome as I thought. It took only a few minutes into the show to figure out that Locke's father was going to be the same guy who had effed up Sawyer's family.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> This was so like that days of my life episode that made me fall in love with Derek because of his heart felt love for his cloned twin's sisters aids baby.. not in a Ghey way though.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Lost to English.
>> LOST.....oh man. What an episode. What a great fucking episode. I had to watch it in 3 parts thanks to the screaming kid, but man did it captivate me.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> It is bad enough that I play fucking Warcraft and have no life but now I have to pretend I am smart by creating elaborate plot twists to a stupid television show and displaying them for all my dorky peers.

>> Please enter a word or series of words to convert from Lost to English.
>> I was reading Hoy's recent post and JJOK's recent post about Lost, and I started to write a very long comment to Hoy about what is really going on on the show. Then I figured, why fill up his comments, especially when I can put it here and wow you with how I figured out what is going on on the show Lost. Buckle up, people. This is one hell of a ride.

>> Translation processing…
>> Translation complete
>> Holy shit! My ghey assed Lost posse has written their brilliant observations on the soap opera, I must be a lemming like the television execs want me to be and write MY thoughts which are SO MUCH cooler than their thoughts even though they are exactly the same but I wrote them up so much better! I rock! I am gonna to fuck my wife now and tell her how good I am! OOOOOH YAAAAA! I am Superman!

> Exit Translation
>> Thank you for using the Babblefish 1.0 translation droid. We hope your experience translating Lost was a success.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

In Homage to a Hero

FullTiltPoker Game #2340078726: Table Pic (deep 6) - $0.15/$0.30 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:01:47 ET - 2007/05/03
Seat 1: jain34 ($79.50)
Seat 2: ConnorKelly ($35.50)
Seat 3: JDESQ1995 ($75.50)
Seat 4: Zopra23 ($29.50)
Seat 5: SirFWALGMan ($25.35)
Seat 6: kvfd75 ($17.60)
ConnorKelly posts the small blind of $0.15
JDESQ1995 posts the big blind of $0.30
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to SirFWALGMan [5c 5d] <--- FAWK!!!!!
Zopra23 folds
SirFWALGMan raises to $0.90 <--- Gotta raise it
kvfd75 calls $0.90
jain34 calls $0.90
ConnorKelly calls $0.75
JDESQ1995 calls $0.60 <--- I get mad respect
*** FLOP *** [Th 8s 6c]
ConnorKelly bets $2
JDESQ1995 folds
SirFWALGMan calls $2 <--- Floating
kvfd75 folds
jain34 calls $2 <--- Him too I guess
*** TURN *** [Th 8s 6c] [Ks]
ConnorKelly checks
SirFWALGMan bets $5 <--- Represent the AK
jain34 calls $5 <--- He did not buy it
ConnorKelly folds
*** RIVER *** [Th 8s 6c Ks] [Kd]
SirFWALGMan bets $12 <--- Ok. I Know I dont have AK but do you? I bet like I want the call.
jain34 folds <---- Nope
Uncalled bet of $12 returned to SirFWALGMan
SirFWALGMan mucks
SirFWALGMan wins the pot ($19.50) <--- 55 RAWKS!
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $20.50 | Rake $1
Board: [Th 8s 6c Ks Kd]
Seat 1: jain34 (button) folded on the River
Seat 2: ConnorKelly (small blind) folded on the Turn
Seat 3: JDESQ1995 (big blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 4: Zopra23 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: SirFWALGMan collected ($19.50), mucked
Seat 6: kvfd75 folded on the Flop